Confusion: (a love story)

  When we enter Nathan’s apartment he meets us at the door and quickly wraps me in his arms. My heartbeat races ahead and I take in a deep breath of Nathan. I feel my body relax until my weight is being held by his embrace. I am overwhelmed by his strength and the comfort his body gives me and I am surprised and embarrassed to feel my eyes start to fill with tears. I am grateful that he doesn’t look down at me and catch my moment of emotion. I am sure he would be just as confused as I am at the outburst.

  Instead, he is looking at Aubrey’s stony face. Aubrey is the first to break the silence.

  “Bashmakov was at the apartment as we were leaving. He had a man with him who he called his cousin Luka.”

  Nathan’s body tenses against mine and I brace myself for his reaction. But rather than speak he just takes my hand and leads me over to the sitting area in the living room. Eric and Aubrey join us. I start to move to sit at the other end of the couch but Nathan pulls me so close that I am practically sitting on his lap. He rests his chin on my head and nods at Aubrey and I am comforted by the warmth of his breath in my hair.

  “Isabella,” Aubrey continues, “What did he give you?”

  I have to think for a minute about what he is asking and then I remember the envelope. I pull the square package from my pocket and hand it to Aubrey. “I am sure it is an invitation. There is a show opening on Friday and there is usually a private reception. He always sends me an invitation when he is in town.”

  Aubrey opens the envelope and gives a nod. “What did you say to each other? I don’t speak Russian.”

  “Ya drug ot...” I answer. “It means I am a friend of. He said I am a friend of Isabella Scott and I answered that I am a friend of Grigori Bashmakov. It’s just how we say goodbye.”

  “Why?” Aubrey answers. His tone is cool and professional and his caramel colored eyes have turned a cold yellow. I am not enjoying being interrogated. I narrow my eyes at him but he only gives me a small grin in response. I decide to play along for just a little while longer.

  “I don’t know really. He wanted me to go to Russia with him and he taught it to me then. And then I said no, and he told me that if I were ever there alone and found myself in any sort of trouble that I should clam up and just repeat the words ‘Ya drug ot Grigori Bashmakov’ until he came for me. I told him he was being strange and he just told me that Russia is a strange country and made me promise that I would do it. Since then he has always said goodbye with ‘Ya drug ot Isabella Scott’ and he expects a ‘Ya drug ot Grigori Bashmakov’ in response. I think it’s his way of making me practice.”

  He pauses for a moment and I can almost hear him thinking. He shakes his head slightly and his brown curls dance across his forehead. I smile at the contrast between his stern face and the bouncing curls and suddenly understand the usefulness of a military haircut.

  He refocuses on me and continues. “He said that you needed to talk and that he never meant to make you uncomfortable. What was he talking about?”

  I let out a sigh and start to sit up and pull away from Nathan but he tightens his grip and keeps me snug in his embrace. I’m really starting to regret my insistence that we all sit down and discuss what to do together. I’d be willing to give them the room if it meant that I didn’t have to explain this. I can only image how they are going to blow it out of proportion.

  “He is just being overly sensitive.” I try to downplay what happened. “When we hung out the other day he stood close and told me that he missed me.” I feel Nathan’s body tense again and look over at Eric whose face has turned ashen. “Well not even that he missed me. Just that the art world misses me. It’s wasn’t a big deal really. But I left soon after and I think he was worried that it bothered me. Which it didn’t, because it was really no big deal. Really.”

  “You were alone with that man?” Aubrey loses his cool tone for a moment and sounds incredulous.

  “You have to remember that that man, as you call him, may be a suspicious Russian to you but to me he is a favorite professor. Not only was I alone with him the other day but I have been alone with him hundreds of times. I have been alone with that man drunk at 2:00 in the morning. I have been alone with that man for entire weekends in New York.”

  “You trust him.” Aubrey says it more as a statement than a question.

  “I trust him not to hurt me. I trust him not to take more from me than I offer. More generally?” I shrug my shoulders.

  “And what, in the past, have you offered?” Aubrey’s question takes me by surprise and my first response is anger. I slip out of Nathan’s grasp and find myself standing toe to toe with Aubrey. I can feel my pulse thundering and for a second I actually consider slapping him.

  Instead I take a moment to reel in my temper. His eyes slowly melt from the cold yellow back to the warm caramel I am more accustomed to. I realize I have my friend back and he is starting to look contrite.

  “Is.”

  “Careful Aubrey.”

  “I’m just trying to protect you.”

  I turn and make my way to the kitchen in search of a glass of wine. “You want to try that again First Sergeant? And I suggest you watch your phrasing and tone.” I glance back at him and see the sides of his lips twitch as he tries to restrain his smile.

  “Yes ma’am,” he resumes, “Is there any reason why Grigori might be confused about the nature of your relationship?”

  “Much better.” I take a long drink of the white wine I’ve just poured and look at the three men across the suite. I wish I understood how I got here and what is happening.

  Nathan is still quite but his gaze has intensified. I feel warmth drift over my body and for a moment I am distracted by his brazen want. Aubrey clears his throat and brings me back to reality. It’s very obvious to me why he is the one asking the questions. I’m pretty sure Nathan would have me tied to his bed and torturing me with amazing sex by this point in the interrogation.

  “Not that I can think of.” I continue. “Most of the theatre department fauns over him but I’ve always kept my distance. He’s always respected that. The invitation has always been there but it’s always been implied rather than directly stated.”

  “Invitation to what?” Nathan’s growl sends an electric shiver down my spine. I can see the muscles tighten and strain against his shirt as his breathing shortens. I’m very happy that I am clear across the room.

  “Grigori enjoys women.” I state as simply as I can. “It didn’t take me too long to figure out that he would be happy to enjoy me, if I gave him the chance. I never took it too personally though. He usually has a woman on each arm. You can confirm that with Google if you like.”

  “I have actually. And if I remember correctly there is a picture with you on one of those arms and he certainly does seem to be enjoying himself.”

  Nathan appears to be fighting to keep himself on the couch. The crazy part is that the look on his face looks a lot like jealousy. I’m a little surprised at how possessive he is being after such a short time but I know better than to argue with a man when it comes to jealousy.

  “Look guys, I know you like the Russian for all of this but I really think you are on the wrong track. It just doesn’t make sense. Grigori gets what he wants with persistence and his killer smile. Let’s say he is some sort of dangerous agent in his other life. In that life he may use threats on guys like you, but in this life he just uses his well tooled body on girls like me. I see no reason why he would change that now.”

  Nathan bites out, “Well Tooled?” But Aubrey interrupts him.

  “Maybe he got tired of your lack of interest.” Aubrey emphasizes the last few words for my benefit as he glances over at Nathan.

  There’s part of me that knows I should just take that as an out but I can’t help but answer honestly. “I doubt it. He hasn’t really tried hard enough to know how I would respond.”

  Aubrey opens his mouth to speak but appears to be at a loss of words. Eric looks at me like I just sprouted an extra head.r />
  When I look over at Nathan my mouth goes dry. His eyes have turned a deep navy, almost black, and the look he is giving me sends a burning heat over my flesh. It takes me a moment to realize that they may have taken my last statement to mean that my rejection is not a foregone conclusion.

  My heartbeat starts to race as Nathan slowly stands to face me. He growls at the other two, “I think we’ve had enough openness for tonight. I’ll be taking Ms. Scott out and I expect the plans to be in place by the time we get back.”

  I can see the muscle throbbing in his clenched jaw as he moves toward me and I suddenly feel like a rabbit trapped by a hungry lion. I don’t dare move and simply watch nervously as he stalks closer with each graceful step.

  “And cancel our dinner reservations.” He continues. “My plans have changed.”

  As he reaches me he wraps his arms around me and crushes me against his body. Before I can protest his lips are on mine in a heated hiss. The intensity is overwhelming as his tongue pushes deep into my mouth. It is forceful and possessive, as if he is branding me with one passionate kiss. By the time he pulls back I find myself gasping for breath.

  Chapter 16

  Twenty minutes later I start to worry as he turns off of Route 120 onto I89 South. I was surprised when he finally pulled back from that kiss and headed for the front door rather than the bedroom. I was surprised again when he had the valet bring his car around. Now I’m starting to worry.

  I run my fingertips over my swollen lips and am lost for a moment in the memory of that incredible kiss. I glance over at him and the dark hair that has fallen across his forehead. He looks focused and strong and sexy as hell and I wonder again how this godlike creature ended up in my life.

  I look out the window and remember to wonder where this godlike creature is taking me. Boston? He did tell them to be ready when we came back but was he talking about tonight or a month from now. What exactly have I gotten myself into?

  “Where are we going?” I decide to stop wondering and just ask. It takes him a few moments to answer. Or rather, it seems to take a few moments for my question to permeate his thoughts.

  “It’s a surprise.” He glances over and gives me what I am sure is meant to be a reassuring smile. Instead, I find myself distracting and thinking about how much I wish we were back in his bedroom right now. I bite my lower lip and close my eyes for a moment to re-focus and when I open them he is grinning out the front window.

  “Tell me about LB.” He asks quietly.

  “My horse?” I’m a bit confused about the question.

  “Yes, I haven't met him yet so tell me about him. What do you love about him? What are his bad habits?”

  I eye him suspiciously for a moment. I’ve always thought you can tell a lot about a person by what kind of horse they like and certainly by how they talk about them. I’m wondering if this is Nathan trying to distract me or if he is trying to get to know me. Eventually I decide that it doesn’t really matter.

  We spend a little over an hour talking about all the horses we have ever owned and the pride, frustrations, and mishaps that went with each one. I barely notice the changing scenery and the darkening skies until we pull to a stop in the parking lot of Hampton Beach.

  Nathan climbs out and comes to open my door and wraps his jacket around my shoulders. He takes my hand and leads me down to the beach and I am quiet and content as we walk along the surf in the moonlight.

  We stop about half way down the beach and he pulls me down to sit facing the water with his arms and legs wrapped closely around to keep me warm. I can feel his chin on my shoulder and the warmth of his breath on my neck as I take a deep breath of the salty ocean air.

  “Thank you.” I whisper just above the crashing of the waves.

  “It’s not Hawaii but it’s the best I could do given our time constraints.” I remember our conversation this morning and smile at his thoughtfulness.

  “It’s perfect.” I feel my body start to relax into him and his muscles tighten and pull me close.

  “There is just something about the ocean.” I continue after a few minutes of silence. “There is this little red sand beach on the Island of Crete. It’s nestled into a tiny cove and the waves crash and echo across the caves and it is as if Poseidon himself were lulling you into contentment. As dangerous as the ocean is, it always makes me feel safe.”

  “Safe.” He echoes. “I want you to feel safe. You asked me to give you the day. Do you trust me now that we are on the same side? Do you know that all I want is to wrap you in my arms and keep you safe forever?”

  I tilt my head up so that I can see the reflection of the moon in his blue eyes. He doesn’t even seem embarrassed that he used the word forever. Sitting here on the beach with smell and the sound of the surf with the arms of an incredible man wrapped around me, the word forever suddenly sounds so wonderful.

  “I do trust you. And I have never felt as safe or content as I feel in your arms.”

  He leans down and offers me the sweetest taste of a kiss and for a moment I feel like I am in love. Not the excited, God I hope this works, love that I had with Christopher. This feels like certainty.

  The intensity of the emotion frightens me a little and I pull back and try to lighten the mood. “But then again, what else am I going to say. I’m on a beach in the middle of the night and you are my ride home.”

  There is a fleeting look of hurt but then I can tell that he has seen through my distraction. Within seconds I find myself on my back in the sand with Nathan leaning over me.

  “It’s true.” I can see his mischievous grin in the moonlight. “You are at my mercy.” He leans in for a more forceful and passionate kiss. Just as I start to hope that he is going to take me right there on the beach he pulls back. “So what am I going to do with you?”

  I try to gather my scrambled thoughts and realize that if we stay there much longer I won’t be able to control myself.

  “You should probably feed me, Dr. Graham, before we find ourselves calling your father to bail us out of jail for public indecency and lewd conduct.”

  “Why my father?” He asks as he begins to lean in for another kiss.

  “Because my father would just bail me out and have you killed.” I state honestly. He stops with his mouth an inch from mine.

  “Well we can’t have that now, can we?”

  He gives me a quick kiss and then is on his feet and pulling my up and into his arms. He presses me against the length of his body as he leans into a deep kiss. Just as my senses start to leave me he pulls back.

  “I know the perfect place.” He says excitedly and pulls me quickly towards the car.

  Our dinner venue is another surprise. Rather than a quiet restaurant overlooking the bay I find myself sitting at a long picnic table with a plastic bib tied around my neck. I’m laughing and eating butter soaked lobster from Nathan’s fingers as he destroys the red crustacean in front of him.

  The people around us take no notice as we all drain our pitchers of beer and laugh loudly at the jokes of the band playing against the far wall. It is a rowdy happy crowd and I can’t help but wonder if this is a typical Sunday night for them.

  Nathan looks as at home here as he did with Senator Wells and I can help but smile at him in appreciation.

  “What?” He cocks his head at me questioningly.

  “You’re amazing.” I blurt out before I can filter my thoughts.

  “You’re drunk.” He laughs and shakes his head. “Let’s get you home and into my bed.”

  He nips playfully at my ear as I stand and walk with him toward the door.

  “I’m not drunk!” I protest.” I mean it! You are amazing and I love...it.”

  I start to panic as I realize what I almost said and the fact that my pause was long enough that he had to notice. As we clear the front door he swings me around until my back is up against the wall of the restaurant and he leans in close. He waits for me to stop fidgeting and look him in the eye. His voice is deep
velvet.

  “You’re amazing and I love...it, too.” And suddenly his lips are on mine and I feel it again. That certainty and depth of emotion runs with warmth down the length of my body. The world around us disappears and I feel nothing but a yearning to stay entwined with him forever.

  Our moment is interrupted by catcalls by another party exiting the restaurant. Nathan pulls back and I can’t help but grin at him. He returns my grin and sends chills across my body when he whispers in my ear.

  “It seems I can’t take you anywhere without risk of arrest. God I wish we were closer to home right now.”

  He leans in for another kiss and my mind argues frantically for a hotel room but I manage to edit that before he pulls back breathlessly.

  “Let’s go. Eric will be done by now and I plan to break in our new bed until sunrise.”

  He grabs my hand and races toward the car as if every moment counts and I catch myself laughing and panting and struggling to keep up.

  As we pull into Hanover Nathan passes the hotel and takes a right. We head up the hill and out of town until he slows the car and turns into a long winding drive lined with maples. Around a long bend the house comes into view.

  It is a large modern structure that seems to be all windows. I can tell that the house is full of light but the windows appear frosted so that you can’t actually see inside. Eric and Aubrey are standing in the front entrance.

  I glance nervously at Nathan as he pulls into the circular drive but his look is inscrutable. Aubrey opens my door and gives me his hand to pull me gently from the car. Rather than stepping back to let me by he stands close so that I find myself inches from his chest, staring up into his caramel colored eyes.

  He is searching my face for my response and he looks worried. I cock my head gently to see if he will tell me what is happening. He looks pointedly at the house and then at Nathan and I realize that Nathan’s plan to deal with my mystery gifts involves new housing.