“Yes... right.”
Iris turned to walk from the room with a mix of emotions churning her up inside. On the one hand she was grateful that she could get to see Elizabeth, even if it would be a little challenging, but on the other Ewan was acting very strange around her. And now she would have to be escorted by him on her journey.
“Daisy, wait.”
Iris twisted her body around, she could not stop hope from filling her chest. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted Ewan to say to her, but it went something along the lines of ‘I love you desperately, please be mine’. Even if that was a crazy fantasy... nothing more than another daydream that could never come true.
“Yes, my Lord?”
Iris forced her lips to curve in an upwards direction, but she kept her mouth closed to control the sound of her racing heart. She even had to clap her hands behind her back to stop herself from reaching out to him.
“I...” Ewan opened his mouth to speak, but he seemed to think better of it at the last moment and he clamped his lips shut again.
“Yes, my Lord?” Iris wanted to encourage him to speak, she needed to hear what he had to say. “Is there anything else that you need from me?”
Ewan’s mind raced as he tried to fill in the blank of what he could no longer say. In all honesty, he was not sure what he planned to say when Daisy turned back to face him, all he knew was that he wasn’t quite ready for her to leave.
“I just wanted to thank you for doing such a good job with my sister,” he finally said lamely. “She seems to be doing very well now, with you working for her. It is nice to see Amy blossoming.”
“Oh.” Iris knew this was not what Ewan originally intended to say, but it felt good to have her hard work recognized. “Thank you very much. Your sister is a lovely young lady, and I feel honoured to be working with her. She is sweet, with a lot to offer.”
“Yes.” Ewan felt pleased to have someone else recognize what his sister was worth. He loved Amy very much, he knew how wonderful she was since he had helped raise her, but somehow hearing another person say it made it all the more powerful. “I think so too.”
Iris and Ewan shared a smile, but then it was really time for her to leave. Neither of them could think of an excuse for her to remain, so Iris turned and she walked from the room with a clip, clip, clip as her shoes connected loudly with the ground.
As she left Ewan alone, he dropped the papers in his hand onto his desk with a deep sigh. Ever since he had first laid eyes on Daisy at the Warwick household, she had set something alight within him. It was almost as if he had been coasting through life for years like he’d been on autopilot without even realising it. Daisy woke him up, she sparked sensations within him that he did not even know he could feel, she awoke desires within him that he did not know he had.
When he held Daisy in his arms and he danced freely with her in that hallway, Ewan experienced what it would be like to find love in his life... and it was something that he surprisingly liked.
The moment that his father passed away, Ewan took on the family responsibilities. He took over the running of the household and the business, as well as looking after his sister. Ewan did not mind the hard work, in fact, it suited him well, but it put his social life on the backburner.
He did not care one iota about that until he laid eyes on Daisy. How typical for him to feel that way for a woman that was not really suitable, given his social standing.
Ewan stood and he wandered over to the window in his office, where he stared out over his land for a few moments. During the short periods that he spent at home, he never got a chance to just take stock for a moment, but something about that conversation with Daisy forced him to do it.
Now he had offered to take his sister’s handmaiden on a journey to the city. It was under terrible circumstances, but still, they would be alone for an extended period of time. Again, not really. Daisy would be in her carriage and he would be in his.
Still, it felt far too intimate.
What am I thinking? He banged his fists lightly against the window as he realized what a pickle he had gotten himself into. He could not go back on his word now, he had to escort Daisy to the city. He just hoped that they could both come out of it with their reputations intact.
Iris did not think as she walked away. In fact, she was in such a hurry to leave that she almost ran. She needed to push everything that had happened in Ewan’s office to one side for now. She would think about it all when she got into bed tonight, she could analyze it to death then, but for now, she had to keep her head screwed on.
She wanted a job to come back to. She needed to make sure that she did everything right before she went so that she was irreplaceable.
Chapter 23
Every little noise made Iris jump. She was a total mess as she waited for word to come her way. She spent every moment of every day jittery, just waiting for Ewan to tell her that it was time to go to the city, which meant she would finally leave the Oakley household. She expected him to be quick about it, he knew that her ‘father’ did not have much time left, but every second seemed to tick by very slowly. Every moment just gave her more time to worry about what the journey would hold.
Not only the journey but the aftermath too.
“Has my brother spoken to you yet?” Amy kept asking Iris this as if she was as anxious about the journey as she was. “Has he confirmed that he is going with you? It has almost been a week, has it not?”
“Yes, I know, but he has not,” Iris sighed, allowing a small bit of frustration to come out of her mouth. “I know that he is busy though, so I cannot complain. He has already been kind enough to let me have some time to see my family.” She glanced at Amy, suddenly finding something else to feel guilty about. “I am terribly sorry to take him away from you again, I know you have only just got him back, I will do my best to make the journey a short one.”
“He would be going anyway to complete his business deal,” Amy smiled brightly as she spoke. She did not seem to be concerned at all by her brother leaving her alone once more. Maybe that came once he’d been gone for a while. “I am just glad that you will be taken care of. It can be a dangerous world out there.”
Iris had heard tales of danger, she had been told that terrible things could happen to people, but since it was something that she had never seen herself, she had a lot of trouble believing it. She hadn’t had any trouble on her journey down to the Oakley household. “I am sure I would be fine...”
“You will come back to me, won’t you?” Iris was stopped in her tracks by Amy’s sudden burst of very genuine fear. “I had a nightmare last night that my brother returned home without you, and it felt horrible.” She clung to Iris’s arm and gave her a very desperate look. “I do not want to have another handmaiden; I adore you too much.”
“Trust me, I adore you too much to leave too,” Iris reassured her as her chest swelled with happiness. “As soon as my business is done I will be back.”
My business. Iris could not say those words without remembering what she was about to do, really about to do. She was about to visit her sister with the truth. As much as she felt certain that Elizabeth would accept her decision, there was always a chance that the visit would unravel everything.
Of course, if she didn’t go that would happen anyway, but still, it was very scary. It was safe to say that she had been having nightmares of her own. As long as they weren’t as bad as she had that first night, it would be alright. Even remembering the sensation of everyone around her screaming made Iris shudder.
“Good, that is wonderful news. I do not think I could start again. No one seems to understand what I need as well as you do.”
Iris felt pleased that she had managed to make Amy see just how much she could help her without even revealing her true identity. It had not been easy, Iris had almost allowed the mask to slip on more than one occasion, but she had done it.
“Thank you,” she replied in a voice that was thick with joyful emotion
. “And I must say, you look lovely today in that dress.”
Amy twirled in a playful manner, allowing Iris to watch the dress fly out in every direction. It was a simpler dress, which Amy had taken to wearing a lot these days, but this one had an extra flair to it.
“I do have to go to my lessons now, but afterwards would you like to take a walk around the gardens?”
This had seemed to slip into their daily routine, and while the weather was so nice, Iris really enjoyed it. “Yes, of course, that sounds wonderful. Have a nice day, alright?”
Once Amy left her behind, Iris let out a deep sigh, and she placed her hands on her hips. To an outside observer it might seem that she was looking over the room to decide what job she needed to do first, but really Iris was trying to work out which emotion she wanted to go with for the day. Upset didn’t help her, nor did worry. Panic was useless, but she couldn’t shut that down however hard she tried. She needed to remain upbeat and positive, even if just on the outside.
Today might be the day, she told herself firmly, and if Ewan comes looking for me, then I need to at least appear very busy. I am supposed to be making myself irreplaceable. I do not want him to find me standing here hopelessly.
She smoothed down the bed and fiddled with the curtains, then Iris grabbed the duster out of her apron’s pocket and she ran it over everything, even the things that didn’t really need it, all with her heart hammering painfully in her chest. She hoped that today would be the day because she was not sure how much more of this she could take. The anticipation had to be worse than the actual event, surely? It could not be worse!
“Daisy?” Victoria appeared as if from nowhere, fiddling with her thumbs as if she felt incredibly awkward. “Lord Oakley has sent for you. He wants to meet with you.”
Oh my goodness. It was happening, it was actually happening. Iris balled up her fists next to her, before she loosened them once more. She’d wanted this to happen, she had been practically praying for it, but now she felt like the world had stopped turning. Just as normally, everything will be fine.
“Oh, of course,” Iris swallowed hard as she spoke. “Thank you, Victoria.”
Just as Iris went to move out of the room, Victoria stepped into her path to prevent her from leaving. She stared intently at her and sucked in a couple of ragged breaths.
“May I ask where you are going?” Victoria asked in a shaky voice. “Only... I’m concerned because of well, you know.”
It was the first time that they’d acknowledged anything at all. The fact that she’d taken such a bold step proved to Iris just how terrified this poor girl was.
She placed her warm hands on her shoulders and gave her a reassuring look. “No one needs to worry about anything,” she tried to communicate her message in the most cryptic way possible. “I have to speak with my family, that is all. I need to ensure that things will be... fine for the future.”
Victoria received Iris’s pointed look well, and she nodded slowly. “Right, I see. Thank you for letting me know. Only... I worry, about myself as well as other people.”
They were slowly teetering into a dangerous territory. Iris didn’t believe that anyone was listening, but she could not be certain so she needed to ensure that things remained on an even keel.
“I would never do anything to endanger anyone else, I can assure you of that. I will take care of my family business and then I will be back. Things will return to normal soon enough, you will have absolutely no reason to worry.” Iris gave Victoria the warmest smile she could muster through her terror. “Now, I need to speak to Lord Oakley, so I must go. I cannot leave him waiting.”
“Oh, of course.”
As Iris stalked towards Ewan’s office, she could feel her body trembling. Only this time it had nothing to do with the impending journey, and it had everything to do with the man she was about to face. Her body reacted to the idea of him without even seeing his face.
Iris felt like she was about to step right into danger, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it.
With a deep breath, Iris quickly smoothed down her uniform and she patted her hair. Then she knocked lightly on the door and waited for Ewan to answer her.
“Come in.”
She swooned a little. Even his dark, velvety voice was enough to floor Iris, but she had to pull herself together before she went in there. Iris needed to find that inner strength again, to pull her through another challenging day.
“You called for me?” she asked quietly as she pushed the door open. “Is everything alright?”
“Please, Daisy, come inside.”
As Iris stepped into the room, she couldn’t help noticing how stiff and stressed Ewan looked. Gone was the wishful young man that she’d danced with at the ball and in his place was a gentleman with the weight of the world on his shoulders. One that didn’t know what to do with the future that lay out in front of him.
“Thank you for coming to see me, Daisy. I would just like to let you know that arrangements have been made for our trip into the city. We will leave at first light.”
Her heart lifted and jumped all at once. This was somehow wonderful and terrible news all in one go.
“Wonderful, thank you.” Iris bobbed into a curtsy automatically.
“The journey may take some time; we may have to stop off along the way so please be sure to bring whatever you need with you.”
“I will.”
She smiled at Ewan and he returned the happy look, if only for a second. It wasn’t long until he rearranged his face into a stoic expression once more.
“I will see you by the main entrance in the morning then.”
“Thank you again, Lord Oakley.” She paused for a second, but there was no offer to ‘call him Ewan’ this time. “I will see you in the morning.”
* * *
Iris’s emotions dipped and rose all day long. As it turned out the anticipation wasn’t the worst thing. Knowing that she was about to leave and waiting for that to happen jarred her even more.
She spent the evening away from the other members of staff, just because she knew that she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to hold a normal conversation so she retired to her bedroom early instead. There she set about packing away all of her belongings, just in case. Much as Iris wanted to remain positive about her chance of return, she needed to be smart and think practically.
Iris delicately folded up the endless letters that she had written for Daisy to take with her. She did not want them to be discovered, but also she might pass maybe one or two of them onto her sister to send on to Daisy... possibly.
Once she was done, she paced the room and flicked her eyes all over it to drink it all in. Her time within this household hadn’t always been straightforward and fun, but she’d found a lot of happiness within these walls and it was sad to say goodbye. Especially as it could be forever.
Speaking of which...
It wasn’t typical for the staff to be out of the quarters past their hours of work, but Iris wanted to say a final farewell to Amy too, so she tiptoed quietly past everyone to see her. Luckily all the others were deeply involved in a debate about something that sounded vaguely political, so no one turned to face her.
As Iris reached the top of the stairs, she stopped dead in her tracks when she realized that she wasn’t the only one who had come to say goodbye to Amy. Standing in her bedroom door was her brother, and he had a look of sheer concern on his face.
Iris knew that this was her cue to leave, that she should’ve raced down the stairs as quickly as she came up them to avoid getting caught, but she couldn’t. Her legs felt stiff, frozen to the spot as her eyes fixed on the man that had meant so many things to her at different times.
Her heart reached out for him, there was a larger part of her that simply wanted to tumble into his arms, but of course she knew that she couldn’t. She was restricted by who she’d become.
Seemingly sensing that he was being watched, Ewan twisted his neck to look at Iris
. At first he looked a little shocked to see her so blatantly breaking the rules, but then his face softened and they shared a sweet look instead. She spotted a glimpse of the man that she’d danced with coming back again for a moment.
“She’s asleep,” Ewan said quietly across the hallway, making no move to get closer to Iris. “You may need to see her before we leave... if she’s awake that is.”
“Right,” Iris nodded. “I guess I’ll come up in the morning then.”
Neither of them moved for a moment, they remained in the thick, tense atmosphere simply looking at one another with emotions flowing between them. A thrill raced up Iris’s spine, but still she did not move. In the end, it took Ewan to turn and leave for her body to unfreeze, but even then there was a sense in her heart that anything was possible.
Maybe tomorrow, she would get much more than she bargained for. Everything could change in a good way... possibly.
Chapter 24
Luckily for Iris, Amy woke up very early in the morning because she was so keen to say goodbye to her friend too. Iris had struggled to sleep because odd thoughts continually made her bolt upright in shock and terror, and one of the most prominent ones was the idea of leaving Amy alone forever more, so this little piece of closure was helpful. It wasn’t as good as a guarantee that she could return, but it would do for now.
“I will miss you,” Amy announced while flinging her arms around Iris to embrace her wholly. Her warm body made Iris smile to herself. “You take care of yourself, Daisy. Bring yourself back to me soon.”
“I will miss you too, but you shall barely notice me gone,” Iris insisted with tears in her eyes. “I will be back before you even notice.”
“The house already feels sadder without you in it, but I shall be fine.”
The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance) Page 18