by Laura Hawks
“I thought I was pretty prepared to begin with. Though I admit I was distracted a bit when I came upon that demon in the jungle. However it was not my family I was thinking of. I was angry with you.” She held him loosely, comforted by his arms wrapped about her. “I have held the tragedy of my family in for so long. I never realized, until now just how much I avoided.”
“Sometimes in order for us to heal, we have to break down all the barriers we have erected over the years. Walls we built to protect that deepest, darkest part of our soul, the part that we can agonize over repeatedly. We are so afraid to hurt again that we would rather hide the pain, bury the feelings that paralyzed us when something happened that we could not comprehend. We built a chamber and placed all the hurt, anger, resentment and hatred in there and locked the door.”
Mel continued to rub her back in a soothing motion. “The problem with doing that is, we hold on to that despondency. Those aches are never gone nor dealt with. They are just lurking underneath for an inopportune time to resurface. They slumber until the day comes that we have to face them, the day that an event forces us to open that chamber. Those emotions were dormant yet growing in intensity because we unwittingly fed them by allowing them to linger. The day they escape, they hit us with the force of a freight train and if you are not prepared or strong enough they will maul you on the spot or at the very best, force you to your knees.”
“Like now? Everything, every molecule of my being aches in missing them, in what happened to them, in not being helpful or useful in saving them.” She moved closer to him, let his arms wrap about her and wept softly on his shoulder. The pain of her loss tore through her. Feelings of being alone and hermitical overwhelmed her.
“I am trying my best. I just don’t know how. I was unprepared for this duty. I was untrained for these obligations. All of this was unknown to me until just a few months ago. What am I supposed to do to protect it? For centuries it was safe and hidden. I get the duty and twice it has come into danger of being taken by another. I am useless. I have failed my responsibilities twice!”
Clarissa clung to him, the temper tantrum a half hour ago on top of this forced emotional release of remembering her recent past tore her mentality to shreds. She doubted she had much strength left to fight a fly at the moment. Hell, she could barely stand without his support, though she would not let him know that.
Though she wondered if that was even possible, for he seemed to know everything she thought and felt. Trying to calm her nerves and settle down her emotions, for she was sure this austere man did not want to put up with youthful, womanly tears, she took a few deep breaths and backed up slightly, wiping her cheeks with the palms of her hands, “So now what?”
Mel released her and stepped back, realizing she needed the space. He walked over to the hearth and placed one hand on the mantel to stare into the flames for what felt like an eternity. “We will have to continue doing that until you learn to control your emotions. I know this will be hard for you but it is your one Achilles heel, a fragility your enemy will exploit.”
He walked back to her and materialized a black orb in his hand. The ball shimmered as if a dull light pulsed from within its core. “I think this may aide your growth. You look into the orb and remember that day. The memories will be captured within the ball and anytime you want to review it, tell it what you wish to see and it will replay it. This will help to analyze what you see without feeling it over and over again. You need to look at it and find something in your memories that will ground your feelings, a happy inspiration or an emotion that will help you control those that cause you to lose concentration.”
Mel relinquished the ball and closed his hand over hers as it held the sphere. “This will be one of the toughest things you will ever face. I am not going to lie to you. It will also be that which you need to confront in order to succeed and to be the guardian I know you can be.” Mel released her hand and with a slight incline of his head faded out of the hall.
Chapter Seven
She held the orb and watched him fade from the area. She really hated when he did that. She looked into the black inkiness of the sphere and moved back into the room to sit down on the couch in front the burning hearth. Looking at the winged gargoyle skeletons on either side of the mantle she shivered slightly, grateful she never met the moving skinned beasts that those frames belonged to.
Taking a deep breath she looked into the darkness of the circle she held in the palm of her hand. Once again she recounted that day in her mind. Every nuance, every emotion, every word that she could remember, from the cold crispness of the day and watching her breath escape in wispy smoke from her mouth and nose. The ache and terror she felt when she saw everyone she knew dead, dying or fighting a hopeless battle against wolves that seemed determine to obliterate such a peaceful home outside a small hamlet.
She remembered everything and when she was done, she put the orb down gently despite the desire to smash it into a million pieces within the burning hearth.
At this moment in time, she detested Azamel for making her do this, for forcing her to relive that moment over and over again. Getting up, she paced the room, her mind a whirl with everything since the moment she escaped the horrors of that day. She had survived! She had made her way in a world she knew nothing about. She learned how to fight and how to persevere. No one ever used her memories against her. No one distracted her like Mel did, or made her as angry. No one had hurt her as badly since the day she lost her family.
Why did she continue to let him do this to her? What power did he wield over her that she was so susceptible to his very presence? How had he managed to worm his way into her heart that she was affected so easily? Curling up on the couch in as small of a ball as she could make herself, she looked at the fire, finding it more pleasant than the globe that held her tormented past.
*****
The creature’s face dropped like a bloodhounds, sagged deeply, slack with pain. If he was not bound, he would likely topple over, cracking his skull on the floor. A nerve in his shoulder twitched uncontrollably. The muscles in his leg clenched. Blood dripped down his body, some fresh, some sticky and drying. His body marred by cuts and bruises, some so deep the bones are exposed.
His moans and screams reverberated through the caverns, the torturous cries of one begging for a merciful death. Azamel walked over and grabbed him by the hair. The blood drenched strands stained his fingers as Mel pulled at it. He bent down and snarled in his face.
“Where is he?”
The creature’s whining response was barely audible through his cries for mercy. He coughed up blood and some unspeakable matter.
“I don’t know!”
The amount of torture the creature endured and still denied any knowledge of Xon convinced Mel of his ignorance. He deserved mercy after the days of agony, despite the lack of it the creature showed to his own victims as he tortured them in pleasure. With cold, unfeeling eyes, Azamel allowed his fingers to elongate into a sharp, deadly claw and ripped across the condemned’s neck, almost severing his head.
As his body sagged, Mel cut the bounds and the body dropped in a bloodied mess to the sanguine stained floor. He watched until the last guttural sounds died and the body became limp and cold. He deserved more than he got for the pains he inflicted on others. Mel just wished he could have gotten the information they needed as well.
With a slight shrug, Mel left the room and the desecration behind. He could have flashed directly to his private space but he needed the exercise to ground himself. He felt nothing for the life he ended. A creature such as he deserved to die for his heinous crimes.
However, the frustration and anger because he failed to trace the fucker that had the stone caused him to be on edge.
Clarissa stood and took the black shimmering ball with her, deciding to return to her assigned quarters. As she stepped into the hall, she saw Azamel walking. His clothes were splattered with blood and other viscous fluids. She felt sickened at the t
hought of what he did to get that way. Averting her eyes, she headed back towards her designated suite, wondering if that was what he ate or what he played with. Either way, she did not want to know.
As Mel glanced up, he saw Clarissa retreat hurriedly to her room. He cursed inwardly, realizing his appearance must have shocked her. Deciding not to approach her in his current condition, Azamel stalked to his chambers, flashed naked and got under the hot spray of the shower. The water cascaded down his body and he relished getting the stench of decayed demon off of him. After a long time under the warm jet, he got out, dressed in black slacks and an Oxford shirt. His hair still damp from the shower but feeling much better overall, he headed to her room and softly knocked on the door.
Clarissa’s mind continued repeating how she saw him in the hallway. She tried to block it out. Hell she had seen worse, so what was the big deal now? It could be because she thought of him with a certain mystique and did not know what to make of his recent appearance? Perhaps she just so shaken up by the fact that he appeared so disheveled in his own home that took her by surprise? Changing out of her exercise outfit into a halter and mini skirt, she sat on the couch in the room as she eyed the orb when she heard a knock on the door.
“Come in.”
Using his powers to unseal the door which swung open in one silent move, Mel stood there as still as a statue as he just stared her. Deciding she would not bolt in terror from his earlier appearance, he slowly moved into the room and approached her.
“Have you been using the recording globe?”
She frowned and bit her tongue to prevent eliciting a snide comment. Instead she put on a stoic demeanor and looked at him all shiny and clean. “Yes.” As she stood and advanced on him, she lifted her chin. “Does the teacher want to check my homework?” ‘Okay, I could not resist being snide after all.’
He gave her a peeved look. “This is no joking matter. I am giving you all the tools to help you in this quest and you mock me?” He curled his lip and snarled at her. “You are entirely welcome to leave and do this on your own sweetheart”
“Joke, you think I find having my heart torn asunder over and over a joke?” she snapped back at him, spinning on her heel to stalk back to the couch. “You are one odd creature Azamel, if you think I find this entertaining in the least. Furthermore, I am sick and tired of you calling me sweetheart and love and anything other than my name. Those terms are something that is said to someone you care about and it’s quite obvious you tolerate me at best.”
She gazed upon the orb. True it held her memories of her family’s death but it held more too. That of what Mel’s very presence wrought in her. This was the reason why that demon got the better of her to begin with in the woods.
Azamel infuriated her in a way she never felt with anyone else. He soothed her as easily with a light touch. She did not even want to think about his kisses or his scent. She didn’t want to think about how good his hard body pressed against her, those steel arms wrapped about her waist as he pinned her against him excited her like none had before. She growled low. ‘Gods help me if he ever discovered the truth of my feelings for him.’
He tilted his head to the side, bewildered at her reaction. Mel probed her mind gently to find the source of her sudden anger. He was surprised, elated and also irate at what he discovered. A complication, a twist he did not expect, a ramification she did not want. Though he understood her desire to remain alone as a result of her responsibilities, Mel found that he was extremely disappointed she would not make room for him in her life. Considering that he also could not have a companion, it shocked him to discover how upset her feeling that way actually made him.
“That orb can both help and destroy you. I gave it to you to help you heal from the tragedies of your past and protect you from being weakened by those memories when you are forced to face them. If you fail, that stone will be lost or worse found by our little friend and then my dear Clarissa, we are all fucked. I am much more than an odd creature.” He rubbed his palm over his face and muttered against his hand. “More than you want to know but I am committed to saving you and that stone. We cannot choose our destinies nor can we always run from it. We can learn to face it or we die. We live in a world where the term dog eats dog gets a whole new meaning. Friends are few, enemies are aplenty and alliances are what we need for survival. Trust no one, rely on no one and kill before getting killed. I have lived longer than your mind can calculate and believe me, the sooner you adapt to those rules the easier it will be to fulfill your duties and survive.”
Mel moved over to the bookshelf, peering at the volumes with his hands clutched behind his back. He added in a soft whisper. “The object holds memories unique to the one handling it, it is yours to deal with, yours to analyze, yours to relive. Anyone other than you looking into it will either see their own memories or just a black mist.”
“Well, you may think of me as a petulant child compared to you but have you ever had to do this. Experience over and over again something that shattered your whole self. I was better off using it as strength, a power to reckon with.”
She plopped on the chair, crossed her legs, her arms folded over her chest and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself in his presence. Maybe she should just go, put distance between them and yet, she knew she needed the help. There was no way on god’s green earth she was going to be able to get anywhere near Xon. The demon she ran into in the jungle was not as strong as Xon with part of the stone and that demon would have killed her. He would have torn her to shreds had Azamel not appeared when he did. Why did he? Why was he there to save her when he had kicked her out because of her accusations? What was his game? She knew he wanted the gem for himself, though keeping it out of the demons hands was also important to him. She knew what the stone did, how it called to others with the promise of ultimate power and ultimate destruction for those who opposed them. He may say he is helping her and part of that was most likely true yet, she sensed the deceit in him as well. So she spoke up.
“Survival is a funny word. One can exist but not actually live. I prevailed in that attack by the jungle demon that I should not have because I was focused on something else. Why were you there? Why did you save me at the most opportune moment when you already had the knife? You could have easily found Xon and got the other half of the gem of power with me out of the way. Why?”
Mel snorted at her words but kept his back to her as he spoke, “Pray you never discover what I have had to endure to exist, the pain and torture I have seen and inflicted in order to maintain some semblance of sanity. So yes, I know all about perseverance.” He turned around slowly, his eyes burned into hers. “I have proven to you on more than one occasion that my intentions in helping you are noble. We can discontinue this alliance if you continue to second guess my every move. The fact that I did have the opportunity to get the stone and chose to help you should be proof enough of my commitment to assisting you. I do not however take lightly to my methods or my reasons questioned and you would do well to remember that.” He held out his hand, palm up when he noticed she was about to interrupt. “You have a choice. Give me the orb and I will take you home. You are on your own to deal with the situation as you see fit or two, we continue on this path together and we may have a positive outcome for all.”
She found he was very good at avoiding the actual questions posed. She stared a moment at his hand then up into his eyes, seeing their pale blue coldness with no hint of warmth or concern. Why did she expect any? Why would he have any attachment to her? At best he might be interested in a sexual alliance, he was certainly enthralled with the stone and despite it all, she hated herself for just wishing there was something more solid, more stable with him. That she could have something tangible with someone. Yet, she knew, especially from his many comments, he was not interested in being with her for anything more than training. He could not invest anything to her emotionally, just as she could not. She closed her eyes as that reality hit her head on.
<
br /> Weakened emotionally already, she could not bear the reality of this thought as well. “So what is next, oh great masterful one?” Clarissa meant for her words to come out sarcastically but instead they were soft, weak and almost forlorn.
“Next, you need to can the sarcasm and get relaxed. You should appreciate the break in order to handle our work out later.” He paused as he walked past her to access the door. “Make sure you rest well. You will need it. I want to see if the spheres powers have helped.”
She sneered back at him, waited until he walked past her and whispered under her breath, “Bite me.” She knew immediately she should not have said anything at all but damn it, he infuriated her like no other. He would not bend one iota and she would be damned if she let him know how he was affecting her.
Her words snapped the tight cord he had over control of his inner demon. The pent up frustration he had to deal with around her, the emotions he dared not explore, the feelings of concern he should not have for this woman forced the demon inside to claw at Mel. It wanted out, wanted to hurt her for causing this turmoil inside him. The demon was not used to be denied and Azamel was at a point where he did not or could not contain him any longer.
Mel grabbed her neck in a vice like grip, squeezing slowly. His eyes turned the luminescent yellow that mirrors the twin dragons on his throne. The heat from the change burned his eyes and he felt the tingling sensation as his skin darkened blood red. The voice that left his lips was not the one Clarissa had heard from him since she had met him in the woods days before. Instead, it was a deep, demonic sound that echoed through the otherwise silent chamber.
“Do. Not. Push. Me. You have no idea what I am capable of, little were.”
A slight tremble rushed through the room, shook the walls and rattled the chandelier. A grey haze clouded his vision and he had to fight the urge to snap her neck as the demon desperately screamed at him to do. Mel tossed her across the room to land in a heap on the mattress before he whirled around and exited the room, a harsh wind followed in his wake that slammed the door shut.