Confusion: (a love story)

  “Yeah, anything I should know about my horse?”

  “Who Peaches?” I look at the large paint he has finished tacking. “She is fast and smart and not afraid to jump. She loves the green grass in the upper field so if you get anywhere near there then be prepared for a quick stop. And she is tall so I would watch out for tree limbs if I were you.”

  We both hop on after we pass through the gate and we set our watches to 30 minutes. I watch them start to trot off and don’t even try to mask my giggle as Peaches takes a wide path around the pond. “Oh, and she might be a little afraid of water.” I call to Aubrey as I hear the curses start to fly.

  “You don’t fight fair, Is. I’ll remember that!” He calls back to me as he gives Peaches a firm squeeze and gallops off across the meadow.

  “I’m surprised that you’ve already forgotten!” I laugh as they disappear from sight.

  LB gives a low whinny as they leave the meadow and I pat his neck gently to let him know that it’s OK and we will be following soon. For a moment we are just standing and waiting, content to soak up the summer sunshine in peace.

  But after a few minutes I feel the hair on the back of my neck start to stand up and I look around. There are several cars parked at the barn as well as further down the driveway and there are people wondering in and out of the stables. It is a beautiful weekend and there are plenty of people who are taking advantage of it.

  I don’t see anything or anyone out of place but I can’t help but feel very aware that I just sent my paid security into the woods ahead of me. It will be another 20 minutes before Aubrey even thinks of leaving his hiding place. Which leaves me 5 more minutes of sitting here feeling exposed.

  LB starts to prance nervously under me but I’m not sure if it because something is making him nervous or if he is simply reacting to me. I talk to him to try to calm him but when my timer hits 13 minutes I give in and we go galloping across the meadow. Two minutes won’t make a difference for Aubrey anyway. If I know him, he has been well hidden for a while now.

  It’s not until my timer says 27 minutes that I start to get worried. I started out with a large circle around the entire area and my circle has been getting smaller but there has been no sign of Aubrey or Peaches. At this point I’m not worried about the feeling I had earlier, I’m worried that I might actually lose.

  I’ve checked the upper field and several of the smaller stands of trees. I’ve checked to see and they haven’t made it to base. I looked in the gully that is the kind of place that Aubrey likes to hide. The only other place I haven’t looked is the little rocky outcropping on the East hill. It’s the kind of place an amateur might hide but someone with as much experience as Aubrey should know better. There is only one trail in and out. If someone finds you there you are trapped.

  LB and I are half way up the trail when I swear I hear something. I stop for a moment and listen but there is nothing but the wind through the large trees that line the trail and create a canopy above. We head in further and I’m not surprised to find the little cove empty.

  I’m half way back up the trail when my watch alarm goes off indicating that I have lost. Half a second later I feel the weight of a body sliding down behind me. His hand goes over my mouth to stifle my scream and his arm goes around my waist and then tightens as we both attempt to stay upright when LB lunges forward.

  After a few hops forward I bring the horse to a stop and I am still enough to feel the body of the man shaking in silent laughter. He takes his hand from my mouth.

  “Aubrey, you scared the crap out of me! What the hell are you doing?”

  “I was just using those skills they taught me in super Marine, tracker, sniper, special operations training.” He says sarcastically. “I thought you were saying you wanted a demonstration.”

  “You almost gave me a heart attack! And where the hell is your horse. You were clearly not on your horse at 30 minutes so that means you are out.”

  “Oh no. You said that if I was tagged I was out, or if I touched the ground I was out. I never touched the ground. I was in a tree.”

  “That’s cheating and you know it!”

  “Oh, you mean like giving me a horse that is afraid of water and then making a pond home base?”

  “You are unbelievable.” I turn to scowl at him but end up smiling at the grin that he is wearing. He is clearly very proud of himself. “Jackson Aubrey,” I sigh, “Where is your horse?”

  “I sent her out of here the last time you passed. My guess is the green grass of the upper field was calling.”

  “Hold on.” I say as Aubrey tightens his arm around my waist and reaches in front of me to grab a small stretch of mane. I ease LB into a gentle canter through the woods and out to the upper field. Peaches is there as expected so we slide off and decide to relax for a few minutes while they graze before the next round.

  Aubrey lays out on his back to watch the clouds and I find myself, as I have a hundred times before, stretched out away from him with my head resting on his belly. He rests his hand on my upper arm and I suddenly feel like I am 15 again. I watch the clouds roll by and try to think of what to say.

  “How many times have we laid like this? Watching the clouds or the stars.”

  “Too many.” He answers softly.

  “Ah yes.” I agree. “I doubt Nathan would approve of this little shared moment.”

  “Much like your father never did.”

  I think back over the years we shared in North Carolina and I can’t help but sound a little nostalgic. “My secret adventures with Aubrey.” He gives me a gentle squeeze on my arm. It is a familiar gesture and the closest I ever got to an embrace from the man.

  “I’m sure that everyone assumed that those adventures were only a cover for something sordid.”

  “I’m sure they did.” He sounds almost amused. “No matter how much I denied it, I think I was the hero of half the enlisted for sleeping with the General’s daughter.” I feel his body shift as he shakes his head.

  “So why didn’t you then?” He stills beneath me. “I think both us know that the choice was yours.”

  I watch the clouds continue to tumble across the sky and I start to wonder if he is going to answer me.

  “When we first met you were too young. I was a man preparing for war and you were a 15 year old girl. I knew you had a crush on me but I assumed it would just go away. You were already gorgeous and funny and all kinds of trouble so I sort of made it my job to protect you until you were old enough to choose someone who was worthy of you.”

  “As the years passed I wasn’t sure if it was really a crush or if you were just playing with me. I can’t always tell when you are being real or sarcastic.”

  “But I kept finding myself sitting in the sand in the Iraqi desert wondering if I was going to make it back alive. When I did I would always think of you and wonder if you would still be there waiting. In those moments, I always hoped that you would be.”

  “But then I would make it back and you would be standing there with a sign and I would take one look at you and feel like someone had just kicked me in the stomach. You were so beautiful and full of hope and joy. I knew that you deserved so much more than some Marine who was losing more and more of his soul on every tour. More than someone who might not make it back at all.”

  I can feel the tears starting to pool in my eyes and I pray that he doesn’t turn to look at me. I know how it felt for me at the time. Each time he left and came back I was relieved but also confused. Each time our relationship felt deeper but also more distant. I could never figure out what I was doing wrong. I could never figure out why he was pulling away from me.

  “You deserve the world Is. And I was never going to be, I am never going to be, the man who can give you that.”

  I watch another cloud grow and stretch into the west.

  “I don’t deserve anything, Aubrey. All I wanted was someone to love me. Someone I could trust. Instead, I had Christopher. I’m not sure he was better than
a well-used super Marine.”

  I feel his deep sigh through his lungs and belly and I know he can’t really disagree.

  “But now you have Nathan. You can trust him, Is. I don’t know what is happening here but I can see that all he cares about is keeping you safe. Eric trusts him. I trust him. I would have had you back at Camp Lejeune last night if I didn’t. He is a good man, Is. And you know I don’t think that of many.”

  I try to let his words sink in. I trust Aubrey, and he trusts Nathan. I can feel myself giving in and part of me is so happy to do so. The idea of losing myself in Nathan’s arms even one more night sends a shiver of pleasure through my body.

  “How much is he paying you again?”

  Aubrey’s laughter sends me off his belly and soon we are both wondering over to catch our horses. Once we have both climbed up again Aubrey brings Peaches up close and takes my hand. He kisses it lightly and says, “I’m sorry if I have done anything to cause you pain. I have always loved you but it was more important to me for you to be happy.”

  I can’t help but touch his face with my hand out of gratitude. “I love you too Aubrey. And someday you will find a girl who you will love so much that you will not have the choice as to whether or not you act. And when you do, I will be happy.”

  I drop my hand and head off towards the barn.

  Aubrey sits stunned for a moment and then pushed Peaches to a trot to catch up. “Wait up Is. Don’t we have another round? Afraid I’ll catch you?”

  My mind goes back to the feeling I had waiting for him at the gate and I don’t really want to split up again.

  “Technically, I think you already caught me. Besides, I think it would be better if we stick together.” Despite my casual tone, Aubrey notes the fact that something has changed.

  “Why?” With one word he has turned serious.

  “Nothing really, I was just waiting for the 15 minutes to be up and something started to feel a little off by the barn. I’d just rather head back if it’s OK.”

  He nods his head lightly but his entire demeanor has changed. He is on alert for the rest of ride back to the barn.

  We trot back to the gate and open it without getting off. We are both on edge now but looking around I don’t see anything to worry about. The feeling of unease is also gone and the barn has returned to the comfortable home that it usually is.

  We dismount and groom the horses and I give them both a couple of apples from my bag. Rather than turning them out immediately I suggest we give them a walk around the barn to cool off and Aubrey gives me a knowing look as he nods in agreement.

  I may have decided to give Nathan the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not quite ready to do it yet. I know when we leave here we will be headed back to shower and then to the suite for dinner.

  Eventually I run out of excuses and we release LB and Peaches into the field to relax for the rest of the afternoon. LB lowers himself onto the dirt and rolls long enough to be completely coated. I look at Aubrey and roll my eyes at how quickly LB was able to undo my diligent grooming.

  After hanging the tack, I grab my sweatshirt and throw it over my tank top. I shove my hand in my pocket for my keys and freeze.

  I pull my keys out and place my hand back in my pocket. My fingers fumble over the cold object and I know before I see it what it is. Aubrey is watching me carefully. I take a deep breath.

  I stretch out my arm and place the object in his palm. He looks down and his eyes turn icy. The heart shaped moonstone is iridescent in the sunlight.

  Aubrey throws his arm around me and gives me a smile and I know that if anyone is watching they will simply think he is being friendly or maybe affectionate. I know he is being protective and trying to get me out of there as soon as possible.

  I try to copy his nonchalance and slide my arm around his waist. In the meantime, we are walking quickly to the car.

  He opens my door and slides me inside and I can see him scanning the area as he walks quickly around the car and climbs inside. Before we are out of the driveway he has dialed the phone.

  “Graham.” Nathan answers and in the one word I can tell he is concerned.

  “Dr. Graham, we are speaker phone. We are leaving the barn now and going to Ms. Scott’s apartment. We will be joining you at the suite as soon as we gather her clothes.”

  I open my mouth to argue but I really I realize that I don’t really disagree. It feels like things have changed. Someone is clearly trying to send me a message and I don’t want to ignore it simply because I’m irritated by these boys and their protective instincts.

  My silence seems to concern them both.

  “Isabella, are you OK?” Nathan’s commanding voice echoes through the car. “What happened?”

  “I’m fine.” I stammer. “Something felt off at the barn and then I found another moonstone. Nothing else. We are fine.”

  “But?” I’ve only known the man for a week. How does he know me well enough to know when I’m not saying everything?

  “But...” I try to figure out what the but is for myself. “But I agree that the situation has changed and that I don’t want to stay at my apartment. I’ll pack like Aubrey suggested, but let’s talk about the plan together.”

  The silence hangs in the air and I look over at Aubrey to see if he understands the break. He just glances at me and shakes his head with a little shrug.

  “Nathan?”

  “I’m just trying to figure out if you are scared or if you trust Jackson so much that you actually cooperate with him.” He doesn’t even attempt to hide the undertone of jealousy.

  “Maybe I’m a little scared, and maybe I’m starting to trust you both.”

  Nathan’s voice is warm and low when he answers. “Stay safe. We will make a plan when you get here.”

  Chapter 15

  At the apartment I take a hot shower while Aubrey alternates between pacing angrily past the door of my bedroom and sitting on the couch and typing furiously on his computer. His duffle bag sits by the door and I know that he never bothered to unpack in the first place.

  He is clearly frustrated and worried and it isn’t comforting to see him this way. It takes me about 15 minutes to pack and I drop my duffle bag by the table and then throw myself on the couch.

  He closes the computer quickly but not before I can see that he is on the FBI database. No doubt he is looking for someone with a love of moonstones.

  “Is that it?” He nods toward my duffle bag. “You should probably pack for a few days just in case.”

  “My bag is the same as yours. What? Because I am a woman I should need a Sherpa?”

  He grins at me and stands to go. He throws his bag easily over his shoulder then feigns a struggle as he reaches for mine.

  “Dear God woman, what do you have in this thing? We are leaving for a night or two not moving to Siberia!”

  I punch him on the arm and swing the door open then jump. Grigori is standing on my steps, arm raised as if to knock. There is a large blond man behind him who shares his size and icy blue eyes but fails to carry the same charm.

  “Sorry to startle you Isabella, I was just stopping by to drop off this.” He hands me the square envelope in his hand and waits. The pause is long enough to be awkward. “May we come in?” He adds.

  I glance back at Aubrey and it is clear that he has no intention to let them in the door.

  “Actually, we were just headed out.” I shrug.

  Grigori looks at Aubrey and notes the bags he is carrying.

  “Going somewhere? Don’t tell me I came all the way from Russia only for you to go on vacation with this friendly looking boy.”

  At the moment Aubrey looks neither friendly nor like a boy and Grigori’s taunt is not going to help that. I sigh and try to limit the fallout.

  “Oh Grigori,” I shake my head in warning, “Still trying to master the subtleties of the English language I can see.” He smirks at my chastising jab. “This is my dear old friend Jackson who’s visiting for a bit. We
are just on our way out for a bit of adventure.”

  Grigori smiles at my deliberately vague explanation. “Speaking of friendly looking boys,” I reach past Grigori and offer my hand to the man behind him, “I don’t think we have met.”

  The man takes my hand with a strong squeeze that is just slightly past comfortable. “I’m Luka. I’ve heard so much about you.” His voice is gravely and echoes the coldness in his eyes. I’m relieved when he releases my hand and look back at Grigori for more.

  “Luka is my cousin.” Grigori smiles one of his overly large smiles that I know he reserves for times like this. Most people see it as open and friendly and forget anything remotely negative the moment they see it. I narrow my eyes at him.

  Grigori leans in slightly and adds, “You’ll have to forgive him. He gets nervous in the presence of beautiful American women. Especially those that are immune to my smiles.”

  I glance back at Luka and he looks even less comfortable and friendly than before.

  Grigori straightens and tilts his head. His look is questioning but warm. “I won’t keep you from your adventure Isabella. I was just dropping that off.” He nods again at the envelope. “We should talk though. . . I never meant to make you uncomfortable. I never want to bring you anything but pleasure.”

  I’m sure my surprise is written all over my face and before I can think of what to say he takes my hand and kisses it. “Ya drug ot Isabella Scott.” And turns and walks away.

  “Ya drug ot Grigori Bashmakov.” I answer reflexively as he disappears down the stairs.

  I turn to look at Aubrey but crash into him instead. At some point in the conversation he put our bags on the floor and stepped closer until he was practically pressed up against my back. If I have any doubts about how he has taken the whole conversation they disappear when I look up into his caramel colored eyes. He looks like he wants to murder someone and since I am the only one left I start to get nervous. But before I can say anything he loosens his clinched fist and grabs our bags. He takes my hand with the other and pulls me down the stairs without another word.