by Kristy Love
“Take all the time you need.”
She reached down and pulled my shirt over my head, and then helped me take my pants off.
She didn’t stop until I was completely naked.
“It’s been too long, Jax. I need to feel you.”
I nodded and reached for a condom in my bedside table.
“Wait.” She put her hand on my chest and I turned back to face her. “There were others?”
I closed my eyes and fought a grimace. “You want to do this now?” We hadn’t really talked about our pasts. I knew she had Nolan. She never asked if I had anyone else and I wasn’t rushing to tell her. I went on casual dates, had casual hookups, but no one serious. There was no one that I wanted more than I wanted her. Anyone else was just a distraction from how much I ached for her.
“Are you clean?”
“Yeah. I was tested a few months ago.”
“Skip the condom.”
I dropped my head onto her chest. “I swear to God, Cassie, you’re trying to kill me.”
“I’m on birth control.”
I lifted my head and looked at her. “No IUD?”
“No, Nolan wanted to have a baby as soon as we were married, so I got it removed and went on birth control.”
“I don’t want to hear about Nolan right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I just want it to be you and me. That’s it. No one from the past matters. Just you and me. That’s all there will ever be.”
She nodded. I lined myself up and slowly slid inside of her. I had to stop to collect myself.
Now I was officially home.
Cassie clawed at my back and begged me to move, so I did.
I’d forgotten how perfect she felt and how amazing it was to be with her.
The entire time, I got lost in her eyes, watching as they glazed over. She whispered and whimpered, telling me how much she loved me and how good I made her feel. I still knew my way around her body, and before long we were lying side-by-side, panting. She rested her head on my chest and traced her fingers over my skin.
Every time I thought it couldn’t get any better, it did.
“I hadn’t realized how much I still missed you until right now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, running my fingers through her silky hair.
“I miss you still. When I leave, I miss you. When we’re both at work, I miss you. When I wake up in bed alone, I miss you. It doesn’t get any better.”
“Then move in with me.”
She lifted her head so she faced me. “What?”
“Move in here. You and Ben are more than welcome. I have the room. Then you don’t have to miss me so much.”
“Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“Never. I would have made you move in that first weekend, but I figured that was too fast. It’s been six months, I figure we’ve waited long enough.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Crazy for you.” I pulled her up and kissed her. When I pulled away from her I reached into the drawer next to my bed and pulled out a box. “I know it’s soon, too soon according to you, but I’ve been waiting years for you to be mine. I want you to be with me, always. I want Ben to fill the house with toys and laughter and craziness. I want to come home to you and wake up to you and fight over who’s going to use the bathroom first in the morning and before bed. I want you to yell at me for leaving the toilet seat up and laugh with me when I do something stupid.” I let my gaze land on Cassie, and her eyes glistened. “I don’t want you to just move in with me, Cassie, I want you to marry me.” I opened the box and showed her the ring inside. I had no idea what I was getting when I walked into the jewelry store, but the person working there assured me it was perfect. Well, they told me it was perfect, but as soon as she showed me, I knew it was for Cassie.
She sat up and covered her mouth with her hands, tears falling from her eyes. I sat up with her, suddenly nervous. Had I misread the situation?
“Cassie, say something, please.”
Before she responded, she jumped on me, wrapping her arms around my neck, kissing me hard and fast. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God, Jax! Yes!”
I slid the ring on her finger and kissed it. “You can’t run away from me in the church, though.” I was teasing her. Mostly.
“I’m not going to run away from you, Jax. I’m running too fast toward you.”
She called Roxie and asked her to take care of Ben so she could spend the night.
We didn’t get much sleep that night.
I HELD OUT my hand and admired the ring on my finger again. I was on my way home from Jax’s the morning after we got engaged. I still had to tell Roxie and Ben what was going on, but I was happy. I couldn’t stop staring at the ring—a white gold ring with a round cut diamond in the middle. It had a vine look on the front with smaller oval baguettes placed randomly along the twists in the vine. It was gorgeous and I loved that it was Jax who gave it to me.
I walked into the house and Roxie stood there, her arms crossed over her chest as she examined me. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re glowing. You spent the night. Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again.”
“I’m not pregnant.” I smiled and held my hand up. “I’m engaged.”
Roxie screamed. Loudly. I was so shocked by her screech that I wasn’t prepared for her to tackle me, hugging me so tightly I had trouble breathing. She talked so quickly, I couldn’t focus on her words and trying to get breath into my lungs.
“Roxie,” I wheezed, patting her on the arm, which was the only place I could reach. “Roxie, can’t breathe.”
“I’m so fucking happy! Oh, my God. Tell me everything!” Somehow, her arms were tighter.
“Rox,” I got out before gasping.
“Oh, shit. Sorry,” she said, climbing off me. I took deep breaths, trying to fill my lungs.
“It’s okay.” I smiled, letting her know I was okay, when I finally could breathe right again. “I’m not sure if you want all the details.”
“Oh, shit, he didn’t propose while doing the dirty, did he?”
“Roxie!” I exclaimed, laughing.
“Well, why else couldn’t you tell me?”
“It was after.”
“Hot damn, that’s awesome. Details. All of them. Skip nothing.”
“You’re shameless.”
“Less criticism, more talk.” Once I told her everything, her eyes teared up. “That’s beautiful. Seriously beautiful.”
“It wasn’t the most romantic, but it works, you know? To me, it was romantic.” I shrugged, gazing at my ring again, smiling.
“Cassie, that was insanely romantic. It was you. It was simple and intimate and from the heart. How much better can it get?”
“I don’t feel any of the things I felt when Nolan proposed.”
She narrowed her eyes, studying me, before quirking an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not nervous. I’m not scared. I’m happy. Certain. I feel like this is what I should be doing.” I peeked up at her, wondering what her reaction would be. “I know we haven’t even been back together a year, but, Roxie, it feels right.”
“Big sis, I’ve told you over and over to follow your heart. Jax is your heart.”
“Yeah, I guess he is.”
“I’m so happy for you.” She hugged me again, though she didn’t crush me this time. “I guess this means I’m out of a roommate, huh?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, Roxie. You came out here to be closer to me and I’m leaving.”
“Oh, shush. You’re close and it doesn’t matter. I just want you to be happy.”
“Thanks, Rox. I love you.”
“Love you, too. I’m glad you pulled your head out of your ass.”
BEN WALKED INTO the house. He’d been at his friend’s house next door playing.
“Mom!” he said, running toward me and hugging me.
The real
ity of what was going on hit me. What was he going to think about me being engaged again? And moving. Would that be too much for him?
“Hey, baby. How are you?”
“I’m good. I was playing at Thomas’ house.”
“That’s great. Did you have fun?”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
“You seem nervous. You’re fidgeting with your hair.”
“You’re too smart, you know that?”
“You tell me that.”
“Come sit with me.” I sat on the couch and he hopped up next to me.
“Did you and Jax break up?”
“No, why would you think that?”
“Because the last time we had a serious talk like this was after you decided not to marry Nolan.”
“I can’t get anything past you, huh?”
He shrugged. “Please, just tell me, Mom. I’m a man. I can handle it.”
I tried hard to keep a straight face. He was almost eight now. The thought of him being a man was both funny and scary. I wasn’t ready for him to be grown up. And dating. He wasn’t ever allowed to date. Ever. “Well, last night Jax asked us to move in with him.”
“That’s awesome, Mom!” He seemed genuinely excited. “Would I go to a different school?”
“No, he lives close enough that you’d stay in the same school.”
“Would I be able to keep my same friends?”
“Of course.”
“Rad. Then let’s move.”
“Rad?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“Yeah. It’s what all the kids say now.”
I laughed. He was definitely an old soul. “Then I’m glad you think it’s rad.”
“Is that it?”
“Well, no.” I took a deep breath. I hoped he’d be okay with me marrying Jax. “He asked me to marry him, too.”
Ben stared at me for long moments, blinking slowly. “Really?”
“Yeah. Is that okay with you?”
“You’re not supposed to ask me if you should marry someone, Mom. You make the decision.”
“Yeah, it’s my decision, but it’s affects you. I don’t want to make a big decision like that without talking to you.”
“I like Jax.”
“I do, too.”
“Smokie’s pretty cool, too.”
“He’s a good dog.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I asked, wondering what he was talking about.
“Get married, let’s move. It’d be nice to have a family.”
I pulled him into my arms, holding him to me. “Baby, we’ve always been a family.”
“I know. I’d like to have a mom and a dad, though.”
I nodded. “I’d like that, too.”
“Do you think we could maybe get another dog? Or maybe you could have another kid.”
I laughed. “Sure thing, baby. We’ll talk to Jax, okay?”
“Sure.”
I wasn’t interested in a baby just yet. It was still too new with Jax. My history with pregnancy hadn’t been the best. What if a pregnancy scared him away? A dog was one thing. A baby was totally different. I was glad that Ben was okay with us moving and me marrying Jax. Things were going a lot smoother than I thought they would.
“OVER HERE, BEN!” Jax yelled, running. They were throwing a football around the backyard. Smokie ran around behind them. Well, behind them, beside them, in front of them, and between them. He was panting hard, trying and failing to contain his excitement. Smokie could run and play nonstop all day, every day. He was nonstop energy. Watching my three boys together made me smile, always.
Ben threw the ball and it flew over Jax’s head. Jax dove for it and landed on his face in the yard. I knew he was being dramatic, but it still made my heart trip. I held my breath until he sat up, grinning at Ben.
“You have a great arm.” Jax stood up and dusted himself off. Smokie already had the ball in his mouth and was trotting around like he won the lottery.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked.
“Yep.” Jax ruffled his hair.
We’d been living with Jax for a couple months now. At first, Ben didn’t seem to know how to take it. He was hesitant to unpack his boxes and seemed restless. As we adjusted to living in Jax’s house, as it became a home for all of us together, he relaxed. He knew that this was it. No more moving unless it was all of us together. No more broken engagements. And he blossomed. His already great grades pulled up, he was playing football and soccer. Jax was the only one allowed to take him to practice, though he allowed me to come to the games.
It was great. Better than great. It was perfect.
“Are you guys getting hungry?” I called out into the yard. I’d had chili simmering for a couple of hours. My stomach was definitely growling just from watching them for the last few.
“Sure,” Jax said. He got the ball out of Smokie’s mouth and patted his leg. Smokie trotted after Jax, and Ben ran with them. I smiled, loving to see my boys together. I went into the house and got everything ready for dinner as the boys went and cleaned up.
“Here, Mom, let me help.” Ben helped me set the table. Jax came into the kitchen and pushed my hair off my neck, kissing me behind my ear. I smiled at him as he walked around to the other side of the table, holding my chair out for me.
We ate and talked and laughed. We were loud and crazy and happy. There wasn’t any other way to be.
After dinner, we went into the living room and watched Ghostbusters. Jax was determined to show Ben the classic boy movies. We’d made it through a lot of movies and most were received well by Ben. Others? Not so much. So far, his favorite had been The Goonies.
Ben was in bed, asleep after another busy day. Jax was lying on his back in bed and I was lying on his chest.
“Is it any easier?” I asked, moving my fingers over his bare chest.
“Is what easier?”
“Being sober.”
“Yeah. It’s a lot easier.” Jax still went to meetings, though not as frequently. He had been going a couple of times a week before, now he was down to once a week. He didn’t want to completely cut them out, but our days were so packed that it was hard for him to make it as consistently. Chase came over for dinner once a week and we hung out with him sometimes on the weekend. He was doing really well staying sober and had even started dating a new girl a few weeks ago. “There was only one time that I almost gave up.”
I lifted my eyes, resting my chin on his chest. “When was that?”
“After I tried to stop you from marrying Nolan. I didn’t know that I was successful; I thought you went through with it. I left the church, drove to the nearest bar, and ordered a whiskey. I sat there for hours, holding that glass in my hand, staring at the liquid, knowing it held all the power. It would either destroy my life or I would win out.”
“It never held the power, Jax. You did.”
“Yeah, I guess so. But I ended up leaving the glass on the bar. Full. I knew it wouldn’t solve the pain I felt. I’d wake up the next day, hung over and miserable. Being sober and miserable seemed like a better alternative.”
“I’m glad you walked away.”
“Me too. I wouldn’t be here right now if I hadn’t.”
“Yeah. I’m glad you were strong enough to beat it.”
He kissed the top of my head. I snuggled in close to him.
“Why don’t you call me Cassandra anymore?” It was something I’d thought about a lot.
“I don’t know. When I first showed up in the church, it seemed too intimate. I didn’t have that right anymore. Then it just stuck. Does it bug you?”
“No, I just wasn’t sure why you didn’t call me it anymore.”
“I can go back to calling you Cassandra if you want.”
“It’s not a big deal. I just wanted to know.”
He held me close after kissing my hair again. We fell asleep like that. Most nights I fell asleep ly
ing wrapped around him and there wasn’t a single thing about it I’d change. It was almost too much, how happy I was. If my heart hurt sometimes, this time it was from how much I loved Ben and Jax.
It was the best kind of hurt.
I WAS BUNDLED up on the couch with blankets wrapped around me. I was cold for some reason. Jax was in the kitchen microwaving popcorn. On top of cold, I was also starving even though we had a big dinner. Jax came back over, carrying the big bowl. He sat next to me and put the popcorn between us, wrapping his arm around me. I rested against him, lying my head on his chest. He turned the movie on and we snuggled in, ready for our movie night.
Ben was in bed. We’d had another busy day, which we always seemed to have lately. Jax and I wanted a low-key night, just sitting at home, watching a movie. I’d been tired today, really tired. I woke up not feeling well. Luckily, it passed, but I was afraid I had caught a stomach bug.
Jax kissed the top of my head. “I’ve heard this is a good movie.”“Me, too. The girls at work really liked it.”
We were watching Horrible Bosses. It was a slightly older movie, but we kept hearing how we needed to see it.
As the movie played, I started to feel like I was suffocating. I tore the blankets off me.
“What’s wrong?” Jax asked, running his fingers over my arm, causing goosebumps to pop up on my skin.
“I just feel way too hot.”
Jax pressed his hand to my forehead. “Are you sure you aren’t coming down with something?”
“I don’t think so. I had like three blankets on.”
“I guess so.”
When the movie was over, Jax took the bowl into the kitchen. I was exhausted. We got ready for bed, then climbed under the covers, which lasted on me for about three seconds before I threw them off. Jax chuckled.
“You’re hot, that’s for sure.” He nuzzled my neck, sending chills racing across my body.
“Hmmmm.” I stretched my neck, giving him better access.
He rolled on top of me, rubbing his hand along my side. “God, once I start touching you, I can’t stop.” His breath tickled my neck and I giggled.
“That’s good. I never want you to stop.”
He ran his hand under my shirt. When his hand cupped my breast, I winced slightly. “What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling his hand away slightly.