After Annihilation: Would you want to survive?

by Gauri Mittal

  I quickly ate some of the biscuits. Then, I climbed up the hole and gave some to Peaches. I sunk down again and began digging. There were at least five such cans that I found, of different dry fruits and biscuits. There seemed to be more but I wasn’t able to dig so far inside with only my bare hands. Those nuts and the water kept me alive for five more days till help arrived.

  I was out on the floor of the cave, near the hole when a group of three men dressed in thick, black masks and bright orange neon jackets came inside the cave. I managed to sit up and call out to them in the dark. Immediately the torchlight fell on me, and they rushed to my side.

  “Are you hurt?” the tall and youngest in the middle asked.

  I shook my head. “They moved their flashlights around, and their gaze fell on the numerous food cans, water bottle, and on Peaches.

  “Who are you?” I asked.

  “We are with the Double A survivor group. We are checking all the registered safe sites in search for survivors. I am Pranav, the admin, and this is Roshan and Vishwaroopum. This cave has a safe room built in with essentials of food and water. A person can hold up here and withstand the biggest explosions, but we expected to find a Madhav Prakashan here in this cave. This safehouse is registered under his name. Where is he, and how are you here?”

  “I don’t know… I am Madhavi Sharma. I just happened to get trapped inside that hole”—I pointed to the trap door—“while following my dog.”

  The men looked at Peaches again, who was standing alert, on her guard, beside me.

  Then the men began talking among themselves. Had Madhav been lost? They said I had a name suspiciously similar sounding to his.

  “What has happened?” I asked them, attracting their attention. “Out there. Was it an attack?”

  The short one on the left side had a grave expression on his face. He nodded. “Pinaar launched the attack, with multiple missiles, in major cities. Our country and its allies retaliated with similar intensity. There is no cell reception and no information over the radio. We are afraid… It’s possible major parts of the world have been destroyed in these past ten days and it has still not completely stopped. We need to find the surviving people and regroup.”

  I sat there absorbing the information he had bombarded on me. Meanwhile, the other two men began exploring the cave. They went to the trap door and pushed it open. Shining the flashlight inside, they jumped in. After some time, one of the men, the one with a strong build and looked around forty years of age, pulled himself up. He kept the door open and helped the younger man up. The latter carried with him the remaining stack of tin-packed food, some bars of chocolate, and a couple more bottles of water.

  “My parents… we live just beyond the road at the edge of the forest in the apartments. Please help me find them.”

  Pranav, the young guy, spoke from where he stood near the trap door. “Your only chance of finding them would be in a safe house or if they practised the complete safety protocol and were lucky enough to survive. The apartment complexes we passed as we came here have been razed to the ground. It would be foolish to waste time there looking for survivors.”

  I took his words in, silent tears falling down my face. My mind knew they were no more, but my heart still wouldn’t accept it.

  “Can you help me get to Varshi?” I asked him abruptly. “I have to find my friend. He will be alive.”

  “We are not a taxi service,” Pranav snapped. “You can either come with us or remain here, but we are taking the supplies. They rightfully belong to the Double A group.”

  “We are proceeding in the direction of Varshi,” the short man with the small eyes said hastily in a squeaky voice. “It’s best if all survivors come with us and remain together.”

  I hesitated, looking away from the men, wondering if it was safer to remain here alone in the cave. Maybe the government was looking for survivors too. Maybe I’d find the police or the army. Pranav, the admin, came closer to me. He was in his late twenties, maybe six or seven years older than me. The flashlight illuminated one side of his face, the other side hidden in shadow. He had a strong jaw and a determined look on his face.

  “You will be safest with us,” he said sternly as though sensing my discomfort. Then in a gentler and lower tone so that only I could hear, “I promise you. Just stay close to me.”

  I studied the minute expressions of his face and decided to trust him. I had no better option anyway. I nodded and got up, calling Peaches to me.

  “Have you been out of the cave since the explosions ended?” Pranav asked.

  “Yes, I went out around thirty-six hours after I felt a strong vibration. I was inside the hole at the time. I hit my head and fainted, and when I regained consciousness, it was six a.m. of the day after the next. I went to my apartment, an hour’s walk from here, but… it was as you said, razed to the ground. Burnt cars, charred clothes in what used to be my apartment. The bodies… there were no faces, only the smell of burnt flesh and blood. I don’t know how many there were, one or a hundred, I did not want to see them… I… I…” I could speak no more. I took out the mirror and watch I had picked up from the scene at my apartment complex. “These belonged to my parents.”

  “Roshan get the plastic, soap, and water now!” Pranav barked. Roshan came and picked up the mirror and the watch, careful to not touch them with his bare hands.

  I was kneeling with my hands on the ground, tears washing my cheeks. Pranav kneeled beside me, keeping a distance. “Look… Madhavi, you need to be strong. Right now, we are going to discard those things you got since they are covered with contaminated dust. I need you to clean your hands, face, and all other exposed surfaces with the soap and water that Roshan will provide you with. Then I need you to change into a fresh T-shirt and jeans, then a raincoat and a mask and boots. Do you understand?”

  “But I need them,” I cried. “I have to return them to my parents. Please! Don’t take them away! They will bring me to my parents.” It became difficult for me to stop crying. I felt someone put their hands on my shoulders and saw Pranav shaking me back to consciousness.

  Slowly, I began focusing on my breathing, the movement of my abdomen with each breath. Finally, I calmed myself down.

  Roshan kept the clothes, boots, mask, a bottle of water, and soap on a plastic sheet beside me.

  “Now, the three of us are going to go out of the cave and wait for you,” Pranav said. “Please be quick.”

  Roshan, short but active, with sparse hair on his head, provided me with a black mask and a raincoat. “Admin says we have to protect ourselves from direct physical contamination at all costs. Although the black rain has passed, we can’t be too careful. Protection and being careful from radiation are the only chances of survival we’ve got.”

  I looked into Pranav’s eyes for a look of reassurance, but I only found one of emotionless conviction. Still, in that moment, when my mind was wandering wretchedly in the dark, his conviction was enough to give me strength and form some trust.

  “Wait! What about Peaches?” I asked. “Can I please get something to cover her up with, too?”

  The tall, heavyset man, Vishwaroopum, who had remained silent this entire time, grunted and looked at me disapprovingly, making me feel intimidated.

  Pranav looked over at me. “A pet dog will be a risk and a liability. We have limited space and supply of protective and necessary gear. We can’t share it with an animal. Besides, that dog looks like it’s probably already going to die from radiation sickness.”

  I looked again at the big guy who had been glowering at the puppy. He was now looking away, breathing deeply, pretending not to hear. Pranav was packing the newly acquired food material in one of the three large backpacks. He looked towards me, our eyes met for a moment, and he resumed his work. I thought for a while. Peaches was sure to die of radiation sickness if I left her here alone. She would go out of the cave and feed on contaminated food and water, if she hadn’t already the last time we were out.

&
nbsp; “Please, I will keep her with me at all times. She is not aggressive. I will provide her with my own share of food and water.”

  Pranav turned to me, a look of tiredness flashing across his face. “I have risked my life coming out in this environment to save the few people I could. I am not going to risk the survival of others for your dog. The dog is not coming.” Pranav sighed. “She is going to die soon anyway.”

  I knew in my heart that Pranav was right. Peaches had eaten things off the ground when we had been out. She had been in direct contact, licking and tasting the soil during the forest journey and when we were at the construction site. She had already grown weak and had vomited twice since yesterday. Feeling like a heel, I went over to the puppy and patted her tenderly. In my mind, I said, I am sorry. You saved my life but, I am giving up on you. Thank you and if you can, forgive me.

  I took out some biscuits from my pocket and left them for Peaches. “Please live happily,” I said to her. A wet sheen filled my eyes, and I blinked it away. I got up from her side, swallowing the thickness in my throat.

  I nodded to Pranav, and on the latter’s signal, the trio went out of the cave. I washed my face, hands, and hair and put on fresh clothes. I put the raincoat over the clothes, and after a last look at Peaches, who was busy with the biscuits, I slipped out of the cave, feeling like a betrayer. Thoughts full of guilt and uncertainty about things to come clouded my mind.

  The haze was still as persistent as it had been on the first day I had stepped out. That day the temperature seemed uncharacteristically hot while today, although it was the end of March, it had grown cold. Roshan and I kept falling behind trying to keep pace with the long strides of the other two.

  We walked for an hour, until we came out of the forest area. The burned forest made it easier for us to find the way to the highway. The dust road our path opened to was deserted except for three motorcycles parked alongside one another.

  I quickened my pace, hurrying to stand beside the trio, afraid if I remained out of sight, I would be left behind.

  “Come here,” Pranav said, offering me a helmet. “You sit with me.”

  I got behind him on his motorcycle, still feeling resentment at him for not allowing Peaches to accompany us, but among the three I felt safest with him. His backpack was obstructing the view in front.

  After a three-hour ride in the direction of the setting, barely visible sun, we came to an open field with a single farmhouse in view. The motorcycles stopped, and Pranav and Vishwaroopum got off their bikes.

  “Wait here,” Pranav told me.

  Vishwaroopum and Pranav went over to a wooden door in the ground beside the house. They wrenched it open and slipped inside.

  Roshan, left behind on his motorcycle, started a conversation with me. “I still don’t understand how we found someone called Madhavi instead of Madhav, the guy who built the safe house. His name was registered in the survivor group’s list.

  I shook my head. “Me neither.”

  “Wonder what happened to that guy.” Roshan was speaking more to himself than to me. I wanted to ask him if he suspected my parents were still alive somewhere, but my gut feeling told me not to. Roshan began talking again. “This cold, it’s because the sun’s been blocked out. It’s going to stay like this for a while. The only thing we really need to be careful about is getting too contaminated with radiation, though all of us already probably are to a good extent. Still, it’s better to keep safe. That dog of yours. It’s good you left it back at the cave. It was going to eat your share of the food and drink your share of the water. There would have been even less for all of us. It wouldn’t even make good food if we ran out of resources, since it was contaminated.”

  I looked at Roshan in horror. I felt him assessing me and quickly schooled my face, trying to hide the horror I felt. I was at the mercy of these strangers—in such a situation it was best for me to be diplomatic. But I knew Roshan had registered my reaction. His expression changed to a mask of a smile and fake enthusiasm.

  He continued, “I don’t really have a problem with who joins the group, but Admin is very strict. He is the one who founded the Double A group on the internet. He is the first member. Though Vishwaroopum is the one who hired me to help them out.”

  I looked away, deducing it wise to talk as little with Roshan as possible.

  Chapter 5

  Pranav emerged out of the safe house. Vishwaroopum followed, towering over him. In his arms, Vishwaroopum carried a boy of around ten. The child’s leg was strapped with a wooden plank and a dupatta. A family of five followed him slowly, as if very weak.

  As they came closer, I alighted the bike. The man and the woman collapsed on the ground, tired from the small distance they had walked. The woman carried an infant in her arms, while another boy around seven years of age clung to his father.

  Two tin cans of food were opened, and four of the new members of the group were fed and given water. Wary of the strangers, I initially didn’t go near them.

  The father of the family spoke first. “Thank you for finding us. Are you members of AA?”

  Pranav nodded. “Yes. Are you Farmer?”

  The mother spoke. “I am Farmer. I am the one who registered… Against my husband’s wishes,” she added, giving her husband a patronizing look.

  “Will you stop with that?” he said. “I know I was wrong.”

  “Well,” Pranav said, “I am Admin.”

  “Oh, Mr Admin!” she said. “I thought you would be some old, experienced kind of guy.”

  “Experienced in what?” Roshan asked with his usual cheery face but a voice laced with sarcasm. “Nuclear war?”

  Despite my immediate dislike for Roshan and the dreadful nature of the situation, I cracked a smile. It did not go unnoticed by the woman.

  “You are?”

  “She is one of the survivors,” Pranav said before I could get a word in.

  “We need the vehicle you have registered here.” Pranav thrust a list in front of them.

  “Our truck?” The husband asked his wife. “You want to give them our truck? I thought you sold it?”

  The wife glared at him with all the strength left in her. “I am not an idiot like you.” She turned to Pranav. “It’s in the basement of a godown five kilometres from here. The fuel tank is full.”

  Though the woman sounded bitter, I realized she was extremely quick-witted.

  Pranav thanked her. He left me and Vishwaroopum with the family and took Roshan with him in the back seat of his bike, heading to the exact location the woman had given to him to fetch the truck.

  “What will happen to the bikes?” I asked the Vishwaroopum. Seeing him carrying the injured boy and tending to him had made me less frightened of him.

  Vishwaroopum shook his head, and I heard him speak for the first time. “The fuel is gone. We’ll dump ’em,” he said in a slow, deep tone. Then, as if he had already talked enough and was tired of it, he moved on and started tending to the supply bags.

  I watched the woman, who was nursing her child. The husband was tending to his other two children, trying to make the younger boy stop crying. The couple would bicker now and then, paying no attention to anyone other than their little family.

  I sighed, remembering my family. My eyes inevitably filled with tears, which rushed out ceaselessly and silently. The guilt of having survived came back, taking over my mind more strongly than before. I sat for almost hour, having shifted my gaze from the family to the red sunset in the distance. The sun was barely visible, only a shadow left of what had been a glowing ball of fire not ten days ago. It probably still was, as red and fiery as ever. It was only us that were no longer worthy of its light, trapped in this cage of annihilation, created by our own madness.

  Pranav appeared on his bike over the horizon, and I felt my dead heart start beating again. The deep loneliness eased its claws around me, and I got up in greeting to my saviour. With a roar, he stopped the bike a foot from where I stood. I wondered if the
effect was deliberate. After him sounded the deep, roaring sound of an engine. A truck, with Roshan on the driver’s seat. He too stopped a small distance from where our little party was gathered.

  Roshan got out and came over and asked Pranav, “What about the bikes, Mr Admin?”

  “We’ll have to abandon them. They are out of oil.”

  The party all started towards the truck. It was brick red, with only the front covered. The rear of the truck, which at other times was used to transport cargo, was large enough for almost thirty people when open, except for the side walls. A makeshift tarp of thick blue plastic hung on the inside of the walls to cover the back and the top in case of rain.

  Pranav got in the front seat along with Roshan. Vishwaroopum lifted the injured boy and helped the family inside the back of the truck. I did not feel like sitting with the family. Their togetherness made me feel left out, but I had no choice. I got in, followed by Vishwaroopum. The truck started on its way.

  Although it was dusty and dim, a constant chill in the air had me rubbing my shoulders. The family was huddled together, and despite my earlier feelings, I wished they would try to include me. Looking at the only woman in the group, I tried to strike up a conversation with her, but she seemed hesitant to talk to me. Her husband called her Kirtani.