Forever This Time

by Maggie McGinnis

  “Snack Shack maple creemees.”

  “It would be a crime if they’d changed.”

  “Um, Morris’s French fry cart at the beach?”

  “He’s still alive?”

  “Eighty-two next week.”

  Josie’s stomach grumbled at the thought of Morris’s hand-cut fries. “I’m sensing a pattern here. All the things on your list revolve around food.”

  “That’s because I still can’t cook.”

  “Pops never succeeded in teaching you and David? He was a great cook!”

  Ethan’s smile dropped off his face. “I guess I was a lousy student. And all he remem—uh, likes to make these days is goulash, so I think I missed my chance.”

  They crested the hill that gave the first glimpse of Twilight Cove, and Josie caught her breath. The lake glistened like a melted cherry Popsicle, lit by the setting sun. “Wow.”

  He slowed down. “Forget how beautiful the lake is?”

  “I never thought I took it for granted. But wow.”

  Ethan pulled into the Snack Shack parking lot and found a space, then came around to open her door. At the little sliding-screen window, Josie watched as the server mixed real maple syrup into the vanilla creemee, then swirled it into a cone. As they walked back to the car, Josie took her first lick, and was transported back ten years. “Oh wow. These are so good.” There was no way anyone outside Vermont made creemees like this.

  Ethan licked his own as he opened her door. “Always were.” Once he’d settled into the driver’s seat and started the truck, he looked her way. “Want to head out to the cliffs?”

  Josie’s stomach quivered at the thought, and it was almost like he could sense it.

  “Don’t worry. I didn’t mean it like I used to mean it when I said that. See? I’m not even winking.” He smiled as he pointed toward his right eye, then headed the truck toward Twilight Cove. “It’s still the most beautiful place on earth, and you should see it while you’re here.”

  “Sure. Okay. Yes.” Josie stumbled over her words. Twilight Cove would never be about the view—not to her, anyway.

  Ethan parked in the grassy lot at the end of Back Road, and they headed up the pebbled trail to the cliffs overlooking the cove, as if it hadn’t been ten years since the last time they’d done so. She finished her creemee in the same spot she always had, and then he grabbed her hand to help her over the same huge boulder he always had.

  This time he let go once she had landed, though.

  “Did this hill used to be this steep?” Josie huffed. To her consternation, she was winded before they got to the top.

  “No. Definitely not.”

  “Good, because I’m breathing like an asthmatic poodle.”

  Ethan turned around, laughing. “Is that what that sound is?”

  “Shut up. Bet you couldn’t run this hill ten times up and down like in your football days.”

  “Not with a bum knee, no.” She saw him wince as he hit a branch that put his leg at a funny angle.

  “Does it still bother you?”

  “Only when I go mountain-climbing with city girls.” They clambered over the last boulders and reached the top of the hill, where Ethan caught Josie as she almost toppled forward onto the pebbles leading down to the edge. “Careful. It’s a cliff, remember?”

  “Holy wow.” Josie scanned the horizon. Fingers of orange and purple and red splayed the sky over the lake, reflecting downward in a display that was so beautiful it almost hurt to look.

  “Not too shabby, for a country view, eh?” She felt Ethan’s hand lightly on her waist, and though she didn’t want to like it, she also didn’t want to shrug it off. “Can Boston compete with this?”

  An alarm went off low in Josie’s belly, but she tried to shrug it off. “No. Really aren’t that many lake views in Boston. Just—you know—a big, gorgeous ocean.” Josie spun around slowly, taking in the warm cliffs behind them, the grassy patch of ground where they’d spent countless hours sitting, the glistening lake below. “It’s so quiet.”

  “Loons will be out soon.”

  Josie shivered, thinking of their eerie calls. The psych major in her didn’t want to linger too long on why she’d chosen the sound for her ring tone. “I remember.”

  “Want to sit down?” He took her hand lightly and pulled her to sit beside him, with their backs against the cliff. This time he didn’t let go as they sat looking at the sunset, and this time she didn’t, either. The sun drifted lower and lower in the sky, and just as the last sliver was about to disappear, he whispered, “Going, going, make a wish.”

  She turned toward him, and before she could think about why it was a very bad idea, her lips found his, and his answered—in a kiss that was so soft, so hopeful, she didn’t dare move, didn’t dare break the fragile peace they’d brokered.

  “What’d you wish?” he asked as he pulled slowly away.

  “I—I don’t know. I didn’t have time to make one.”

  “I made one for both of us.” Ethan drew her toward him again, bracing his hands softly on her jawline. His lips met hers, and this time she let herself melt into him. It was just so right, so perfect, so … hot. She wanted to forget everything else and just mold her body to his as he pulled her tighter. She wanted to feel more, taste more, have more.

  But after what felt like only a few seconds, he pulled back, still holding her. “You okay?”

  “A little too okay.” To her consternation, her voice shook a little as she answered.

  His eyes were serious and he pulled back further. Josie didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. The lake, the view, the scent of him, the warmth of his body all threatened to send all sense of reason right off the cliff and leave her in his arms.

  “Should we stop?”

  “Definitely?” She wrinkled her nose, unable to come up with any answer that made any more sense than that.

  He laughed out loud, releasing his grip on her waist. In response, she slid a foot away from him, trying to put distance between them. He folded his arms over his knees as he looked out at the water, and she sucked in a shaky breath as she took in the view. The sunset bronzed his skin, caught on his eyelashes, touched his hair in a way that made her want to do it, too.

  After an almost interminable silence, he finally spoke. “Do you remember the night I proposed?”

  “How could I forget? I thought you were having a nervous breakdown.”

  “I was having a nervous breakdown.”

  * * *

  After what Josie could only describe as a fairly disastrous dinner date, Ethan drove out to Twilight Cove and parked the truck so the back faced the water. Then he spread out a pile of blankets in the back, ostensibly so they could watch the stars.

  After they’d settled on the blankets, she reached over to take his hand. “Ooh! First star! Make a wish.”

  “If I say it out loud, will it still come true?”

  “Only if you say it to me.”

  “Being that you’re my true love and all?” He rolled his eyes.

  “Exactly.” She turned toward him. “So let’s hear it. What’s your wish, Ethan?”

  He didn’t answer for the longest time, and Josie wondered what he could possibly be thinking. His obvious wish, being that he was male and eighteen, was pretty much a guarantee out here at the lake. She doubted he’d waste a star on it.

  Finally, he squeezed her hand. “To marry you.”

  “No, seriously.” She giggled nervously. “What’s your real wish?”

  “That is my real wish.” He looked thoughtful, then pulled a velvet box from behind him. “Josie, I’m holding a ring that I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to give you all night. Will you marry me?”

  She took a quick breath, seeing the intensity in his eyes. “Oh my God. You’re serious, aren’t you?” She sat straight up on the blankets, gripping the side of the truck.

  “Diamond, Josie.” He held up the box. “Yes, I’m serious. Why wouldn’t I be?”
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  “Because we’re young? And … young?”

  “And totally in love, right?”

  “Well, yes, but—”

  “But what? I know that five, ten, twenty years from now, you’re still going to be the only woman I’ve ever loved. Yeah, we’re young. But I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone but you, and that’s not going to change, so I can’t see any reason not to ask you now.”

  “Oh my God. I can’t believe this is happening.” Her face was hot, her heart threatening to whack right through a rib. Was he really, truly asking her to marry him? Right here? Right now? She’d only been dreaming of this moment her entire life, and here it was. The perfect man, hers for the taking.

  “I was going to ask you in the restaurant, but it never seemed like the right moment. I finally gave it to the waiter while you were in the bathroom, and he hid it in your cake.”

  “Oh God.” Josie clapped her hand over her mouth. “I was too full to finish it.”

  “I had this whole perfect proposal planned. Fancy restaurant, fancy clothes, fancy everything.” Ethan ran his hand nervously along his five o’clock shadow. “Are you ever going to answer?” He pulled back. “Do you not want to marry me?”

  “I totally want to marry you. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

  He laughed, relieved. “Is that a yes?”

  “No!”

  “No?”

  “I mean yes! But ask me again! I want to do it right this time.”

  “You are completely impossible.”

  She laughed. “You point that out at least once a week. And twice already tonight.”

  He leaned closer, lips just a hairsbreadth away from hers. “And I will continue to tell you that for the rest of your life.” His lips touched hers. “Marry me, Josie. Be my forever.”

  “Okay,” she whispered as he slipped the ring on her finger.

  * * *

  “I still can’t believe I asked you in the back of a Chevy truck.” Ethan’s voice brought her back to reality. “What a lousy proposal.”

  “It was not. It was sweet.”

  “Seriously. Back of a Chevy truck.”

  “Coulda been a Nissan.”

  “The one time you didn’t finish your dessert.” Ethan’s face grew serious and he reached a hand toward her hair. “Do you know your hair still looks the same in the sunset?” When she didn’t pull away, he touched the very tips. “Your eyes, too.”

  Josie felt her breath quicken at his touch. Every cell of her brain wanted to run, but every cell of her body just wanted to collapse into his arms.

  Ethan’s eyes skated over her face, then slowly down her body. “And you still have ridiculously small feet. How do you walk on those things?”

  Josie giggled. “Don’t pick on my feet.”

  “I’ll stop if you kiss me again.” His voice was playful, but his eyes were anything but. And though the whole scene was loaded with ten-year-old memories and a just-right-ness she hadn’t felt since she’d left Echo Lake, the saner portion of her brain was feeling for the brake pedal … again.

  “We—we shouldn’t.” She backed away from him.

  “But we’re pretty good at it, remember?” He tried to maintain a carefree tone, but she could see the hurt in his eyes.

  “I know. We are. We definitely are.” She took a deep breath and blew it out. “God, Ethan. I don’t know what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be up here with you, shouldn’t be trying to recapture the past. It’s not fair to either of us. This isn’t … isn’t real.”

  “I beg to differ. It feels real to me.”

  She sighed again, her chest hurting as she did so. Me, too.

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Chapter 22

  “You are an idiot.” Josh stirred creamer into his coffee an hour later. After a quick descent from the cliff, Ethan had dropped Josie off at the hospital. They’d barely spoken all the way back, and at this point he didn’t know what to make of it.

  “That an official diagnosis?” Ethan finished Mama B’s spaghetti and pushed his plate toward the edge of the table. He really needed to get to the grocery store one of these days. And stop eating so late at night.

  “I can’t believe you kissed her.”

  “You’re not the only one.”

  “I also can’t believe she didn’t push you off the cliff afterward.”

  “What can I say? It was a good kiss. And she—started it.”

  Josh shook his head. “You’re still an idiot.”

  “Agreed.”

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “I have no idea.” Ethan poured creamer into his own coffee cup. “This was not the plan.”

  “What was not the plan?” Molly appeared at his elbow, scooping up his plate.

  “Ethan kissed Josie.” Josh did his best to suppress a grin, but failed miserably.

  Molly set the plate back down with a clatter, motioning for Ethan to slide further into the booth so she could sit on the edge. “You kissed Josie.”

  “She says, in a tone reserved for kitten-torturers. Ease up, Mols.” Ethan rolled his eyes.

  “You kissed her? Really?”

  Ethan nodded slowly, sighing as he twisted his coffee cup in slow circles, like he’d seen Josie do earlier this afternoon. Had he started doing that first, way back when? Or had she?

  “What were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t, obviously.”

  “Well, that’s that, then.” Molly stacked creamer cups on Ethan’s plate.

  He looked at her sideways. “What do you mean—that’s that, then?”

  “I mean that’s that. Maybe she’ll send you a postcard from Boston. Or maybe she’ll never talk to you again. Again. We’ve been here before, right?”

  “It’s not the same, Mols.”

  “No, clearly it’s not. By now you should be smarter. You should know better than to go around kissing girls who already broke your heart. You should really know better than to give them a chance to do it again.”

  “Yup. You’re right.”

  “I know.” Molly slid out of the booth, then reached over and cuffed Ethan on the head. “Snap out of it.”

  She turned to Josh. “Talk some sense into him, will you?” She grabbed the plates and headed for the kitchen, but Ethan very clearly heard her mutter Moron! before she got too far.

  “I—um—I’m definitely not doing this because she just told me to, but seriously, what are you thinking?” Josh raised his eyebrows over his coffee cup.

  “I really, really don’t know.”

  “You know she’s not going to stay, right?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “So you know if you let yourself get wrapped up in thinking about a future again, you’re just going to set yourself up for another fall, right?”

  “Know that, too.”

  “Then now would be an excellent time to let it go no further.”

  “Yep.”

  “No offense, but you’re not really convincing me you’re listening.”

  “Yep.”

  “You’re not listening, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  “Nice.” Josh put down his coffee cup. “I feel like a girl having this conversation over coffee, but since I happen to vividly remember the six months after the wedding-that-wasn’t, and since I’d probably be the one Molly’d call to pick you up off the floor again this time, I’m begging you to back off and think this through.”

  Ethan blew out a heavy breath and slouched over his mug. “I know. I really, really, really know. She doesn’t belong here, never wanted to be here, doesn’t want to stay. And I can’t leave. I don’t even want to leave. I mean, maybe I would want to, if circumstances were different. But I can’t move Dad. Not now. And there’s no way I can leave Avery’s House.

  “And … hell, I have no idea what her life’s like back in the city. Yeah, we kissed, and a part of me wants to think it’s because after all this time there’s still a flame, but t
he sane part of me knows it’s all an illusion right now. She’s vulnerable, we’re both replaying memories, and it’s easy to fall back into old routines. Even if that’s the last thing either of us wants to do.”

  “That sounds very reasonable and objective. Well done.”

  “It’s easier to be reasonable and objective when I’m not with her.”

  “So how are you going to handle things now?”

  “One day at a time, I guess.”

  Josh paused, raising his eyebrows. “As a physician, I strongly advise no more kissing.”

  * * *

  “All settled in?” Ethan tucked a quilt around Emmy Friday morning, then rolled the mini-recliner toward the window in her room at Avery’s House, sitting down in the chair next to her.

  She picked up a corner of the quilt and sniffed it. “Ahh. Smells like pinecones.”

  “Excellent. Did you order your lunch yet?”

  “Peanut butter and strawberry fluff.” Emmy rubbed her stomach and smiled.

  “Yuck.” Ethan stuck out his tongue, but was thrilled she had appetite enough to even think about eating such a combination.

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  “I think I’ll keep it that way, if it’s all the same to you.”

  She giggled. “I’m having a chocolate milkshake, too.”

  “I’m sure that will go perfectly with peanut butter and fluff.”

  “You can stop sticking your tongue out. What do you eat for lunch?”

  “Fried tarantula legs.”

  Emmy crinkled her nose and giggled again. “That’s disgusting.”

  “You could always dip them in strawberry fluff.”

  “Eww. Yuck.”

  “You’re right. That would be a waste of perfectly good tarantula legs.” Ethan pointed out the window. “So do you see Ben’s surprise?”

  Emmy turned to scan the park below her window. “Hm. Oh! Ethan! The Twinkle Fairy’s spinning! It’s fixed!”

  “Just for you, squirt.”

  “I can’t wait to go ride it! Think I can go today?”

  “Maybe not today. Let’s let your body get a little stronger first. When you’re ready, you can ride it all day long if you want to.”

  Emmy looked out the window, watching the rides spin and twirl below her. Ethan could see the blue veins pulsing in her head as she sat there, and he sent a silent prayer of thanks that she was able to sit here planning a peanut butter and fluff lunch with a chocolate shake.