Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  Watching Madison leave the table Julia felt a twinge of guilt over her. Knowing how much Madison meant to her son and seeing the pain in his eyes broke her heart. If it was meant to be, no matter who they dated they would be destined to be together. She truly believed that with all of her heart. Meanwhile, they need to be young and have fun. She had to admit she missed seeing them so close. Hearing their laughter and teasing of each other. The way they looked at each other. The way he was helping her deal with her father’s death and her mother abandoning her. Seeing him so closed up and mad at her and William was breaking her heart. Then Madison came along like a breath of fresh air on a summer morning. Now, unfortunately he is back to his anger without her there to talk to him. If she wants to go out on a date with someone else, she knew she couldn’t stand in the way. Wondering what happened to cause such a rift between them.

  Stepping outside, the cool evening air hit my face. I loved the smell of this farm. Everything smelled so fresh after it rained. There is no place like this. If there ever was a place to be dumped off by my mother in the world, this was the place. The smog of the city, the trash laying on the streets and sidewalks did nothing to compare to the beauty of this place. Growing up in the city you would think my loyalty lies to being a city girl. It didn’t, however. My heart belonged to this place, and this farm. The only thing I missed about the city was my dad. Remembering when I was a little girl how my father ever grew up on a farm. That little bit of information I was able to pull out of him. Now no longer having to imagine it.

  Slowly working my way over to the barn I walked in to find the twin’s favorite horse in her usual stall. Lately, I have been coming out here frequently having heart to heart talks with this beautiful creature. Feeling quite often that this horse was the only one I could talk to. She was no Gavin of course, but believe it or not it helped a little. Spending time brushing her out and combing out her mane was relaxing. Someone always to listen, never to judge, and most of all doesn’t talk back.

  “What am I going to do Emily? Clay is a nice guy but, I don’t know if I want to date him.” Of course, there was no response. “I wonder what mother is doing right now?” Sadly, looking down into the horses eyes staring back at me. If I didn’t know any better I would think she was actually listening to me. “I know mother probably doesn’t miss me at all. Truth be told I miss her.” A tear escaping down my cheek. Looking outside the barn doors it was growing darker and I was getting chilled without a jacket.

  Walking inside the house all was quiet. Peeking into the living room I was surprised to see Gavin sprawled out on the couch watching television. Usually, he preferred to watch movies up in his room. Trying to decide to go talk to him or not I quickly decided to go into the kitchen instead. Dropping my school books down on the counter to scan over them for lack of not having anything better to do. I could never figure out why they started school on a Friday. Looking at the time it was only eight o’ clock on a Friday night. The house being completely still I figured Julia and William went into town with the girls to go on an ice cream run. Every Friday night at the same time was their ritual. William was such a hard ass but you could tell he tried his best to make Julia happy. Just as I was getting lost in my books the phone was blaring in my ear.

  “Hello? Is Madison there?”

  “Um, this is Madison.”

  “Hey, this is Clay. I was just wondering if you wanted to go have lunch with me tomorrow? Then maybe we can drive into the city and catch a movie.”

  “Well, I’m sure it would be okay. They already said it was okay to go out with you. I don’t think anything is going on tomorrow.”

  “Great then. It’s settled. I’ll pick ya up around eleven tomorrow then.”

  “Okay, see you then. Bye Clay.”

  “Bye Madison.”

  Cradling the phone I turned around to hang it up and was suddenly face to face with Gavin.

  “Gavin, you scared me!” Hanging up the phone nervously. Wondering just how much he heard.

  “So, that was Clay?”

  Now knowing if he heard everything. “Yes it was.” Like it’s any of your business sneering to myself.

  “You going out with him?” Asking pointedly. Standing so close to me that I could feel his breath on my face. Staring straight into his eyes I was yet again taken at just how handsome he was. His eyes so dark and gorgeous, like they could pierce straight through to my very soul. Being fairly tall myself I still had to look up to him. His muscular body towering over me from years of back breaking work on the farm. Standing here with his shirt off it was hard to keep my thoughts in order. Truthfully, I just wanted to wrap my arms tightly around him and never let go. Clay not even being a thought in my mind with Gavin around. However, as of right now he looked annoyed and hurt Knowing I was about to hurt him even more.

  “He’s picking me up tomorrow and we are having lunch and going to see a movie.”

  “Oh. Well have fun then.” He said sarcastically, quickly turning around and walking away.

  Watching him go I wondered if I was really doing the right thing. If dating Clay was worth even more dissension between us.

  The next morning I quickly got up to help with the house chores and breakfast. Just as I figured I didn’t see Gavin anywhere and he didn’t come in for breakfast. Soon after Julia insisted that I go get prepared for my big date. After taking a quick shower I chose a short jean skirt with a longer sleeved shirt just in case it got chilly in the theater. Matching the outfit with some sandal’s I carefully brushed out my hair leaving it down and dabbed on a little make-up. As I was getting done I heard the front door bell ring and knew it was Clay. Running down the stairs quickly, he looked fantastic. Dressed in brown khaki pants, and a nice shirt he really was handsome. His hair was styled to the latest trend and he looked like he stepped right of a cover of a magazine. Knowing at that moment why all the girls constantly hung all over him. He was not hard on the eyes at all.

  “Hey Madison, you look beautiful.”

  Blushing a bit. “Thank you. You look great to.”

  Julia standing between us, “You both look wonderful.” She said proudly. “Now you two have a good time and make sure to be home at a decent hour.”

  “Yes, ma am. I’ll have her home early.” Clay said respectfully.

  Grabbing my hand we headed out the door and to his expensive car. “Wow Clay. I didn’t know you had such a nice car.”

  “Yeah, it’s my baby.”

  Looking down it was a beautiful red BMW, that was so shiny it could blind you in the day light. Walking around the car he opened the door for me and held my hand while I slid down into the leather seats that hugged your body perfectly. Glancing up I could see Gavin gazing out from the barn with a stoic look on his face. That twinge of guilt and fear came washing over me again. Looking over at him he was so handsome, any girl would be a fool not to be flattered by his advances. Taking a deep breath I looked forward and promised myself to have a fun day.

  The ride into the city wasn’t as far as I initially thought. The time went quickly with us chattering back and forth. He really was charming and knew all the right things to say. You could tell he was careful not to poke around too much on my current situation. I appreciated that fact, and did divulge some about dad and I living in the city.

  He listened grateful for the small insights into her life.

  Pulling up to the restaurant he again helped me out of the car and went inside to eat our lunch at a cute corner booth.

  Madison, I mean what I say. You really are beautiful. Easily the most beautiful girl at our school. Hands down!” Saying with a cute smirk on his face that reached all the way up to his baby blue eyes.

  “You Clay, are very charming. But, I’ll take the compliment.” Laughing I set my hand down on the table and he took that opportunity to instantly grab it, holding it in his. The familiar warm feeling came over me and it was nice being wanted. Almost forgetting what it felt like.

  Deciding not to pull
away from him I could tell by the look on his face that he was pleased.

  Triumphantly he knew he had won a small battle. After all, you would have to be a fool not to see the chemistry between her and Gavin. She is the hottest girl in school, and she will be mine. Clay declared to himself.

  After having a wonderful lunch we made our way back to the car and to the theater. When we got there he insisted on popcorn and candy pulling out a different credit card than what he used at lunch. Realizing that he didn’t have a shortage of them. The way he was looking at all the different flavors of candy really did remind me of a little kid in a candy store. I couldn’t help but to laugh.

  Looking up, “What?” Saying with a huge grin on his face.

  “Nothing.” I said laughing.

  “No, I want to know what you are laughing about.”

  “It’s just funny watching you with your face plastered up against the glass ogling all that candy.” Now laughing hysterically.

  “Oh, is that right? Well, maybe I should shake you down for candy.” He said now grabbing me and tickling me. Laughing a long with me. Stopping abruptly he took the opportunity to give me a hug. I had to admit it felt nice so I slipped my arms around him also. Giving me a kiss on top of my head he released me with a sexy smile on his face. Which startled me a bit, but couldn’t object to such a sweet gesture. After finally getting all of our food we settled in the back row putting his arm around me as we watched the movie.

  A couple of hours later we were on our way back home. He begged me for a couple more hours but, it was getting late in the day and I didn’t want to push my luck. Thinking I should at least be home for supper.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come back to my place? I’ve got a pool in the back yard. It’ll be fun.”

  “No, Clay. I really shouldn’t. I need to get home.” Pulling up the lane to my house it had grown quiet except for the low harmony of the radio station playing. He had held my hand the entire way home and I really didn’t mind. I had to admit that it was a little difficult keeping Gavin off the brain.

  Pulling up to my house he turned to me, “I really had a great time. I hope you will let me take you out again.”

  “Sure Clay. I had fun to.”

  “Great. Tomorrow then?” Smirking at me.

  Laughing, “No Clay. I’m sorry. Not tomorrow.”

  “Alright.” He said giving me the sad puppy dog look. “Can I at least give you a call tomorrow?”

  “Sure.” Nervously, looking down.

  “Your so beautiful Madison.”

  Leaning in towards my lips for a kiss, only to have me jerk away.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. I just really like you.” He said embarrassed.

  “I’m sorry Clay. I just don’t know you very well yet. I need more time.”

  “Okay, sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I will talk to you later.”Getting out and shutting the door.

  “Alright. If I don’t talk to you tomorrow, I’ll see you Monday at school” Smiling as he drove off.

  Walking into the kitchen I got nailed with about a million questions from Julia. I didn’t mind though, it was almost like having a real mother. It was kind of nice actually.

  Switching subjects, “So where is Gavin at? I haven’t seen him at all since I’ve been home.”

  “Oh. Well, he went out on a date tonight to.” Saying happily to me.

  At that moment my heart dropped down to my feet and I swear all the blood drained out of my face. “Oh. Who did he go out with?” I asked trying to act like it was not a big deal.

  “He took his ex-girlfriend Brooke out. Isn’t that nice? I think you said you met her when you two went out for your birthday.”

  “Yeah, I remember her.” She was the bitch at the pool hall that was trying to hang all over Gavin. Of course I remember her. How could he go out with her? He told me he didn’t like her. I’m sure she is throwing herself at him this very moment. Quickly checking myself. I knew I shouldn’t be getting mad or upset and now I know how Gavin felt today. Or, how I thought he felt. Not sure of anything any longer. Evidently, he was over it and has moved on to bigger and better things. Thinking irritably to myself. Sitting down to supper I had lost my appetite and just picked at my food as to not make Julia worry. Finally, excusing myself from the table happy to be alone at last.

  Chapter Eight: Finding a place to fit in

  The house was so quiet. The twins were at a sleep over with friends and Julia had already retired to the bedroom to read her book she had been working on. William left to go play cards with his friends and of course Gavin had yet to return. Sitting on the couch the silence was killing me and I felt so alone. Willing myself up and out the door I stalked to the barn to talk to my new friend Emily. Not caring how ridiculous I looked having a conversation with a horse.

  Walking past the usual four stalls calling out hello to each horse by name finally coming to the end. “Hi girl, how are you doing honey?” Petting the horse gently through the stall. Scooting a bucket up close I sat down with my head leaning against the roughness of the wood. Not caring the skirt, I didn’t think to change was giving me some major chills. Who really would care if I froze to death right here and now? At least then I would be with dad. Telling myself immediately to quit feeling sorry for myself. Refusing to think those thoughts I took a deep breath. Closing my eyes, I could feel the breeze coming through the barn doors slowly tickling across my face. Bringing my arms in closer to my body to stay warm I kept my eyes closed tightly. Taking notes in my head on my overwhelming day was almost to much to handle. To fast, everything is happening to fast. My mind refusing to calm down. Daddy dying, moving from the only home I’ve ever known. Mom ditching me, Gavin, Clay, new teachers. And an Uncle that hates me just by looking at me. Suddenly, I just felt the strong urge to break something, or cry. Just cry my eyes out. Feeling utterly alone I shifted to face the stall resting my forehead back onto the rough wood, looking down at the dirt floor, straw scattered all over. Wrapping my arms around my knees I started to shiver from the cool breeze. I just needed my life to slow back down to a steady pace. Softly, I started crying the tears falling into the dirt under me.

  “I miss him Emily. I miss Gavin so much.” Saying just above a whisper. “I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

  “Me to.”

  Startled, my eyes snapped open and I looked up to find Gavin a couple feet away staring down at me.

  “You know I have really envied that horse lately.”

  Slowly, walking closer to me he looked as handsome as ever and I felt that familiar twinge of jealousy.

  “And why is that?” Looking back down trying to stop my tears.

  “I think you know why. Why are you crying babe? You know I hate it when you cry.”

  How I missed him talking to me that way. I wanted to cry even harder at that fact.

  Looking at her he knew she was about to close him out again. Sitting here curled up, shivering and crying and he couldn’t take it. He felt his heart was being ripped out and he wanted to kill the person that made her feel this way. Surly, she couldn’t be crying over me? Reliving all those awful days of not speaking. The only person he could think about on his mind numbing date with Brooke tonight, was Madison. That fact bothered him. Thinking about how it wasn’t easy fighting Brooke off all night eventually, dropping her off at her home just to get away from her.

  Glancing up I noticed just how different Gavin and Clay were, down to the way they dressed. Gavin dressed much more relaxed with dark blue jeans and a t-shirt with his ball cap. Completely to my liking and he was so hot. “Well, you were standing there. You heard why I was crying.”

  “That can’t be the only reason.” Secretly, thrilled at the fact that she actually missed him.

  “It’s a good enough reason for me.”

  Saying so quietly that he could hardly hear her. Kneeling down beside her he swallowed his pride and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close.r />
  Back in those strong, familiar arms again felt right. I just couldn’t force myself to pull away. I could feel how much he missed me by how tight he held on to me.

  “Babe, your turning into a block of ice.” Kneeling down onto his knees holding me close.

  “I don’t care.” Saying in between sobs.

  “I do.” Gently stroking my hair our of my face.

  This is why I cared about him so much. After all the things I put him through, he was still here holding me when I needed him the most. So instead of turning away from him I turned towards him, wrapping my arms around him. You could feel the tension in our bodies melt away as we both took a deep breath.

  “I really have missed you babe.”

  “I have missed you calling me babe.”

  Chuckling, he held me closer, “Look Madison, if you want to date Clay I won’t like it, but I won’t give you a hard time because of it. What ever makes you happy.”

  “If you want to date Brooke I won’t like it either, but I’ll keep my mouth shut about it.”

  “You think we can just spend some time together tonight and just be ourselves Madison? Without guilt or trying to define what we are together.” He said cupping my tear streaked face in his hands.

  Oh yes. His eyes are so gorgeous. So dark and penetrating, yet so kind. In my heart this is where I want to be and no where else. He can never know that. It would just make things more difficult.

  “Yeah sure. I would love that. I really miss you and I’ll take you any way I can get you tonight.”

  “Ah, I just might take you up on that.” Teasing me. Making me smirk.

  “You always know how to cheer me up. Even at my saddest moments.”

  “Like I said, one of my many talents.” Saying with that handsome smile on his face.

  We were so close together, to close. Leaning forward I knew I shouldn’t but, I just couldn’t help myself. Just one innocent kiss won’t hurt. Getting so close to his lips I could feel his breath, before deciding to pull back away. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, and I could feel it in my heart. Neither of us knowing what to say or do.