Cold Land: A Mystery Thriller

by John Oakes

  Jerry looked at his soda, then set it in the cupholder. “I dunno. It’s refreshing. Can’t tell if I need caffeine or if I’m just thirsty from sleep and should be drinking water. I haven’t told you much about the misses, but she isn’t a big fan of me taking to soda in my older years. Not supposed to be all that good fer ya, ya know.”

  “No, I mean, how can you drink something that cold in the dead of winter?”

  “Oh, it’s not winter yet for another month or so.”

  Jake heaved his head over and gave Jerry an exaggerated look of frustration.

  “So it’s a little cold out,” Jerry said in a sing-song voice. “I used to drink coffee when it was summertime. Haven’t you?”

  “Hmm.” Jake certainly had.

  “Besides, I told ya, since the accident, certain things are different for me. Can’t drink coffee. And a man’s gotta get some pep in his step, especially with the crazy hours we’ve been pulling.”

  Jake sipped his coffee, thankful he was able to drink even the saddest brew. He didn’t feel sorry for Jerry, but he was reminded that the man had been through some sort of trauma large enough to get him stuck in the Bureau.

  “I think you’re doing pretty darn well, what with these crazy hours,” Jake said. “Plenty of folks my age couldn’t match your vigor.”

  Jerry stuck his lower lip up and nodded, by way of thanks.

  Around six am, Jerry parked a hundred feet from the rear of Steve and Diana’s respective businesses. In the twilight, Jake could just make out Kenny standing behind the annex, throwing a cigarette butt into the cold fire pit and lighting another. He took a couple puffs and punched something into his phone, then held it to his ear. Kenny swung his arm and jabbed repeatedly at the air in front of his face as he spoke, clearly upset by the phone call.

  “Wish we could hear what he’s saying,” Jake said.

  Jerry cocked an eye at him, then stepped around to the trunk, opened and closed it. He got back inside with a black, hard-plastic case.

  “Well, that was easy,” Jake said.

  “You don’t get what you don’t ask for,” Jerry said.

  “Hey Jerry. Got any cash in your wallet?”

  “Some. What for?”

  Jake froze and shook his head. “Man, for someone with a dry wit like yours, you miss sarcasm pretty easily sometimes.”

  Jerry rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess that’s why I’m a boring old cop and not Jerry fucking Seinfeld.”

  The severity of Jerry’s tone and language shocked Jake, only until shock bubbled up into laughter. “Jerry fucking Seinfeld,” Jake wheezed to himself, his shoulders heaving up and down as he assembled the parabolic microphone in his lap.

  Meanwhile, Kenny stalked to his truck and drove off.

  Jake wiped moisture from his eyes from laughing so hard. “He’s heading to Gavin’s place judging by the direction he turned.”

  Jerry drove without hugging Kenny’s tail, but still got there in time to see Kenny storm inside the house.

  Jake adjusted the mic until he heard clear voices, then shared one of the earpieces with Jerry.

  “Gavin, what the hell man. This is it. This is the day we change our lives.”

  “I don’t know, Kenny. I’ve been shitting myself like crazy.” Gavin’s voice was shaky and weak.

  “Dude, get up off the floor.”

  “I can’t. If I move, I’ll shit myself.”

  “Jesus, you look pale.”

  “I think I shit out everything in my body,” Gavin groaned. “I think I shit out my spleen. I think I shit out my soul. My actual soul came out, Kenny.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic. Get up, man. Please, don’t do this to me. AJ is MIA and Rob isn’t answering his phone.”

  Another car pulled up in front of Gavin’s house. A pregnant woman got out, shoulders back, and marched to the door.

  “I recognize her,” Jerry said. “That’s the sweet little pregnant gal from the diner.”

  “The infamous Lala of AJ’s sexually confused dreams.”

  Scrambled sounds came through the mic, and Jake repositioned it until the signal cleared up. “What the fuck is going on, Kennick?” Lala asked. “I’ve just been to Rob’s. He’s passed out cold next to a whiskey bottle with his pants off. AJ’s completely vanished.”

  “Gavin’s sick,” Kenny said. “What? I’m sorry, Lala.”

  “Get up Gavin,” Lala said. “Get up.”

  “I can’t use my legs,” Gavin said meekly.

  “Get up!”

  There was a sound like scuffling, grunts and ruffling of clothing.

  “Lala,” Kenny said.

  “See he’s up,” a breathy Lala said. “If he can stand, he can—Oh God!”

  Gavin wailed as if his bowels cramped up on him and the toilet clanked as he slumped onto it. Curses flew about as Gavin moaned on the toilet and a door slammed.

  “Dang,” Jake said in the car. “So visceral, like those old timey radio plays, except super gross.”

  “Such is the power of Steve Frazzi’s native healing arts.” Jerry bowed his head.

  Slapping and scuffling sounds came next. Interrupted pleas. “Stop, Lala.”

  “You said this would work,” she said. “You said you could trust these gadjo idiots.”

  “I don’t know what’s happening. It’s like fate or something.”

  “Fate? A Roma is gonna talk to me about fate? You’ve been cursed, Kennick.”

  “I’m fine, though.”

  “But your plans are in the toilet. All that work! Someone put amriya on you.”

  Lala stormed out the front door and down the steps, her forceful gait only slightly hindered by her pregnant belly. Kenny scurried after with less grace. “Maybe we can still pull it off, somehow, baby.”

  She spun on him. “I didn’t come this far to stop. It’s getting done, believe me, just maybe not the way we planned.”

  “What does that mean?” Kenny trailed after her.

  Lala opened her door. “Who do we have?”

  Kenny stammered.

  “Forget the normal ways.” Lala pursed her fingers and shook them at him. “We don’t need people we trust to the grave. Guys with a pulse. Who do you know?”

  “I’m selective. You know I don’t make friends with just anybody. I got a couple buddies at work, but our shift started already. Gonna look real suspicious if they leave work just before a truck gets hit.”

  Lala lowered her voice and leaned over her door. “There is a truck loaded with valuables on it. That’s my future. Our future, whatever. Who do you know?” She punctuated each word in the last question, jabbing a finger at him.

  “Zach’s in prison, but…” Kenny waggled a finger, brightening. “Yeah. I guess I do know a guy. He’s very capable.”

  “Get him. Meet me at the spot. And Kennick, do not be late.”

  Lala drove off, leaving Kenny in the street, scratching his head.

  When Kenny called minutes later, Jake tried to sound drowsy on the phone, as if Kenny had just roused him from blissful sleep. For Kenny’s part, he managed to keep his calm and even sounded polite as he asked Jake to go along with a change in plans. “I know it’s not the idea we had before but another better opportunity has come along. You still down to make some money?”

  “Yeah. Of course, man. When do you need me?”

  “Right now, brother. How soon can you meet up?”

  TWENTY-ONE

  The Heist

  Fifteen minutes after hanging up, Jake entered the yard behind the annex where he found Kenny loading the acetylene tanks into his truck.

  “Don’t want them rattling around on their side,” Jake said, alerting Kenny to his arrival. “You should strap them in.”

  Kenny gave a curt nod. “Man, I don’t have any fancy straps. You just have to hold them in your arms or between your legs.”

  Sooner than Jake expected, they were on the road, heading past the shipping and fulfillment plant and onto a highway that veered to
the southwest.

  “So, you gonna finally tell me the plan?” Jake cradled the three upright tanks between his legs.

  “Of course.”

  “I’d prefer the real plan this time,” Jake said. “I didn’t appreciate the lies yesterday. You could have just told me to leave if you didn’t want my help. Telling me a big fib about stealing cars was disrespectful, if you ask me.” He didn’t want to press Kenny too hard, as he seemed stressed out of his gourd, but Jake had to let him know now that he wasn’t anybody’s fool.

  “I didn’t know you. How could I trust you?”

  Met with cynicism, Jake adopted Jerry’s characteristic appeal to decency. “You trusted me enough to bring you the tanks from Zach. No one even paid me to do that, but I did. And you trusted me to teach you how to use them right. Even though I thought you were maybe getting ready to do something fishy to me, I still taught you right.”

  “Look man, what do you want to hear?” Kenny was frustrated to the point of laughter. “I used you a tiny bit because I didn’t have the time to learn to trust you in the big ways. You gotta admit the circumstances weren’t ideal.”

  “Maybe that’s true.”

  “So, we can let it all go and focus on today?”

  “Seems like the smart thing to do.” Jake touched a fist to the dash. “Time to work.”

  “Yeah, we’re gonna work.” Kenny huffed a laugh at Jake then turned his eyes back to the road. His shoulders were tense and he leaned over the wheel like a much older driver. “Our real target is a CheapValue truck leaving the shipping facility I work at. The truck should be leaving any minute if it hasn’t already, and it’s gonna head down to Iowa where they got a new store opening up. We figured if anyone caught on beforehand, it’d just look like a normal little glitch, and nobody’d be the worse off. But it went fine, and we got this truck loaded down with the most expensive shit CheapValue sells. And the beauty of it is Gavin and I arranged it so even if we weren’t there today, the automated system would pick the orders for the truck and the dock monkeys would load it up, no question.”

  Little droplets of moisture dotted the windshield, but Jake’s eyes caught the erratic motion of the white specks before they splattered on the glass. Snow.

  “So we’re going to take all this stuff?” Jake asked.

  “We dismount the GPS and send it in a different vehicle to the store it’s supposed to go to, so the computers won’t issue an alert. Then we take the truck to some property in the boonies where my girlfriend knows a guy. He’s got property we can hide in. We’re gonna take the truck there and cut the side off. That’s what the torch is for.”

  “You were gonna try to take the side off a semi truck without an expert?”

  “It’s outlaw shit, man. You just gotta do the thing. Besides, my girl’s cousin or whatever, he’s real handy. Has a shop and everything. You know how the Indians used every part of the buffalo? We’re gonna strip this semi down to the bolts and let him sell it for parts. Meanwhile, we’ll haul our cut of the valuables away on a flatbed all covered up. No one the wiser.”

  “What about the truck driver?” Jake asked.

  “I figure we drop him or her off somewhere later. No harm.”

  “That sounds like a pretty out there plan.”

  “Is it gonna be a problem?”

  Jake turned and considered the brightening horizon. “No. No problem. God-willing it all goes off.”

  “God won’t help us steal, gadjo, but at least he may turn a blind eye.”

  Jake reseted his elbow on the door and stroked his scruffy mouth, watching the white flakes grow more numerous and dense as they fell. He was beginning to fear that stopping the theft without making an arrest could be impossible. If so, he’d have to stop the operation before the border, otherwise Jerry and the Bureau wouldn’t be making the arrest, and boy did they sorely need it. Jake also remembered Steve’s insistence that they prevent the heist without causing a hubbub, but that’d been partially in exchange for information leading to the murderer of David Young. And that was still not apparent.

  “So if none of the guys are here,” Jake asked, “is it just you and me?”

  “My girlfriend is helping. She may bring help. Either way, it should be all good once we get to this hidden property.”

  “Oh.”

  “She’s real pregnant, okay, but she won’t listen to me. Don’t say anything about it, or you’ll just get an earful, trust me.”

  “She sounds… motivated.”

  “Oh, she’s strong-willed on the best of days. But now being so pregnant and wanting to pad that nest out, it’s a whole new level. I pity anyone that gets in her way today. Don’t let it be you.”

  Something about Kenny’s words hit Jake. Lala was fair skinned, with light brown hair, yet she seemed to be exhibiting Roma-like behavior. “Is your girl a gadjo or Roma?”

  “A little of both. Her father was an old man when he had her with a gadjo mistress. This was back when we still had a council in these parts. He was on it. Very important man. But he died when she was young. She lived some with her mother and some with our people. My mother was best friends with one of Lala’s much older half sisters. So I knew her since young, young.”

  The highway they’d been on turned due south. Jake wanted to tell Jerry everything he’d learned, but he couldn’t whip his phone out and just start texting in front of Kenny. If Jake tried to type surreptitiously by the side of his seat, his big thumbs would cause untold typos. That plus autocorrect might send any manner of botched and confounding message to Jerry. No, Jake simply had to trust that the old coot was following at a distance.

  One positive was that the small talk seemed to relax Kenny, and as long as Kenny was talking, Jake was learning and thinking.

  “Is Zach related to you?” he asked.

  “Yes and no. Zach is the son of a man named Fronzi Vane, Frank Vane he goes by. Frank’s brother married my aunt Lisa. They divorced right away, but by then my father made friends with his new brother-in-law and Frank, and you know, family is sometimes who is there, not just who you’re technically related to. So Zach was always like a cousin.”

  “Interesting. Confusing, but interesting.”

  They pulled off at an exit within fifteen miles of the border, near a tiny town called Northrop.

  At first Jake was confused as to why. Before blurting out his question, he rubbed his eyes, feeling just how tired he was, deeply, torturously tired, the kind of tired that wore past a man’s will into his brainstem. Perhaps, his cumulative lack of sleep was becoming more of a problem than Jake had suspected. He sniffed sharply and widened his eyes, trying to invigorate himself, but the falling white snowflakes blanketed the cold land, disorienting him in a field of white. For a moment, he felt like he was nowhere, floating, suspended in a different plain of existence.

  The CheapValue truck passed by with a rush of air, and suddenly Jake saw his surroundings, the simple cab of Kenny’s beat-up pickup. Kenny pulled out behind the semi onto the highway followed by Lala herself in her vehicle. Somehow Jake had entirely missed her, even though she couldn’t have been parked more than forty feet from them, waiting for the truck to pass by.

  Jake, in a daze, watched the mile markers by the side of the road count down from fourteen to ten. He rubbed his face harshly, desperate to wake himself up. He needed to be more than awake, he needed to be alert and sharp. He dug his fingers into his thighs and implored himself to think, despite his haziness.

  If they crossed the border into Iowa, an arrest was going to get very difficult and it certainly would do nothing for the Bureau. Jake couldn’t see how letting this go any further would help the situation.

  He reached down by his waist and laid his hand gently on the grip of his pistol. It pulled his fingers around it like a woman donning a shawl over her shoulders to hedge against the cold. Jake lifted his pistol out of its holster and rested its cool barrel on his eyebrow. “Kenny,” Jake said. “Your cousin Steve sent me to stop y
ou from robbing this truck.”

  “What? You’re joking.”

  Jake gave a slight shake of his head without looking up from the floor. “Process your disappointment quickly, because we need to stop Lala before she does anything she can’t come back from.”

  “What the fuck? You kidding me?” Kenny bounced in his seat.

  Jake looked over. “Not kidding,” he said calmly, firmly. “You’re not robbing this truck. Not today. Your family has worked hard to make a home for themselves in Mankato. This could bring quite the blowback on them.”

  The mile marker by the side of the road read “7.”

  “Who are you?” Kenny asked.

  “Kenny, I’m a man telling you to stand down and get your girlfriend to rethink her day.”

  Kenny slammed his palm into the wheel. “Never should have trusted Zach. I knew it.”

  “This isn’t Zach’s fault,” Jake said. “Now, how do we stop Lala, quick.”

  “We can’t stop her,” Kenny whined. “Come on. Let’s just do this. Get paid!”

  “Your plan sounds pretty thin, but that’s beside the point.”

  “Fuck you, man.”

  “Yeah, fuck me. Now gimme your phone.” Jake reached out.

  Kenny swatted his hand away. “No. I’ll call her.”

  “Tell her you see cops swarming. That someone must have ratted you out.”

  “Are there gonna be cops? Is this a set up?”

  “How is me stopping you from committing any crimes today a setup? No crimes, no cops. I promise.”

  Kenny thought it over then with coldness in his eyes said, “Im gonna fucking kill you and my cousin when this is over.”

  He dialed a number and held the phone to his ear. “Hey Lala, listen baby, there’s cops all over. You seeing this? I think AJ or one of them said something. Maybe Zach. We gotta—No baby. You’re not hearing me! We gotta turn around and—”

  Kenny went quiet as Lala spoke on the other end. Then he pulled the phone away as if he’d been hung up on.

  “What happened?”

  “She’s keeping on with the plan.” Kenny sounded surprised. “Said if they’re Minnesota cops they can’t come into Iowa.” Kenny looked paler now. “Is that right?”