I swallow back the unnecessary lump in my throat and watch as they walk away, arms linked together.
I blow out a sigh.
Shit, if my overbeating heart and knotted stomach are any indication, I’m in trouble.
Yeah, dumbass, you like him more than you thought.
Well, eff me sideways.
And that’s exactly what happens. Except it’s Zane doing the effing, and it’s Sterling my body envisions the entire time.
18
Sterling
“Wasn’t that fun? That was fun,” Rachel says happily as she checks her reflection in the sun visor mirror.
“It was definitely interesting.”
“We should do that again sometime.”
“Mm.” The noncommittal sound hums past my lips. If there’s any way to avoid it, I’d like to never repeat that disaster of a double date ever again.
If it had been any other couple joining us for dinner, it would’ve been fine, but seeing Perrie stirred up emotions I wasn’t prepared to deal with. Seeing her standing there, looking beautiful and nervous as she waited for her date, was like a punch to the gut. My fingers had a mind of their own when they grasped her elbow lightly, enjoying the feeling of her silken skin, and the fleeting look of happiness and apprehension that passed through her eyes both thrilled and upset me.
She’s hot and cold—admitting she wants more, telling me she wants one night, asking me how I’m dealing with everything, and then calling me an asshole—and my patience to deal with her mood swings on top of everything else on my plate is threadbare. I snapped at her, annoyed at the push and pull, in hopes of keeping her at arm’s length where she belongs. Judging from the way she kept eyeing me throughout dinner, even when her date’s hands were all over her, I’m not feeling too optimistic.
My fingers grip the steering wheel tightly at the thought of her stoned, PDA-loving, one step away from calling me bro date, and the squeak of the leather echoes my frustration. She can do what and whomever she wants because she isn’t mine. Unlike any other woman before her, she’s managed to get under my skin, and I’m not sure if it’s because I was starting to think of her as a friend or something more.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I realize I’m pulling into the parking garage of Rachel’s building. The saving grace about dating someone so self-absorbed is that she likes to talk and doesn’t pay attention to anyone else. I tune back in to catch the tail end of whatever it is she’s talking about.
“...so I told daddy the florist wasn’t cooperating, and he told me I could go elsewhere for the gala’s arrangements. Thank God for that, that woman wasn’t accommodating at all. I mean, doesn’t she know who I am?” She giggles in her seat as if it’s the silliest thing she’s ever heard.
“I’m glad it worked out,” is all I can say to that as I park.
“Me too. Are you coming upstairs?” She leans in and whispers the words in my ear in a low, breathy voice that does nothing for me.
Against my better judgment, I murmur, “Sure.”
With a pleased tilt of her lips, she pulls away so we can both exit the car. We don’t speak on the long elevator ride to her penthouse suite, the only sound the rough scraping of her long nails against the fabric of my shirt.
Once we’re inside, I immediately make my way to the bar to grab a drink. If the night is heading in the direction I think it is, I’m going to need it. No sooner do I have the drink poured than I feel her long, thin arms wrap around me from behind.
“Mm, I missed this,” she whispers. “I’ve been so horny without you, Lawrence, and this pregnancy isn’t helping things. I need you to fuck me. I’ll die if you don’t.”
She rubs herself against my back and runs her hands down the front of my slacks, and mild surprise runs through me; she’s never been this eager to get in bed with me before. I wasn’t lying to her when I said we weren’t matched in the bedroom, but maybe she’s more open to trying new things, especially if she’s feeling this needy.
Turning around, I run my hands from her shoulders down to her wrists, gripping them lightly before pulling away from her.
“Is that so?” My voice causes her to shiver, the deep sound filling the cavernous room up with my intent.
“Yes,” she says without hesitation.
A brief nod is all the answer I give before I lift her slight frame in my arms and walk to her bedroom, where I set her down in front of the bed.
“How do you want it, Rachel?” I’m curious to see how she’ll respond.
“However you want.”
My brows arch in disbelief, but I can feel the stirrings of excitement at calling her bluff. I love proving her wrong, and I have a feeling she’s not ready to put her money where her mouth is.
“Take off this dress.” I rub the high-end material between my fingertips as I stare down at her. “Then get on your knees.”
Shock zips through me when she quickly sheds her dress and gets on her knees. She’s bare beneath her dress, and I stare down at her unhurriedly, letting my eyes travel over her.
The fine bone structure of her face is mirrored across the rest of her body, and her chest is flushed, her tiny nipples pointing straight up at me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s turned on. But I do know better, and I know this doesn’t do it for her. Still, I’m curious to see how far she’ll take this charade.
Her pale skin glows in the moonlight as she kneels before me, and an unbidden image flits through my mind as I envision Perrie in the same position, ready to service me. Fuck. My pants tighten uncomfortably, so I unzip myself and take my hardening dick out. I palm myself, running my large hand from root to tip a few times as I watch her, and I fight the twitch of my lips when I see her nose wrinkle lightly, breaking the eagerness she had just a moment ago.
I take the few steps separating us and stop in front of her, my bobbing cock an inch away from her lips. “Suck me.” Indecision is clear on her face, so I sweeten the deal. “Do this for me, and I’ll fuck you.”
Her brow furrows, but she nods, leans forward, and wraps her lips around me. She moves up and down my length robotically, unenthusiastically, and I watch in fascination. I’m not the least bit turned on, but watching her is like watching an impending crash I can’t look away from. After a few awkward bobs, I force her to stop before I can’t keep it up anymore.
“Enough. Get on the bed, hands and knees.”
She gets up and turns for the bed, but not before I see her look of disapproval. Yeah, no matter what she says or how horny she is, she’s still the same old Rachel as before: unadventurous, unenthusiastic, and unwilling to seek pleasure in ways other than what’s on her approved list. This confirmation solidifies my decision to get this over with as soon as possible.
“Nevermind. On your back, knees up.”
She turns and lays on the bed, a pleased smile on her face. I walk up to her, still palming my dick as I look at her spread legs. Reaching a hand out, I run it up and down her damp pussy. It isn’t as wet as I’d like to be, and I don’t want to hurt her, so I slip two fingers inside and rub my thumb around her clit in the way I know she likes.
Her skin turns rosy with arousal as I manipulate her body with my hand, and she starts to get wetter the longer I touch her.
“Mm, yes, Lawrence. Just like that.”
I reach out to tweak her nipple roughly for using my given name, and her eyes fly open to glare at me. Her lips twist in dissatisfaction, even as her hips wriggle against my hand, and she swats the hand near her breasts away. A sigh fills my chest, but I don’t let it escape as I continue my ministrations. Before long, she’s panting heavily and thrusting her hips up, and I know she’s ready.
Pulling my fingers out of her, I move to roll on a condom. She stares up at me with excitement, but it isn’t her I see when I move between her legs and grasp her hips. Instead of the statuesque woman before me with red hair and pale skin, I see Perrie. Curvy, golden, dark-haired, eager Perrie. My dick throbs as I en
ter her, and I stare at the headboard as I fuck Rachel dispassionately in person and Perrie passionately in my mind.
It only takes a few thrusts and circles of my thumb around her clit before Rachel is coming quietly all over me, and I pull out of her before she can push me away. She’s lying on the bed, a content smile on her face, and immediately gets up to wrap herself in a silk robe.
“That was amazing, like always,” she says.
She moves to kiss me on the cheek while I remove the empty condom and zip myself back up. I grunt in response because there’s no way I can agree with her.
Nothing’s changed in this department, and I don’t think it ever will.
“I’m going to head home.”
“All right.” She doesn’t stop me and walks me to the door. “Oh, before I forget, I’ll be out of town next week. I’m heading to Italy to look at these marble slabs I want in the kitchen. I might buy a dress for the gala too, but we’ll see about that. Don’t miss me too much. If I don’t see you before I leave, I’ll see you when I get back. I can’t wait to have a repeat of tonight.”
What’s sad is she really is satisfied. As long as the sex is clean and clinical, she’s happy. Too bad that’ll never cut it for me. I hide the relief I feel at her being out of town and the grimace that wants to stretch across my face at sleeping with her again.
“Have a safe trip, Rachel.”
I place a barely-there kiss on her lips and escape, unable to breathe easily until I’m back in my car in the dark parking garage. I didn’t finish upstairs, and I debate taking care of myself for a second before I take out my half-hard dick and stroke it with my hand. Once again, my thoughts go to Perrie, and it fully hardens and throbs against my hand. I pump up and down my shaft roughly, angry at myself for my attraction to her that just won’t quit, and I come to the vision of her crying out in ecstasy all over my dick, begging me for more.
Breath leaving me in short gasps, I place my forehead against the steering wheel before I clean myself with a tissue.
If tonight is any indication, things will never work out with Rachel. The complication of our child—if it is our child—is turning my world upside down, and I need to figure out a way to set things right again.
Right with Rachel, because my intuition is screaming at me that there’s more to the story than she’s letting on.
Right with Perrie, because I’m not sure how long I can ignore whatever it is between us.
And right with me, because I’m at a crossroads and don’t know what to do.
What’s the right thing to do when everything but the one thing I can’t and shouldn’t have is wrong?
A week has passed, and I’m sitting restless at home, itching for something to do. Rachel left for Italy yesterday, and I have the urge to go out and do something strictly for me while she’s out of town. I texted Coop and a couple other friends earlier, but they all have plans and can’t meet up. The last thing I want to do is be alone because then I’ll dwell on everything that’s wrong in my life, and I really just want to enjoy myself.
I’m staring at my phone, debating on whether or not to give in to the idea that’s been tempting me for the last fifteen minutes. Against my better judgment, I unlock my screen and shoot off the text that’s definitely a bad idea.
Sterling: Hey Esperanza. You free tonight?
To my surprise, the little conversation bubbles immediately appear on my screen as she types out a response.
Perrie: What do you want, asshole?
Sterling: Glad you finally accept me as I am. I’m bored and want to go out. Let’s do something.
Perrie: Um, how about not? Why would we hang out?
Sterling: We’re friends. Friends hang out.
Perrie: I’m not hanging out with you.
Sterling: Why? Don’t think you can handle it?
The bubbles appear, and five minutes pass before her response pops up on my screen.
Perrie: Pick me up in an hour, you arrogant ass. You invited me, so you’re paying, buddy.
I laugh out loud when I see how short her response is. After shooting off a couple more texts to confirm her address, I go shower and get ready.
An hour later, I’m pulling up to Perrie’s condo, which is nestled close to both the beach and the hustle and bustle of downtown. She’s waiting for me at the curb, and I ignore the feeling of excitement making its way through me when she looks at me and scowls. She lets herself into my car when I pull up and is uncharacteristically silent as I drive away.
“Are you hungry?” I ask, breaking the silence. Her stomach rumbles in answer, and I laugh at the sound. “Okay, you’re definitely hungry. What do you want?”
“What do you want, Sterling? Why’d you text me?” She turns in her seat to look at me, gesturing between us with her hands. “Why are we hanging out? Why are we doing this?”
Words that are more honest than I planned to respond with spill from my mouth. “I needed a friend. I need to get my mind off the circus that is my life and didn’t want to be alone.”
Her pouty mouth drops open in surprise, and she’s at a loss for words for a few moments. “Oh,” she finally says as she turns to face out the front window.
We’re silent as I drive, and I automatically decide to head to the beach. Deciding to lighten the mood, I say, “My only stipulation is you keep your hands to yourself. We’re strictly friends again, Perrie, no matter how bad you might still want me.”
My words are playful, but the truth is there, even though I don’t tell her I still want her too.
“God, get over yourself.” She laughs, and some of the tension in her shoulders falls away as she looks at me. “You weren’t even that great, Sterling. Clearly, you have an overinflated opinion of your skills.”
I bark out a laugh at that blatant lie. “Okay, Perrie, whatever you need to tell yourself. Is Zane giving it to you better than I did?”
“This is definitely not friendly talk,” she huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Humor me.” My words are light, but my jaw hardens at the thought of him touching what’s mine. No, not mine. She’s not yours, Sterling, I repeat like a mantra in my head. Maybe this was a bad idea. No, it’s definitely a bad idea.
“If you must know, he’s the best I’ve ever had. I’ve never come so hard in my life. He does this thing with his tongue…” She throws her head back and rolls her eyes back dramatically as she sighs. “Incredible.”
It’s an effort to keep myself from grinding my teeth and keeping the muscles in my hands, neck, and shoulders relaxed, but I manage. I regret not tasting her, but I have a feeling she’s exaggerating. She hasn’t experienced my tongue yet. Then again, she never will. We’re just friends now.
“Good for you,” I say cooly. “Glad you’re getting it on the regular now.”
A few minutes pass, neither of us saying anything, before she finally blurts out, “What about you? I’m sure you’re getting it on regularly now that you’re back with Rachel.”
A very low, very quiet groan leaves her lips, as if she regrets asking. This causes me to smile, and the pleasure creeps into my voice when I answer her.
“I never had a problem getting it regularly, but she is feeling extra affectionate now that she’s pregnant.”
The reminder of her pregnancy lands between us like an invisible wall, but Perrie surprises me when she continues the conversation in a gentle tone.
“How is everything with that?”
Instead of rebuffing her like I did last time, I answer honestly. “I still can’t believe it sometimes.” I sigh. “It’s a big life change. My life’s been set out for me since I was born. Grow up, go to college, take over the company, marry, have children, retire, and pass my legacy on to my children. Now, that plan is out of order. I’m still trying to find my feet,” I admit.
“You don’t seem like the kind of guy to be off his game for very long.”
“And that’s where you’re right. I’ll figure it out. I always
do.”
“Because you’re a Montgomery,” she says, faux exasperation in her voice.
“Exactly.” I nod, and we both laugh.
We sit in comfortable silence as I find a parking spot, and we exit my vehicle in silence. We walk, our steps in sync, and soak up the sunshine and feeling of companionship between us. Being with Perrie is easy, and even if I didn’t fuck her brains out, I’d still want to be around her. She puts me at ease and challenges me at the same time, and when you live my kind of life, having those types of people in your corner is priceless.
“I hope this is okay,” I say as we get close to a food truck.
Her eyes squint for a moment, and her eyes widen in realization just as the tantalizing scent of carne asada and cilantro reaches us. “Tacos? I’m surprised, Sterling. Who knew you’d deign to eat from a lowly taco truck?” she jokes.
“You’d be surprised by the things you’d learn about me.”
She gifts me a genuine smile in response, and my heart lurches at the sweet sight.
We make quick work of ordering our tacos and walk to the beach, where we plop down in the sand and look out at the ocean, eating our food. A few inches separates our bodies, and when our elbows or knees accidentally brush, I feel the heat of contact straight through to my bones.
“This is nice,” she finally admits as she balls up the empty foil that held her tacos and sticks it in her purse. “Thanks for inviting me out.”
“Even though I’m an asshole?” I can’t help but tease.
“Yes, even though you’re an asshole.” She rolls her eyes. “You are a dick, but you can be really nice too.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I warn in a playful tone, although my words ring with truth.
She hums contentedly, and we occasionally fill the quiet with small talk. I learn she comes from a huge family and that she and Rachel met when Perrie accompanied her mom, who was the Hartford family’s maid, to work when she was just a kid. As we talk, newfound admiration fills me for the woman seated next to me. I’m impressed by her motivation to better her life, especially since she wasn’t born into a wealthy family like mine, and the fact that she built her business from nothing turns me on both physically and intellectually.
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