He stiffened, I stiffened, but almost in unison, we both relaxed, as our hands connected on his lap. I smiled at the linking. Holding hands with someone had never been more awesome. That’s also when he obviously decided it was time to play spill the beans.
“My dad…he’s a warlock, Emmy. And my mom, she was one of the only female wolf shifters in the U.S.”
“Was?” I tentatively asked, using my thumb to rub circles over his palm. Goose bumps appeared on his arm, and I smiled even bigger. Wolf boy didn’t get cold apparently, but the chills were a different story.
He cleared his throat, “Yeah, she uh, died…when I was four. She was hit by a car one night when she was out running the land by our old house out in Jones County.”
I stopped with the thumb rubbing, and leaned back to look up at him. He gripped my hand tighter. Apparently I wasn’t getting away. I tried not to smile at that movement, because this was definitely not a smiling moment, but it was hard. Damn hard…
“I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged, as he stared down at the brush under our feet. I hated, more than anything, to see him like that, to see him looking almost distraught. He was supposed to be the badass wolf who drove a Harley, not the vulnerable, I wish I could totally kiss your pain away, kind of sweetheart that he was currently representing.
“Don’t you guys have like, super healing powers or something?”
He snickered, shaking his head to stare back up at me, he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You read too many books Emmy.”
I tilted my head to the side, studying him. This boy knew how to put on one hell of a front. So what else was he hiding?
“Wolves die like normal people do, unless of course we get medical help, or um…our uh…” he scratched the back of his neck, “… mate is there to help. Mates have the, um, ability…to uh, heal each other.” He dropped my hand, and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. His eyes never focused on mine.
Good freaking Lord… I couldn’t believe what I was hearing this time.
I leaned back, outstretching my stiff legs ahead of me onto the ground. What the hell though, was he being serious here? If so, then I had my answers as to why he was always making me feel better when he touched me. He was apparently healing me! The freakish wolf boy had been healing me all along, and I hadn’t even known it!
Holy freaking balls…we really were mated then, weren’t we?
He lifted his chin to stare out into the valley below us. His jaw tensed. Was he close to cracking even more then he already had? To breaking down the walls that he stood guard with all the time? I could almost hear the yes in the air, teasing me, like I could actually read his mind, like his feelings were my feelings. His internal battle was my own. And I wanted to fight it, right along with him. Was that also part of our mating-ism? Hell, was mating-ism really a word? And why wasn’t I freaking out even more then I was? Why didn’t I question him about it either? Why did I suddenly like the idea of him and I being mated?
“My mom was left to die on the side of the road. And nobody bothered to stop and help her, even after her body changed back into human form. The driver he…” he shook his head looking at me momentarily, anger poured off of him in waves, like he was hating me, or something.
He clenched his hands into fists. I swallowed, determined not to let his intimidating stare get to me. I held his glare, giving back as much as he gave. He wasn’t telling me something, and it was about time to figure out what the hell that was. He shook his head again, and just like that, his anger dissipated again, replaced with sadness once more. Jeez… He was worse than my mom when she was PMS’ing.
“Apparently, my dad was having heart attack like symptoms the entire time she was lying there…dying. I was too young to help him out, or to understand enough to call anyone for help. My brother was at a friend’s house sleeping over I think. Like I said, I was only four, so I don’t remember hardly anything about that night.”
I really and truly hated this sad version of Jack. It did all sorts of messed up things to my heart. He picked up a stick, peeling off the bark as though it was poison to the tree itself. His head was slung low; a heavy sigh escaped his perfect lips. Yeah, I know, it was a completely inappropriate time to be thinking about kissing, but maybe if I did, then this sad version would go away. Maybe my kisses would heal his heartache like his touch healed my pain.
“How did you find out, I mean that she was gone?” I pulled my lips into my mouth and bit down. I didn’t want to ask that, I knew it would only hurt him more, but I had to. I had to know. I was the nosiest son of a gun to ever hit Louisa, so I had to uphold my job. At least he didn’t seem too bothered by it as he answered.
“Well my dad passed out and didn’t wake up, so I supposedly got really scared and went to the neighbor’s house. They were also a family of shifters, so when they found my dad, they immediately went out looking for my mom.” He threw his head back, his neck craned to where his face was parallel with the sky. His sad gaze became unfocused, and he closed his eyes.
I glanced up there too, but kept my gaze focused on the newly formed, dark clouds above. They were ominous, and hanging low, threatening to cover us with rain I was sure. He sighed again, drawing me back to his face. I blinked away my sadness for him as I stared over at his seemingly lost profile. He appeared to be daydreaming. His eyes were reopened, and he didn’t blink once as he stared out at the view before us.
I didn’t know how to day dream anymore. But I sure as hell knew all about the nightmares. Part of me was tempted to tell him about them, the ones that reoccurred, and haunted me on a nightly basis. That’d be too revealing in the end…and I wasn’t ready to share my own secrets. Sure that made me a hypocrite, but I was good with that label, it was easy on me, easier than the truth. The threatening sky may have very well been an omen, but there was no way I’d let it stand in my way of making progress with this obviously tormented boy.
“Then what happened, Jack?”
He jerked, as if he had forgotten I was there at all, settling his hands on the rock behind him as he turned back to me. His eyes were as bright as ever and I shivered at their intensity. Was this boy ever not intense? “They found my mom’s body fairly quickly because it was supposedly only a mile or so from our house. By the time they got her back to my dad, she was already gone. My dad on the other hand…well, he wasn’t gone…physically at least.”
I cocked my head to the side as I stared back at him. What had he meant by that cryptic line, “What do you mean at least? Why would he be gone, he wasn’t the one hurt?”
His face paled, anxiousness and hesitation passed through his eyes as he spoke, “When one half of a mated pair is dying or dead, or is somehow even attempting to break the bond with their mate…then the other mate literally loses their mind…or even their will to live.”
I pushed my brows together in confusion. Ooookaaay…
“First, the remaining mate goes through the physical symptoms of the lost bond, like they have this awful chest ache that won’t go away, or maybe a headache that goes on for hours or days even. Then when the dying mate’s heart finally stops beating, or the bond is completely severed, the craziness sets in on the mate that’s left behind. Fear, anxiety, hatred, anger, revenge… The need to murder someone…”
I pressed my hand against my own chest, attempting to reign in on the pain that was lingering in there. What he was saying was nothing more than coincidence, that’s all. It had to be.
“That’s what happens if, or when, you’re mated with someone who dies, or breaks the bond.” He scuffed his boot against the ground with his heel, “And now you see, partially, why I don’t want a mate.”
Yeah, I could totally see it, but did I believe it? I don’t know… “Zachary thinks the whole mating thing is the greatest freaking thing since sliced bread, he’s always talked about finding that one person he could be with, be consumed with for life. I couldn’t live through the same thing as my dad. Bette
r yet, I couldn’t let my mate live through it. I’ve seen the consequences. I still see them thirteen years later.” He grabbed my knee, squeezing it with his hands. I flinched, but didn’t move away. “Then there’s also the chance that you could fall in love with someone else, Em, but then you wouldn’t be able to be with that person because you’d be forced to be with your so called mate.” He spat the word mate out like it tasted bad.
I winced. Damn, why did I suddenly feel so burned?
“Jack, I don’t want the mate thing either,” I whispered, covering his hand with my own. I was talking the talk, but walking the walk was a different story. “I’m nothing but a normal human girl, and…I kind of like it that way.” I turned my face away, a weird sense of unease and loss ran through me at my own refusal.
He tucked his finger under my jaw, pulling my gaze back. “Come on Strawberry, don’t you get it? You don’t have a choice anymore; you’re already a part of our world, whether you want to be or not. And you can’t walk away. You are meant…for a wolf.” His voice trailed off, like the words were too painful to even speak. I bit my lip, had he meant to say you are meant for me? “Besides, if you didn’t choose to be with Zachary, then the elders,” he shook his head and dropped his finger from my face, His jaw flexed as he turned away, “…they’d force you be with someone else since you’re already way too involved.”
“Hah! Nobody is going to force me to do anything…well, at least not without threatening bodily harm.”
He stared back at me once more; his glare basically burned an invisible hole through my grinning face. I swallowed, and lost my smile. Crap. He was serious, wasn’t he? I was really starting to hate this whole honesty thing.
“Emmy listen to me…the elders? They are very powerful guys, and have ways of making these things happen, even when you don’t want them too. They’re not afraid to use physical force to do it either.” Jack’s jaw twitched wildly as he turned his face away. “So trust me when I say that eventually, you’ll be with a wolf…whether you like it or not.”
I tapped down my sudden urge to scream at him. There was no way I wasn’t going to lose it on him. I mean, it wasn’t his fault completely. Besides I need more answers, not more ultimatums that I could never see myself following through with. There will always be ways to fight the inevitable. Nobody would be forced to do things they physically didn’t want to do, no matter how much bodily harm they could inflict on someone.
“Well let’s drop the whole mate thing for now, okay? I’m not in the mood to deal with it. Besides, I need other answers, to other questions…for example…when exactly did you first shift, because I seriously thought you hadn’t done that yet.” I laid it all on the line. There would be no room for him to back down.
Jack stood without an answer, hands flexing at his side. He opened his mouth, but the words came out harsh, like he was fighting to stay calm, to stay in control.
“Emmy I’ve been shifting for over two years now.” He growled out between his gritted teeth. The words were clear enough to send a chill down my spine.
Two years? Really?
He glanced down over his shoulder at me for a second before he moved towards the edge of the cliff side. “I know how to control it better than most, Em. The beast inside me doesn’t want to come out and play, unless something really pisses it off.”
I stood, wiping the brush from my jeans. Thoughts were running crazily through my head as I moved to stand next to him. The only time he’d ever let the animal out, that’d I seen, was when I was in danger with the step-douche a little while before. I turned to face him. He turned too; our bodies were close, but not enough to actually touch. I had to keep a clear head, and if I let myself touch him again, then the adrenaline would take over. And if the adrenaline took over…I couldn’t let myself think about that right now…
It was obviously not normal that he’d turned so early, I remembered that from what Mrs. Martin had said something about it the night I first saw Zachary shift, but then again, Jack wasn’t normal anyway. Stud muffin hot, an ass wipe, and a control freak maybe, but not normal.
“Okay then, so you’re telling me that at the age of fifteen, you became a full-fledged, howl at the moon, hairy from your toes to your nose, wolf? I don’t get it, Jack. I mean, your aunt said that wolves didn’t usually shift for the first time until they got close to breeding age, or if some other strong emotion took over, like…love or…something.”
I gripped the edge of my sweater, keeping my suddenly shaking hands out of sight. Crap, how had I not realized this until now? That’s what this is all about, Jack must have fallen in love with someone, but he couldn’t have her because of his stupid wolfy connection to me. Talk about guilt. Jesus, no wonder he hated me so much!
He never answered me, his face stayed emotionless. I tried not to let his inability to answer get to me, but it was difficult because the sudden thought of Jack being in love with someone he couldn’t have, kind of broke my heart, for more than one reason actually.
He cleared his throat, “That’s only one of the possible reasons, but it doesn’t matter anyways. I’m a freak, an anomaly. I’m not a normal shifter, Em.” His odd response was cold, harsh, so much so that I shivered.
His words were almost calculating too. And then he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me in front of him to face me full on. Disgust was the only emotion in his crystal beautiful blue eyes, and I gasped at his sudden move, all too aware of my vulnerable position.
“I’m…sorry, Jack. I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t know, Strawberry. You don’t know a damn thing about this lifestyle. You didn’t grow up being surrounded by people who grew hair when their emotions got the better of them, or when the moon was full. Shit Strawberry, you don’t have a damn clue.”
He dropped his hands, and then bent over to pick up a rock. He held it between us, sizing it out in his palm before hurling it across the ginormous, open ravine behind me. I couldn’t tear my gaze from his face, and I sure as hell didn’t hear that rock fall, probably due to the fact that we were only God knows how high up. I knew at least, that we were high enough that a person like me would meet an imminent death if they were to fall over the edge.
Abruptly, my heart started accelerating in my chest, demanding escape. My palms started sweating beyond the point of being slippery, while his gaze focused on the endless fall. I found myself slipping away from him, away from the edge. My head apparently had a one way ticket to meet crazy town because Jack surely hadn’t brought me there to throw me over the cliff like that rock, had he?
I pressed my fingers over my lips. No, he didn’t want to kill me because my supposed presence was making him experience things that he didn’t want to experience, right? If he wanted me to die, he wouldn’t have rescued me from the step-douche. That had to mean something…
“Are you scared of me, Strawberry?”
I clenched my teeth together and shook my head. He appraised me, starting from my toes all the way up to my head, and then back down again. My hands rubbed feverishly against my jeans, while my toes curled in preparation to run. I didn’t like his eyes going all creepy-like on me.
“Now Strawberry, don’t be scared…” he sighed. A teasing gleam ran wild in his eyes. I swallowed every last drop of saliva in my mouth at the look on his face.
What was it they say about wolves in the books that I read? That they liked to chase after their prey if they ran away from them?
Note to self: Do. Not. Run.
His lips curled up at the ends even higher. It was a smile so bright, yet still so predatory, that it should have been considered illegal.
“I–I’m not scared.” Lying had never felt so easy before. I raised my chin, trying my best to slow the beating of my heart, to calm my rapid breaths. I really hated his wolf senses though, because I knew that he had to have been hearing the struggles I was currently under with my everyday bodily functions.
“You should be scared of me though, I’m
not nice.”
At his teasing, lighthearted words, and sudden ease of his smile, I finally relaxed, enough so that I could actually smile back at him. Big bad wolf boy may have been joking, but he was also very right too. He was definitely not a nice boy…at least in some senses.
“Whatever,” I shrugged, “I still have more questions and you are far from done answering them,” I cleared my throat, attempting, finally to rid the stupid hair brain out of my head. I really did watch too many scary movies. He wasn’t going to throw me over the edge. I was going to be fine. Yes. I would keep telling myself that. Over and over if I had to.
“Ask away then.” He swung one of his arms out to the side, while his other one was tucked comfortably in his pocket.
My focus was inadvertently drawn to his waistband, and to his holy shit lines that sat accordingly, right above his low-slung jeans. Hipbones really were sexier on a guy, especially when they protruded like his did. He was my walking sex-on-an-animal-stick. I blinked rapidly, trying not to stare too long at the lines of his stomach, but Jesus, if he didn’t get a shirt on soon, I was going to…to…ah, hell, I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do first. Whatever it was, it would involve chocolate and my mouth, and both of those hipbones.
I moved back towards the rock shivering with need and unease as I sat down with a hurtful thump of my butt. My toe caught some loose dirt and brush and the landing was not comfortable. I cringed, crap, that was going to leave a mark, but at least the pain got my naughty thoughts under control. I rubbed the spot on my rear, trying to be as nonchalant about it as I could, but unfortunately Jack and his hidden injury radar must have turned on, because he was there in front of me, lightning speed and on his knees, before I could take another breath.
“You’re hurting…”
“I’m fine,” I was so not fine.
“No, you’re not fine. Your ass hurts, your head, and your chest hurts, doesn’t it?” My mouth dropped open, my eyebrows knitted together in confusion. And he still continued to stare down at me with a disturbing sort of frown.
Resisting Fate (Predetermined) Page 16