by Regina Darcy
“Thank you,” Adrianna said, tiredly. “We will be right down.”
Once they were alone again, Aunt Lydia walked over and patted Adrianna on the hand. “My dear, I am sorry if I upset you.”
“Oh Auntie.” Adrianna stood up and hugged her. “I know you only meant to help. Just like I am only trying to help Colette. I will consider what you said.”
Aunt Lydia planted a kiss on her cheek and scurried out of the room. Adrianna blinked away the tears that were starting to form in her dark eyes. Then, she resolutely gathered her skirts and marched downstairs to the waiting coach.
NINE
The long journey back from London was damp, tired, and mostly silent. Adrianna felt her unease growing with each jolt on the road back to their rural county. When they finally reached their estate, the house felt cold and slightly damp.
Colette wondered if Aunt Lydia was right. Was she wrongly ascribing her unhappiness to Colette’s situation with Danvers? Was it really Lord Billingham who had her in such a mood?
The whole situation felt so messy and complicated that Adrianna wanted to simply forget it and lose herself in a good book. There would be time later to think things over and consider her true feelings. For now, she needed rest.
Now Adrianna sat on the sofa, trying to read. Colette was at the piano, playing a rather slow, dirge-like tune. Aunt Lydia was upstairs napping.
Undeterred by their solemn mistresses, the servants buzzed around the sisters, swapping tales of Lord Billingham’s latest treacheries.
“The coachman says he’s burning through whatever money he has left.”
“I hear he’s already got a mistress on the premises.”
“When do you think he’s going to start evicting tenants and selling their lands to pay off the father’s debts?”
“I wonder who she is?”
“Those poor families. They’ll be left with nothing.”
“Some men in the village say they’ve seen a young lady frolicking back and forth from the estate. It’s disgusting, it is. Completely indecent.”
She tried to ignore the chatter, but she couldn’t help but flinch at every scrap of information she happened to hear. The whole county had been preoccupied with the Earl lately. The restoration of his estate was in full swing, with workers clattering away at refurbishing Billingham Hall.
All of that mischief would also explain why Lord Billingham left London so quickly. He didn’t want the scandals to follow him there. Or maybe he was so eager to continue with his poor behaviour that he simply couldn’t wait to head back to the countryside.
For the life of her, Adrianna had no idea how the man was going to afford the massive overhaul. The infamous hell raiser from seven years ago was clearly back. The whole thing made her stew inside. If he were just harming himself, then so be it. However, like it or not, the man had dozens of families relying on him to stay afloat, to ensure their very livelihoods! How could he behave so carelessly with so many depending on him? How could a person with so many endearing qualities turn out to be such a disappointment?
Before she even knew what she was doing, Adrianna was ordering the servants to drive her to Billingham Hall by coach. She stared out at the brown, lifeless fields as she rode up to the estate. She had to confront this man, at least try to make him see the error of his ways one last time.
Adrianna’s head was in a whirl as they road toward the large house. She exited the carriage in front of the manor. She could hear the workmen calling to one another, as they worked on the massive renovation:
“I don’t know how he affords it.”
“What’s the point of fixing up this dusty old place anyway — he can’t possibly have the money to furnish it properly.”
“I don’t care, as long as he pays on time.”
Adrianna took a deep breath and kept moving. She met with the groomsman at the front door and found herself back in the parlour. Lord Billingham was already there, sitting in a comfortable looking chair and reading from a large book. He set the tome down and looked up at her when she entered.
“Miss Carson.” He sounded quite pleased to see her.
“How do you do?”
She quietly replied to his greeting. Just looking at him made her heart sink. He had all the makings of a great man, but he squandered his excellent attributes on a life filled with hedonism and deceit.
Adrianna did not waste time beating around the bush. “I must tell you, there are several disturbing rumours floating around the county about you.”
“Rumours?” he responded, his tone growing colder by the moment. “Tell me about this gossip you’ve heard, please.”
“Looking around, I can see that much of it very well might be true,” Adrianna said. “Many people have seen a mysterious lady wandering around your estate.” She gestured at some sloppy needlepoint lying on the sofa. “Looks like there is some evidence for that theory. Is that sampler yours, then?”
“No, it is not.” He did not bother to provide an explanation.
“I might have guessed that.” Adrianna shook his head. “It’s also said that you’re about to start casting out servants and tenants.”
“How can that be?” Lord Billingham snapped. “I haven’t sent out any eviction notices.”
“I believe it’s just a natural assumption, considering you are burning through your fortune on frivolities like redecorating this manor.” Adrianna pointed at the parlour’s walls, which recently had been repainted a fashionable shade of azure. “It is nice to see you can afford such trifles as those around you struggle to get by.”
“Very well, Miss Carson,” he said, fixing her with an icy stare. “Is this what you believe too? Or are you just passing along the message from all the other busybodies in the county?”
“Busybodies!” Now Adrianna was angry. “I would remind you, my lord, that I am the reason your estate survived to this day. I suppose I feel some compulsion — responsibility, actually — to look out for the best interest of those under your charge. Because all the evidence would indicate that you certainly do not. If that makes me a busybody, then so be it. Someone needs to watch out for your servants and farmers.”
“So this is about my negligence as a landlord? Very well, then.” He shook his head, looking defeated. “You have figured me out. But what of you? What does any of this have to do with you? If I want to drag my estate down, why not just let me do it in peace?”
“You have people depending on you! Your farmers could starve if the Billingham estate flounders.”
“People are starving and struggling everywhere, Miss Carson,” Norborne snapped. “That doesn’t answer why you have become so fixated on my estate and my affairs.”
Adrianna looked up at him for a moment. Her throat began to burn and her eyes well up, in embarrassment. “I-I…”
She never completed that thought. Adrianna turned on her heel and fled the estate. Her carriage had left already — apparently the driver had mistakenly believed that she did not want them to wait for her. She began to walk home until she heard someone running after her.
“Miss Carson?” She whirled around. To her horror, it was Jason Danvers following. Of course it would be Jason Danvers, catching her at her most vulnerable, ugly moment.
“Please allow me to take you home,” he said.
“No, no that’s alright—”
“It looks like it may storm.”
“I believe I can make it—”
“Miss Carson, please.” He smiled. “I insist.”
He led her to his carriage and helped her into a seat. The whole ride home he told her surprisingly funny stories about summering on such a fancy estate and being essentially forced to work as a servant by the old earl. Adrianna mostly nodded and watched the bare, crow-studded trees fly past the window. She tried to make some conversation, but she felt completely numb inside.
Once they reached the grand Carson estate, Danvers helped her out of the cart.
“Mr Danvers,” she call
ed, just before she walked through her front door. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Miss Carson.” He nodded, and then thundered away down the road.
Wiping away the tears from her red face, she hurried back into the house.
“Adrianna!” Colette cried, alarmed by her appearance. Adrianna ignored her sister and rushed up to her room.
She had spent so much time agonising over Colette’s heart that she neglected her own. And now, it was too late. Adrianna had unwittingly given her heart to Lord Billingham — a man who couldn’t help but break it into a thousand pieces.
TEN
Lord Billingham almost ordered his men to ready his best horse after Adrianna left. He almost rode at a gallop across the fields, to find her, to explain the truth to her.
Almost.
But feelings of dread and doubt overcame him, paralyzing him in his seat in the parlour. How could Adrianna think such terrible things about him? Had he given her the impression that he was such a despicable man? Could he ever dispel the shadow that hung over his name?
The hours ticked by. Lord Billingham felt that he would go mad if he spent any more time sitting around feeling sorry for himself. He sprung to his feet, threw on his dark blue cape and riding boots, and marched into the misty, grey day. The earth was soggy beneath his feet.
Billingham Hall sat on a sloping hill. Looking out from in front of his large estate home, Alexander could gaze down on the surrounding farmland, swathed with mist.
Adrianna had kept his estate alive, all this time. Had it not been for her infernal meddling and the large inheritance left by the Baron, he would have come home to a completely deserted estate. Men and women who had lived on the Billingham estate for decades would have fallen into ruin. Many would have flocked to London, where they would have likely died destitute.
This vexing, lovely Miss Carson was like a force of nature, whether she was protecting her young sister or assisting the impoverished farmers on his lands. He could tell she was a passionate woman, despite her prudish inclinations. He thought that her trepidation over Colette and Danvers’s love might simply stem from her own loneliness.
It was a loneliness that he understood all too well.
Lord Billingham sighed. There was no way around it. He loved Adrianna. He realised that. He could not fight that feeling any longer.
All her interference into his affairs could mean one of two things. She loathed him, or she loved him too.
He prayed that the latter was true, but he could not help but feel that he did not deserve her.
Lord Billingham stood very still, cape fluttering against the wind. He had to tell her how he felt. She might reject him, but he had to take that chance.
Inexplicably, he found himself walking closer and closer to the Carson grounds. He could scarcely help himself. He simply had to see Adrianna.
Suddenly, something moved before him in the mists. He moved forward. Could it be Adrianna? He saw a dark figure, running.
Without a single care about how foolish he looked, chasing shadows out in the fields, Lord Billingham began to chase after the blur.
“Miss Carson?” he called. “Adrianna!”
ELEVEN
Once more, Adrianna spent the day checking on the many orchards on her grounds. They would not bloom and provide fruit again until the spring and summer, but she liked to make sure the trees were in good condition during the offseason.
If she was being honest with herself, tending to her trees was also a good excuse to get outside and avoid talking to her loved ones, all while trying to catch a fleeting glimpse of the Earl.
Clutching her woollen shawl tightly around her shivering form, Adrianna examined the silvery, frosted branches of her orchards. She quietly moved through row after row of trees. As she flitted between each trunk, she strived to peer out at stony, forbidding Billingham Hall which loomed darkly in the distance.
Suddenly, she yearned for nothing more than to see Lord Billingham once more.
How foolish he must think she was. How petty and rude! She would face his judgment and disgust, however, just to see his face once more.
She felt so helpless and irrational. She could not for the life of her explain certain aspects of the Earl’s behaviour either.
Troubled, Adrianna turned her thoughts to Colette. Today, Jason Danvers had proven himself a sensitive, helpful young man. She still had reservations about the match, but she was beginning to see how stupid and pigheaded she had acted. Adrianna vowed to begin seriously vetting Mr Danvers, her sister’s true choice, rather than trying to force Colette to find other options. It was good to be cautious and discerning when it came to finding the perfect man for her sister, but she had clearly taken those virtues to an exaggerated limit — she had acted paranoid, not protective. She did not want Colette to run out of time and remain a bitter old maid, like she had clearly become.
Adrianna never felt that she was one of those women who needed a husband. She had felt perfectly happy tending to Colette and running the large Carson estate on her own. She had friends. She had her own domestic and academic pursuits.
However, that was all a façade; a pretty veneer over her secret pain.
This recent series of interactions with the Earl had opened her eyes to how lonely she truly was.
However, it was too late for Adrianna. She was far too old to hold out hope for a suitor to come and sweep her off her feet.
Across the stretch of fields, something moved. Adrianna felt her pulse quicken. Could it be Lord Billingham, out looking for her? On impulse, she moved closer. The shadowy figured moved further away. Adrianna wanted to cry out, but her throat was dry from her nerves.
Instead, she moved closer, heading further and further away from her own estate. It was very hard to see in the fog, and Adrianna stumbled over a small rock. She looked down at her skirts, which were splattered with mud.
She knew she looked a frightful mess, but she kept going. She felt driven by some inexorable force. She had to see Lord Billingham.
Suddenly, the fog seemed to dissipate momentarily. Adrianna could see the figure.
It was certainly not the Earl.
The ghostly apparition was nothing more than a pretty, slim young woman. Adrianna stared, practically holding her breath. This must be the young lady that Lord Billingham was so illicitly entertaining. She was quite a beauty — probably no more than Colette’s age. She thought about Lord Billingham and this mysterious woman, standing side by side, holding hands, kissing. They would make a handsome couple.
Adrianna felt the tears spring up in her dark eyes. How could she have been so wrong about the Earl? He had a reputation, but he had seemed… when he returned from India, he had seemed different.
As she was turning around to leave, Adrianna stepped on a twig, snapping loudly. The strange lady looked up. Their eyes locked.
Adrianna felt her stomach twist. She knew what this must look like — that she was noisily spying on her neighbour’s mistress, like some small-minded, overly eager gossip. What’s more, she looked horrible, all covered in mud, with leaves on her hair like some monster risen up from the bog.
Utterly humiliated, Adrianna turned and began to run through the fog. As she raced, she thought she heard her name ringing through the mist.
“Adrianna!”
The deep, booming voice sounded like Lord Billingham. She considered that for a moment, when all of a sudden she felt herself dropping. As Adrianna tumbled down a muddy hill, she realised that she must have come upon the creek that wound partially between the Carson and Billingham estates. Nowadays, it was dark and swollen with rainwater.
Adrianna crashed into the icy water. She floated there for a moment, frozen. Adrianna forced her eyes open and saw nothing but the murky darkness. She could not swim. Raising her hands in a futile attempt to claw her way back to the surface, she felt herself began to sink toward the bottom.
Then, someone was seizing her around the waist and pulling her back into the
world of light, sound, and air. She gasped for breath. Then, she lay there limply as strong arms carried her up the back. Adrianna’s eyes flickered open. It was Lord Billingham, looking down at her, concern shining in his eyes. His dark hair clung to his face, wet from his plunge into the creek. He set her down, took off his cape, and wrapped her in it.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“Let’s get you home,” Lord Billingham said, holding her closer. He carried her across the fields. They did not speak. Shivering, Adrianna closed her eyes, listening to the cold wind whistling across the wild grounds.
TWELVE
Adrianna dreamt she was swimming through a deep, dark tunnel. She squinted her eyes. Ahead in the tunnel, two perfect black eyes blazed out at her.
She awoke to someone shoving her shoulder. She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and saw that it was Colette. Her sister’s pretty mouth was twisted with concern.
“Feeling a bit better?”
“Yes,” she said. After her unfortunate incident in the creek, the rest of her day had been spent sleeping and drinking tea and soup, as per Aunt Lydia’s orders.
A small smile crept across Colette’s lips. “You certainly picked a sorry time to go swimming.”
Adrianna laughed at that. “Is that why you woke me up, dear sister? To mock me to my face?”
“Only partly,” Colette said. “Adrianna, the servants tell me that someone’s at the door.”
“What time is it?” Adrianna murmured, looking out the window. It looked like it was still dark out.
Colette grimaced. “It’s not morning. You went to sleep after returning from your adventure at the creek by Billingham Hall. It’s twilight now.”
Adrianna shook her head. Her entire sense of time was warped and she felt very groggy. “Who’s at the door? Danvers? Oh Colette, he was such a dear earlier. I must tell you...” She sighed. “I do believe I’ve misjudged him.”