Confusion: (a love story)

  “I think your friend isn’t going to leave unless you wave to him to show that you are OK. And I am being very good right now but I can’t promise that I won’t throw you down into this sand and fuck you until you can never run away again. Not sure you want him to be here for that.”

  The sharpness of his words and edge to his voice lets me know that he is not kidding. They also let me know that I have been thinking about this all wrong. He may be angry at me for running but he also sounds hurt. It doesn't surprise me that they would want to know where I am, but is does surprise me that Nathan would come himself. Is it possible that we still have a chance?

  I wave to Michail who climbs back into the boat and watches us until he rounds the corner out of the cove. I take a glass of the sweet wine from Nathan and turn to look at him. He eats a slice of orange and then turns and places another in my mouth. I watch him and then finally work up my courage to break the silence.

  “Why are you here?”

  Nathan looks at me intently like he is trying to figure out if I am really serious.

  “I knew a girl once who told me that the oranges on Crete are so good that they seem like they are laced with crack. I decided I had to come taste for myself.”

  While his words are light, the look that he is giving me rips at my heart. I can see the pain and hurt in his eyes and underneath that I can see a deep level of caring.

  “You aren’t done with me? You still care?” He looks surprised and then a little afraid.

  “Isabella, why would I be done with you? I have been worried about you. I have missed you. Isabella, I love you.” The moment he says the words I can feel the tears start to roll down my cheek.

  “I thought...I don’t know....so much has happened.” I look up into his navy blue eyes and I realize that I have been wrong from the start. That feeling I have of confusion is only because I have been fighting my emotions. My heart knew from the beginning that this was love. My brain has just been getting in the way.

  “I love you too.” I manage to whisper through my tears. And at that moment the confusion is gone. There is nothing but quietness and certainty left behind.

  Nathan leans over and wraps his hand over the side of my face and wipes away the tears with his thumb. Then he pulls me close and kisses me.

  The kiss is soft and sweet until I reach up and wrap my fingers into his hair and pull him close. This seems to take away and restraint he has and I find myself on my back in the sand. Nathan’s weight feels so perfect against me that I wrap my legs around him and pull close. Entwined in his arms I am reminded that there is nowhere else that I want to be.

  Nathan pauses in his kiss and rolls us gently to our sides and takes a moment to look into my eyes.

  “Amazing isn’t it. I had to travel almost 5,000 miles to feel like I was home.” His words are the perfect acknowledgment that so much has happened but that it is only this moment that is important.

  “This is where you belong. Where we belong.” I manage.

  “I was afraid I would never be here again.”

  I realize that his fear was the same as mine. I was trying to escape. It wasn’t from Nathan or even all that happened, it was from the idea that he could say goodbye. By doing so, I hurt the man I so frantically love. I hold tighter and pray that I will never be so stupid again.

  “I am so sorry.” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I was being stupid. And you were afraid. I’m just happy that I found you.”

  He kisses me gently again and I am so very grateful for this man and his persistence.

  “How did you find me?” I glance sheepishly up at him.

  “Well it wasn’t easy.” He gives me a look that says I am going to be punished for that later.

  “First we went to your apartment and while we were there your e-mail came in. Aubrey left immediately because we both thought that ‘if anything goes wrong, Aubrey will know about it’ meant that you would be someplace with him. Left behind, Eric and I traced your phone to the barn.” He gives me another stern look. “I’m not sure what I think about my girlfriend keeping a go bag at the barn.”

  I just shrug as if that’s normal. He shakes his head and gives me another deep kiss before continuing.

  “We found the barn hand who dropped you off in Lebanon and ran your name through all of the travel logs and came up with nothing. It was if you just disappeared.”

  “It took Aubrey about 4 days to check every place you’ve ever been with him. He came back to sit and wait with us and it was actually over drinks with James that we started to figure things out. James told us that you are very careful with your words and asked to see the e-mail. Then he laughed at us and said, ‘She didn’t say she would be with Aubrey, she said if anything goes wrong, Aubrey will know. As in, he will be notified. He must be her emergency contact.’

  “We ran the travel records again and imagine our surprise when one Isabella Aubrey flew from Albany NY to Montreal on just the day in question. And that Isabella had one Jackson Aubrey listed as her emergency contact.” He gives me another hard look and this time I can’t help but laugh. I can tell that my choice of names does not amuse him.

  “He was listed as my brother! You can’t be jealous of that.”

  “Oh, yes I can. I’m guessing the girl who had that passport made was just looking for an excuse to try on the last name.” I just shrug and let him continue.

  “I knew it would take a while to get the travel records from there so with James’ advice in mind I called your dad and asked him to read your e-mail to me again. The part about being safe triggered a memory from the beach in New Hampshire so I decided to try out my luck in Greece.”

  The fact that he remembered and put those two things together just makes me love him more. It is my turn to lean in for a kiss. When I pull back Nathan just smiles and touches the tip of his nose to mine.

  “By the time I landed, Grigori was actually able to track your flights from Montreal, Berlin, and Athens. I headed for Crete and I knew the moment the first goat herder saw your picture and then looked at me with suspicion and said he’d never seen you before that I was in the right place.”

  I laugh at image in my head of one of my friendly little goat herders giving him the evil eye. “He said he didn’t know me?”

  “He handed me an orange and told me that you weren't here and that if I knew what was good for me I should head back to where ever I came from.”

  I cover my mouth to hide my gasp. “He threatened you!”

  “Yes, and don’t look so delighted.”

  “Sorry. Go on.” I try to hide my smirk.

  “So the only one who even gave me the time of day was Korina. I showed her your picture and she asked why I was looking for you. I told her that I loved you and that you needed to know that and that when you left you ripped out a piece of my heart and I wanted you both back.”

  “Good answer, especially for Korina.”

  “Yeah, well, she filled a basked with food and sent me to Michail. The way he looked at me, I was pretty sure that he and the goat herder were going to tie me to a goat and throw me into the sea, but luckily he brought me here.”

  “To me.”

  “To you.”

  “Home.”

  “Forever.”

  I smile again and pull him close. I know that we will still have to return to reality eventually, but for now I am content to enjoy this tiny piece of paradise with my own personal fallen god. It turns out he’s not the god of confusion and inarticulate speech. He says things like, “Forever.” There is nothing confusing about forever.

  Acknowledgements

  This is my first novel. I was going to write it as a memoir, but I’ve seen enough authors being grilled by Oprah about small details of their seemingly unbelievable lives that I decided it would be safer to call it fiction. That being said, there are some very real people responsible for what you have read.

  The first is my husband, the man who I still se
e as a god among men. He is as strong and kind and mind-blowingly hot as any romance character and I am grateful for him every day of my life. He also has been incredibly supportive of all of my harebrained schemes, including writing. Sorry love, if it is taking a while for me to make the first million.

  Thanks also to my mother. She instilled in me from an early age the values of flexibility and creativity and has been an incredible role model of how to be a strong woman. Thank you to Phillip for being everyone I ever needed and didn’t have, and thank you to Kevin for being my center. Thanks to the authors, friends, and family who have inspired me and helped me to hone my craft (especially Katryna, I’ve showed you mine, now you show me yours).

  But my greatest thanks go to the readers. You guys have been wonderful. I love it when I get an e-mail with thoughts or suggestions (my e-mail is on Facebook, feel free to use it). I love it when I see reviews and know that you laughed or smiled in the same places I did. There is nothing better than sharing this experience with you. You guys have been so encouraging and supportive and just plain fun. I will always be grateful.

  About the Author

  Catherine Curtis is an award winning author of romantic fiction. She is a bit of a nomad but currently resides in the great state of Washington with her dapper husband and lovingly disagreeable dog Ivan. She loves to travel, cook, and most of all, read.

  Follow her on Facebook at:

  http://facebook.com/AuthorCatherineCurtis

  or on twitter:

  http://twitter.com/ccurtiswrites

  You might also want to take a look at her debut novel, a slightly spicier read:

  New Year's Invitations

  available on amazon at:

  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00Q94Q1JA

  But if you don’t do anything else- leave a review! Good, bad, or just meh, your reviews are incredibly helpful to authors and readers alike. Thank you!