Come To Me (Owned Book 3)

by Gebhard, Mary Catherine

  I crumpled up the photo and shoved it into the trash. When Grace had first arrived, she’d talked about being plagued by memories. I was starting to feel like I’d caught the infection.

  Memories were hitting me like bullets. With no rhyme or reason I bled the recollections. I used to believe I’d forgotten my past. Now I was starting to think that perhaps I’d only built a dam and the waters were seeping through.

  I glanced at my watch. Only twenty minutes left and still no clue what to do.

  “Lennox?” I called out, ready to at least apologize. When she didn’t respond I walked from the room, still calling her name. At first I figured she was giving me the silent treatment, however out of character that was. When I reached the overlooking balcony, my eyes swept the first floor. It was empty, her coat and keys gone. I looked from the ticking numbers on my watch, back down again to the empty apartment.

  “God fucking dammit.” I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

  I was officially one hour in the red. When doing a hit there are certain protocols you follow, certain timelines you need to stick to. I’d already missed checking in on the plane, and now I hadn’t checked in at Mexico City.

  Red flags were rising.

  Growling, I turned down the next street in my search for Lennox. Rationally, I knew I had no right to be angry with her. She hadn’t forced me to take the job. She didn’t even know I had taken the job. It wasn’t her fault at all; it was mine. Maybe that was why I was so angry. I’d made the cleanest break I could from GEM and the minute I felt something was wrong with Lenny and me, I fell back into old habits.

  I’m always accusing her of being the fuck up…

  Once I’d enabled Lenny’s GPS, it led me right to her. She was holed up in a bar—our bar—a few miles down the road. I drove at least twenty over the speed limit trying to reach her. Maybe it would have been faster to walk, or run, considering she was less than five miles away.

  It felt good to grip the wheel; it felt good to punch the acceleration. It felt like I finally had control over something. I needed Lenny by my side. I needed to know she was safe. At least when I was with GEM, I knew no one would touch me, and by association, her. Without GEM’s protection, it was like walking through a lightning storm holding a metal pole.

  I was always putting her in danger. If I had been a better man, I would have cut her loose. I would have stuck to my guns years ago when I said I was no good. Nothing had changed since then. I was probably worse for her now. At one time I’d been tough as steel, but Lenny and I were so hot and cold I was made brittle. I was weakness masquerading as strength.

  I can still remember the moment everything changed, the moment she tore her shirt from her body. It was game over then. Sure, I acted unaffected for a few more weeks, but that moment a part of me snapped. An integral, raw part of me broke free. I ran a red light just as my phone began to ring.

  “What?” I yelled, picking up the call.

  “Tell me you’re in Mexico right now.” Dom’s nasally voice came loud and clear through my car’s speakers.

  “I think you know the answer to that, Dom,” I said, turning into the parking lot of the bar.

  There was a long silence on the other end of the line before Dom said, “What the fuck, dude?”

  “Something came up.” I glanced out at the bar doors. Inside Lennox sat, probably drinking until her liver shriveled. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was talk to Dom Weathers.

  “Fuck, Vic…” Dom sighed audibly before continuing, “I’m only telling you this because I like you, but you need to get out fast. These people don’t fuck around.”

  “I can handle it.” I turned off the Bluetooth and grabbed my phone.

  Dom laughed. “You always were a cocky sonofabitch. Listen to me, Vic. You don’t want these guys on your ass.”

  “Who exactly are ‘these guys’?” I slammed the car door behind me, making my way toward the bar. During basic there’s an infamous exercise: the gas chamber exercise. You and your troop have to go into a gas chamber simulation, take off your mask, and recite some bullshit to prove that you can handle the gas.

  Compared to the shit I’d had to deal with in life already, it was cake. For Dom, you might as well have thrown him into hellfire. He dropped his mask and was holding his neck, looking around for Jesus. When our DI wasn’t looking, I reached down and shoved the mask back into his hands. It was risky and broke protocol. I probably should have just let Dom fail, but I believed it was because of that act—and a few others—that he was now about to shove the mask back into my hands.

  “Remember Algiers?” Dom asked. Years ago Dom, Charlie, and I, along with a group who would later be known as The Boogiemen, worked an Op in Algiers. It was supposed to be an easy by-the-books mission.

  Or so we thought.

  END interfered.

  Some say it was the only operation The Boogiemen botched, but others say it was that botch that formed them.

  The mission was not supposed to involve bullets. We’d only brought guns out of habit. Some of us had even complained about being assigned the thing in the first place. We were better than that, after all. We were meant for serious shit, you know, shit that put hair on your body while simultaneously burning it off. Not glorified secretary work in bumfuck Africa.

  I don’t know for sure what went down on the field. Even Charlie couldn’t give an accurate account, though he was as close as one could be without actually being in the building. Dom was a building away with me, working recon. Charlie was scoping the grounds, and the original seven Boogiemen, who at that time were just your regular Joe and Sally hitmen, were inside. All lines of communication were open, it all checked out fine.

  Then everything went black.

  Dom and I lost contact and sight for over an hour. Charlie disappeared and by the time we found him his memory had been wiped. When the rest of our eyes came back, it was over.

  Seven people had gone inside the building but only six came out. The Boogiemen were formed, and no one speaks of that operation.

  “END organized the hit?” I replied. “Well…” Pulling open the doors, I scanned my eyes across the bar, searching for Lennox. “That complicates things.”

  “Fuck yes it complicates things. Leave Vic. Gather your loved ones and get the hell out. They’re probably already on their way.” My eyes settled on Lenny’s auburn hair.

  “Thanks for the heads up.”

  I grabbed Lenny by the shoulder and spun her around to face me. She teetered slightly on her barstool when I demanded, “Do you have any idea what I had to go through to find you?”

  “Oh, hey Vic.” Shrugging out of my grasp, she gave me a lukewarm smile and tipped her drink at me.

  “Do you?” I pressed.

  Her smile faded. “I don’t know, you had to get in a fucking car and drive five minutes?” I pressed a finger to my temple. She was right, of course. I didn’t have to do much to find her. Even if I hadn’t turned on her GPS, this would have been the first spot I would have checked. It was the same bar I’d driven to earlier, the bar where it all began. That night was inked on my gray matter.

  Dance with me. It hadn’t been a question then. She’d followed me to the middle of the bar and I’d held her close, making her dance to music that no one in their right mind would dance to. Then again, we weren’t really the poster kids for sanity.

  “You’re coming home.” It wasn’t a question now.

  Lenny eyed me coolly. “You clearly didn’t want me at your party, Vic.” I wondered if the poles were shifting and the magnet that had held us together for so long was switching. Maybe that ethereal, wraithlike entity that had pulled us close and kept us from falling apart so many times was on its last legs.

  I reached for her right as she turned away and gestured to the bartender for another one. Just as my fingers landed on her shoulder, another pulled me back.

  “Back off the lady, pal.” I glared at the mass hiding beneath leather and jeans.
His hair was thinning and he was sweating, even under the air conditioning. I wrestled myself free from him and turned back to Lenny.

  “Who the fuck is this?” I asked her.

  Lenny shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s been buying me drinks.”

  “The fuck you say, bitch? I’ve been buying you drinks for an hour and you don’t know my fucking name?” Anger enveloped his face as he moved to approach Lennox. I stepped between them.

  “I think it’s time you back off.”

  A moment of determination passed over his face before he said, “Whatever, no cunt’s worth getting cut over.” He grabbed his keys off the bar and left. I thought about his words for a moment before turning back to Lenny. She hadn’t even bothered to look up, her eyes transfixed by the brown liquid of her drink.

  I grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at me.

  “You could have gotten yourself killed.” This nameless bar that had taken us in so many times was different. It was a little dive that most people ignored, but it served the best bourbon around and Joe, the owner, was a solid guy. Unlike douchey bartenders who couldn’t wait to prey on the first drunken girl to leave their flock, Joe was a good man. Bad things rarely happened here. It was as close to a safe haven as we would get. Still, that didn’t mean Lenny could just let her guard down.

  “Fuck off, Vic.” Lenny yanked her chin away. “I didn’t ask you to save me.”

  I let go of her chin and stepped back. “You know what? You’re right. Find your own way home.” Of course I didn’t leave her. I waited outside the bar, my alarm blaring the entire goddamn time. I was so in the red now, I was practically painted. Still, I couldn’t just leave Lenny. So I waited. And waited. And fucking waited for her to leave the bar.

  Closing time came and when I saw Joe leave, I perked up from my slouch. Where the fuck was she? For the second time that night I got out of my car and walked across the lot. Joe was locking up the bar, his back to me, when I said his name.

  He jumped, dropping his keys, and turned to me. When he saw who it was, his entire body loosened. “Oh, Christ, Vic. Don’t walk up on a man like that. S’not the best part of town.”

  I made a quick apology and then got to the point. “Where is Lennox?”

  Joe frowned. “She left hours ago. A bit after you.” I wanted to press him, but it wasn’t his job to babysit her. He was already a better bar owner than most, anyway. I patted Joe on the back and turned to face the dark city.

  Where the hell was she?

  The sound was barely significant, no more than a shuffle and a cough. Coupled with Lenny’s mysterious exit and the fact that Joe’s bar used to be a hotspot for druggies, it was enough.

  I walked around the bar, but all earlier haste was lost. I felt sluggish, drained even, as I turned the corner to confront what I’d been ignoring for months. If I took enough time, if I trailed my feet, perhaps what was waiting would vanish.

  “Oh shit,” I heard him say, but then his greasy hair, his too-big clothes, and his too-long fingers disappeared. All I saw was her. Even under those circumstances, under that light, she wasn’t dimmed.

  She glowed, and somehow, that made it worse.

  “It’s not a cop—wait where the fuck are you going? I paid you for more than this! God dammit!” But he’d already scampered off like the rodent he was. “What the fuck are you doing here?” she spat.

  I stared in response. In those minutes, I saw everything. I saw the first time we met, the first time I lied. I saw the lies that built up like tar. I thought I was doing a good thing; I thought I was helping us. I thought the lies would make it easier, the way tar can make it easier for roads and shit.

  I don’t know.

  I’m not a poet.

  What ended up happening was what always happens when people lie.

  It broke us.

  For some reason I thought we’d gotten over that though.

  We hadn’t.

  It wasn’t all my fault. I didn’t think that the Lenny I was seeing, buying pills behind a bar, was all my fault. I wasn’t that goddamn self-important. What we had was toxic, not abusive. It meant we were both to blame. We were both wrecked and ruined, and together we made something even worse. Separate, we were okay. Separate, we weren’t great, but we didn’t destroy things.

  Together… Together it was ruination, damnation, colossal and horrible. Bleach is fine on its own. So is ammonia. Together, that shit makes mustard gas. Lenny and me, we were mustard gas.

  “How long?” I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, pulling her toward me. God fucking dammit, but it broke me to see her like that. She wasn’t but a pill away from desolation. She looked like riff-raff. She smelled like a transient.

  Something smells bad, but I can’t tell if it’s me or Mama. It’s been so long since a bath. Mama only draws the bath when the lady comes around. Now that she’s got her candy, Mama won’t leave the chair for days. I like to sit in the corner by the window. Even though it’s glued shut, sometimes I think I can smell the air outside.

  I let go of her as the memory blasted through me and she fell into the trash.

  “How long what?” She barely acknowledged me with the question, her head turned away, tucking the pills into her pocket as if I couldn’t see.

  “Don’t fuck with me you know what!” Memories hammered into me and I felt crazy, crazier than her.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about! Stop yelling at me!” Lennox shoved herself off the trash, her feet wobbly. I reached a hand out to steady her, but tucked it into my pocket instead.

  “How long have you been taking pills, Lennox?” I screamed so loud my throat practically gave out. She looked away, but I could still see her eyes: deep blue, like the Atlantic. They were stormy; they always seemed to be stormy. I watched her brow knit, her teeth pull her lips together. I wondered if she was thinking up a lie or counting the months. I wasn’t sure which I preferred.

  Was this how she felt? Exhausted by the lies?

  “Three!” She turned back to me, brow still heavy. “Three months! Okay? You happy?”

  “Jesus Christ… Why?” I asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?” The question slipped out, even though I already knew the answer on some level. It was a level I didn’t want to acknowledge, like an attic filled with creepy mannequins and used sex stuff.

  Three months?

  Fuck.

  We really were mustard gas.

  “Are you serious?” She practically laughed. “The only time we talk anymore is at therapy, and even then you’re miles away. You know I’ve been taking pills, Vic. I don’t hide it.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of pills. “These aren’t my only pills. This isn’t the first time!”

  “Why?” The question, the word, it had become my crutch.

  Her eyes widened, but she answered me. “Because I don’t feel right! Okay? I don’t know how else to describe it other than it fucking hurts to just be me.” Lennox bit her lip, looking away.

  “What do you mean? Can you elaborate?” I took a big breath and closed my eyes. The smell of garbage drifted in, so I opened them, focusing on Lenny. “I’m trying here, I’m really trying.” I held back every other thing I wanted to say. I wanted to admonish her and yell. I wanted to make her feel bad because I felt bad. Somewhere, on some level, probably right alongside creepy sex stuff and mannequins, I felt that wasn’t the best course of action.

  “My brain is just rough, Vic.” Lenny grabbed fistfuls of her auburn hair as she spoke and I noticed how dull it looked. My lovedrunk brain always made her shine, but it was dull. It was dirty. She was breaking. Distantly, like a bugle call made to warn old soldiers on hills, I remembered Lissie telling us why she had to end it with her old friends.

  They were nice. They were helpful. But were they? She’d told us it felt like they were great and friendly and wonderful, but it was those same friends who were taking her out every night to get high. When she was trying to get sober, that wasn’t exactly idea
l.

  I saw Lenny as shining, and the soldier kept calling on his hill. I tried to smother his call, but distantly I wondered.

  “I love you,” she continued. “I love being with you, but I just need a break from me. My brain never stops spinning and the pills the psych prescribed weren’t enough. They’re never enough. I recognize what I’m doing is scary and probably harmful but I just…” Lennox choked on her words. I never knew what to do when she cried. I felt like a fucking bear trying to hold a petal in my hand. She was fragile. She was my Lenny.

  She lowered her head and the only way I knew she was crying was by the small drops of water that fell to the concrete. Fuck. This was not how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to save her, keep her safe, and I was failing completely.

  “Do you know what it’s like to never shut off?” Lenny said, lifting her eyes to mine, glassy and big. “To constantly be running? I’m exhausted. There are times when I feel like if I have just one more thought I will literally drop dead from the weariness, but I can’t stop racing. It doesn’t matter, though!” Lennox laughed, sounding crazed. “I don’t control it! I don’t control the thoughts. They come, tumbling like a fucking avalanche despite the fact that I don’t have space for them inside my brain. My thoughts are so fast it’s like…it’s like…” Lenny struggled to find the words. “It’s like trying to pick out a star in a meteor shower.

  Time passed. Neither of us spoke as Lenny breathed heavy, fast, and raspy. I heard the sound of thunder in the distance, and wasn’t that just perfect? I had a thought that we should leave and get in the car before the rain started, but I didn’t want to stop whatever was happening. For the first time in months we were having a real conversation.

  “I know I shouldn’t take these…” Lenny looked at the white capsules in her palm. “I should talk to my doctor. All of that. But I’m terrified. I’m terrified they’ll take them away and have me try yet another med. I’ve found something that works. I’ll probably get used to the drugs in a month, but right now I have a break.” She shoved the capsules back in her pocket and looked up at me expectantly. And fuck if I didn’t just wish I had a “For Dummies” manual or some shit. What was I supposed to do in that moment? Seriously? What?