“Stay awake for me,” he murmurs. “Please.”
The tears burn hotter and with more intensity.
“I’m awake, rat.” I smile, the fabric of his hoodie soft against my lips. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Chapter Eleven
Hollis
ALL OF MY texts go unanswered. It’s frustrating as hell because I want to know what’s going on with them. Roan and I may have our beef, but there’s something linking us. It would feel too surface to say physical attraction. I feel connected to the broody asshole in ways I don’t understand. When he’s near, I want to inhale him and look at him. Feel him. I’ve never wanted to just be in someone’s presence before like I do with him.
It’s really fucking confusing because he’s a total prick most of the time.
That’s just surface too, I think.
Beneath all that hardness is a soft, vulnerable boy. Just knowing he’s inside there makes me want to dig and dig and dig until I unearth him. I feel like he’s mine. Like he could be mine. If I take the time and effort to find him.
Me: How’s your head?
I send Roan another text. This one, like the others, goes unanswered. It makes me worry his condition has worsened. He’s not at school, which is understandable considering he got the shit beat out of him by some thug, but what if he had to go to the hospital or something? My gut tightens and twists.
The bell rings for lunch and I take my time getting to the cafeteria. I’m sick to my stomach with stress and worry. The scent of pizza or whatever the fuck they’re cooking today has my insides burning in protest. I bolt into the restroom and head for a stall. Bile creeps up my throat and the room spins as I push into the handicap stall. I barely get the lock pulled when I’m scrambling for the toilet. Pain lances through my stomach as I gag. There’s nothing in my belly because I felt too sick after all that happened with Roux and Roan this morning to eat. I’m thankful I didn’t eat anything, because I’m too exhausted and overwhelmed to add puking my guts up to shit I’m dealing with today. Acid burns up my esophagus, but nothing escapes.
Once I feel like I’m no longer going to dry heave, I stand up and rush from the stall, eager to splash cold water on my clammy face. I’m just turning on the sink and getting my hands wet when the door to the bathroom opens.
In walk the Hoodlums.
Minus their grumpy leader.
“I thought I smelled a rat,” Jordy sneers, prowling inside with Cal and Terrence behind him. Terrence stands in front of the door, blocking it. Cal cracks his neck, towering behind Jordy, as Jordy steps into my personal space.
I don’t like him at my back, so I turn off the water and face off with the psycho freak.
“What did you do?” Jordy demands, poking my chest. “What the fuck did you do?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I bite back.
“We know you ratted like the bitch you are.”
Cal must sense my confusion because he clutches Jordy’s shoulder. “I don’t think he knows.”
“Knows what?” I glare at them both, imploring them to tell me just what it is they think I did.
Jordy pokes my chest again. Hard. “You told your aunt and now child protective services are involved. So help me—”
The words are drowned out as my blood turns to ice. Aunt Karen told CPS? Oh, shit. This is bad.
“You hear me, motherfucker?” Jordy roars. “We’ll make your life a living hell!”
He shoves me with the strength of three men, sending me hurtling across the bathroom. I fall to my ass, bruising my tailbone on the linoleum floor. My stomach is seizing as my stress reaches new heights. Not because Jordy is seconds from kicking my teeth in, but for what this means for Roan and Roux.
Oh God.
I need to explain that I didn’t know Aunt Karen would say something.
The guys are taunting me, but I manage to get back to my feet. Jordy stalks my way, his fist raised, when someone bangs hard on the door.
“Open this door now,” a deep voice booms.
Coach Rendell.
We all flinch and Terrence steps out of the way. Coach storms in, assessing the situation.
“You okay, English?” he asks me, clearly understanding the tension and that it’s directed at me.
Jordy gives me a murderous warning glare.
“Y-Yeah. Fine. I, uh, I just need to leave. Feeling sick.” I push past them and head for the office. I want to confront Aunt Karen. Ask her how she could throw Roan and Roux under the bus.
I find Aunt Karen in her office, on the phone. When she sees me storm in, she tells them goodbye, before turning her sympathetic eyes on me.
“Why did you call CPS?” I practically shriek at her. “Do you know what will happen?”
Gone is her sympathy as her stern authoritative scowl washes over her features. “As principal of this school and an adult, I have an obligation—”
“Aunt Karen,” I snap, cutting her off. “They’ll take Roux away.”
“Perhaps it’s for the best,” she says softly. “Their home situation—”
“Unbelievable.” I pace her office, ripping at my hair in frustration. “What happens now? She goes and lives with another family? This will destroy him, Aunt Karen.”
“Honey,” she says in a soothing tone. “It’s best if you let people more qualified handle their unique situation. I’m only trying to help them.”
“By ratting them out?” Tears of anger prickle at my eyes. “I have to go.”
“Hollis! You can’t just leave!”
“I’m sick,” I growl. “So fucking sick. I’ll see you later.”
_______________
I speed the whole way to the fire station. It’s snowing and the streets are slick, but I’m a man on a mission. Make everything right. But how? I don’t know and that just makes me want to throw up. This day keeps getting worse and worse.
I need to explain.
I want to help.
He’s going to hate me more than he already does, and it kills me. It kills me because I didn’t want this for him or Roux.
My car slides into a parking spot. I barely get it turned off before I’m flying out and into the station. As soon as I step inside, I notice a woman speaking to Roux while Roan paces. The woman sees me and smiles.
“You must be Hollis? You and your mother went to get Roux and Roan last night?” she asks, her nose crinkling.
Unable to formulate an answer before seeing Roan’s face, I glance over at him. His jaw clenches, but he says nothing.
“Yeah,” I grunt out. “Roan, can I talk to you for a sec?”
The woman nods. “I think that would be great. Roan, go talk to your friend. I wanted to ask Roux a few questions anyway.”
His nostrils flare, but I plead with my eyes as he walks over to me. He passes me and steps outside. I follow him around the side of the building. Is this where he’s going to kick my ass? Finish the job Jordy clearly wanted to do?
His expression is unreadable. It’s dead. Empty. A void. I don’t know if he’s mad or upset.
“Roan…”
“Don’t,” he warns, his bronze eyes flashing a yellowy gold like fire.
“I didn’t—”
He rushes me, his palm covering my mouth. The brick digs into my back and his hips keep me pinned. “I said don’t.”
His eyes lose their fury as anguish sets in. He’s scared. Devastated. Fuck. I want to wrap my arms around him and promise him it’ll be okay. Has anyone ever assured him it would be?
“I can’t lose her,” he hisses, bringing his mouth to my ear. “Carol is talking about putting her in a temporary home and I…” His voice breaks. “I can’t fucking take that, rat.”
I flinch at the name. Doesn’t feel like much of a caress now.
My palms slide up his muscular chest over his hoodie. I’m desperate to hold him and make him all the promises in the world. He needs it.
“If…” He trembles, trailing off,
as his hand slides from my mouth down to my neck. “If they take her away from me…” He pulls back, searing his flaming eyes into mine. “I’ll fucking kill you.”
I blink in confusion. “What?”
“You heard me, rat. If this all blows up and I lose my sister, then I’ll have nothing left to lose. I will hunt you down and fucking destroy you.” His palm tightens around my throat, restricting the airflow.
“I can fix this,” I promise, though it’s not my fault and I don’t know how. “Let me help you fix this.” My hands slide up his neck and into his messy hair. I scrape my fingertips along his scalp. His eyes flutter closed briefly.
I steal the moment.
Inhale him.
Stare at him.
Feel him.
We’re on the edge of something, and it’s about to be taken away from me.
So I keep the moment for as long as I can.
I grip his hair tighter, making him open his eyes and hiss in warning. He clutches my throat tighter. Despite his anger and devastation, his body responds to mine. I can feel just how much so, as his dick rubs against mine through our jeans.
His shoulders sag slightly and his hand falls away from my neck. I pull his head toward mine. Forehead to forehead, we breathe in each other’s scent. Amber eyes lock onto mine—the brokenness in them causing little fissures inside my heart. I caress his scalp with my fingers, trying to convey wordlessly these intense feelings for him that have consumed my every thought.
Our mouths are so close.
I could kiss him.
Would it solve everything?
So close.
A tilt of my head.
I could make it happen.
He exhales and tilts forward, bringing his lips near enough to mine, they almost brush. “Remember, Hollis, if I lose her, I’ll ruin you in every way possible.”
Not a kiss.
Just cruel, hateful words that make my stomach clench violently.
“Roan…”
He pulls away so abruptly, I nearly collapse without his body holding mine up against the wall. Roan is hard in his jeans. An angry scowl paints his face into something hauntingly beautiful. Those lips…fuck. Those lips are pink and full and would feel so good pressed to mine.
“Roan…” My voice is shrill and pleading.
The vulnerable boy retreats into the shadows as the fierce one steps up, ready to defend.
“Get the fuck out of my life, rat.” He cracks his neck and gives me a scathing glare. “Or I’ll do it for you.”
Chapter Twelve
Roan
I GLOWER AT Hollis through the window of the fire station as he slowly walks back to his car. His shoulders are hunched, utterly defeated. It’s bullshit. I’m the one suffering here because of his family, and he’s the one feeling sorry for himself.
His head turns, looking my way, but he can’t see me from his vantage point. He fumbles for his keys in his coat pocket. They fall to the snowy asphalt at his feet. His knees buckle and he grabs the side of his car before bending to get them. I’m still staring after him, even after he drives off, when a hand clamps down on my shoulder.
“Carol’s not going to separate you two. You know that, right?” Mike asks, his voice filled with fatherly authority.
I almost believe his tone.
Believe him.
But I’m not stupid.
Nothing ever goes right for me and Roux.
“She said that? In those exact words?” I challenge, shaking off his hand to turn and look at him.
Mike’s lips thin out and he nods. “Pretty much. I told her I have the garage apartment.”
“She’s letting Roux stay with you because you’re stable and can provide,” I grit out. “This has nothing to do with me. I’m only getting to stay because you like me. If it weren’t for you, we’d be split.”
He shrugs. “Maybe. But that’s not the circumstance. You do have me and you’re not getting split up.”
For now.
He doesn’t have to say the words because I feel them. I know them as truth.
“Come on,” he says. “Carol is leaving. It’s probably best I get you two settled in and back to the station while we have coverage.”
Ten minutes later, we pile into Mike’s big redneck truck. The drive is quiet, each of us trapped in our heads. I’m sure Mike is wondering how in the hell he managed to suddenly get himself two kids. Roux is scared. I’m just angry at the injustice of it all. He pulls into a familiar neighborhood.
Oh, Jesus.
Seriously?
“There’s Charlotte’s house,” Roux says, pointing at a house as we drive.
My body tenses when I notice a purple Mustang parked out front. Mike drives to the end of the street and hangs a left. His house is at a dead end with a green belt behind it. The house is modest in size but boasts a big garage—probably for his monster truck—and the apartment sits on top.
We climb out and Mike helps Roux with her bags. He shows us up to the garage apartment. Once inside, I take in the small space.
“This kitchen is outdated, but everything works. I just had everything serviced up here because I was considering renting the place out,” he says as he walks over to the fridge and opens it. “I’ll get some food for you guys. Until then, just help yourself to whatever’s in the house.”
Guilt niggles at me. He obviously needed the money if he was going to rent it out, and now here we are freeloading. I’m going to have to find a job and fast.
“The television works, as does the DVD player, but if you want cable, we’ll have to get a box added—”
“We don’t need it,” I blurt out. “We’ll be fine.”
He gives me a knowing nod and then shows us down a hallway. “Here’s the bathroom. The sink sometimes is slow to drain so just watch that.” He opens another door once in the hallway. “This was a laundry room at some point, but the plumber said it’d cost a shit ton of money to fix the pipes. We capped it off and I converted it to a small bedroom.”
Roux steps inside and points out the small window. “Look! You can see the ducks in that little pond!”
Hearing her excitement does something to me. It melts a glacier-sized hunk of ice on my heart. I’ll have to work my ass off to pay for this somehow, but I’ve never wanted anything more than to give Roux a safe place to stay. Someplace happy and homey.
“And the other bedroom is back here. It doesn’t have the duck view, but you have a fabulous view of the street,” Mike jokes.
Though I want to give Roux the bigger room, I like that I can see what’s coming for us with this view.
“I get the duck room,” Roux tells me. “Sorry, bro.”
“You wound me,” I tease.
“I’ll round up some stuff from the house and bring it back so you guys can get your beds made up and shower. If you need anything, you have my cell. Take today to get settled, but tomorrow I want you back at school.” He gives me a firm look. “Both of you.”
So much for dropping out and job hunting.
“Thanks, Mike.”
“No problem, kid.”
He leaves and my tension hitches a ride with him. Just Roux and me feels more like normal. They can’t fucking take her from me. I won’t be able to cope.
I make my way back to the duck room. She’s already unpacking her clothes into a small dresser that’s made of clear plastic. Leaning against the doorframe, I watch her.
“I like it here,” she tells me, looking up from her task. “Without Alejandro…without Mom.”
“I do too.” I scrub my palm down my face. “I’m going to work my ass off. I’ll make sure we get to stay here. Maybe even get someplace better eventually.”
“You’re afraid.”
I let out a heavy sigh and sit down beside her on the bed, hugging her to me. “I’m afraid they’ll tear us apart.”
“Me too.”
“They can try,” I say, ruffling her hair in a playful way.
We both g
row quiet because it’s not a joke. If they separate us, I’ll do everyfuckingthing in my power to bring us back together again. My father is a law breaker. Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’d do it for Roux. I’d do anything for Roux.
“We’re going to be okay.” My whispered assurance does nothing to calm the stuttering in my heart.
Will we ever be able to relax in this lifetime?
“I hope so,” she says. “I really want us to be okay.”
_______________
I walk out of Coach Rendell’s office burning with anger. It’s irrational, but I want to throttle Hollis. He’s nowhere to be found, which is good, because there’s no telling what I’d do to him if I saw him right now.
Definitely not rub my fucking dick against him like yesterday.
A shot of lust shoots straight to my dick when I remember the way he ran his fingers through his hair and worried his plump bottom lip between his teeth. I was furious, but something about his nearness made me burn hot with something else. Something unfamiliar and strange.
Attraction.
Intensity.
Need.
I’ve fucked a few girls in my lifetime, and none of them, naked and balls deep on my dick, ever made me feel that way. It was mindless sex to get off and pass the time.
Hollis fucks with my head.
The hate I have for him feels a lot like desire.
Strangest fucking thing ever.
In this moment, I’m unsure if I could even kick his ass. Not that I’m afraid he’d get one over on me. That’s not it at all. I’m afraid I’ll let him do worse. Much worse.
Images of kissing him assault my mind—unwanted and hot.
It makes my headache worsen.
Fuck this and him.
I’m charging out of the locker room when I slam into a hard body. Terrence grips my shoulders and steadies me.
“Dude, what the fuck?” he mutters, his dark brown eyes assessing me. “Are you okay? What the hell happened yesterday?”
I rub at the back of my neck and let out a heavy sigh. “Too much.”
Footsteps round the corner, revealing Jordy and Cal. Jordy rushes over to me and yanks me to him for a hug. I let out a heavy sigh as I sink against my best friend, desperately needing his violent strength to get me through the fucking day.
Bully Me: Class of 2020 Page 74