Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  “He didn’t? Did he?” Stuttering.

  “No, luckily he was so drunk that I was able to get away from him and to a phone to call Gavin. Who came in the nick of time. Gavin. Not you. You left me there to be fed to the wolves.”

  “God Madison. I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t know he would ever go that far. I’ll make sure he stays away from you from now on.”

  “Well, thanks. I think Gavin took care of it.”

  “Yeah, I seen his broken nose. Do I have that in my future?” Wincing at the thought of Gavin’s fist heading straight for his nose.

  “I really can’t say. He’s still all sorts of pissed off.”

  “Madison. I really am sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “Did you know my dad got killed by a drunk driver?”

  “Oh God, I’m sorry.” Looking down ashamed.

  “Did you also know my mother is an alcoholic who abandoned me after my father died? Alcohol has never done anything but ruin my life, and now here is another example of how it ruined my life just a little bit more.

  “If I had known I would have never of drank around you. You have got to believe me.”

  “I do but, it doesn’t change the fact that you did, and I got hurt by it.”

  “Madison please. I’m falling in love with you. Please forgive me.”

  Looking at him I was stunned and couldn’t believe what he had just said. “Your what?” I asked in disbelief.

  “I’m in love with you. Please don’t end us. Please Madison. Please give me another chance.”

  “I don’t know Clay. What happened is unforgivable.”

  “Then don’t forgive me but, please give me another chance and I’ll try to make it up to you everyday. Then if you decide that’s not enough for you I will go quietly and you’ll never hear another word from me. Hell I’ll try not to even look at you.”

  “Oh Clay, I don’t want it to go to that extreme.”

  “Oh thank God because, your to beautiful to try to keep my eyes off of. I don’t know if it would be physically possible for me. Is that almost a smile I see?”

  “No.” I said trying not to smile but, it was hard not to after that cute comment. How could I not give him another chance I thought to myself. But, I’m not in love with him I thought. I don’t want to lead him on. Looking into his eyes I could see how sincere he was. Maybe I’ll give him a chance. I don’t want to go through life never being capable of forgiveness. I can at least try.

  “Alright Clay. I definitely don’t forgive you but, I’ll give you another chance. It’s not going to be like it was before.”

  Excited now. “Alright, I’ll take what ever I can get.” Reaching out to pull me into a hug.

  Putting my arms around him all I could think about was Gavin.

  “So, does this mean you’ll go to Homecoming with me? Please?”

  I didn’t even know if I wanted to go. “Alright, I’ll go with you.”

  “You won’t regret it. I promise.”

  “I hope not, but if Eric is anywhere around you at any point, I won’t be.”

  “I understand.” Leaning down and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. “We better go before were late for our first class.” Slinging his arm around my shoulder and walking me in.

  Gavin spotted them walking in from his locker and felt his heart break for the hundredth time since she had walked into his life. He knew she would forgive him she has to good of a heart, he thought sadly to himself. Well I guess that’s it. I’ve lost her. Shutting his locker he turned around and walked away from the sight of the two of them together.

  The ride home from school we rode in silence. He didn’t look at me once and cranked the radio as loud it would go to make sure he wouldn’t hear me even if I did say something. When we finally did get home I immediately went inside to help aunt Julia with supper. Having to admit still a little depressed.

  As we sat at the dinner table it was business as usual, solemn and boring. Just like every other night, uncle William at the head of the table looking down his nose at everyone. Kayla and Kylie talking quietly and attached at the hip as always. Gavin quietly eating, ignoring everyone but his sports page. Aunt Julia, the glue that holds the family together, sitting quietly. Such a total opposite from my own mother, just sitting here being happy. Breaking the silence the phone began ringing. Uncle William got up to answer it as always. When he is home, it is an unwritten rule that he is the only one who answers the phone. So, of course I quietly listened thinking it was just one of his workers that comes out to help out once in a while.

  “Sandra it is supper time. I don’t allow the kids to talk on the phone at this time.”

  “Is that my mother?” I said running up to the phone. Gavin looking up at me concerned.

  “Yes it is, but you know the rules.” He said steely eyed.

  “She hasn’t called me since I got here. I think you can make an exception.”

  “If I let you, then I’ll have to let everyone.” He said indigently.

  “William, let the girl talk to her mother. She won’t be on long. Will you Madison?” Aunt Julia said oblivious to Uncle William’s annoyance.

  “I won’t be.” I said ripping the phone out of his hand and putting it up to my ear.

  “Mom?” I said quietly.

  “Hi Madison. I’m just calling to let you know that I’m doing fine. I met this new man at the bar I still work at. He is absolutely amazing.” She gushed.

  “Hey mom how about asking me how I’m doing?”

  “Oh, Madison. I know your fine. You’re just like your dad.”

  “So, why did you call? You already made it clear that your not coming back for me.” I said quietly glancing in Gavin’s direction, our eyes connecting, making me turn back around quickly.

  “Can’t I just see how my daughter is doing?”

  “No, because if you cared you wouldn’t of dumped me off like yesterday’s trash.” I said now raising my voice. “Are you even going to give me your phone number so I can reach you?”

  “Oh Madison. You don’t need that. I can get a hold of you. Besides, I didn’t dump you. They are your family.”

  “Yeah, and you’re my mother.”

  “Oh quit being so dramatic.”

  “Yeah, I guess I get that from you.”

  “Well, this is just getting unpleasant so, I’ll talk to you later. She said abruptly cutting me off. “Good bye Madison.”

  “Wait! Mom!”

  Hanging up the phone I couldn’t move at all, the only thing I could do was stand here staring at the wall blankly while the emotion stirred violently in my stomach.

  Gavin stared at her with concern in his eyes. He could hear the hurt in her voice and just wanted to get up to hug her close but, knew that wasn’t an option.

  “Alright, Madison you got your phone call now go sit back down.” William said sternly taking back control of the situation.

  “I’m not hungry anymore.” I said still staring at the wall trying my hardest to get my anger in check.

  “Well your not leaving unless excused.”

  “Well, then excuse me.” I said turning around with my temper simmering underneath the surface.

  “No. Now sit down.” Raising his voice, his face now turning red with anger.

  “I said I’m not hungry.” Raising mine even louder as if I was in a shouting contest.

  “You know I knew you had more of your mother in you than your father. You even look like her.” He said disgusted.

  Finally my temper snapping. “How would you know who I’m like? You hadn’t even talk to my father in years. You weren’t even at his funeral.” I said with tears blistering my eyes refusing to let him see me cry.

  “Oh your father was no angel either little girl. Your mother ruined him and your just like her.” He said banging his fist down on the table so hard it made the dishes jump and clatter. Turning before the tears burst through, I ran out the door as fast as my feet c
ould carry me running straight for the creek. The only place where I felt somewhat at peace.

  Gavin fuming started to get up from the table.

  “Sit down boy.” His father said sternly already feeling like he had lost one battle and not willing to lose another.

  “Don’t you think that was kind of harsh?”

  “The truth hurts and I said sit down! She’s a bad influence on you anyways. You need to stay away from her as much as possible.”

  “Why? Because she’s kind? She’s nice to Kayla and Kylie? She’s an honor student? And she’s always bending over backwards to try to make everyone happy and trying her hardest to belong to this family?”

  “No matter what she does, she’ll never belong boy.”

  “What do you mean by that father?”

  “Nothing.” Saying nervously.

  “That is your mother and I’s business.”

  “Gavin, sweetheart go see if Madison is alright.” Julia said patiently closing her eyes shut from her instant headache and defying William for the second time that night.

  Those are the only words Gavin needed to hear. Not that he was going to sit here and listen to his father spit venom much longer. He had to admit however it was hard consoling her when he loved her so much knowing he couldn’t take it to the next level. Walking out of the house he knew exactly where she was. As soon as the creek came into sight he saw her kneeling beside the creek crying softly with her head bowed.

  “Gavin, just leave. I’m like a disease to your family.”

  “Madison, don’t say that.” Reaching down to touch my shoulder.

  “Don’t touch me. I wouldn’t want to ruin you.” I said much to harshly. Pulling back from her and standing straight up he could see how hurt she was by the phone call and worse yet by his own father’s words. It just made him feel even angrier.

  “Madison don’t listen to him.”

  “Why not? He’s probably right anyways. The only thing I have done is ruin your life.”

  “Madison, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

  “I just have to face it. With daddy gone their is no one left on this earth who loves me.”

  “Madison.” He wanted to pull her in his arms and tell her how very badly he loves her with every aching pain in his heart. He knew however, it wasn’t what she wanted and would only make the situation worse.

  “Gavin just leave me alone. I’m done ruining your life by involving you every time I’m upset or get myself into a bad situation.”

  “Babe, your not ruining my life.” Now almost begging her to snap out of her sadness.

  “Please leave.” I said closing my eyes shut tight knowing if I looked at the hurt in his face that I would cave for sure and go running straight into his arms. I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep doing that to him. It just wasn’t meant to be, especially now after I really know now how Uncle William feels about me. I don’t want to go proving him right by ruining his sons life.

  “Madison, I don’t want to leave you.”

  “I want you to.” I said lying to him and to myself.

  “I don’t believe you.” Staring down at me.

  “Believe it. You have to move on without me.”

  “Your just saying that because of dad.”

  “No, you don’t have a choice. I’m with Clay now Gavin.” Knowing how much the sting of those words would affect him.

  “Fine then. I’ll give you your space. Besides like you said you have Clay. So who needs my ass around.” Walking away from her pissed off and hurt.

  “I do.” I whispered quietly sobbing even harder over the realization of what I had just done. I knew I succeeded in hurting him and pushing him away and out of my cursed life. It was best for him I thought. But, part of me still wanted to be selfish and go after him and tell him how much I loved him.

  Going back into the house he could hear his mother and father arguing about Madison. His father telling her he didn’t want her to come in the first place, and of course his mother wanting her to come more than anything. My mother was so caring that she would take in anyone in need. He couldn’t bare to hear any more and went up to his room to hide. Worried about Madison sitting out side by herself. She made it clear who she wanted with her and that was Clay. Well, she can have him he thought angry flopping down on his bed to stare up at the ceiling.

  I knew how pathetic I looked at this moment. I was giving serious thought to just picking a direction and start walking, and never come back. Where ever I end up it really doesn’t matter. I don’t belong anywhere particular anyway and If it wasn’t for Gavin I probably would start walking. It would kill me to leave him behind even if I can’t be with him. I can’t believe that self righteous asshole is my brothers dad. I thought banging my fists on the ground. They’re nothing alike. My father was so kind and gentle and the best father in the world. Uncle William on the other hand is the exact opposite. The most unapproachable person I’ve ever met. I’m happy Gavin is nothing like him. Who ever ends up with Gavin will be the luckiest girl in the world. Under that rough gorgeous exterior, is the most caring, sweetest person I’ve ever met. Some people walk into your life and change it for the better without you ever knowing it.

  The weekend stretched by with no other occurrences thankfully Uncle William just ignored me, which isn’t much different than any other time. But, I knew Aunt Julia was the one who told him to be nice or keep his mouth shut so, he obviously opted to keep it shut. Which is fine by me. Gavin has stuck good to his promise to stay away from me unfortunately. Daddy always told me to be careful for what I ask for because, I just might get it. Well, in this case I did and I feel miserable about it.

  Before I knew it the days stretched by and Homecoming was coming near. Of course aunt Julia was excited about me going with Clay, and besides Clay I think she was the only one. None of the popular girls at school was very happy to see us still together let alone going to the Homecoming dance together. What ever Gavin said to Eric must have worked because, luckily he has been avoiding me like the plague. Clay liked taking the credit for it however. I never said anything but I knew Eric was not intimidated by Clay in the least. It was Gavin and Gavin alone that put the fear of dying a painfully slow death in him. But like always, I just sit here and let him pat himself on the back and boost his already big ego. When we first started dating I thought it was kind of cute but, now it’s getting a tad annoying.

  Chapter Eleven: Something to look forward to

  Going Homecoming dress shopping with Aunt Julia I had to admit was a lot of fun. It almost made me feel like I had a real mother. Almost. She bought me the most beautiful dress. A red silky number that went to just above my knees that hugged my body snugly and had a beautiful v-neck cut with spaghetti straps. She even bought me matching high heels. Which I’m most definitely going to have to practice in. She also bought me red lipstick to match and I felt like a princess. The only thing that would have made the moment even more perfect was if I was going with Gavin.

  The kids at school have finally stopped trying to figure out why I moved here. Most of them think that I am living with them as a friend of the family and I am alright with them thinking that. It’s no ones damn business anyways. Besides, I don’t want anyone to know I’m related to that asshole uncle of mine anyways. Rumor going around school now is that Gavin is taking the most popular girl at school to Homecoming. Later finding out unfortunately, it is true. I couldn’t expect him to wait around when I made it clear I was with Clay but, that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. What I wouldn’t give to just steal one dance with him to have him hold me close and to have me be one of his precious memories of his last homecoming dance. But, that will just have to stay a wish, a simple wish I know I won’t reach. But, what’s the hurt in hoping?

  Clay has been bitching for days about how I’m just not acting the same around him anymore. He graciously has told me he understands I’m still probably upset about the “incident” and he will wait for me to snap out of it
. Isn’t that nice of him. Sometimes the male species are so utterly, completely shallow. I have to admit I have been pulling away from him. I really should put in the effort. He did say he loved me and even acts like it sometimes but, unfortunately the feelings on my side just are not there. God knows I’ve tried. I keep telling myself if only I just tried a little harder. No sooner than I think that I find my mind, and my eyes drifting back to Gavin. I know I don’t deserve Gavin but, it’s hard accepting anyone else deserving him either. Clay is coming over tonight to talk plans for Homecoming. It’s the first time I’ve ever had him over, other than to pick me up of course. Since I refuse to go over to his house after what happened and I don’t feel like going out in public, or be alone with him, this is my only choice.

  When he finally did pull up the sun was starting to set low and he was late. I didn’t really care I just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Knowing Gavin was still in the barn working I prayed they didn’t come into contact. Gavin has been civil to him thus far but I could tell he was still mad and he reminded me of a ticking time bomb one wrong look or word from Clay and he would feel Gavin’s wrath. So, I just try to keep them apart as much as possible. He had every right to be mad. I did pull him into the whole mess after all. When you pull someone into your mess you can’t expect them not to have opinions on it. I can tell by the look in his eyes he doesn’t approve of my taking Clay back and he was probably right about that but, chalk it up to weakness. An unforgiving heart could be a miserable thing. I’ve seen it to often. Besides, it’s not like I went and forgave Eric. Then again Gavin did have a point Clay was reckless with me and I know Gavin would have never have done that. Not in a million years. He would much rather hurt himself than see me in pain. What I did to ever deserve such loyalty I’ll never know.

  Sitting on the porch swing I watched his fancy car pull up the driveway and get out looking as well put together as always. I wondered why on earth he would want me? We couldn’t be any more different than if we tried. Shutting his car door he swiftly ran up the steps with a grin on his face. Standing up I wasn’t sure why he was so happy. Sweeping me up into his arms and laying a long kiss on my lips. Something that we hadn’t really done since I agreed to give him another chance.