Vice, Virtue & Video: Devoted

by Bianca Giovanni

It’s wrapped in brown paper with swoopy handwriting saying “Mr. and Mrs. James Laird” in the middle.

  Lola looks on as I tear it open and reveal what’s inside. It’s a ten-piece Calphalon cookware set, a very nice one. It’s from Williams-Sonoma, I can tell from the trademark pineapple. This definitely set somebody back a few hundred bucks. There’s a white card stuck to the front, and Lola pulls it off and hands it to me.

  “Who’s it from?” she asks curiously.

  I pop open the little gold sticker and open it up.

  My Dearest James,

  I’m so happy for you and your lovely wife. May you have a beautiful future together. You were always so skilled in the kitchen, and I thought you might enjoy some new toys to play with.

  Best wishes and fond memories,

  Karen

  I can’t help but laugh to myself about the “skilled in the kitchen” part. My mind flashes to the time we fucked up against the refrigerator, and I know that sentence wasn’t just about my culinary skills.

  “Well?” Lola asks when I take a little too long to answer.

  “It’s, uh, it’s from Karen—um, Mrs. Landry,” I reply quietly.

  Silence falls over the room. My mom looks around awkwardly, avoiding my eyes. Lola takes a deep breath, and my dad makes a grumbly noise.

  What was a secret for most of my life has been out in the open for a while now, and I’m surrounded by people who know about my “affair” with Mrs. Landry. They know that she used to buy me stuff and that I was sort of like her sex houseboy. And they all disapprove of every bit of it.

  There’s a cloud of tension filling up the room. Lola finally breaks it by forcing a smile and remarking, “That was nice of her. Very thoughtful of her to get you something.”

  “To get us something,” I reply.

  “Right. Us.”

  “Yeah, it’s thoughtful. When I used to go over there in the summer, I’d bring her stuff I made. She must have remembered how I love to cook,” I reply.

  Lola gulps. I probably should have refrained from mentioning how I spent all that time at Mrs. Landry’s house when I was in high school. Everyone knows what happened during that summer, and this is getting more awkward by the minute.

  “Well, I suppose you’re going to send her a thank-you card,” my mom says, her voice short and tight.

  “I mean, I guess so,” I cautiously reply. “That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”

  “We can figure it out when we get home,” Lola volunteers.

  There’s another weird, awkward, uncomfortable silence before Dad suddenly slams his hand down on the table, making everyone jump.

  “All right!” he says. “That’s it! I’m not going to sit here and ignore the goddamn elephant in the room.”

  “Jon, sit down,” Mom whispers.

  “No, Brenda, I will not sit down.” He waves his hand like he’s dismissing the idea. “Our son just got a goddamn wedding gift from a grown woman who used to seduce him when he was a boy, and we’re all supposed to be just fine with that?”

  “Jon, stop it right now!” she scolds him.

  “Dad, just calm down,” I say, trying to have her back. “That was a long time ago, and it’s over. It’s been over for years.”

  “Well, guess what? That doesn’t make it go away, James! You think we can just forget about everything you did? You think you can show up here pretending you’ve got your act together, and suddenly we’re going to look past everything you put this family through?”

  I’m shocked and insulted. I try to stay calm, but I can feel the anger spreading in my chest.

  “Everything I put this family through?” I scoff. “I wasn’t the one who cut my own kid out of my life. I wasn’t the one who freaked out and banished my son!”

  Dad glares at me. “And you wouldn’t have done the same? You were a poison to this house, James! You were nothing but trouble and you didn’t care who you hurt with your actions!”

  “Jon! Stop it this instant!” Mom snaps, grabbing his arm.

  “I’m not going to stop, Brenda!” he barks. “I refuse to sit here like everything is fine when we all know it isn’t! Christ, as if the porn wasn’t bad enough, now he’s getting gifts from that perverted woman! And you want me to just smile and pretend this whole situation isn’t completely twisted?”

  I swallow roughly. Lola notices, reaching for my hand to give me some strength.

  “I don’t know what went wrong with you,” Dad says, shaking his head at me. “I don’t know what the hell happened to you to make you think this was okay. I don’t know how you can look at yourself in the mirror.”

  That hurts. A lot. Despite how incredibly pissed off I am, I can feel my confidence starting to waver as he attacks me.

  “Jon, that’s enough!” Mom says, trying to get him to look at her and stop staring at me.

  “He doesn’t get it, Brenda,” he says, briefly glancing at her. “Not surprised. He thinks he can just walk back into this house and we’ll sit around congratulating him, but we all know the life he used to lead.”

  “You don’t know a goddamn thing about the life I used to lead!” I shout back. “When was the last time we sat down and had a heart-to-heart, Dad? Oh, I remember. Never! You love to make these proclamations about who I am and what kind of moral fiber I have, but you don’t even fuckin’ know me, so how would you know?”

  “I know enough about you, boy!” he shouts. “I know you think with your dick and not your goddamn head! I know you only care about yourself!”

  I laugh harshly. “You’re going to say I only care about myself when you were the one who threw your own son out without even letting me explain my side?”

  “You disgraced this family. You think you’re a big shot but you’re a goddamn failure. I know it’s only a matter of time before she realizes it too,” he says, motioning to Lola.

  She starts to stand up, but I put my hand on her shoulder.

  “You wanted to explain? No explanation necessary. You made those movies because you’re not good enough to do anything else.”

  Lola exhales deeply, and I can see the tension in her body language. She’s trying her best to keep quiet, but I can see she’s about to go off.

  “Hell, that was probably how the whole goddamn Karen Landry thing happened. You weren’t good enough for honest work, so you took the easy road. She just happened to be sick enough to go for it.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I growl. “You’re just reaching for anything you can because you haven’t spoken to me in half a fuckin’ decade, so you’re throwing shit out there, and the Karen Landry stuff is the easiest target for you. If you want to go there, Dad, we can go there, but I don’t think you’ll like what’s behind that door.”

  “What’s behind that door is a lazy goddamn teenager and a desperate housewife!”

  “Enough!” Lola suddenly erupts, standing from the table. “I’m done! I’ve officially had it with this shit!”

  Everyone stops and turns to look at her.

  “I will not sit here and let you berate my husband! You hurt him once, and I swear to God, I will not let you hurt him like that again!”

  I’m kind of amazed. She’s like a fuckin’ lioness. She’s all fierce and protective, and it might be the most touching thing I’ve ever witnessed.

  “Do you want to know what I think, Jon?” she continues. “I think you feel guilty about Mrs. Landry. I think you feel bad that you knew what was going on, but you didn’t stop it—”

  “You honestly think I knew what was going on?” he interrupts. “Jesus, do you think I would have allowed that? I knew James flirted with some of those ladies, but I never once thought one of them would cross the line with my son!”

  Even Lola seems surprised by that, but she’s definitely not letting up on him.

  “Regardless, even if you suspected, even if you considered it for a second, I think you feel bad about it. But instead of admitting that, you’d rather tur
n around and berate him. You’re stubborn, and arrogant, and God forbid you actually feel bad about James! So instead, you spew all this anger at him because you’re mad at yourself.”

  Mom is silent, but the look on her face says she agrees. I’m just blown away at Lola breaking it down like this.

  “Listen, Jon, James is my husband. I love him. I’ve always loved him, and I will continue to love him for the rest of my life,” she explains a little more calmly. “He is a fantastic human being. He’s smarter than you give him credit for. He’s good at what he does, and he’s got great business sense in his field. But you don’t care about all of that because of your pride and your ego!”

  Dad seems surprised, but I literally want to jump up and down and high-five her.

  “I was not planning to play the bride card, but this is my goddamn wedding, and if you ruin it with this ridiculous, stubborn, grudge-holding bullshit, then consequences will be created and strongly enforced! You might think you can puff out your chest and be the alpha dog here, but you say one more cruel thing to my husband and I will go Dog Whisperer on your ass!”

  I’m trying so hard not to burst with laughter that I have to look down at the floor and try to get my concentration together. The look on my dad’s face…fuckin’ priceless! Even angry, Lola’s adorable, but she can be fierce as hell too, and I am so fuckin’ honored that she’s mine right now.

  “You hurt James profoundly when you decided to push him out of your life, and he’s only here reconnecting with you right now because he’s trying to handle this like an adult and squash this stupid feud. If you can stand here and berate him like this, then you’re cruel and heartless.”

  Even Mom looks surprised at how Lola’s laying into Dad, but she’s letting her roll with it. I’m sure she can tell that this has been pent up for a long time and it needs to blow like this.

  “James has been out of your life for six years. That’s six years you haven’t spent seeing what a wonderful man he’s become. Six years without this special, beautiful, amazing person in your life. And what’s worse is that it’s six years you’ve denied Brenda a relationship with her son. She sees who he really is. She sees how much there is to love about him. If you can’t see that too, well then, I just feel sorry for you.”

  She reaches out for my hand, and I weave my fingers through hers.

  “Let’s go,” she says to me before turning to Mom. “Brenda, we’ll take a rain check on breakfast, but I’ll be in touch with you.”

  “All right, honey.” From the look on Mom’s face, she seems rather amused by this turn of events. She had to have known that somebody needed to put Dad in his place, but I think she’s shocked that it was tiny, sweet Lola who did it.

  Dad’s standing there looking like a toddler who just got put in time-out as we turn and walk to the door.

  We’re just across the driveway and onto Theresa’s lawn when I drop to my knees and kiss Lola’s knuckles like she’s some kind of saint.

  “I. Fucking. Love you!” I declare.

  “Oh, stop,” she says with a little giggle.

  “You are a goddamn superhero! You are the greatest woman I have ever met, and I fuckin’ love you so much!”

  “I was just so sick of his bullshit.” She blushes, clearly flattered by my total idolization.

  “You are so badass that I can’t even handle it.” I grin wider than the equator. “Forget Trina, you are officially the Baddest Bitch.”

  She laughs loudly.

  “You jumped in there, and you were gonna throw down.” I snicker, rising from my knees and following her into her mom’s house.

  “I had to defend my husband. I’m sure you’re already aware that I will cut a bitch if somebody tries to hurt you.”

  “And this is why I’m so in love with you,” I say, giving her a reverential look. “You will go toe-to-toe with my tough-ass, motherfucker of a father because you want to defend my fuckin’ honor.”

  “Do you think I went over the line?” Her eyes dart around, and I can tell she’s replaying it in her head.

  “Nah, baby,” I reply with a shake of my head. “I think you got it all out there and said what you needed to say.”

  She sighs and puts her hand to her forehead. “I’m just starting to realize that I called my father-in-law heartless. I told him I was going to go Dog Whisperer on his ass—”

  “Which was my favorite part.” I snicker.

  “Oh, Jesus Christ,” she sighs. “Well, I’m guessing that did absolutely nothing to rectify the situation.”

  “Who cares?” I smile proudly at her. “It showed me just how much you love me. It was literally the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. You had my back, babe. You stood up for me.”

  “Always, James,” she softly replies, putting her palm to my cheek.

  I turn my head and kiss the inside of her wrist before pulling her into me. Her arms go up onto my shoulders, and I kiss her lips slowly and adoringly. I admire her. I cherish her. I idolize her. Right now, I want to take her to the bedroom and fuckin’ worship her.

  Before I can stop myself, I grab her ass and hike her up against me. Her legs wrap around me, and I carry her into the bedroom. It’s a weekday, which means we have several hours before Theresa gets home from work, and I want to spend those hours praying at the altar of my own personal goddess.

  She looks up at me as I lay her on the bed and she starts to speak. “James, wait. What if—”

  “I have to, Lo,” I whisper, putting my finger over her lips. “I can’t stop. I literally have to do this right now. It’s basically an emergency.”

  A smile slowly creeps across her lips, and she giggles. “Well, in that case…”

  I capture her mouth again, passionately kissing her, letting my lips express the deep love I have for her in my heart. My hands slowly move up her body underneath her T-shirt and bra, ghosting over her ribs until I’m up at her chest. I will never get tired of the feel of her breasts in my hands. A perfect handful. Soft, full, warm, and smooth.

  I wordlessly ask her to sit up, and she lets me slowly pull her shirt off and unhook her bra. I look down at her bare skin with appreciation as I think about what a huge percentage of my life I spent wanting to have full access to her body like this. I was always physically affectionate with her, but I used to wish she would let me touch all those hidden, private spots every now and then. I’m fuckin’ overjoyed that I get to touch them whenever I want these days. Dream come fuckin’ true.

  My eyes meet hers again, and I kiss her softer, just with my lips and a couple little flicks of my tongue. I want to take this slow, to really draw it out so she can feel my love for her.

  I brace myself with one arm so I can lean farther over her and use my other hand to lightly brush her nipple with my thumb. She likes it and I can tell because she makes this little sigh and opens her legs a tiny bit wider.

  My lips move across her jaw, then down her neck. She exhales when I slide my tongue into the dip at the base of her throat before I move on to her collarbone.

  Her body is already so open to me, and I can feel her arching her back a little bit to try to direct me to my next destination. She’s pushing her breasts toward me, and I know what she wants me to do. Her bend is so subtle that I don’t think she realizes she’s doing it. I think her body just knows exactly what it wants and her instincts take over—which I fuckin’ love. Sex with Lola can feel so primal, so natural, like both of our bodies are doing exactly what they were meant to do.

  She sighs with contentment when I kiss a circle around her left nipple, and she moans softly when my lips close around it to lightly draw her tender skin into my mouth. I can feel her pleasure like a glowing aura, and I have to close my eyes as I enjoy the feel of her natural urges taking over. Her moan is a little louder when I move to her right breast, and her hips rock against me a little bit. Mmm, I love how she gets ready so fast.

  My hand slips down her body, and my fingers quickly unbutton her jeans. Thankfully
, I can conquer even the most stubborn zipper or complicated bra hook with one hand.

  I sneak my fingers into her jeans, going directly under her panties. She makes a tiny gasp when I start to touch her, and her hips start rocking a little more abruptly.

  I was the first guy to touch her this way—well, to touch her this way properly. She’d fooled around with a few guys in high school, but nobody could take her to the finish line. A few years back, when she was still in college, she came to visit me and I tried to convince her to let me see if I could get her off. I was beyond surprised that she said yes. Needless to say, I accomplished my goal, and the next morning she even let me put my fingers inside her and do it again, something she hadn’t tried with anybody. I didn’t get to fuck her, but getting her off was the hottest fuckin’ thing in the world to me at the time, and the sweet sounds of her moans are forever burned onto my brain.

  Her lips part and her breathing speeds up as I kiss her neck while gently stroking the tender places beneath her panties. She’s relaxed and wet enough for me to slide my fingers into her with ease and her head tilts back when I get to her G-spot.

  I’m kissing her neck and all over her chest as her skin warms up. I start incorporating my thumb so I can rub her clit while I stroke her G-spot, and those beautiful, sexy, feminine whimpers start up.

  She’s close, and I want to look in her eyes. I kind of like the idea that I’m fully clothed and she’s still got her jeans on but that I’m still going to get her there. I truly, genuinely, sincerely love making her come more than just about anything else I could ever imagine. Her back arches, and I feel her shiver all over. It’s cool to know that I give her that kind of pleasure, that I was the first one to give her that pleasure, and that I’ll be the one pleasuring her for the rest of her life.

  “Mmm, James,” she moans.

  “Yes, baby, that’s right,” I whisper to her, looking in her eyes. “Just feel it, my gorgeous girl. Just let it go.”

  She makes a little gasp, and I can tell from the way she feels inside that she’s teetering right on the edge. Lola’s about to plunge into a serious orgasm right now, and I get a surge of exhilarated anticipation watching the way it rolls over her.