Watching Clay walk back into the gym minus Madison was starting to get to him. Getting worried he thought about going and questioning Clay but, decided to check the halls and outside first. Then if he couldn’t find her he’d slam his ass against the wall and hold it there until he talked. Leaving Sara behind he went to go check the halls first with the seconds ticking by getting more panicked. Worried that Eric had gotten to her again ran outside to look for her and almost went back inside until he seen something red by one of the trees.
Running over to her “God Madison are you alright?” Grabbing a hold of my arm his pulse racing. Looking into her eyes he could tell she had been crying. “What’s wrong? Did Clay do something to you?”
“I’m fine Gavin.” I said wiping my eyes trying to get all traces of tears out of them.
“Tell me what he did.” Tightening his grip on my arm, ready to finally get his wish of kicking the shit out of him.
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s obviously not nothing. You trusted me at one time, why can’t you again?” Asking with anger in his eyes and he looked like his temper was about ready to snap and I didn’t want to be there to see it.
“Gavin, I do trust you.”
“Then tell me.” He said taking off his jacket and wrapping it around me holding on to both sides of the collar leaning me in closer.
And this is why I love him, standing here angry and worried and he still thinks to take his jacket off and wrap it around me. Sighing, I decided it’s just easier to tell him. “Alright, but, you promise me first you won’t go marching in there and knock out his lights! Promise me or I won’t tell you.”
Sighing in defeat. “Alright. I promise I won’t go in there and beat his ass tonight.” Thinking that he didn’t promise about tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.
“Alright, he brought me outside trying to convince me to go back to the hotel room he reserved. When I told him no he got mad and started to blame you. I cut him off and let him no in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t even in the same league as you. That got him even angrier. I then told him I didn’t love him and I didn’t want to be with him anymore. Then he left.” Looking up into his eyes that were now inches from my own. Leaving out the part where he forced a kiss on me knowing that, that would pretty much guarantee an ass whooping from Gavin, promises or not.
I’ll kill the bastard.” His eyes blazing in anger. “I knew the son of a bitch would try to take advantage of you.”
“Well, he didn’t, and I’m alright, and your promised to be good.”
Looking into her eyes he knew she had been through enough for the night. He wanted to beat his ass so bad that by the time he was through with him he would be crying for his mama. Forcing himself to calm down and willing the anger out that was rising at a fast pace he could feel the heat rising into his face. Taking a deep breath, “Alright. Well, let me go get Sara since she’s grounded she has to be home in a couple minutes. Then I’ll swing back by and pick you up. I assume you don’t want to ride back home with him?”
“No, but I can call Julia. I don’t want to ruin your night with Sara.” When secretly I would love nothing more. “She’ll probably want you to stay for a while. I really don’t want to ruin your last Homecoming.”
Pulling me in close for a hug, “You could never do that. Just go back inside and wait for me and I’ll be back before you know it.” He said running off to go get Sara and leave.
Going back into that gym seemed like fate worse than death. So, I decided even if I turned into a frozen ice cycle I wasn’t going to set foot back into that dance tonight. So, with feet that hurt so bad that I thought amputation was surly in my future I just stood right where I was hoping he wouldn’t be to long.
Driving back up to the school he didn’t waste any time dumping her off and she was even more pissed when he refused to stay and then thwarted her attempts at a good night kiss. How dare the Homecoming queen not get a good night kiss? But, he hardly cared he just wanted to get back to Madison as quick as possible. Walking into the gym he didn’t see her anywhere and noticing her jacket and purse slumped over the chair beside where Clay was sitting he was more than happy to retrieve it himself. Clay was sitting down smugly flirting with girls like Madison was just a bad dream that he had to forget. Leaning down he picked up her things, giving Clay a stare down that said “go ahead and try me.”
“What are you doing? I’m taking Madison home.” Starting to rise out of his chair.
“No, your not. So you might as well sit your ass back down, and stay away from her.” Deciding to sit back down he wanted to retaliate but wisely knew Gavin could take him easily so chose to keep his mouth shut instead.
Walking back outside he figured she stubbornly refused to go back in. He found her in the same spot swaying her head back and fourth to the music that drifted outside. She was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
“Madison. I told you to go back inside, your going to freeze.” He said walking up to her.
“I’m alright.” Looking down into his hands. “Thank you for getting my stuff.”
“Sure.” Dropping it down by the tree and taking my hands pulling me out into the open.
“What are you doing?” I asked him confused.
“I’m giving you that dance I promised you.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I said looking down embarrassed.
“I want to.” Pulling her in close slipping his hands under his jacket she was wearing and wrapped his arms around her silky waist.
Resting my head on his chest I was thrilled by the fact even in heels he was still taller. The little things sure do make me happy and I had to admit it felt good being locked in his arms again. Swaying to the music drifting out and for the first time in a long time I prayed to God that this moment wouldn’t ever end.
Resting his head on top of hers, “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
“No.” Closing my eyes tightly and smiling.
“Well you do.”
“Thank you. You don’t look to bad yourself. You smell great to. A far cry from that manure cologne you were wearing the other night.” I said teasing him.
Laughing, “Well, since you like it so much I’ll have to bust it back out for you sometime.”
Turning serious, “I wouldn’t care to much just as long as you were near.” I said holding on tightly to him while he gave me a kiss on the top of the head. “I’m sorry for ruining your Homecoming.”
“Madison, you didn’t ruin my Homecoming if anything it didn’t improve until this moment.”
“Can I ask you a question Gavin?”
“Anything babe.”
“Why is it as much as we keep pushing each other away we always end up like this again.”
“I’m just irresistible.” Teasing her.
“Yes you are.” I said in all seriousness.
Which made his heart hitch a little. When the music stopped he reluctantly pulled away from her. “Well, I guess we better go and get you warm”
“Yeah, I guess so. I almost don’t want the night to end.”
“You wanna go back inside?”
“Hell no.” I said giggling.
“Thought so.” Grinning and draping an arm around her to keep her warm as they walked back to the truck. “We still got a couple hours if you don’t want to go home we can find something else to do.”
“I’d like to just have some quiet time.”
“Oh.” he said disappointed. “We’ll go home then.”
“Oh, no. I meant you and me and quiet. As in I don’t want to be around people anymore. Just somewhere warm will be fine.”
Perking back up, “Alright, lets just get into the truck, crank the heater and drive for a while.”
“Sounds perfect.” I said as he opened up the truck door and helped me inside.
Getting in next to her he thought about how she looked way to gorgeous and classy to be in a rundown beat up truck with
the likes of him.
As soon as I got in I kicked my heels off and brought my legs up on the seat to try to get warm.
Starting up the truck he took a quick gaze at her long legs and wondered what they felt like with those pantie hose over top of them. “Cold babe?”
“Yeah, very.” Cranking up the heater he put it into drive and took off surprised that she slid over next to him to get warm.
“You want your jacket back?”
“Nah, it looks better on you anyways.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Where are we going anyways?”
“I thought we would go find a quiet place to sit, like you requested.”
“Great. Gavin?”
“Yeah?” He said as he pulled into a road that lead into a sitting place back into a park.
“I’m sorry about the way I have been treating you.”
“Madison, you don’t have to apologize.” Putting his hands up on the steering wheel laying his forehead down against it. “I don’t know why your doing what your doing. I know you have been through hell. I just wish sometimes you would let me in. Not only when your upset, but when your happy to. I always feel like there is this huge wall between us, and you only let me get so close and then you shut me out again.”
“I know Gavin.” I said reaching up to run my fingers through his hair.
Still looking down, “Will you ever tell me what is really holding you back from me?”
Dropping my hand down into my lap, “Why do you think there is something else holding me back from you?”
“C’mon Maddie. You can’t tell me my parents is the only reason your holding back. I know if that was the whole reason, we could find a way to make it work.” Turning his head to look at her while she looked down into her lap now. Putting his hand in her lap and grabbing her hand he just wanted to lean in and kiss her so badly that it shook him all up inside. Which was something he had never been accustomed to until she crashed into his life. “It’s alright.” He said when she said nothing. “I just hope one day you can give me a reason for all of this so that I can understand.”
Sitting here I wanted to open up to him so badly but how could you tell someone, “yeah I love you but, I’m afraid of losing you like everyone else in my life.” He would never understand and would probably think I was being stupid. The thought of opening completely up to him and losing him one day like I did with daddy was to horrible of a thought to bear. To even consider. Plus, Uncle William was a major problem. He would never allow it. Yeah, we could sneak around and I wouldn’t feel guilty for one second about betraying Uncle William but my aunt was a different story. I could never hurt her. She has been so kind to me in every way and tried to make me feel like part of the family and like one of her daughters. I could never sneak around behind her back.
“Well, I just hope it isn’t something I’m doing wrong.”
“Oh, God Gavin. Don’t think that. Don’t ever think that.” I said squeezing his hand. “You have been nothing but, total perfection. Even when I was mad at you, I wasn’t really. I was mad at myself.”
“Why do you say that? I have been a total ass at times and have let my anger get the best of me.”
“Nah, even when you’ve been angry at me, you have been so kind and so gentle. I don’t deserve you at all.”
“Maddie, is that what you think? That you don’t deserve me?” He said shifting around to look at me.
“That is some of it.”
“Well, it’s not true. If anything I don’t deserve you. So, what is all of it?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Damn it Madison it does to me.” Pounding his fist on the steering wheel. “How can I fix something if you won’t tell me what’s broken.” His voice almost in pain.
“Gavin, it isn’t anything you can fix, because you are so perfect to me. I am the one who is broken.”
“Maddie.” He said pulling me close into his arms. “You have been through so much but, you are far from being broken.”
“I am not good for you Gavin.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that.” Pulling me in so close that I couldn’t resist him. “Well, I’m not going to keep pushing you about this. I just hope that one day you’ll come to me openly and I hope it’s soon. I just wish you could trust me.”
“I know Gavin. You won’t wait around forever, and I don’t expect you to.” “That’s the problem Maddie for you I just might wait forever.” He said releasing me and putting the truck into drive.
Chapter Twelve: Feeling Empty
Days have turned into weeks and winter is now upon us full force. School is going by a lot faster that I thought it would. I have been getting along decent enough. Clay and I haven’t spoken since we broke up and all of his friends seem to dislike me now. Especially, the girls. In my opinion they are just afraid that I would take him back and they wouldn’t have him anymore. I still catch him staring at me but, that chapter of my life I slammed the book shut on already. I don’t plan on going back for another read through.
Since our talk on Homecoming night Gavin is now the one pulling away. We talk and he is nice enough to me but, it’s and empty kind of nice. Very short and sweet. Almost like he’s shut that amazing part of himself off to me. And I know I deserve it. I know I’m being selfish but, it is starting to feel like he is moving on without me. I always thought when this did happen I would get through it. That it was a necessary pain but, now that it is really happening it is starting to scare me. I really could lose him forever and the thought of that scares the hell out of me.
I sit in my bedroom and try to imagine my life without him, and I just can’t do it. Then even worse I try to imagine my future without him and it just rips my heart out. I wish I could tell him these things but, it’s just not possible. Besides, he’s already gotten early acceptance to a few colleges for full scholarships for baseball, so he’ll be leaving the end of the summer after his senior year. I just feel totally jipped. I just got him in my life and now he’ll be walking out of it. Granted Uncle William thinks going to college and playing ball is a total waste of time even if he doesn’t have to pay for it. He thinks he should stay and work at the farm full time. I think he’s delusional. Gavin is meant for greatness, not helping his father shovel shit stalls for the rest of his life. But, there is a lot of the school year left and even if we aren’t on the same page at least he’s still here.
Everyday seemed to be the same. I go to school, come home, do my chores, help make supper, eat supper, go upstairs to do my homework, then go to bed. And every day starts and ends this way with very little interaction between me and anyone else to be honest with you. I know I have been pulling away from everyone, and my bedroom is the place I retreat to frequently especially now since it is so cold and I can’t go down by the creek any more. Gavin and I pass each other in the hall or in the stairs and barely give each other a glance and keep careful not to even brush arms. Once in a while I catch him looking at me with eyes of concern which he would then look away quickly. I sometimes sit at my bedroom window in the evening and watch him work outside that way I know he won’t catch me. I miss him so much and having him in the very next room is pure torture. There are many times I have my hand on the door knob going into his room and then find myself jerking back before I make that mistake. I forced him to move on hoping he wouldn’t get as attached to me as I have to him and now I have to deal with the consequences. Thank God he never fell in love with me like I have with him. I thought sadly to myself it would only make it that much harder to stay away from him. I find myself many times trying not to look at him at all anymore. I know he is worried about me and the thought of him being concerned makes me feel worse.
Laying in the room next to hers he couldn’t understand why she was acting this way. She had pulled herself away from everyone, she rarely talked at school to anyone, even her friend Andrea. She never raised her hand in class even though he knew she was the smartest person in class and c
ould easily answer any question. Even being on the honor roll. She doesn’t speak at home and gives short answers or a head nod when someone does ask her a question. Even dad who is usually all for her not speaking or being in his vicinity seems to be getting annoyed with the silence she has been giving everyone. She still gives the twins some time but always uses the excuse of homework which works since she’s a 4.0 student. So, dad doesn’t give her a hard time about spending so much time on her homework and seems to be at least a little pleased that she is doing so well at school. He figures if you are going to spend time away from the farm to go to school then you better damn well excel in it and that she does. I still hear her crying out at night, almost every night from her still having her nightmares. Still even now that we hardly speak a word to each other I still want to run in her bedroom to grab her tight and make her feel better. We have always had a yo yo relationship, if you want to call it a relationship. Every time we start connecting again you can see the alarm in her eyes and she starts pulling back. Well, this time she got the job done thinking really angry. Pissed off even more for caring. I’ve never cared for any girl like this before and it scares the hell out of me. Knowing that she doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do her eats me up inside every day. I have to respect how she feels, she’s been through to much to have to worry about me. She has succeeded really well in pulling away this time. Before I could blame It on Clay. That she was more interested in him but now she has been leaning on no one. Not that she did very much leaning before. I just wish she would quit being so damn stubborn. Even if she doesn’t want to be with me I would still be here for her and be her friend no matter how hard that would be for me. The part that kills me the most is knowing how very much she affects me. One smile from her can make me the happiest person in the world just like one tear from her can send me down to rock bottom.
Tangled Dreams Page 17