* * *
Two weeks later
Cas, where are you? Are you thinking of me? Do you miss me? I feel like such a silly love struck girl, but how do I turn it off? Have you turned it off? Do you hate me? If not, then why won’t you answer my texts or my calls? I love you. I miss you. Please, just let me know you are okay.
A knock on the door made me cut it short. “Hang on!” I yelled, and hit send. “Come in!”
The door opened and Max peeked in. “Am I interrupting?”
Max and Ellie had plans to see a concert last night. At the last minute their housekeeper, Deloris, got sick and had to cancel, so Max called and asked if I could stay. I had plans to go out with Amanda, who had just returned from Canada, but really didn’t want to go bar hopping with her. I ended up canceling with Amanda and staying with Mac. Max and Ellie didn’t get home until after midnight, so I raided Max’s t-shirt drawer and spent the night in their guest room.
“I’m up,” I told him.
“Thanks for staying so last minute. Nice t-shirt, by the way,” he smirked.
“Hey, that’s what sisters are for,” I joked.
“Speaking of sisters, I have one turning the big two-one next week and have been ordered to find out what she wants to do on the big day?”
Just the thought of my birthday made my skin crawl. “I’m good, Max. I don’t need a big deal made of it, really.”
He gave me a puzzled look. “You’ve always hated your birthday. Why?”
I needed to tell Max about Dad, but the time never seemed right. We never seemed to be alone together. We are now. Should I tell him? Doubt had plagued me for so long. I didn’t know what to do. Then I thought about what Cas said about it being his baby sister and knew I had to tell Max now, or I never would.
“Remember my tenth birthday when I told you I was throwing up and you busted me eating candy in my room?”
He smiled. “I do. I figured something happened at school with one of your friends or something.”
“Not exactly,” I hesitantly said.
Like a hawk, Max zeroed in on what I wasn’t saying, and said, “What are you not telling me, Sarah.”
Please give me strength, I prayed. “The night before, Dad got really drunk, I mean falling down stumbling drunk, and he somehow ended up in my bed.”
Max looked as if he’s been struck. “Like as in he thought it was his own bed and accidentally passed out in yours?” he asked. His eyes were glued to mine and I could foresee the torment I was about to cause.
“No, as in knew it was my bed and chose to be there.”
“Oh my God,” he whispered, “Please tell me you are shitting me?” I shook my head, no, and he winced. “Was that the only time?” Again, I shook my head, no.
Rage like I had never seen filled his face and I knew he was about to come unglued. Before it got that far, I blurted, “He couldn’t get it up!”
His body stilled and his eyebrow shot to the ceiling. “What?”
“He tried, but he couldn’t get it up. He never could. Eventually, he would just pass out and I would run and lock myself in the closet. Sometimes, when he caught me off guard, he would cry and mumble about how sorry he was for ruining our lives. I got good at listening out for him and nine times out of ten would get to the closet before he ever made it to my room.”
Pain filled his face. “Where the fuck was I?”
“You were gone or asleep.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because he would hurt you or take you away from me. You were all I had.” Tears pricked the backs of my eyes. “Please don’t be mad at me, Max. I was afraid he would take you away from me.”
“So…he never actually touched you?” he hesitantly asked.
“Ummm, not much,” I hedged. The truth was, he had touched me a few times, but it wasn’t until I was older that I even realized what it meant.
Max scrubbed his hands over his face and whispered, “Fuck, fuck, fuck! The motherfucker touched you when you were a child. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this? I could have stopped him! I would have killed him! Hell, Benny would have killed him! At the least we could have gotten you out of there.” His head dropped into his hands in defeat and I crawled across the bed and wrapped my arms around him.
“I’m okay, Max, I swear. He would have done so much more damage had he taken you from me. Please, please understand this,” I sobbed.
He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you.” All I could do was cry. I cried for the years without my mom. I cried for having such a shitty father. I cried for the hell I put Max through, but most of all, I cried because I was finally able to let it all go.
At some point Ellie came in and wrapped her arms around the two of us. When Mac shrieked in anger and started tugging at my feet, I started laughing. Pretty soon all three of us were laughing.
* * *
One week later
“Were you surprised?” Piper asked.
“Not really. Max can’t keep a surprise to save his life,” I laughed.
Max and Ellie decided I needed a party to help erase all past birthdays and to properly usher me into my legal drinking years. I kept telling them that I had been legally drinking since I was eighteen, but they wouldn’t listen.
Joss held up her glass of apple juice. “I miss drinking,” she whined.
We were standing in the kitchen talking girl talk, while the guys watched a football game in the living room.
“You are a week away from your third trimester. Ask your doctor and I bet she lets you have a glass of wine every now and then. Mine did,” Ellie said.
“No drinking, Josselyn!” Kurt shouted from the living room.
“Damn he’s got fucking sonar hearing. I’m not, you Debbie Downer!” Joss shouted back at him.
“Any word from Cas?” Piper asked. I had tried so hard to stop thinking about Cas, but it was impossible. Until I saw for my own eyes he was okay and talked to him, I wouldn’t let go. I just couldn’t.
I held up my beer. “Apparently Cas does not want to be found. At least, he doesn’t want to be found by me,” I said. Right as the words left my lips the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!” Max shouted. A few seconds later, he appeared with a gift in hand. “Package for you, madam,” he said and handed me a blue and white striped, small square box with a white bow on the top.
The gang watched me tear into it. Inside the box sat a piece of paper. My heart thumped ninety to nothing as I unfolded it. I instantly recognized Bobby’s handwriting.
“What is it?” Max asked.
I looked up and smiled at him. “An address,” I answered.
Chapter Twenty
Cas
‡
I’m finally ready to go home.
I stared out at the ocean, as I had done every day for the past six weeks, and thought about Kalen. After Alexandria dropped the bomb about Kalen not being mine, I didn’t know what to feel. In my heart he was my son. To the rest of the world, except for the few who knew the truth, he was my son. In the end, biology had nothing to do with it. From the moment he took his first breath to the second he took his last, Kalen was mine. I loved him.
I left Charlotte so damn angry and drove up to Asheville, where I rented a hotel room and got wasted. When I woke the next day, I began searching for my phone. Maybe Sarah had texted. Also, Sterling was supposed to text the date of Alexandria’s funeral. When I realized I left it on my kitchen counter, I used the hotel phone to call Sterling. I did not, however, call Sarah. She was better off without me. I spent one more night in Asheville nursing my nasty hangover before heading down the mountain and across the state to Wilmington. When I arrived in Wilmington and realized how much had to be done with the funeral and the house, I decided to stay and see it through.
Just as I’d predicted, Alexandria’s funeral was a ridiculous show of wealth and bad taste. Sterling and the press made Alexandria the victim of a r
obbery gone wrong. No one knows what happened to Curtis, however. Sterling assured me he was being dealt with. I didn’t ask for details and he didn’t offer any.
Staying at the house was bitter sweet. Bitter because Alexandria turned it into a pig sty and sweet because it still held my son’s things. Alexandria went to rehab before she cleaned out his room, which left me to the task. It almost killed me to get rid of it all. Sterling offered to have someone do it for me, but I couldn’t. I needed to say goodbye to my boy in my own way. A truly cathartic moment was when I placed Alexandria’s things in the outside fireplace and set them on fire. All I could think was, burn bitch. I hope you are rotting in hell.
Two weeks after Alexandria’s funeral Sterling called and asked if I could come by the house. I didn’t want to, but something told me I should. Sterling’s housekeeper, Lorna, answered the door and, instead of taking me to his office, she walked me back to the study. I walked through the ornate French Doors, like I had a hundred times before, and expected to see Sterling kicked back in his leather recliner with a cocktail in hand. To my surprise, I got a sick man lying in a hospital bed surrounded by medical equipment.
“Come in, come in,” he called from the bed. I felt marginally better when I heard his vibrantly strong voice calling out to me. When I got close, he pointed to a chair at his bedside and said, “Sit, we need to talk.” I sat and tried not to focus on the beeping of the machines and the needles poking out of him. Sterling dove right in. “I want you to know I had nothing to do with Alexandria faking the paternity test.”
I thought about how to address the issue and decided to call bullshit. Just because he was dying doesn’t mean he should be absolved of the part he played in this whole shit show. “You’re the reason she did it,” I told him.
“Why? Because I told her she couldn’t have him,” he tsked. “She was better than that and she sure as hell deserved better. Curtis Filpot was the town junkie. He was a nobody raised from a shit existence to be nothing. I wanted better for her.” The regret in his voice was painful to hear, but it didn’t erase what happened.
“Curtis didn’t kill Kalen, Sterling. Your daughter and her addiction did.”
Sterling closed his eyes and let out a loud sigh of resignation. Then he slumped back on the bed. When he opened his eyes back up, there were tears in them. “Everything I love is gone. This is not how I wanted my life to end. I wanted Alexandria to find a great man like you. I wanted her married and happy with a houseful of children.”
“She was a selfish addict,” I pointed out.
“I know,” he admitted.
“She killed my son.”
“I know,” he repeated.
“Why am I here?” I asked.
“With Alexandria and Kalen gone I wanted you to know it’s all yours when I die.”
I was shocked. “I don’t want your money.”
“Sometimes it’s not about what you want, son. It’s about righting a wrong. What my daughter did to you was wrong. Regardless, you did right by her and I want you to know it wasn’t all in vein.”
I leaned closer because I wanted him to hear me and to comprehend what I was saying. “No amount of money can make right what Alexandria did, Sterling.”
“No, but it sure can help for a better future.” He waved his emaciated arm in the air. “Now, go on and get out of here. I’m tired and need a nap.”
I walked out thinking that would be the last time I ever set eyes on Sterling Gibson. When he called two days later and asked me to bring him a hamburger from a hole-in-the-wall burger shack across town, I couldn’t tell him no. This led to us sharing a meal a day until he was too sick to eat. By then it wasn’t about the food, but the company.
I ran into my parents at Alexandria’s funeral. As usual, my dad was sucking up to Sterling, while my mom, ever the dutiful wife, stood by his side. My mom and sister caught me right as I was about to leave and asked if I would be willing to stop by for dinner while I was in town. I wanted to say no. It would be so much easier to cut them out of my life than to put up with their pretentious bullshit, but I knew it was the wrong thing to do, so I threw out a date. Then I kissed my sister on the cheek and walked away. I was still angry at father for being a money grubbing douche and my mother for the role she played in the death of my son, but I needed to come to terms with the fact they were who they were and were not going to change.
Three nights later I had dinner with them. With the help of my sister playing peacemaker, it went better than expected. My father was on his best behavior, which surprised me. As predicted, my mother trapped me in the kitchen, where I let her finally get out her long awaited apology. When I left their house that night, I felt lighter than I had in a very long time.
My time away from Charlotte was not without difficulties. I missed my job and the friends I had made. Most of all, I missed Sarah. The night at the hospital, when she finally confessed her love for me, my head was so messed up I couldn’t even enjoy it. I will regret that for as long as I live. I will also try and make it up to her, if she’ll let me.
I watched the waves get closer and closer. Pretty soon they would wash over me. Today, however, I was not willing to let them take me under. Today I was saying goodbye and I was going home to get my girl.
“Goodbye,” I told the ocean. “Thanks for listening.” I pushed myself up from my place on the sand, dusted off my jeans and turned to look up at the house. There, standing on the deck with a heart stopping smile on her face, was Sarah. My stomach leaped into my throat.
Sarah.
She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and I wondered if I’d ever told her this. If not, I would. If she’d have me, I’d tell her every day for the rest of our lives. She held up a hand in a hesitant half-wave. The minute I returned it, she started down the stairs. About halfway down she stopped and sat down. I knew what she was doing. If my girl wanted me to meet her halfway, I’d be more than happy to comply.
“I came to get you,” she said, as soon as I reached where she was sitting.
“You did?”
“I did,” she firmly stated with a nod of her head. The determination in her voice made me smile.
“Scoot over,” I told her. She scooted and I sat. We both stared out at the ocean. “Sterling died last week.” I felt her eyes on me and knew if I looked into them I would never get out what I needed to say. “His funeral was two days ago,” I continued. Her hand slipped into mine and I squeezed it. “I had to get my head straight before I could come back for you. I knew there was a chance you wouldn’t be waiting, but I was no good for you then. There was so much poison and anger inside me and if I stayed it would eventually spill over onto us and ruin everything.” I glanced down at her and was instantly trapped in her stare. “I never said goodbye to Kalen. I just ran. Then Alexandria told me he wasn’t mine and I was so damn angry. I kept thinking the past four years were for nothing.”
“Cas-” Sarah tried to cut in, but I placed my finger over her mouth to stop her.
“Let me finish.” She nodded her head. I stared back at the ocean and continued, “When I got here I was confused and angry about everything, but as I cleaned up the house and disposed of Kalen’s things, the anger slowly went away and I began to realize nothing Alexandria said that day means a damn thing unless I let it. From his birth to his death that little boy was mine. He was mine,” I pounded my heart. “Nothing anyone can say or do will change this. It was my name on the birth certificate and no one else’s. Once I figured this out, the anger was gone. For the first time in forever, I felt free.” Her hand jerked in mine and I glanced down. She was staring out at the crashing waves and I couldn’t believe she was actually sitting next to me. “I had to stay, Sarah. Sterling was dying. He had no one but me. I missed you. God, how I missed you, but I needed to see it through to the end.”
She glanced up long enough for me to see the hurt in her eyes, and then looked away. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest.
“Why di
dn’t you return my calls or texts? I’ve been worried sick about you, Cas.”
The hurt in her voice cut through me like a knife. Not able to stand it any longer, I picked her up and placed her between my legs on the step below me. She let out a squeak of protest as I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her back against my chest. Then I explained, “The night I left you in the hospital, I dropped by my place and packed a bag. In my hurry to get away, I left my cell phone sitting on the kitchen island. I didn’t realize it was missing until I woke the next day and needed to call Sterling. I’m sorry I worried you. I wanted to call, but until I had something to offer, I had nothing to say. I wasn’t good for you. I’m sorry you got pulled into my mess of a life, but I’m happy you’re here. I was on my way home to you and you beat me to the punch.”
Her head turned and I got a glimpse of her soulful eyes. They were so filled with concern and doubt and I wanted to kick myself for not calling her or reaching out to her sooner. “Are you sure?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, baby. I thought it would be unfair to call and ask you to wait for me. Once I got my head straightened out, Sterling was dying and I knew he didn’t have much time-”
“Shhhh,” she cut me off. “I get it. If you called I would have rushed here to be with you and you would have felt torn. Sterling needed you and I’m pretty sure you needed him, too. For the record, though, there is nowhere else in the world I’d rather be than with you, Cas.”
I lowered my lips to hers and drank her in. She tasted like home. Pulling back from the kiss, I said, “Move in with me.”
Her eyes bugged with surprise and I tried not to laugh. “Here?” she squeaked.
I let my laugh roll, “No, I sold this place yesterday. Move into my place in Charlotte with me. You don’t have to marry me yet, but I want you close until you do.”
“You want me to move in with you?” she repeated, and I could tell I’d completely floored her.
Keep It Simple (MMG Series Book 4) Page 24