A Son's Vow

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Taking her time involved locking up two more drawers before leading him outside and at last locking the front door. “I’m ready now.”

  His lips curved up. “Is all that locking up standard procedure or did you put your own spin on it?”

  “It’s standard. Why?”

  “Nothing. It’s just that it seems like a lot of effort to guard some letters.”

  “The United States Post Office takes mail seriously.”

  “Obviously.” His faint smile grew into a grin. “So, do you need to go straight home? Or do you have some errands to run? Or we could walk to the creek.”

  “Let’s go straight home.” Her family wasn’t going to be happy that she was renewing her friendship with Lukas but she was too tired to even attempt to sneak around.

  “That’s fine with me,” he said easily.

  As they walked together, Darla felt a curious sense of everything finally going right for the first time in months. For the first time in more than one hundred days.

  “So, Aaron and Hope, huh?” he said after about a half a block. “That’s quite the news.”

  “Jah.” She tried to smile. “They are happy.”

  “This engagement came up kind of suddenly, don’t you think?”

  She’d thought so but said, “Well, they’ve been courting off and on for two years, so I suppose it isn’t all that sudden.”

  “I meant the timing of the engagement.”

  She glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye. He was being completely serious. More important—to her at least—she recognized that he wore a look of concern. For her. And because of that, she allowed herself to be completely honest. “Yes. I thought the same thing.”

  “How did your siblings react?”

  “About how you would expect. Patsy was happy, Maisie asked about a thousand questions. Little Gretel asked if Patsy could make her a new dress for the wedding, and the twins acted like it wasn’t a big deal at all.”

  “What about your mamm? How do you think she’ll react?”

  “Does it matter?” She didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in her voice.

  His tone gentled. “Is Aaron going to try to track her down and tell her?”

  “Nee.” Thinking about all the pain her family had gone through lately, in some ways their mother’s departure had been the hardest to accept. “If there’s one thing we all agree on, it’s that we don’t even want to think about our mother. She left us. She left us when we were hurting and grieving. Even my seven-year-old sister.”

  Lukas lifted his arm, as if he were about to enfold her into a reassuring hug, but then, just as abruptly, he dropped it. “I’m so sorry, Darla.”

  “Jah. Me, too.”

  “Maybe she’ll come back soon and be able to explain herself.”

  “Maybe.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. We’re doing all right without her.”

  But she knew that wasn’t true. None of them was doing all right.

  “Sometimes life is too hard to manage,” he said gently. “Sometimes we all need a little time to ourselves.”

  Because she didn’t want to sound as bitter as she felt, she nodded. “I suppose.” But she didn’t actually think that Lukas meant what he said. No matter what was going on, Lukas would have made time for everyone. It wasn’t his way to make things easy for himself.

  It wasn’t her way, either.

  Hating the downward path of their conversation, she blurted, “It’s best we all learn to be happy for Aaron and Hope, no matter how their timing might affect us. Aaron is mighty pleased about the whole thing, and life is a lot better when he is in a good mood.”

  “I bet.”

  Those two words expressed a wealth of information about Lukas’s feelings. That thought was neither a welcome nor pleasant one. She didn’t exactly want to see his point of view on anything. However, it was becoming apparent that a lifetime of compatibility overruled a hundred days of suffering.

  She wasn’t sure if that was right or wrong. All she knew was how she felt.

  They turned right off Main Street. In another two blocks, they’d turn right again, and then they’d be just a few yards from her house. She knew she should brace herself. Her walking with Lukas was not going to be received very well. At all.

  “Rebecca told me she heard that Aaron was going to move to Hope’s house,” Lukas said. “Is that right?”

  “Jah. I mean, I believe it is.”

  “He’s taking on a lot. More than I would have ever given him credit for.”

  She heard the sarcasm in his voice. Darla paused, unsure what to say about Aaron’s plans. If she said that he wanted to farm, she would be betraying Aaron’s secret.

  But if she didn’t mention Aaron’s intention, she worried Lukas would think she was supporting Aaron’s actions.

  She decided to err on the side of the truth. Daed had always said that the truth was worth bearing, no matter how hard it might be.

  “Lukas, Aaron plans to farm Hope’s land.”

  “Gonna be kind of hard to do that after work. Ain’t so?”

  “Um, well, he is planning to eventually quit the mill.”

  The amusement that had been playing on his lips evaporated. “I see.”

  She wondered what he meant. Darla said, “I know it ain’t my place, but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t let on that you know about that.”

  “First of all, it is your place,” he replied, his voice hard. “You’re his sister and my friend. You have a right to an opinion, Darla.”

  She’d made him mad. Wincing, she blurted, “I’m sorry, Lukas. All I meant was—”

  He interrupted. “Nee, it’s me who is sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. Don’t be upset.”

  “I’m not upset with you.”

  “I’m glad of that. Darla, you know I’d never hurt you. Never.” He took a deep breath. “Listen. I’ll keep your secret. But I have to tell you that I’m not real pleased about this.”

  “I hadn’t realized he was such a valuable employee.”

  “He isn’t. But I’m not fond of the fact that he wants to work for me as long as possible before I discover that I’m going to have to replace him.”

  This was awkward. “If Aaron finds out that I told you, he will be upset with me. I’d rather not deal with that right now.”

  As if he no longer trusted himself to look at her, Lukas looked straight ahead. She sensed him tensing, noticed that a muscle in his cheek was clenched. Her own body tightened in response, bracing for him to throw her wish back in her face.

  At last, he sighed. “I suppose I walked right into this, didn’t I?”

  “Maybe,” she allowed. “But if I may be frank, it took me by surprise, too. I didn’t know he had other plans besides working at the mill.”

  “How are you going to manage? You’ve got a big farm and a lot of animals. Too much for a woman to handle.”

  Truly, she didn’t know. “Can we not talk about this? It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “The whole situation does, or talking with me about it?”

  “Both. It’s still fresh, and, well, no one at home seems too worried about it besides me.”

  “That’s because no one in your house ever seems to worry about the future besides you.” There was an edge to his voice. An impatience.

  It wasn’t a new thing. Darla had known for some time that neither Lukas nor Levi respected Aaron all that much. Sometimes, even in the quiet of the night, she let herself admit that she wasn’t all that happy with how he handled things, either.

  “He is who he is,” she said softly. “He is Aaron.”

  “I disagree. He is who he is because he doesn’t feel the need to be anyone different.”

  “That isn’t my fault.”

  He stopped abruptly. Then to her surprise, he leaned a little closer. “Of course it isn’t,” he said. “I’m not blaming you, Darla. I’m not blaming your parents, either.”

  “Then?”

&nbs
p; “All I am saying is that people change when circumstances force them to. When your daed died, Aaron had the opportunity to become someone different.” He shook his head. “Nee. He had an obligation to become the man of the family. He should have willingly taken on the needs of your family. He should have decided to place his mother and siblings ahead of his own selfish wishes. He didn’t choose to do that.”

  She forced herself to keep her mouth from dropping open. Lukas’s words weren’t exactly a surprise, but the passion with which he’d said them made her catch her breath and hold it tight. All she could think was how different her life would have been if anyone in her family had voiced such things.

  Or if Aaron had felt that sense of obligation.

  “Maybe he has,” she said hesitantly—because if she didn’t, she would have to admit that Aaron was so very far from the man that Lukas was. Even harder would be admitting to Lukas that her brother hadn’t even tried. “Maybe this is why he’s decided to marry Hope.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Even if that is true, it doesn’t mean that he made the right decision. He shouldn’t be thinking about taking care of a wife when he can hardly take care of himself.”

  “That’s not quite fair.”

  “Don’t defend him. It neither helps him nor gives you the credit you deserve.”

  “I have to hope that he is doing the right thing. I have to, Lukas.”

  “I reckon you do.” He sighed, looking up the driveway at her house. “Well, let’s go get this over with so we can relax.”

  She didn’t have to ask what he meant. Bringing Lukas to her house was akin to bringing the enemy home. Her whole family would see the action as a betrayal of their father’s memory, instead of what it actually was: her need to have someone who was on her side. Who believed in her.

  Chapter 8

  As Lukas walked beside Darla up the long gravel driveway toward her home, he was painfully aware of the mistakes he’d made with her. He’d been absent when she’d needed him. Distant when he should have been near. Far too full of himself when he should have been concerned with her needs.

  It would be easy to justify his neglect. In the days and weeks following their fathers’ deaths, he’d had more on his mind than Darla’s pain. He’d had his own grief to manage. Then there were the added responsibilities of the mill, compounded by the fact that virtually all two hundred of their employees were still reeling from the effects of the fire and the five deaths.

  Every morning, he vowed he would work as hard as possible to ease the worry and pain of everyone there. And every night he realized that he hadn’t even come close. He would toss and turn, sleeping fitfully before at last waking up and writing a new list of things that needed to be done.

  But it was never enough.

  In addition to the heavy burden at work, Lukas was doing his best to help his younger siblings recover as best they could. Of course, Rebecca, Amelia, and Levi were adults and would have firmly told him that they didn’t need any help from him, but something inside him needed them to need him.

  These were all very good reasons for not putting as much effort into his relationship with Darla.

  But still, he should have known that she had been alone in many ways.

  Even though there were more than a few clues that pointed to the fire having been started by John Kurtz’s soiled rag, Lukas had steadfastly refused to publicly blame John. But Levi hadn’t been as reticent. And in his efforts to comfort his brother, Lukas hadn’t refuted Levi’s grumblings like he should have. Therefore, he’d kept his feelings to himself, and simply worked hard to do everything that was expected of him.

  But as the weeks passed, he’d begun to feel empty inside. He’d needed his friend. He’d needed Darla. He’d missed Darla’s smiles, her bright attitude and her unwavering support. He’d missed her. Only after he’d visited her at the post office had he realized that she, too, had been going through many of the same things. But unlike Lukas, who had the support of his employees and his family, she’d had no one.

  Instead of receiving a helping hand, she’d been the one supporting others. And now Lukas knew that Aaron had not only ignored her needs, he’d also selfishly added his own burdens to her slim shoulders.

  Lukas would’ve said he couldn’t fathom Aaron doing such a thing, but then he’d have to remember that Aaron had acted this way time and again. The only person whom Aaron had ever listened to had been his father. And now he was gone.

  Of course, he also now had Hope. Hope was lovely and had always been smitten with Aaron, but whether she didn’t see his faults or pretended she was unaware of them, she wasn’t the type to change Aaron. At least, Lukas didn’t think she was.

  As Darla led him toward her family’s old farmhouse, Lukas noticed that it needed a fresh coat of paint and the grass and bushes needed trimming. None of those things cost a lot of money or took a lot of time, but still Aaron had let the chores fall to the wayside.

  Just thinking about how Aaron hadn’t put his family’s needs first made Lukas seethe.

  Darla apparently noticed the tightening in his muscles. “Lukas? Is something wrong?”

  “Nee. I, uh, was just noticing that the house could use some fresh paint. Would you like me to buy some for ya? It would be no trouble.”

  “There’s no need. We have paint.”

  “Oh?” He let the word float between them. Hoping she would at last say how lazy Aaron had been.

  Instead, she flushed with embarrassment. “I know it looks bad. I, um . . . well, I haven’t gotten around to painting yet.”

  It took some effort, but he managed to keep his voice easy and patient. “You know painting ain’t a job for a woman, Darla.”

  “Who says?” She pulled back her shoulders and playfully drew herself up to her full, unimpressive five-foot-two-inch height. “I can paint as well as you can.”

  “Maybe you could,” he teased, “if you had a good ladder.”

  “Ha-ha. I’ve been making good use of ladders all my life, Lukas.”

  That might be true, but there was no way he was going to let her do more around this house than she was already doing. If he didn’t step in, she was going to work herself to the bone. “I don’t mind painting for you. Or I’ll ask Aaron to get on it,” he added at last. “He should be doing outside chores like this.”

  She raised her eyebrows but said nothing. Which was probably smart. Lukas knew Aaron didn’t like to be bossed around, and especially not by him.

  But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

  In fact, part of him hoped Aaron would be there and would pick a fight. It would actually give Lukas a lot of pleasure to yell at the man and, for once, tell him everything he felt about him.

  It wasn’t just Aaron’s intention of quitting his job that was irritating him so much. It was the man’s complete refusal to see the position he was putting his sister in. Darla, who continually smiled to the world and pretended that she didn’t carry what had to be a thousand pounds of burdens on her slim shoulders. Someone had to be on this girl’s side. Someone had to look out for her.

  Why was he the only person who realized this?

  The moment they reached the front porch, Maisie appeared. At twelve years old, she already looked a lot like Darla. She shared Darla’s blue eyes and small frame. In fact, they shared so many of the same features, it was uncanny. Except that their personalities were very different. While Darla was usually agreeable in nature and looked for the best in everything, Maisie always seemed to be in a bad mood. And had, for several years now.

  Today she was dressed in a light gray dress that should have looked too somber for a young girl. Instead, it emphasized her wheat-colored hair.

  “Hiya, Lukas,” she said politely.

  Glad that her grumpy mood might be a thing of the past, he nodded. “Good afternoon, Maisie.”

  She stepped closer, her hands restlessly twisting the side of her apron. “What are ya doing here?”

  “I walked
your sister home.”

  “How come?”

  “Can’t I walk her home without a reason?”

  Maisie continued to treat him to a piercing stare. “Jah,” she said slowly. “But you haven’t spent time with my sister for weeks. What’s changed?”

  “Maisie, don’t be rude,” Darla admonished.

  “Sorry, but I thought we didn’t like the Kinsingers no more.” Sheepishly she looked at Lukas. “Sorry.”

  Lukas said nothing. Instead he stared at Darla, wondering how the Lord had managed to give one girl so much patience.

  “No one ever said that,” Darla said.

  Maisie narrowed her eyes. “But . . .”

  After glancing at Lukas with a weak, contrite expression, Darla reached out and gently pulled Maisie’s hands from her apron and held them in her own. “No one is upset and nothing is wrong. Lukas and I simply wanted to catch up.”

  She nodded. “Oh.”

  Darla’s eyes lit up in approval. “Now, tell me who is home.”

  “Samuel and Evan. Gretel and Patsy. Now you. Everyone but Aaron.”

  “I see. Well, go get Lukas and me some glasses of lemonade, will you?”

  After warily shifting her eyes to Lukas again, Maisie nodded and left.

  “Lukas, I’m sorry about that. Ever since Mamm left, Maisie has been difficult.”

  “Nothing to apologize for. Maisie has always spoken her mind.” After a pause, he added gently, “She has reason to be off, I think. You all have had quite the time of it. Ain’t so?”

  “Jah.” After motioning to the small grouping on the side of the porch, a trio of chairs nestled around a wicker table, Darla sighed. “Let’s go sit down.”

  Lukas followed her, waiting for her to take a chair before sitting himself. Then he took off his hat and stretched his legs. The porch overhang kept the area cool. A light breeze blew in from the field beyond, bringing with it the scent of freshly mowed grass. He breathed deeply and felt his muscles relax. No matter what happened with her family, this moment made him glad he’d sought out Darla. This felt familiar.

  Hoping to ease her tense expression, he murmured, “How many hours do you think we’ve spent right here?”