“It’s complicated. I’m sorry I don’t have a better explanation for you.”
“That’s not good enough for me, Zachary…” Anger replaced patience in my veins. He was pissing me off. I was done with the evasiveness. I was done with this conversation, even though the idea of not talking to him for a couple more months wasn’t exactly sitting well in my stomach.
His timing, his phone call, it was off though. I wanted to talk to Jack. I wanted to ask him about yesterday. I wanted to ask him how he’d known I was in trouble. In the end, the boy on the phone won out. He had two years of my life already; the least I could’ve done was give him five more minutes, right?
“Just know this, Emmy. Everything I have ever said to you in the past, about loving you, about being with you for forever? Well…I meant it…all of it. I will always mean it, if you will wait for me…”
The ex definitely had my attention then.
My lovely blue polka dotted hospital gown, slipped off one of my shoulders, but I was too shocked with what I was hearing to lift it back up.
Zachary still loved me and wanted to be with me? Really? No. I wasn’t hearing him correctly. I pressed a hand over my forehead, trying to make sense of the conversation.
“Are you still there, Emmy?” I cracked my neck to the side, looking carefully over at Jack. I blinked back my tears as I watched him clench and unclench his fingers. His chin was tucked into his chest. His eyes were hard as they stared back at me. There was question there in his beautiful blues, but I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me.
I stared down at my sheets. I couldn’t look at him, especially with Zachary spilling his guts to me like he was. I don’t know why that was…but something inside of my gut told me that was my wisest decision yet.
“Yeah, I’m here.” I blinked. Why in the hell was I crying again? I wiped the tears away. “I’m shocked. Why now, after all this time did you finally decide to call and tell me this? Hell, I’ve waited four freaking months to hear from you, and now all of a sudden you want to be together? You’re delusional!”
I turned my head towards the window. The stupid tears finally ended at least. That was a start. Otherwise, I no longer knew what my emotion of the day was. Was I happy? Angry? Sad, a combination of all three? I grumbled. Confusion was the one emotion I could actually count on. Oh! And bitterness–me and that one, we’re besties.
A powerful cracking sound rocketed through the room, and I jumped as I turned around to face Jack again. There was nothing there, he was gone, and in his wake was nothing more than a pile of plaster on the ground. I gaped at the wall and the hole he’d apparently pounded the hell out of was big. Mighty big.
I settled my feet onto the ground, calling out his name. I had to get him back, but my voice wouldn’t travel beyond my contained room, and my body was too weak to even begin to move off the bed alone. Words that even the devil might have found offensive were rattling off over the phone. I cringed and bit my nail. Well, shit, I’d made one hell of a mistake.
“What in the hell is my cousin doing there, Emmy? He wasn’t supposed to be back in town for another six months! Dammit! I thought I’d have more time…” Zachary’s voice dropped off to a whisper. What the heck was he talking about? More time for what? I knew what I heard, and his weird selfish issues over Jack did nothing more than piss me off even more. He’d had his five minutes to explain, I was done, especially since he was the one who left me in the first place.
“He’s here, or rather he was here, to check up on me. He saved me last night, Zachary. He saved me from the monster I’ve been living with for over five years now.”
I scrubbed my palm against my forehead; a headache pounded its way deeper into my skull.
“I um…I don’t know what to say, Emmy.”
“You don’t have to say anything, Zachary,” I settled back down on my side, “…you didn’t know, like I said before…”
“Why didn’t you tell me about how bad it was getting with your stepfather?” I bit my bottom lip, debating on whether or not I wanted to tell him that reason. How did I tell the guy that I had loved, that I felt ashamed of my family? That I didn’t want him to look down on me since his family has always been the image of perfection.
“It’s time, Zachary, you’ve had long enough.” A shouty voice on his end was harsh, bossy even.
I swallowed, “Zachary, I’ve gotta go too. It’s fine.” I paused, staring down at my other hand that gripped the sheet. If I was an animal, then the things would have been ripped to shreds.
“You’re going to him, I know it. Christ Emmy, please don’t choose him, I love you!”
“Zachary, why are you talking so crazy? What do you mean don’t choose him?”
“That’s enough, Zachary. You’re done.” The phone beeped, our connection was lost.
I couldn’t stop staring at the phone in my hands as I pulled it down against my lap. What the hell had happened? Someone else came into my room, but I didn’t have the heart, or the energy, to look up and see who it was.
“Hey, Emmy, the nurses said you can go home this morning,” It was Mr. Martin, once again there to be my pseudo father. I laughed out loud at that idea. Home. Where was that again?
I nodded at him. Still too stunned with what happened on the phone with Zachary, and even more by what happened with Jack, to even reply.
As my thoughts turned back to Jack though, if they ever actually left him in the first place, I zeroed in on the tile by the door where that white pile of dust still laid.
“Don’t worry, honey,” Mr. Martin smiled softly, gripping my shoulder. I jumped at the contact. Guess you could say I was a little on the edgy side, “You’re going to be staying with us now,” my head snapped to full attention. I stared up at him, unresponsive. My voice was completely gone, but I did manage a small smile. I didn’t bother wiping away the tears that fell this time. I was too tired to fight them.
I was more than thankful for Mr. Martin and his wife. But still, I had never felt more alone in my life.
Chapter Seven
“So tell me…how’s it going staying at your ex’s house in your ex’s bed, while you’re new wannabe boy toy is sleeping in the room right down the hall from you?” My best friend had an analysis for everything. She was the only person that I knew who could make this situation into something that it wasn’t.
At least I hoped it wasn’t…
“Come oooon, I do not have a crush on Jack. He’s…” a loud angry knock sounded at the door. I groaned and slapped my hands against my thighs; I knew exactly who that was.
“I never said that. I did say that Jack wants to be your boy toy though.”
I scrunched up my nose. The girl had no idea what she was talking about. Jack didn’t like me like that!
“Just stop, okay?”
I jumped out of bed, stepped into my slippers, and made my way to the door. All the while long, Kelsey was giggling in that maniacal sort of way. My throat was still too sore to waste any more words on the conversation, especially if all she was going to do was insinuate things.
“I’ve gotta go, somebody’s knocking.”
“Oh yeah it’s your hottie knocking, huh? Bow chicka bow-wow…someone is soooo gonna get lucky tonight!” I shook my head at the porn musical blaring through my cell phone. She was kind of on my shit list tonight.
“Goodbye Kelsey.”
God, what the hell did I do to deserve a friend like her?
The knocking was getting persistently louder and in return, I was getting persistently more irritated at said knocker. I tossed my phone on the dresser, while my mind raced with a million reasons why I shouldn’t let him in. Too bad I was not in the mood to agree with anything or anyone –including my own brain.
“I’m coming. I’m coming, give it a rest.”
I trudged towards the door, annoyance and lead kept my feet from moving too quickly. I knew it was Jack. He was the only person alive who had the gonads to knock on my door like that
. And ever since the step-douche choking incident, and my return trip from the hospital, both of Zachary’s parents had respected my privacy for the most part. Jack couldn’t seem to take the hint.
“What the hell are you doing in here? I’ve been knocking for like, five minutes. I was ready to bust the whole damn door down to get in!”
His dramatics were Oscar worthy tonight, especially after his punching a hole in the wall incident at the hospital.
I stepped aside to let him in, my arm outstretched to the side. His scorching hot skin brushed against me as he did and I frowned at his backside. Was he getting sick or something? Then when he turned to look at me, his eyes were wide, and again, he was angry. Jesus, what did I do this time?
I crossed my arms. “What do you want now, Jack? I’m tired.” I groaned walking carefully around him to place Zachary’s old IPod on the charging dock. The last thing I wanted to do was make eye contact with the guy. He was pulling out the intimidation, big boy card. I hated when he did that.
“I uh…wanted to…borrow this.” He fumbled through a stack of papers on the dresser, grabbing the latest issue of Teen Cosmo magazine that Mrs. Martin had picked up for me.
My lips twitched, and my eyebrows rose in question as his thumb grazed over the line Get Your Dream Guy in Under a Week. An uncharacteristic red blush covered his tanned skin. He groaned, tucking it into a little funnel, and under his arm. I couldn’t help it, I had to giggle. In return his eyes knitted down at me.
“Really Jack, you need help with getting boys?”
Like a flash of magic, he moved so fast he had me pinned against my dresser. His hands were on either side of my waist. His hard form hovered dangerously close to mine.
“Listen up, Strawberry” His hands moved to the nape of my neck. He pulled us together so close, that the only thing separating us was our clothing. I shivered—those tingle–needle-poking sensations–was the only kind of pain that had ever felt good to me.
No. Not again!
I should’ve been cringing. I should’ve been running in fear. There was something about the way his blue eyes shimmered, that made me lose all of my thoughts, all of my focus. A look like that had to have been every girls dream…or maybe their nightmare. I shivered, but I was far from cold. His heated palm against the skin on my neck was like fire, and I wanted nothing more than to burn into ashes at his touch. Wow, what was up with this skin-to-skin stuff?
“That smart mouth doesn’t sit well with me,” he licked his lips. His eyes never wavered from mine.
I nibbled on my lower lip, just as a small smile graced the edges of my mouth. Oh yeah, my bravado was about ready to kick some ass. I think I kind of liked being a smart ass.
“What are you going to do about it Jack?” I inhaled a breath, taking in his warm, delicious scent. My throat went even drier than before. I practically stared holes into his face as I studied every tiny mark, every single scar on his perfectly flawed skin. He was gorgeous, with a little scar here, a little white patch there. His hotness could have left me breathless for days if I kept up my perusal any longer.
And then I blinked, Christ. I knew exactly what had to be done. I had to kiss him. I had to get this itch scratched and then I had to move on. His eyes darkened, his breath was warm and heavy over my face, and he licked his lips. I blinked. Holy-balls… He wanted to kiss me too.
That ever-present electricity running between wouldn’t stop. If anything, it only increased our pull. I moved in; his lips touching my lips was all I wanted. I needed to feel again, feel it all with a boy who hated me, but apparently wanted to kiss me as badly.
Dryness on dryness soon changed to warmth on warmth, and when I pressed my mouth fully to his, his hands left my neck, and went to my waist. His fingernails dug into my sides and the son of a bitch pushed me away from him.
So there I was, my head titled to the side, ready, willing, and able to do whatever the hell this moment led us too, and all he could do was chuckle. Yes. Chuckle. He was the biggest rat bastard.
Ever.
I gripped the edge of my dresser from behind. I probably had splinters up the yin yang. He stepped back, distancing himself even more from me as he ran a hand through his black spiky hair. He squeezed those beautiful blues shut, almost like he was tormented or something, but his smile never left.
“I can’t do this.”
I frowned up at him. Um, yeah, apparently that was the case! Why were his words always so enigmatic with me anyways?
“Can’t do what, Jack, ‘cuz you kind of almost did…?” Thata way Em, turn the tables back on him. I straightened my spine. I would not let him get to me.
“Listen, Emmy, I wanted to see if you were okay, that’s all. You haven’t been out of your room for three days, and I was worried,” He shrugged and his expression was suddenly placid. No smiles, not even his normal frown. Nothing. Nada. Zip. He turned and went to sit down on the edge of the bed like our almost kiss never even happened.
I brushed my hair from my face, and snapped at him again, “I’ve kind of been going through some stuff, so excuse me if I wanted to be alone!”
I think after everything I had been through, a few mental health days were perfectly acceptable. I mean sure, the fact that my own mother hadn’t even bothered to check up on me made me kind of want to give up on life itself, but hey, I was dealt with a crap hand a lot, wasn’t I? No matter what though, I always managed to pull through.
Then at night, when I was in bed alone, when nobody was awake, and the moon shone through the window, I couldn’t help but wonder…was I really that unlovable that people left me all the time? First it was my real dad. He’d left us when I was a teeny tator tot, but then Zachary left too. And now, there I was, motherless at seventeen. It made zero sense.
“Hey, don’t do this Strawberry, please,”
My shoulders drooped as I turned to move away from Jack’s, feel-sorry-for-you stare. I scowled out the elongated window that normally looked out onto the serene picture perfect lake behind their house.
At eleven-thirty at night, all I was faced with were the half-moon and the stars that blanketed the darkened sky. The comfort of all that was familiar was gone in that moment, leaving me alone with this boy, and my thoughts. Two things that were sure to get lethal when mixed together.
Then my brainwaves somehow drifted to Zachary again and I wanted that to stop, badly. I wanted to be free of the pain that he’d caused me when he left. I wanted my life back, even if I had to do it alone. He’d left me and I needed to ix-nay all the people in my life that abandoned me. That was my newest purpose in life. Get rid of the ones who no longer mattered.
Yes. That was the perfect plan. But damn if the big guy upstairs wasn’t messing with me once more because the moment warm arms came around my waist, accompanied by a soft ‘shhh’ into my ear, I knew that would be easier said than done. “Hey, you’re safe now. That’s what I’m here for.”
I leaned back into his hold, his warmth. I needed the comfort of someone. So leaning my head back into the hard chest of a body that was supposed to be repulsed by me, would have to work.
Jack made it quite clear at the hospital with his little fit, and at school, and the first day we met at the store, that he had some weird, unspoken issue with me. Right now, I’d take his comfort, even if in the end he didn’t mean it.
“Emmy…” A strangled note echoed in his use of my name.
God, had I fallen into coma or something? I suddenly felt so…comforted. My heart stalled out in my chest, like a car with a dead battery…except of course, my body has never felt more alive!
He brushed the hair off of my neck, and I lost all the fight that was left in me. His fingertips barely grazed my neck, but I felt them anyway. I felt everything when Jack was around, every single touch, every movement of his hands, starting at the tips of my toes, until it hit the core of my insides.
He placed his mouth, hot and heavy, the same mouth I almost kissed, against the pulse of my neck. He pull
ed against my stomach, his palms slipped under my camisole. My entire body quaked with a sensation I’d never felt before. Was this what desire felt like? Hell, I’d read about it in my books, dreamed about it at night, but never actually lived it, felt it.
He leaned further in, only to run his nose up and down my neck. His fingernails dug into my skin, I hissed, my back arched as earthquake like tremors racked throughout my body. No life force strong enough in the world could pull me out of his arms.
I turned to face him. And there he was, in all of his sexy glory–the boy who saved me, the boy with whom I had absolutely no idea what to do with.
I blinked up at him, his ocean blue eyes were hooded, lips parted. His fingers traced soft lines up and down my spine. I shuddered and he pulled me closer.
“What’s going on here, Jack? I feel…” Amazing…perfect…hotter than hades…I wanted to throw my head back to give him better access as he tucked his face into my neck again. And for the second time in one night, I wanted to give him whatever he desired. I was not Emmy O’Connell. I was apparently Emmy, the wild animal in heat.
“I know, Emmy. It’s…magic.” He leaned over, letting his mouth barely brush against the sensitive spot under my ear once more. And then, before he moved back to look down at me, he slipped one of his hands down over my butt, cupping it, pulling me closer with that one move.
I let out a soft gasp and shuddered. His blue eyes locked with my green eyes, a tornado of epic proportions could have ripped through the room and still, I could almost guarantee we would still be in the same position.
The expression on Jack’s face turned vulnerable, innocent even. And yeah…he wasn’t an innocent guy. I squeezed his t-shirt between my hands, holding him close. I shook my head ever so slightly. No, he couldn’t back away yet. He dropped his hands from my butt, reaching up to cup my face instead. His gentleness consumed me so suddenly that an almost painful sort of giddiness ripped through my insides. His eyes…they were so wide, so bright, and full of what could only be described as fascination. Still, he didn’t move away. Our fronts were still pressed firmly together, and that sensation continued to run through me. This was what bliss was like. I was sure of it…
Resisting Fate (Predetermined) Page 7