He’s right. He’s so right, but that’s not how it’s going to pan out, at least right now.
“It makes things easier. When I told her we were over, I meant it, but I’ve reevaluated my stance for three reasons: it’s best for the baby if it is mine, we live in the public eye, and I need Rachel unaware and unsuspicious of my need for more information.”
“Go on,” he prompts.
“Rachel begged for a chance so our child can have the chance to grow up in a united household, free from the media speculation of being raised and shuttled between two well-known families, so I agreed to do a trial run. It goes without saying our families are thrilled at the thought of a child, and I already know the board and our business associates have an antiquated belief that having a family man lead the company is less risky. I also knew she’d spread the word, I just didn’t imagine it’d spread as fast as it did. People will be watching, but I need her comfortable.”
“So, what does this trial run entail?”
“It means we’re back together for the baby’s sake, but we’re going to see if we can make it work between us one last time. If the baby is mine, I won’t breathe a word of doubt ever again and we can continue trying to make things work. If we can’t, we’re truly done for good, and we’ll figure things out with the baby. And if I find out the baby isn’t mine, well...she better be ready for the blowback of trying to pull one over on me,” I say darkly.
“I can’t believe this is happening to you.”
“Trust me, neither can I.”
“So…” My friend looks slightly uncomfortable as he looks my way. “What about Perrie?”
My gut clenches upon hearing her name. “What about her?”
“I know you like her, Sterling. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so intrigued by a woman. What are you going to do now, especially since you’ve slept together?”
On top of everything else going on, my temples throb when I think about her.
“I’m not going to do anything. We fucked, and that’s it. I did tell her we’d talk about things, but I never explicitly said we’d be having a repeat. Besides, all she wanted at first was one night. She’ll get over it.”
I think back on her phone call last week, and a slight pang of guilt hits me at how abruptly that brief chapter between us closed. I had just found out the news and couldn’t deal with her and her poorly-concealed disappointment, let alone her passive aggressive tantrum. I know she’s upset—I’m upset too—but things have changed. We ended before we really started, but trying to navigate the unfamiliar waters of a surprise pregnancy with a woman I don’t want takes precedence over the potential for more from a casual fuck.
Am I an asshole? Probably. But I need to get my shit together, no matter how strong of an attraction I have to Perrie.
“Things are even more complicated now. You better hope Rachel doesn’t ever find out you slept with her childhood best friend.” I cringe at the thought. “I still think there’s something there, but you should probably get your shit together first,” Coop says, unknowingly echoing my current thoughts.
“Don’t I ever.”
“You have any plans the rest of the day?”
“Rachel is coming over for dinner,” I say without any emotion.
“Well, that gives us a few hours. I need to get you in a good enough mood to deal with her. I know just the trick.”
Leaning forward for the remote, he flips through the channels and stops when he gets to Impractical Jokers. We watch in companionable silence interjected with long bouts of laughter at the antics on the screen, and the gratitude I’m feeling toward my best friend warms me and adds a much-needed silver lining to my day.
Four hours later, Rachel and I are sharing conversation over a dinner of lemon and rosemary chicken, asparagus, and potatoes from a nearby restaurant. Much of our talk is spent on Rachel catching me up on what I’ve missed the past couple months, but I listen attentively. I’m surprised I’m not as miserable as I thought I’d be in her company, and I attribute it to the fact she’s being far more agreeable than usual. In fact, since she announced she was pregnant, she’s been acting unlike her usual, patronizing self.
“How’s the food, Lawrence?”
I inwardly cringe at her use of my given name. Apparently, that won’t ever change.
“It’s delicious. Thank you for picking it up. Are you enjoying it?”
“I am, thank you. The thought of food has made me sick, especially since I’ve been suffering through bouts of morning sickness, but it’s been getting a little bit better each day. I’m not feeling too nauseous right now, which is fabulous.”
“That’s good news. I’m glad you’re able to enjoy it because you and the baby need the nutrients.”
Her eyes lift toward mine from across the table, and she smiles at me as her hand flutters over her still-flat stomach.
“Our baby is going to grow up not wanting for anything, and I can’t think of two better parents.”
I wait for a sense of pride, protectiveness, or excitement to wash over me at the mention of us being parents to our unborn child, but nothing happens. I know without having to think overmuch on it that it’s because I’m scared to care for a baby that might not be mine. Until I know for sure, I’ll cling to my reserved, detached demeanor.
Rachel doesn’t expect a response because she continues to speak, and I gratefully fill my mouth with more chicken and potatoes.
“I should probably get going. As much as I’d like to stay and see where the night leads,” she hints suggestively, “I have a meeting early tomorrow morning with the party planners for my parents’ anniversary gala in a couple months. It’s going to be epic, and I have so many ideas that’ll make this the most memorable event yet.”
I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful to have sex not be part of the evening’s agenda. “Need your beauty sleep?”
“No,” she scoffs, and I have to fight to not roll my eyes. “I’m always beautiful, but I might need the extra time in case I get sick in the morning. I don’t want to be late.”
She moves to stand, so I follow suit and start to clear the table while she grabs her purse and coat. Once we’re at the door, we hug awkwardly and buss each other on each cheek, much to my relief. I stand in the doorway and watch as she makes her way to her car, and when she rounds the front to pull open the door, she looks up at me.
“Oh, before I forget, we should do a double date sometime with my friends.”
She sounds excited at the prospect of going out together, and I remind myself I promised to try and make this work. I can’t help but question her intentions, but I’m a man of my word.
“Of course, just let me know when and where. I look forward to it.”
“Excellent. I’ll get the details together. Kisses!” she shouts as she blows a kiss my way.
She speeds off, and I watch her departure, wondering again how I got back in this position. My life is changing in ways I’m not entirely prepared for, but I’m a Montgomery, which means I’m going to be okay.
One day at a time, I remind myself. One day at a time.
17
Perrie
“Nope, not doing it,” I say with a pop, shaking my head aggressively. “There’s no way I’m going to sit through a stiff as fuck dinner with Rachel and Sterling. No. Hell no.”
Blake sighs, trying to hand me my phone back, the same one I tossed across the room like a five-year-old when I read Rachel’s text. She had tried calling, but when I sent her to voicemail, no sooner did a text follow.
Rachel: Perrie, Lawrence and I would love to treat you to dinner this week. Feel free to bring a date. It’ll be loads of fun! xx
“What do you really have to lose? It might even bring you some closure. You can show them both how strong and carefree you are, especially him,” she suggests, and when I open my mouth to chime in, she says, “I know, I know, you claim you’re over it and blah, blah, blah, but I know you, Perrie. You wear your heart on
your sleeve, and this news sucked for you.”
“It didn’t suck, it was just a surprise.” I shrug. “I feel pathetic and a little insecure over what happened and how I reacted, but it really isn’t that big of a deal. I’ve already moved on from that one-night catastrophe.”
“Moved on?” she questions, eyes widening. “Oh, you mean with that Zane dude? How is that going, anyway?”
“It’s going. We give, take, and go our separate ways. It’s actually pretty great.”
“So, he’s basically your screw buddy?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“It isn’t the most terrible thing in the world, and he’s a great distraction from everything else,” I tell her truthfully.
My relationship, or whatever it is with Zane, is out of my element, but a week in and I’m content with it. The conversation is surface and easy and our bodies respond well together. That’s enough for now. It has to be. I’m not looking for something long-term or permanent, and Zane fits the bill of temporary and fun perfectly.
“Perrie, you don’t do casual sex,” Blake points out. “I mean, sure, one night stands occasionally, like super rarely, but I don’t think you’ve ever had a casual fling exclusively for sex in all the time I’ve known you.”
“Yeah, well, there’s a first time for everything,” I defend. “Besides, we’re in our prime, so if there is ever a time to experiment like this, now is fitting. Though, actually, anytime is a good time to do whatever you want, so yeah. But I’m happy right now, can’t you tell?”
She rolls her eyes at the too wide smile on my face.
“I don’t believe you, but fine, if you’re so casual, accept her invitation,” she challenges, smirk in place, like she knows I’m not going to cave.
But I do. I snatch my phone from her hand and send Rachel a quick response, confirming I’m down for a double date, but I add a little line about how I can treat them also. I’m not her charity case.
“There,” I proudly say, and then I realize just what I’ve done and collapse onto the couch. “I’m going to need a lot of alcohol, Blake. A lot of it, just to take the nerves off.”
“I’ve got something better,” she announces, smiling excitedly. “Our motto is always that if you look good, you feel good, so we’re going to make you look damn good, bestie slash boss of mine.”
“You’re so ridiculous,” I laugh.
“Ridiculous but smart, obvs.”
With a ping of my phone, I glance at the details from Rachel and see that I have a handful of days to prepare for this awkward date from hell.
I’ve never hoped for a work emergency more in my life.
I stare at myself in the full-length mirror, pleased with the reflection staring back at me. I look good. Glowy, attractive, and powerful, which is perfect for the upscale beach restaurant Rachel chose as our dinner spot.
I’m wearing a flirty lace-up black skater dress with red pumps that make my short legs look twice as long. My hair is in loose, summery waves, and my face is painted to perfection. The red matte lipstick coating my lips gives me an extra boost of confidence much needed for this night.
I grab my black studded clutch and head out the door to my waiting car. I somehow convinced Zane I’d meet him there, so with any luck, we’ll beat Sterling and Rachel, and they won’t notice our separate arrivals.
What feels like an eternity later, I’m waiting outside the front of the restaurant, one heel crossed over the other as I search for Zane. I’m not here long when I feel a hand gently squeeze my arm in quick greeting, and I exhale a breath of relief, thankful we beat my one-night stand and childhood bestie.
“Thank you for being early, I really appreciate it,” I say, turning to face Zane.
But it isn’t Zane standing in front of me with more than a five o’clock shadow and smirk that says he knows my play. It’s Sterling.
I narrow my eyes, and his smirk widens.
“Perrie, I should have known,” he comments, head shaking slightly.
“What? You didn’t know you were about to go on the most epic double date of your life when you left the house? Shame.”
“Nice to see your feistiness is still intact,” he muses, the blue in his eyes less bright than the last time I saw him.
Something pangs in my chest, and I can’t ignore the subtle change to his spark.
“How are you doing? You know, with everything?” I ask on impulse.
Sure, I was disappointed and maybe a little angry, but it isn’t his fault or hers. Life happens and things change, and I don’t have to be completely heartless toward him. I don’t even think I’m capable of it.
He eyes my features silently, and I don’t miss the way his eyes linger on my lips. “I’m doing well.”
His words are clipped, and I know he’s holding it all in. Holding what in? Well, based on his short response, I’m clearly not privy to that information.
“You don’t have to put up a front with me, Sterling,” I murmur. “I know I wasn’t the most supportive when we spoke last, but I’m here.”
His posture straightens, and his eyes soften before hardening once again. “Let’s not bullshit each other, all right? Our one time is over. There’s no need for pleasantries, Esperanza.”
My hand twitches to slap him, but I refrain, instead clenching it into a fist at my side. I can’t imagine what he’s going through, and Rachel can’t be much help right now. But if he wants to wallow on his own, so be it.
“Well, it’s nice to know you’re still an asshole,” I all but snarl at him. “Let’s just get this dinner over with.”
“Perrie,” he starts to say, and I swear I detect a hint of resignation in his tone, but before I can listen any more, Rachel steps up, placing her arm through his.
I don’t miss the way her eyes wander between the small space between our bodies, so I wordlessly take a casual step back and offer her a small smile.
“I see you two are getting reacquainted,” she comments sweetly, fakeness dripping from her tone.
Then it hits me. Rachel doesn’t know about the recent history Sterling and I share. Thank God. That means he hasn’t told her, or maybe he doesn’t plan to. Either way, I’m grateful, because that’s not a conversation I’m ready to have, probably not ever.
“We have,” I say, clearing my throat. “You look great, Rachel.”
“Thank you, pregnancy really agrees with me, and so does being in love.” With that last bit, she leans into Sterling’s side and presses her lips against his stubbled cheek.
I clear my throat, looking around for Zane.
“Speaking of, where’s your date, Perrie? He didn’t stand you up, did he?” she asks in one of her fakest voices, and I mentally flip her the middle finger.
“Nope, he’s actually...” I trail off when I spot him. “Headed our way now.”
Rachel glances behind her, but Sterling’s eyes never leave me. I can feel him burning trails all over my body, but I don’t react. I can’t.
“Sterling and I will go in and make sure the table is ready, that way you can have a moment with your man.”
Before either of us can respond, she whisks him off.
“Perrie, looking smoking hot as ever,” Zane says in greeting as he approaches.
He grips my face and presses a kiss to my lips, but when his tongue begs for entrance, I slyly escape his grasp.
I like him better when he’s not talking, as messed up as that is.
That small amount of time I just spent standing next to Sterling? My body is replaying our night together, and I have to physically prevent myself from running into the restaurant and attacking him, especially because he’s as uninterested as ever.
But if that’s so true, why the stares my way? Maybe they’re hateful stares.
Who cares, Perrie. Move on from what you never had and focus on the man you actually do have.
Zane. My brain is talking about Zane. Right.
“You ready
for this dinner? It might be a little stilted,” I admit sheepishly.
“Sure, I can eat, but I’m more ready for your body after.”
I give him a tight smile and head into the restaurant.
Yeah, this is going to be interesting. Or something.
Dinner was awkward, to say the least. No more than a few sentences were shared from either party. Well, aside from Rachel, who was more than happy to fill the silence and talk enough for the four of us.
To make it through the disaster, I drank countless glasses of wine and am now feeling the effects of them as I lean against the brick wall outside of the fancy place.
Zane is standing in front of me, hands placed on either side of my waist, rubbing circles on the exposed skin. But I’m not feeling it, my body isn’t reacting like it has been for the last week. It can’t. Not when Sterling is so close, and it’s buzzing to feel his touch instead.
“Right, Perrie?” Rachel asks, interrupting my lust-filled thoughts about her baby daddy.
I shake my head and smile wryly. “Right. Wait. What are we talking about right now?”
“Nothing, nevermind.” She laughs and turns to Sterling, whose stare I can once again feel penetrating through my layers. “You ready to head home? Perrie and Zane made me horny. Well, these baby hormones did, but still, I want you.”
I clear my clouded brain and look at her, eyes wide open. She’s trying too hard. Her voice is more whiny than sensual, and her body language isn’t synced with Sterling, that much is clear. How do I know this? Well, he looks pained by her words, or maybe he’s just embarrassed that she’s propositioning him in a public place. I doubt it’s the latter; he likes bold.
Zane is trying to get my attention, but I don’t give it. I train my eyes on Sterling, willing him to—I have no idea. He looks my way for a split second, then turns to Rachel, the pained look on his face less noticeable.
I can’t hear what he tells her, but she looks happy. They wave their goodbyes, and I let Zane pull my body against his as they leave.
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