by Regina Darcy
The whole ball felt like a slap in the face.
“Miss Carson!” Adrianna whirled around to face her not-so-gracious host. He smiled at her; an expression that she did return. “I trust this evening finds you well?”
“Well, well,” Adrianna replied, under her breath. “If it isn’t my gracious host?”
SIX
Once the Earl saw his cousin and Colette dancing an old-fashioned minuet, he knew it was time to seek out Adrianna. He could not stop thinking about his raven-haired neighbour, since her visit to his home about a week ago. During his long, rambling walks around his grounds, the Earl found that his dark eyes often turned toward her estate, in the hopes that he might catch a glimpse of Adrianna roaming through her orchards. Typically, he was disappointed.
Tonight, however, Lord Billingham quickly found her in the crowd. She looked radiant in her pale pinker empire gown. “Miss Carson.”
He felt thrilled when she smiled and beckoned for him to follow her into a quiet empty hallway, away from the crowd.
“Pardon me, my lord,” she said, closing the door behind her, “But how dare you?”
“How dare I?” he asked, taken aback.
In the dim candlelight, her dark eyes were as sharp as obsidian. “How dare you invite Jason Danvers to this event!”
“My cousin is staying with me,” the Earl replied, dryly. “I could scarcely throw a raging squeeze in my ballroom and pray that he would sleep through the noise.”
“Oh, yes, how convenient an excuse for you. Well, I hope you’re pleased with yourself. Mr Danvers has already lured my sister back into his arms.”
“Miss Carson, I don’t think there was any luring involved. Your sister has plenty of other gentlemen to choose from.”
“But you agreed to help me! The whole point of this ball was to provide her with a distraction from your cousin.”
The Earl sighed. He had hoped that once Adrianna saw the couple together, she might see how happy they were in each other’s company. “My lady pray tell, have you seen the way my cousin looks at your sister?”
“Yes. He looks at her the way a miser looks at his hoard of golden coins.”
“Like she’s the thing he loves most in the world? But, isn’t that a good thing?”
“No. All he’s after is money. My lord, he is a scoundrel.”
“My natural familial bias notwithstanding, I can emphatically tell you that he is most definitely not a scoundrel. Jason Danvers is a good man. As good a man as you’ll find, actually.”
“I’m afraid anything you say will be tainted with familial bias,” Adrianna said, quietly. “I understand and respect your devotion to your cousin, but you must understand, I will stand up for my kin as well.”
“Your loyalty to your sister is quite a wonderful quality,” he replied, softly. “Perhaps if I told you more about my cousin your heart would be a bit more open to the match? Jason is the oldest of five siblings. He spent many summers here, but my father always treated him more as a servant than a guest — he didn’t approve of his low birth. We still became quite good friends. His parents passed when he was just a young man.” He shook his head. “I gave him some funds to put toward raising his siblings, but I was quite young too, and my father strictly controlled my allowance. He refused to throw a pittance toward the Danvers children. Jason Danvers raised those siblings. He put his dream of becoming a parson on hold forever and became a shipwright and a dock-builder — now he’s the best one in the country. Today, his two younger sisters are happily married to London merchants. One of his brothers is a decorated Navy officer. The other two went into his successful business. He’s a good, loyal man. The rumours about his fortune hunting tendencies are spouted by people who are jealous of his success and rise in society.”
Adrianna shrunk back a little. Her face looked pinched and her gloved hand was over her heart. “He sounds like a very good man. And perhaps he thinks he loves my sister, but you have to understand, she is so young. Colette is a sweet, innocent creature with an exceptionally large inheritance. If a fortune hunter were to sink his hooks into her, the heartbreak would destroy her. I will not see my younger sister used in such a way.” She shook her head. “You may think me judgmental and unyielding, but I’d rather risk my own harsh behaviour than her heart.”
“Can’t you trust her to know her own heart?” Lord Billingham asked, stepping closer. Adrianna’s face looked quite flushed in the candlelight.
“She is too young.” She tucked a dark strand of hair behind her ear. Lord Billingham could see that Adrianna was quivering, slightly. “Too inexperienced.”
“You have more experience, then. You’ve been hurt before, and you want to guide her away from such heartbreak?” Lord Billingham paused. He had gone too far with his questions. “Forgive me. I did not intend to pry. I just… I want to understand you.”
“I am not offended, my lord. I actually have no experience in such affairs,” Adrianna said, with a sad laugh.
“I merely know how the world works.” She curtseyed, her dark curls catching the flickering light. “I bid you a good evening, my lord.”
“Good night, Miss Carson,” Lord Billingham managed, watching her open the door and head back to the ballroom. His heart beat faster and faster as the music and murmurs outside flooded into the once quiet space.
SEVEN
“Aren’t you happy to be back in London?” Adrianna asked, waving her free hand at the bustling street. The other hand was outstretched to the coachman, who helped her out of the carriage and onto the cobblestone streets. The night was cold. Thick clouds billowed over the moon. Adrianna shivered slightly and pulled her thin shawl closer around her shoulders.
“Oh, yes, very happy,” Aunt Lydia said cheerfully. “You poor girls live in such a boring part of the country. If I were your age, I would be up to London every weekend. Where else is one supposed to meet young bachelors?”
“Auntie, please refrain from prowling around for young bachelors tonight,” Adrianna sighed, before turning to her sister. “Well, Colette? Isn’t this nice! Back in London so soon?”
“It’s fine, I suppose,” Colette said. She looked gorgeous in her blue gown with a grey sash. Her blonde hair was held up with pearl-adorned pins. Still, her face was pale and glum. She clearly was not in the mood for dancing.
If Adrianna was being honest, she was not either. She had whipped up this hasty jaunt to London in the name of cheering Colette up. In reality, it was to flee from Danvers. He’d practically turned their front stoop into his own personal garden — every morning there were more and more beautiful flowers.
That being mentioned, Adrianna herself was glad to escape that ridiculous Earl they lived so close to. This was just as much an escape for her as it was for Colette.
Presently, Adrianna, Colette, and Aunt Lydia were disembarking in front of one of the grandest balls in all of London. They weaved their way into the hall, winding through the mob.
“Tonight will be an excellent chance to meet more potential, um, gentlemen friends,” Adrianna said, brightly. “Isn’t that right, Colette?”
Her sister did not respond. Adrianna couldn’t help but sense a certain hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt guilty, having heard Lord Billingham’s story about Danvers. Still, she wasn’t sure if she could trust the man. What’s more, even if Danvers believed himself to be in love with Colette, it didn’t make them a good match. His idea of “love” might just be a well-meaning but misguided lust for the girl’s beauty and wealth.
“I said, isn’t that right, Colette?” Adrianna repeated, turning around. Her sister was gone. She immediately turned to her aunt, looking for an explanation. “Do you know which way she went?”
Aunt Lydia shrugged. Adrianna sighed, unsure of whether or not the woman was just distracted or deliberately unhelpful. She scrambled around the party for the better part of an hour, nearly seizing upon every blonde woman in a blue gown. At one point, she accidentally tripped into a gr
oup of rowdy gentlemen. In the resulting chaos, wine was spilled all over one of her white, silk gloves. Feeling defeated, she peeled it off.
Then, she saw something that struck fear into her very core. Danvers and Colette were hovering beneath the arch of a doorway in the far corner of the ballroom. Their foreheads were nearly touching, like they were weaving some conspiracy together. Then, they moved closer. For a moment, Adrianna couldn’t see what was going on. Then, the couple was back to smiling at one another. She saw Danvers brush a strand of hair from Colette’s face and kiss her on the cheek.
A kiss! An illicit kiss. Right there, practically in front of everyone. Such brazen public displays of affection could ruin Colette’s reputation forever!
Fuming, Adrianna began storming over to confront the couple. Just before she reached the arch, a tall, familiar figure blocked her path. It was the Earl of Billingham — looking especially dashing in a dark cape.
“Miss Carson,” he smiled. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”
“Please, sir, I have no time for your games,” she snapped. “You must let me pass.
“I’m not going to do that if you simply mean to break up that charming young couple I was just speaking with.”
“Let me through! I just witnessed a most horrific sight.”
“Horrific!” Lord Billingham looked around, eyes wide in mock terror. “Do tell, what happened? I should like to avoid such horrors during this dance, as you might imagine.”
“Do not mock me, my lord.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it! I would sincerely like to know what you saw that was so horrific.”
“I believe I saw my sister Colette kissing your cousin Jason Danvers!”
“A kiss!” Lord Billingham clapped his hand over his heart. “Not a kiss! Heaven save us all!”
“I fail to see the humour in this,” Adrianna said, through gritted teeth. “You jest, but it is my sister’s reputation on the line.”
“Exactly, Miss Carson. It is your sister’s choice. Why not allow her to make her own decisions about kissing and such matters?”
Adrianna felt like she was going to explode with anger.
“Because she doesn’t know any better! She’s only 17.”
“That’s not a terrible age for a first kiss,” Lord Billingham said. “I should think that is rather on the late side.”
“The late side?” Adrianna cried.
“Well, if I may ask, when did you have your first kiss?”
“I… I.” Adrianna looked around, desperate to somehow escape the conversation. Finding no respite, she turned back toward the Earl. “I have never been kissed before in my life, sir.”
“You have never been kissed?” Now, it was Lord Billingham’s turn to look alarmed.
Adrianna smiled, looking embarrassed. “I guess… no one has ever… that has never been an issue for me.”
Without another word, Lord Billingham took Adrianna’s un-gloved hand in his own. He raised her small hand to his lips. Her breath caught in her throat.
“May I?” he asked, gently.
She blinked and nodded.
Lord Billingham delicately placed a kiss on her hand. Then, he bowed and walked away, leaving her feeling warm all over. She sat down at an empty table to collect herself. Many moments later, it was actually Colette who gathered her and Aunt Lydia and led them to the coach.
On the bouncing carriage ride back to their apartments, Adrianna even forgot to chastise her sister for her public indiscretion. She was too caught up in imagining Lord Billingham’s kiss, again and again. She ran her fingers over the back of her hand, where the Earl’s lips had touched her skin.
EIGHT
The sisters and their aunt remained in the city for two more weeks after that first ball. London proved to be a rainy, chaotic, and loud experience. Adrianna missed the country every day she was in the city, although she tried to keep up her spirits, for everyone’s sake. They attended every ball, where Adrianna would introduce her sister to practically every suitable bachelor she could find.
The trip to London was all for nothing, as far as she was concerned.
During that time, Colette ran into Danvers at several more parties. The same sort of lovebird antics unfolded every time they saw one another. Adrianna, however, had not seen Lord Billingham since that fateful night. In retrospect, she was displeased about the kiss — no matter how sweet it had felt at the time.
Finally, it came time to leave. London had produced no potential replacements for Mr Danvers in Colette’s eyes. And Adrianna was eager to retreat back to the familiarity of their home. There, she could hide away from the worst and forget about strange, mysterious earls that went around kissing people and pretending it did not mean anything.
Adrianna sat on her bed as the servants packed up her clothes and belongings. Her room was pink and rosy, with delicate wall paper and chairs with intricate, carved backs. It gave off a cheery glow that did not match Adrianna’s cold, gloomy mood, despite her outward contrivances of cheeriness.
Aunt Lydia sat at Adrianna’s boudoir, preening over her well-coiled hair. For an older lady, she certainly took much pride in her appearances. In many ways, she was more like a typical young woman than Adrianna herself, in terms of her attitudes and interests. Perhaps she would understand Adrianna’s dilemma, regarding Lord Billingham. She decided to confide in her aunt, telling her all about the kiss the Earl had planted upon her wrist.
“Pardon me,” Aunt Lydia said, turning around in her chair. “He did what during the dance?”
“He took my hand and kissed it,” Adrianna repeated, beginning to blush. “Just like that. During the ball. To prevent me from interrupting Danvers and Colette! Lord Billingham and Danvers—they are colluding on this together.”
“He kissed you?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ve never been kissed before?”
“Well, that’s not the point…”
“Isn’t it?” Aunt Lydia furrowed her brow. “How did that make you feel, child? When he kissed you?”
“I-I…” Adrianna looked out the window. The truth was part of her wanted him to do it again. But she was far too proud to admit that! “It was ghastly.”
“Ghastly? How?”
“Oh, I do not know,” Adrianna said, flopping onto her back and covering her head with a pillow.
“Adrianna, what on earth is the matter with you?” Aunt Lydia asked, sternly.
Adrianna sighed. She was certainly not in the mood for a scolding from her aunt. “I am just a bit tired, Aunt Lydia.”
“I am tired as well.” Aunt Lydia stood up and began to pace about the room. “I am tired of seeing you so unhappy.”
“Unhappy?” Adrianna removed the pillow and sat straight up. “Colette is the one wandering the halls, weeping like some tormented ghosts.”
“Yes. She’s unhappy too. Because you are making her unhappy.”
“It’s not me. It’s Mr Danvers. He’s seduced her and now she’s convinced she’s in love with him.”
“Maybe she is in love with him.” Aunt Lydia sighed. “Dear, you are so blinded by your own loneliness.”
“Auntie!” Adrianna snapped. “That’s enough. I am trying to protect my sister. This is not about me. This is about her future. If she throws away her life on a man that only cares about her money, I will never forgive myself. It’s up to me to ensure she is happy and well-cared for.”
“My dear, take it from someone who was once your age, albeit a long time ago,” Aunt Lydia said, gently. “I do not believe the way you are behaving is about Colette and Danvers anymore.”
“What is it about then, Aunt Lydia?” Adrianna asked, exasperated. “Please, do tell me. Am I simply going mad?”
“No.” A hint of a smile crossed Aunt Lydia’s lips. “I think you are a bit lonely. I also think you have found someone that makes you feel less lonely. And I do not think you know how to cope with those feelings. Adrianna, please know that I say this out of love.
I am not trying to offend you.” She crossed her arms. “But you are a bit of a prude when it comes to matters of the heart.”
Adrianna could scarcely believe her ears. Here was her elderly aunt, accusing her of being frigid. “A prude!” She clapped a hand over her pounding forehead. She did not know whether to laugh or cry. “So you think I should just let Colette — a mere teenager — do whatever she wants?”
“I did not say that,” Aunt Lydia said. “I think you should start considering what you want.”
“I want everyone to get along. I want the farmers in our county to recover from this dreadful downturn. I want my sister to be happy and fall in love with a man that truly loves her and can provide for her.”
“Do you want to fall in love?” Aunt Lydia asked, her eyes gleaming a bit.
“I… I mean, what do you want me to say, Aunt Lydia?”
“The truth, Adrianna. Tell me the truth.”
“Of course I want to be married. But it’s too late for me. No one will have me now. No one except for some desperate scrambler, looking for a wealthy heiress to wed and use.” She set her mouth in a hard line. “I refuse to be pray for such a man.”
Aunt Lydia tilted her head a bit. “Are you certain that you haven’t already met a man that would be suitable for you? A man that could do right by you?” She shook her head. “Adrianna, all you do is run around caring for others. I would just like someone to do the same for you for a change.”
One of the groomsmen ducked his head through the open door. “Mistresses, the coach is ready. Miss Colette is already inside, waiting for you.”