Confusion: (a love story)

  It is his father that finally breaks the silence. “How do you know Mr. Bashmakov Isabella?” I can tell by his voice that Maxwell Graham is trying to sound warm and curious, but his face is quite serious.

  “He was a visiting professor here in the theatre department my second year. He is actually a quite famous scenic designer but his sister and her daughters moved to Hanover so he agreed to join the faculty for a year to be near them. I was working as a carpenter in the theatre during that time and also took a few of his classes. He is quite a character, as you can tell, but I learned a lot from him.” The hostess comes over to let us know that our friend has arrived so for a moment I think I am saved from the topic.

  As we turn to follow her Nathan adds, “And why does he expect you will join him in Russia?”

  “Oh that.” I laugh uneasily, although I am not sure why. “At the end of his time here he asked me to go with him for the summer to study with him in Russia. Obviously I said no.”

  “And why did you say no?” Nathan asks calmly.

  “Well, lots of reasons really. I decided it was time to focus more on physics. I had a boyfriend who was here. I had a horse. And frankly, I didn’t want to spend that much time alone with the guy.”

  “Good instincts.” Maxwell states, almost to himself.

  I’m starting to think then Grigori’s appearance has ruined any chances I have of impressing Nathan’s father when we round the corner to join his business associate. It is my turn to instigate an overly enthusiastic embrace.

  “Uncle Robert!” I smile as I throw my arms around his neck. He is a large but graying old cowboy that happens to be good friends with my father. Most people know him as Senator Robert Wells from Texas and the Chairman of the Armed Services Committee.

  “Hey Princess! What are you doing here?” He wraps me in his arms and turns me around once, which gives me enough time to catch the look of surprise on Nathan and Maxwell’s faces.

  “Nathan brought me. And I wouldn’t have resisted so much if I knew you were going to be here.”

  “That makes two of us.” He smiles widely at Maxwell. As he takes off his jacket and hands it to the hostess I hear Maxwell’s comments to Nathan.

  “So by Isabella Scott you mean THE Isabella Scott; as in daughter of General Warren Scott?”

  “That’s the one.” There is a brief pause.

  “You do realize, Nathan, that within a matter of 10 minutes your date has been twirled around the room by both Grigori Bashmakov and Senator Robert Wells?” I can’t tell by the tone of voice whether this is good or bad, but I am too afraid to turn around and acknowledge that I have heard them.

  “That was unexpected.” Says Nathan dryly.

  Uncle Robert, free of his jacket, turns his attention back to me. His wide smile and Texas drawl erase any anxiety I’ve been having and he takes my arm as we walk toward the table. “Now tell me. How’s your daddy?

  Dinner from this point forward is a lot of fun. One of the reasons I love Uncle Robert is that he is a great story teller. I get him talking about some of the misadventures he has had with my father and the whole table is laughing. He manages to slip in a few embarrassing stories about me and I insist that Maxwell reciprocate with a few stories about Nathan. We share several bottles of wine with dinner and by desert it feels like we are all old friends. At the end of the night Robert apologizes to Maxwell for not taking the time to talk business and Maxwell looks surprised when he invites him down to his ranch in Texas for a little bit of shooting and more serious talks.

  I give Robert another warm hug as Nathan and I are leaving and offer Maxwell my hand. He pulls me into a hug.

  “Such a pleasure having you here tonight Isabella. I sincerely hope I see you again.” He lowers his voice into a whisper. “And go easy on Nathan. He may be trying at times, but he’s worth it.” I hug him closer for a brief moment because I’ve come to really like him and appreciate his love for his son. Also, because in this moment I want to believe what he says is true.

  He releases me to Nathan and we head out into the night. The ride home is quiet for a while. Nathan seems thoughtful and I am enjoying the feeling of warmth I have in silence. It’s probably a little from the wine but I know part of it is how wonderful tonight was. Dinner was full of laughter and openness and it feels so good to have a night that is just about enjoying the company of others. Nathan glances over and catches me staring at him, lost in my bliss.

  “My father loves you.” And I can see the by the light in his eye that it means a lot to him.

  “I love your father.” I answer, and it’s true.

  “You managed to do more for his relationship with Senator Wells in one night than his entire team has over the last decade. I wouldn’t be surprised if he offered you a job.”

  “Ah, so he loves me for what I did for his company.”

  “He loves you because you did it without trying. And because you did it by making us all feel connected. I’ve never seen my father laugh that hard.”

  “Oh that was all Uncle Robert. He is a great story teller.”

  “I’ve been around that man for years and I’ve never seen him act like anything other than a cranky old cowboy. Even his own kids call him Senator.” He looks at me again and his eyes are filled with affection. “You recognize the best in people, Isabella. And you force everyone else to see it too.”

  We sit silently for another moment and I watch him as he watches the road. Something has changed. The lines of his face are softer, more tender.

  “Stay with me tonight.” His voice is gentle but full of need. I know my answer. But, the intensity of the moment scares me a little so I try to lighten things by teasing him.

  “So earlier when you said we could negotiate after I have some food and can think more clearly you actually meant after I have several bottles of wine to cloud my thinking?” He starts to answer me but when he looks at me I think he can see how much I am looking forward to tonight and he stops. “Well played Dr. Graham.” I continue. “Well played. Should we stop by my place to grab a change of clothes for the morning, or should I make a habit of sneaking home from your hotel in your underpants?”

  He gives me an amused look through his eyelashes and replies.

  “I took the liberty of having Eric grab you a few things from your apartment this morning so I think you will be fine. And if I remember correctly, you specifically requested that I take you to bed early.”

  “What!” I feel like a glass of cold water has been thrown in my face and I sit there with my mouth open. The idea of Eric going through my things is humiliating and infuriating. And Nathan looks the same, as if he hasn’t just told me that he sent his bodyguard rifling through my underwear without my permission. I look out the window and watch the trees passing in the night. “Take me home.” I state flatly. I feel almost sick to my stomach asking for it. All I want is to stay with him. To feel his arms around me and the warmth of his lips on my body. But he crossed a line, and I have to respond to that. If I don’t now, I know it will only get harder.

  I can feel him watching me, deciding how to respond to my request. I’m a little surprised when all he says is, “no.”

  The rest of the ride is silent. I figure it will be easier to just get out and walk away than to argue with him. He seems to predict my escape and as we pull into the hotel he is out of the car and at my door before I can stand up. As I do, I find myself wedged between him and the car.

  “You crossed a line.” I whisper. I’m as angry that he could ruin a wonderful night as I am that he did what he did. I am looking into his blue eyes and am disarmed by his tenderness. I am once again confused and bewildered, caught between what I should do and what I want.

  “I can’t let you go.” He says softly. I know he is talking about tonight, but for a moment I think he means more. He leans in to kiss me and the softness of his lips leaves me breathless. There is no insistence or urgency, just pure affection. The lust and the playfulness of last night is gone.
This feels more serious, deeper, and more vulnerable. It feels like if I walk away in this moment I will destroy us both.

  I feel his body relax and lean into me when I let go and kiss him back. He takes my hand and gently leads me into the hotel. He locks the door behind us as we enter his suite and again he leans in for a kiss. I can feel his fingertips run down the length of my arms and he turns me around.

  He moves my hair to the side and the side of my neck is warm with his breath. He kisses the bottom of my ear and continues a trail of kisses across my neck and then down the length of my back as he unzips my dress. He tugs gently and I can feel the tickle of the fabric as it falls from my shoulders to my ankles. He continues his kisses down the back of my leg and gently lifts one foot and then the other from the fabric.

  He turns me around again and begins the journey back up the front of my body, leaving a warm path of sensation. It is everything I can do to keep from grabbing him and pulling him to me but I am transfixed by his every touch. Last night he was more than attentive, but tonight it does feel different. He is exploring my body with a tenderness that I have never known. He feels almost reverent.

  He reaches my panties and continues to kiss the inside of my thigh. I can feel how wet I am getting just as he pauses and takes in a deep breath, filling his nose with my scent. He lets out a deep moan that I feel vibrating through my core as much as hear. He continues upward, stopping only to circle his tongue around each nipple through the lace of my bra.

  By the time he is fully standing again I am feeling weak with need. He uses the tip of his finger to trace the edge of my cheek and leans in for another kiss. Everything feels like it is in slow motion, like Nathan and I have stepped out of reality into our own private universe.

  I finally will myself to move and find myself tugging at his shirt. As my hands move up he steps back long enough for me to pull it up over his head and then returns to my lips. I wrap my arms around him and pull him close and feel his warmth wrap around me.

  He pulls me upward as he takes a few steps back and then turns so that I am sitting on the edge of the back of the couch. He unfastens my bra and lets it drop to the ground as he begins to kiss and suck past my collarbone to my breast. He twists his tongue around my nipple and plays and pulls until I feel like I am going to come. I whimper and try to pull him up but he ignores me and nips gently at the tip of my nipple and sends me into an orgasm.

  He wraps his arm around me to steady me as I waver backwards and his kisses move downward. He pulls gently on my panties and removes them over my high heels as if they, or I, are fragile. And then his breath is hot against my swollen mound. He takes another deep breath and then brings his hands up to explore. He gently spreads my legs wider and then uses his fingers to part the lips of my sex. His eyes are heavy with need as he watches his fingers trace the contours and he smiles when he brushes against my clit and I let out a small moan. He circles it for a moment and then pushes his fingers slowly inside of me.

  His face is glowing with pleasure as he watches himself slide in and out of me and feels me pushing toward him, forcing him deeper inside. I feel completely exposed and vulnerable but also amazed at how much pleasure I can bring him. I grip the edge of the couch as leans in and begins to lick and suck and within a few moments he has to brace me with his other arm as I writhe against him. He begins to flick his tongue against my clit and I throw my head back as another orgasm, this one much stronger, courses through my body.

  I feel my legs start to weaken but before I can sink to the floor he pulls me up and turns me around so that I am draped over the back of the couch. I hear his zipper and the sound of his pants hitting the floor and then feel the thick crown of his erection as he enters me from behind.

  His movements are still slow and gentle and as he pushes deeper inside, filling me with a delicious warmth. It feels perfect and complete, as if this is what my body were made for. I whimper as he pulls back and feel myself pushing into him as he begins his thrust anew. With each push he moves deeper, filling me until I feel like I am going to burst. He moves his hips sideways just a bit and I gasp when he hits a spot sending jolts of pleasure through my body. His tempo quickens and I can feel his breathing shift as he hits the spot over and over, causing me to moan and cry out in pleasure. I scream out his name as my body explodes around him and I feel him follow me into orgasm, filling me with heat.

  He leans over me and pulls my body back against his and as I start to collapse he gathers me into his arms and carries me into the bedroom. He lays me out across the bed and then is on top of me, his legs between mine and supporting his weight with his arms. He is quiet and looking into my eyes and again I can see intensity of his tenderness and affection. I feel my breath hitch and am overwhelmed by my response so I start to close my eyes. But he moves his hand and lifts my chin so that I am looking again into his eyes.

  We stay there, eyes locked, as he lowers himself and pushes deep inside of me. I gasp but I don’t break eye contact. My senses are overwhelmed and my body is exhausted and I have lost all my defenses. I have the sense of giving myself to him entirely and I can see in his eyes that he is doing the same. The sense of connection is exhilarating and frightening at the same time.

  As his rhythm begins to quicken I feel warmth spread over my body. I reach up and caress the side of his face and then move my hands into his hair and pull gently. The tension is building in both of our bodies and I have the sensation that I am moving towards the edge of a great precipice. We continue to watch each other as he thrusts harder and deeper and I can see in his eyes the moment he is swallowed by the sensation as I am. I feel like I am falling into a white light, drowning in warmth and ecstasy. My body is shaking and jolted by the power of my orgasm but I stay with him and as he peaks I feel like I, for a moment, glimpse his soul.

  As our bodies quiet, he leans down and kisses me with another of his sweet kisses and I know he has felt the same thing. I feel his weight on top of me again and we entwine our arms and legs as I roll over and he settles in behind me. The world still seems a little surreal and I feel like I am in shock from the intensity of the experience. I start to wonder if I can really handle this but before I get too far, I am asleep.

  Chapter 10

  I wake to the smell of coffee and the feel of an empty bed. I throw on another of Nathan’s t-shirts and find my riding clothes from the night before neatly laundered and folded on his dresser. I slip on the clean panties and walk out to find Nathan. I’ve made it into the kitchen when I figure out that the male standing behind the refrigerator door is not Nathan. Eric closes the door and is as startled as I am. He glances briefly down and then catches himself and keeps his rounded eyes directly on my face. I decide it’s too late to undo the moment so I should just play it cool.

  “Good morning Eric. Making coffee?” He nods slowly so I reach into the cabinet for a cup. I hear his sharp intake of breath and realize that my reach has probably revealed a little more of me but by the time I look back at him he has turned away and is folding the dish towel- repeatedly.

  “Where’s Nathan? When I smelled coffee I assumed it was him.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to clarify that I wasn’t purposefully trying to prance around in my underwear, but I do.

  “He and James were supposed to go for a run and he thought he would make it back before you were up. He asked me to stay here to keep an eye on you.” I grin because I am sure that Nathan wasn’t planning on him keeping this much of an eye on me. I can tell that Eric has the same thought and for a moment he is honest enough to smirk. But I think the idea of losing his job sobers him up and I appreciate his straightforward approach.

  “You should probably put some clothes on.”

  “Yeah, I probably should.” I turn to head back to the bedroom and add, “What time is it anyway?”

  “10:30.”

  “Crap!” I rush to the bedroom and throw on my riding clothes. I’m suddenly very grateful that they are here and clean. I slide bac
k into the living room and start looking for my purse. “Crap!”

  “Where are you going? What are you looking for?”

  “I told Annette and Piper I would meet them for a ride at 11. I’m going to be late. And I can’t find my keys!”

  “I think Nathan expects you to be here when he gets back.”

  “Yeah well, I expected him to be here when I woke up so it looks like we will both be surprised.”

  “OK well at least let me take you. I’m sure he would want that.” I stop and look at Eric. Normally I would say no but I can’t find my purse so it’s better than having to cancel on my friends.

  “You can drop me off.” I grab my boots and head for the door as he scrambles after me. The drive to the barn is only about 15 minutes and I spend most of my time pulling on my boots. As we get closer I let Eric know that Annette will bring me back to town. He tries to argue and say that he will wait but I remind him that we will be out in the middle of the woods on horses so he would be little protection in the car. He finally gives in but still looks a little uncertain when he lets me out in front of the barn. There is part of me that wouldn’t be surprised to see him when we get back from the ride.

  We take the far loop of the cross country course up to meadow and then stop to enjoy the summer afternoon. Piper has brought some cheese and a baguette and Annette brought a bottle of white wine so we take the bridles off the horses and let them graze while we do the same. Annette and Piper ask a million questions about the guy who carried me out of the bar on Thursday and before I know it I have filled them in about Nathan.

  “Well, all I have to say is that you look pretty darn happy for a girl who just broke up with her fiancé.”

  I have to imagine that Piper is right.

  Annette nods her head in agreement. “Actually, you look happier than you did even with the fiancé.” And although she laughs I can tell she isn’t joking.

  We take it slow on the way back and I’m relieved to see that Eric isn’t waiting in the driveway when we ride up. Annette says she is happy to take me back and we chat and laugh for the next hour as we groom our horses and put them away.