The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance)

by Hanna Hamilton

  It was a nice dream, but it could never become the truth.

  Daisy was disappointed, it was sad to say goodbye to her first ever real wish before it even had the chance of becoming a reality, but such was her life. Soon enough she would be back to mopping, and cleaning, and blending into the background. Never again would she have all the eyes of the room appreciatively upon her.

  She would miss that.

  As the music came to an end and the Duke’s arms fell away from her, Daisy already missed the sensation of his hands wrapped protectively around her shoulders. He might not have been a wonderful gentleman, but he was the closest that she would ever get to being a true lady.

  “Thank you for the dances,” she told him sadly. “That was very nice.”

  The Duke nodded sharply at her before he moved with large strides across the grand hall to speak to her “uncle”. An unnecessary spike of excitement burst into her chest. There was no point in getting her hopes up that he was arranging to marry her because it could never happen.

  It would only mean that she failed.

  Daisy moved slowly towards the wall where she would wait morosely for the night to be over. Now that she had realized what a mess she had made of things, she needed to mull things over to work out how she would fix it.

  “Iris, it is good to see you,” a posh, nasally voice burst through Daisy’s shock barrier. “I do not know if you remember me, but I am Keira Jameson." One of the Jameson Sisters, of course. She should have guessed that from the bright blue colour of the dress. "I do not know if you remember me, but we used to play together when we were very young children. Our mothers were somewhat friendly, before... well, you know."

  “Oh... right,” Daisy could not be bothered to go through this rigmarole again, but of course she had to. She had to act in a certain way in polite society, even if this girl had made a terribly insensitive comment about Iris’s mother. If she truly had been Iris, this comment would have hit her hard. “Of course.”

  “I have heard that you have had troubles over the last few years.” This Keira could barely contain a giggle as she spoke, it made Daisy furious. The comment was not a mistake; it was designed to upset Iris. She probably wanted to see her cry in public. What a terrible person she was. “It is good to see you up and about again.”

  “Yes, well, we just need to hope that the madness does not come for me again.” Daisy stared at Keira and crossed her eyes in the way that one of the boys from her neighbourhood used to do to scare all the girls. “Or who knows what will happen.”

  As Keira backed off with a terrified expression on her face, Daisy got an explosion of self-satisfaction, but only for a moment. Just because she had scared off one horrible girl, did not make anything better.

  Things were still a mess.

  Iris knew that she could not stay in the bedroom forever, nor did she want to now. She should have gone downstairs instead, the bed down there would have offered her more comfort. It had become a lot like home to her these days.

  As soon as this night came around, Iris knew that it would be a huge one, she had been dealing with the sense that it was going to be monumental all day long, but now she realized just what that truly meant. Even going back tomorrow would not be normal. No matter what came next, nothing would ever be the same again.

  With a heavy heart, Iris forced herself to go back down to the ball. She did not want to be caught upstairs and she couldn’t let Betty down either. What she needed to do was focus on getting through tonight and leave tomorrow until the morning when she could actually do something about it.

  Still, Iris could not understand why Daisy would act in such a way around the Duke. It did not seem like something that she would do knowing that it’d ruin her. There was a chance that she was so caught up in the romance of the night, that all of Iris’s warnings about the horrible man had been forgotten. When she had discussed the Duke with her in the first place, Daisy had said that she should get to know him because the rumours might not be true.

  Was it possible that Daisy liked the Duke?

  Iris shuddered. Even if the rumours about Duke Pembroke were based on nothing, she would not have been able to love him. He had a good look, she supposed, he was tall, dark, and traditionally handsome, maybe she could understand what others might see in him, but the idea of having someone chosen for her, the fact that her father had thrown her into something he should have known that she would not have been able to cope with well, put her off.

  There was no coming back from how she felt, but that did not affect Daisy.

  Maybe this was Daisy’s love story, just as Iris wanted one of her own. Maybe because he was not picked out fro her, Daisy liked him even more.

  They had not banked on that. The outcome of Daisy liking the Duke had not even come into consideration. If Iris had thought for one second that it might happen, she would have asked Daisy what they would do should the situation arise. If Daisy liked him, she might not be putting her off of him at all which would leave them in an even worse situation...

  No, Iris stopped herself before she could get into a full blown panic. No, do not make accusations in your mind because they may be false. Just get through tonight. Worry about everything else late on.

  She needed to forget the bigger picture, take this one step at a time, or she would end up overwhelmed.

  Finally, her brain turned away from worry and it delved right back into her daydreams instead because that was so much easier. She imagined herself at the ball, as a guest rather than help, only all eyes were not upon her as they might have been if she was in attendance of the real event instead of the one in her mind.

  No, in her brain she only had the focus of one man. Her dream prince. Without even saying a word, he made his way across the grand hall and he held out his hand to her in a ‘will you dance with me?’ gesture. Iris felt herself nod, she wanted to agree, her heart was pounding with a delicious warmth, this felt lovely, so she allowed him to pull her out onto the dance floor.

  His hands felt wonderful around her waist, his touch made her feel thrilled and safe. As a smile burst across Iris’s lips she knew that this was exactly where she wanted to be. This was the sort of love that she wanted to find. Spontaneous, uncontrolled, hers.

  “Are you ready for another plate?” Betty called out to her as soon as she made the way back into the kitchen, causing reality to hit once more. She was completely unaware that Iris had just been through a meltdown and she hadn’t even doled out the last lot of food. “Iris? Are you ready?”

  “In a moment,” Iris gasped back desperately. Her attempts not to panic were not going well. “I think I might need to get some fresh air, is it alright if I step outside for just a moment?”

  “Do you need someone to go with you?” Betty replied without even taking a break. She hadn’t even looked up from what she was doing, that is how busy she had become. “I can probably spare someone for a few moments. Do you feel faint?”

  “No, no, I am fine by myself.” The last thing that Iris needed was some company. “Just a few deep breaths and I will be fine. I... I am not used to that much hard work,” she lied, hoping that she could pull that off as an excuse. In truth, she had spent the last few days working much harder than everyone else, just to keep up.

  Tonight had been easy, physically.

  “Sure, Iris, whatever you need. Just let me know if you need some help.”

  As Iris made her way out into the garden, she was glad to find some solitude that she could actually enjoy. She had heard that her uncle originally wanted to open up the garden space for people to take a time out from the party, but he had decided against it at the last moment due to the added costs that would entail.

  Thank goodness, or Iris might just have fallen apart.

  The cool air washed over her and helped her racing pulse to calm down. She did not like to get herself all tied up in knots, she knew that it would not help anything. Calmness was key. That was actually something she had learned m
ore from spending time with the other staff, it was almost a motto of theirs to help them get through days that seemed particularly challenging.

  If only she had received that useful information years ago. Maybe she would have been able to get out of her bed much sooner.

  Just get through tonight, she pleaded with herself once more. Allow Daisy to explain her actions. It may not be what I fear.

  She just hoped desperately that she was right.

  Chapter 13

  By the time Iris made her way back indoors, she had managed to successfully calm herself down for the moment. Her head was firmly back in the high position, her brain was centered in on the party in which she needed to serve at, and her steps were rapid and in control. She felt like she could tackle this.

  Well, really she felt like a gossamer thin piece of string was the only thing holding her together, but it was enough...

  “Excuse me, Miss?” a deep, male voice called out to her, almost echoing through the hallway it had such a depth to it. It was so smooth and sweet; Iris had never heard a voice like it. It was safe to say that she was intrigued “May I ask the way to the outside area? I could truly use some fresh air?”

  As Iris turned on her feet, the smile instantly slipped from her lips. For some reason, as she stared at the raven haired man with wonderful cheekbones, her mask seemed to slip away, and she had no rational explanation for that. His piercing green eyes delved right into her soul, and she instantly felt raw and exposed for him.

  Yet, it wasn’t a terrible feeling. She almost wanted him to see more.

  “Oh, erm.” Her cheeks flamed, all of a sudden Iris could not keep still. Her feet moved, her fingers fiddled, her hips swayed, it was utterly bizarre. “It is through those doors.”

  She sucked in a breath and held it in her chest while she waited for him to leave. Half of her wanted him to go so she could work out what was going on inside of her, and the other half of her desperately needed him to stay. She did not understand the sparkles darting through her body, there could be no reason that her heart was in her throat, it was a strange sensation to have her stomach doing flip flops... but none of it was unpleasant and she wanted to feel more of it.

  “What is your name, may I ask?”

  As the man stepped closer to her, Iris’s initial instinct was to recoil. She had never had a man within touching distance of her before, and she did not know what to do.

  Of course, if she were herself, there was no way this man would be with her alone out in the hallway since it could easily ruin her, but today she was not herself. She was a maid, and clearly, the same rules did not apply.

  “I am Daisy.” It felt strange to say this aloud to this man. She hadn’t actually been asked her name before, so this was the first time she had felt the need to lie. Surprisingly, that made her bold. “And what is yours, Sir?” It was so freeing not to have to worry about rules and expectations, it almost made Iris laugh.

  “I am Lord Ewan,” he replied grandly. “But you may call me Ewan. I am not too keen on the title.”

  "It is nice to meet you, Ewan." Iris considered doing a curtsy but decided against it at the last moment. The time did not seem to call for it. "Are you enjoying the evening?"

  “I admit; it is nice to get out.” His expression darkened, and Iris wanted to ask him what was wrong. This time she kept her lips shut. “I feel like I am much older than my years these days, for a man of only four and twenty years, I do not get to attend as many events as I would like.”

  “Why ever not?” Iris could not understand. Surely this gentleman would be out regularly trying to find himself a bride? He must not have one, or he certainly wouldn’t be alone talking to her, would he?

  Iris had heard of gentlemen being unfaithful to their wives, but she did not wish to think that way of Ewan.

  “Business keeps me busy,” he shrugged as he replied evasively. “I am sure you understand. Although maybe not, since you are clearly much younger than I am.”

  Iris spotted the twinkle in his eye as he made this statement, and she got the distinct impression that she was being teased. Without even meaning to, a girlish giggle burst past her lips. She particularly enjoyed this, far more than maybe she should have done.

  “I am nineteen,” she replied proudly, before suddenly recognizing her mistake. She should have added on two years to make herself Daisy’s age. It was only a small error, but it could have catastrophic results if the information reached the wrong ears.

  “So, do you work at the Warwick household?” Ewan continued, seemingly oblivious to the error.

  “Yes.”

  “Ah, so you will know Miss Iris Warwick well.”

  Iris nodded as terror coiled around her chest. She didn’t want to hear this man say anything bad about her, even if he did not know who she was. What would she do if he started spouting all the silly rumours of madness about her? It would be utterly humiliating.

  “She seems to enjoy the company of the Duke, so all is well there.”

  “Yes... I suppose it is.”

  Ewan narrowed his eyes intently at Iris, as if he wanted to study her in great detail. She did not know how she should stand while this man looked at her in such a way, so in the end, she decided to act in the way that she so desired. She studied him right back.

  She ran her gaze up from his dark coloured shoes, over his well made, tailored trousers, up past his muscular looking torso and broad shoulders, and right back to his beautiful face. She did not do this in a way that was seductive or inappropriate – although for a lady it would not have been right – she simply looked at every part of him.

  Just because her pulse raced out of control and she felt a little breathless, didn’t make it wrong.

  Why, oh why, did he have to be the most handsome man on the planet? He was even better looking than the fantasy prince she had concocted in her mind. This was the sort of man that she could love. If she had been herself, and she had attended this ball to meet potential men to wed rather than one picked out for her, this would be the man that she’d be secretly hoping asked her to dance.

  This would be the one that she told her father she would like to be betrothed to.

  How different things could have been.

  “It is a shame that you are not in the grand hall wearing a fancy dress,” Ewan jumped in, clearly thinking along the same path as her.

  Iris desperately wished that she could respond in kind, but she could not blow her cover right now. “Oh well, I hardly know the dance steps,” she reiterated Daisy’s words to her. “I practiced them some when Miss Iris was learning, but not enough to be seen in public.”

  Again she laughed, only this time the sound didn’t quite come out as planned. She sounded as if she was strangling her emotions in her throat, which to be fair was very close to the truth.

  “If you were a lady...” Ewan stepped closer to her, causing Iris to breathe so deeply she could literally feel her chest rising and falling. “You would already know the steps, but then again I might not want to dance with you then.”

  “What... what do you mean?”

  Reactions were firing off throughout Iris’s entire body, she could barely even remember where she was. The small butterflies that were flapping in her stomach had transformed into giant birds, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand it before she took off.

  “I mean, I do not like to dance in such a rigid fashion,” Ewan continued smoothly. “I do not like to play by the rules.” Ewan touched Iris’s side and she jumped. “I like to move to the music in my own way.”

  Ewan’s breath tickled her neck, leaving Iris a puddle on the ground. There were too many sensations, her body had never been lit up on every single cylinder before, she did not know how to reel herself back in.

  “Like this.”

  And then he moved, with both hands on Iris’s waist causing her to go with him. This was all wrong, their positioning was incorrect, they could barely hear the music coming from the hall w
hich left their steps out of time and in no pattern whatsoever.

  It was all wrong, but it felt so right.

  At first, Iris could feel herself being awkward. She could not seem to get the steps right, and she was very aware of every limb of her body. But then Ewan grabbed her hands and he rested them upon his shoulders, all while giving her the most reassuring smile she’d ever seen. There was something about the way that his lips curled upwards which caused all the tension in her shoulders to dissipate. She actually relaxed around a stranger, it was an utter miracle!

  As Ewan’s feet moved from side to side and around in a circle, Iris willingly went with him. The ease of the movements, plus the simplicity of them appealed greatly to her. Plus, she could not deny that there was something deliciously exciting about the taboo nature of what they were doing.

  He was high born, she was supposedly lower class, he was a Lord, her simply a maid. They were alone, moving out of time and out of step, and his hands were fixed firmly on her waist causing a heat to pool in her stomach.

  This was the most alive that she had ever felt. He whole body was alight and excitable. She felt utterly incredible.

  “See?” Ewan grinned, feeling pleased with himself. “It is much better to dance as we please.” He felt that way about everything, he did not like the rules any more than Iris did.

  “Yes,” she whispered as a reply. “It is.”

  She leant up to look at him as they moved, wanting to make the most of this wonderfully crazy moment. Everything else was out of her control, so she wanted to grab onto this one short time and to never let it go.

  She committed every part of his face to her memory, she looked at every part of him and soaked it all in. She carefully considered the sensation of his hands as he touched her, and the feelings he had spiralling and tearing through her veins. She needed to recall it all because the memory of this moment would get her through all the times there were to come.