“I just never know what’s going on in your head, how you feel or anything.”
“Yeah well back at ya babe.”
Sighing and turning. “Whatever.”
“Fine, I want you to come home. I… Me…. Gavin…. want you to come home.”
“It still doesn’t make any difference. I’m sorry I have to go.”
“Look at you. You can’t even walk.”
“Fine, then I’ll crawl the rest of the way.”
“Damn it Madison, I love you. Is that what you want to hear?”
Stopping dead in my tracks. I really didn’t want to hear that because hearing that just made it a lot harder. Staring off into the distance I couldn’t see much passed the blowing snow. “Well, Gavin you think of me as family so that is nice to love me but, that doesn’t change anything.” I reasoned out loud.
“Damn it Maddie. You know I don’t mean it like that. I love you. I am in love with you. Does that make a damn difference now?”
Breaking down into tears I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had dreamed of hearing those words from him for so long. Now that I did I knew I couldn’t leave. I was cold, tired, sick, dizzy and now I felt totally beat down. I didn’t want to go back into Uncle Williams home but I did want to go back to Aunt Julia, Kayla and Kylie and especially Gavin. Dropping to my knees I started sobbing.
“Maddie. It’s time you come home. Please don’t ever do this to me again.” Lifting her back pack off of her shoulders he slung the heavy pack on his own. Now freezing cold and wet himself. He didn’t care, all he cared about was getting her warm, safe, and at home with him. Bending down he picked her up into his arms kissing her on her cold wet cheek while tears ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry for all the turmoil you have gone through lately. It’s to much for anyone to have to go through.” Trying to soothe her. “Don’t worry Maddie. I’ll keep dad off of your back. I promise.” Setting her gently into the passenger seat.
Curling up into a ball the heater felt good on my cold, wet skin but, wasn’t enough to make me quit shivering. Getting in he blasted the heater on high immediately. It was all starting to feel like one bad night mare with the only glimpse of light is at the end of a very long tunnel, and that light is Gavin.
Chapter Seventeen: Coming Home?
Looking over at her she was in a fetal position by the door with her eyes closed tight shivering. He was worried that he shouldn’t of told her he loved her. But, he did and he was getting desperate. He had to say anything it took to keep her. But, now he was worried he would have her home but, that he still scared her off by telling her that. His dad would never let anything happen between them just as long as they were living underneath his roof. But, they could be more careful. He was reckless with her on Christmas day he should have never of kissed her with his family in the next room. He wouldn’t make that mistake twice. He would be more careful if only she didn’t hate him now. For telling her he loved her and bringing her home. He wouldn’t blame her for being angry. He was just happy to look at her and now know she was safe. Finding a back road he pulled off. He knew he should get her home anyone could tell she was tired, cold and sick but he had to talk to her. He knew he wouldn’t get much a chance if his family were home. “Maddie are you awake?” Her eyes fluttering open.
“Yes Gavin I’m awake.”
“I’m so sorry.” He said keeping his distance.
“Don’t apologize for caring. No one should ever apologize for caring.”
“I just couldn’t let you go.”
“Gavin, I never wanted to leave you. And when I saw you, It made it even worse for me.”
“I need to get you home and out of those wet clothes and into bed.” He said pulling back onto the road not really feeling any better about the situation. He didn’t say close to any of things he wanted to but, it could wait. Her health was more important. Plus, he wanted to get her home before she changed her mind and demanded to be taken to the train station. He wouldn’t anyways but, he didn’t want to fight her anymore. He really wanted her to say that she loved him to but he wouldn’t push it. He would never admit it but, he was feeling the sting of rejection. He put himself out there and she didn’t say she loved him back.
Pulling into the driveway she was fast asleep and he was relieved to see that his parents weren’t home yet. He was hoping to get her upstairs and in bed before anyone came home. This way he could explain without putting Madison through anymore than she had to. Getting out he strode around the truck and pulled her off of the seat gently, pushing her closely against him. She was still shivering and he was a little himself. But, he was more worried about her. Starting up the steps into the house she woke up coughing violently and continuing to do so until he hit the second floor bathroom. Setting her down on the stool she could barely keep her eyes open. “Madison, wake up babe. You have to get these wet clothes off of you.” Giving her a towel he stepped out of the bathroom while she stripped down.
“You can come back in Gavin.” I said in between coughing and sneezing. I had the towel wrapped around me but, my hair was really damp. Grabbing another towel off the rack he knelt down directly in front of me and started towel drying her hair.
Looking into his eyes all I felt was love. Granted I was still scared. That being over shadowed by the love I felt for him. You could tell he was upset maybe even mad at me. But, you could also tell that he cared for me. I keep hurting him and I don’t even mean to. I thought if I got away from him he would soon forget and move on. The thing is he refuses to let me leave. “Thank you Gavin.”
Looking in to her eyes. “For what?”
“For bringing me back to you.”
Dropping the towel beside her he leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. Staying in close his hands on her cheeks, “I was worried you would be mad at me for bringing you back.”
“I could never be mad at you for very long. Besides like I said I never wanted to leave you.” I said coughing into my hands.
“Shh Maddie. This can wait. Lets get you upstairs and in bed.” He said helping me to my feet. Putting one arm around my waist to keep me steady up the stairs.
“Gavin?” I said walking slowly up the stairs leaning my weight on his.
“Yeah babe?”
“I missed you. I don’t know how many times I wanted to call you or come back to you. I’m sorry for being a pain in your butt.”
“Maddie, you are definite a pain in my ass. I missed you to.” He said pulling her closer as they reached the final steps.
Going into my room I felt strange. I thought I would never see this room again.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I’ll have to go down and get your bag, I take it all your clothes are in it?”
“Yes, but most of them are probably wet.”
“I’ll get you one of my t-shirts.” Running into his room stripping his own off and tossing it on the floor. Walking back into her room he handed her his t-shirt and turned around while she put it on. Turning back around he couldn’t believe she would look any more gorgeous. He liked the looks of her in his t-shirt. Absolute sex appeal. “Alright, under the covers.” He said covering her up.
“Can you get our picture out of my bag and the journal you gave me, I don’t want them to get wet or ruined. They should be in a plastic bag in the middle pocket.”
“Sure babe. No problem.”
“Do you need anything else?”
“Could you just lay with me for a couple minutes?”
“Sure.” He said running into his room to throw on a dry pair of pants. Laying down next to her, he was happy again. He went from thinking he would never see her again to laying with her all in the same day.
Curling up next to him I was so happy to feel his warm body laying next to mine. Never wanting to leave this spot. Hoping the world could just slip away for a while. Soon everyone would be home and I would have to face my life here. Her new life whether I liked it or not. Soon exhaustion overtook me completely and I passed out. He l
aid with her for at least another hour just staring at her face, still in disbelief that she was back here with him. Thinking that he had lost her forever.
Waking up he was no longer beside me and I instantly felt the void. It was now dark with the only light coming from my clock radio. The wind was still howling outside and it was hard to believe I was walking in that cold only a couple hours ago. I could hear faint murmurs below me downstairs some where. I knew that maybe I should get up and go down and face everyone but, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Downstairs Gavin was explaining the news as to how Madison was upstairs and how he found her. Julia of course was ecstatic as well as the girls. William not so much. He wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. Julia wanted to go upstairs immediately to see her. Gavin how ever talked her into waiting until morning. William couldn’t of cared less and just commented on how Gavin needed to be moved to a different bedroom. Julia let him know he was being silly and that they were both responsible and no one was moving or switching bedrooms. This caused William to retreat outside to the barn. He obviously felt like battling the weather would be a much better option that battling his wife. He made a good choice for that battle.
Laying in bed I couldn’t get back to sleep. I felt absolutely miserable, very sick and very alone. I could be standing in a room full of people right now and I would still feel totally and completely alone. I could hear someone coming up the stairs. Turning over facing the windows and away from the door I closed my eyes and acted like I was asleep. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Well, anyone besides Gavin right now. With whom I felt a little awkward and confused around. Suddenly the footsteps stopped and I heard my door creak open slowly and a tiny bit of light showing through on my wall. Holding my breath not to make a sound I waited for my door to shut. Which it did. But, someone was in the room with me. Suddenly I felt someone crawl up behind me and put their arm around me. Of course I knew it was Gavin and suddenly the void was gone again. “Hi Gavin.” I whispered quietly.
“Hi babe. How are you feeling?”
“Miserable, sick, sad, confused, hurt, mad, and terrified.
“I’m sorry. Anything I can do to make you feel any better?” He asked kissing her shoulder.
“Just be here.” I whispered closing my eyes.
“I’m here babe. I’ll always be here. As long as you want me to be.”
“I don’t know where to go from here.”
“Don’t think about it anymore tonight Maddie. Just rest. I’ll check on you in the morning before school.”
“Are you leaving?” I asked whining.
“I think it’s best. Dad is going to keep a closer eye on us and he wouldn’t like seeing this at all.”
“Five more minutes. Please Gavin.”
“You know I would stay all night if you asked me to and to be damned with the consequences.”
“I don’t want to get you in any more trouble. Please stay until I fall asleep.”
“Okay, Maddie. I’ll stay.” Wrapping me up closer in his arms, I shut my eyes and tried to clear my mind to forget everything for just one night.
I woke up to a knock on my door. Checked to make sure Gavin was gone first, light coming in through the windows. “Come in.” I said in a hoarse sleepy voice. Aunt Julia walked in carefully.
“How are you feeling sweetie?” She asked sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Sick, and tired.” I said rubbing my eyes forcing myself to come awake.
“I was so worried about you dear.” She said rubbing her leg with her hand.”
“I know. I’m sorry Julia. I never meant to be a pain.”
“Oh Madison your not a pain. However, you can’t run off that way. We were all so worried about you.”
“Yeah, except for William.”
“I really don’t know what to say about him. I am so disappointed in what he did.”
“I know it must have been a shock for him seeing Gavin and I kissing and I am sorry for that. It won’t happen again.”
“Madison, I have to admit I’m not sure I like the fact of you and Gavin having a relationship of any romantic sort under the same roof. But, I’m also a firm believer of following your heart. I can’t tell you or Gavin what to do or how to feel. The only thing I can do is tell you I will always be here for both of you.”
“It’s okay Aunt Julia. I’ve already decided to back off. I can’t come between Gavin and his father.”
Sighing, “Well, that’s your decision dear. But, just know that you didn’t see him when you were gone. It was the lowest I’ve ever seen my son. You didn’t see the light in his eyes last night when he told me you were home. Just be careful with his heart and your own. Now is there anything you need? You obviously can’t go to school for a couple days.”
“I’m alright. I just have a really bad cold and maybe a fever.”
“Okay, I’ll run into town and get you some medicine. I’ll get you a wet wash cloth for your forehead also before I go.”
Walking out she returned a couple minutes later with a wash cloth and thermometer. Putting it into my mouth we waited the seconds in silence. Taking it out she looked at it carefully.
“Yeah, you definitely have a fever. Keep this wash cloth on your forehead and I’ll be back in about an hour.”
“Okay. Thanks Julia.”
“I’m still aunt Julia.” She said looking at me sternly.
“Okay, aunt Julia. Managing a smile.”
“Oh.” She said turning. “And another thing. After I get back I have to leave again. I will be gone most of the day so Gavin is staying home from school today just in case you need something. I’m not sure William would be around. I didn’t figure either one of you was ready for a face to face.”
“Thank you but that’s not necessary. I’ll be okay.”
“Well, it’s for my peace of mind.”
She walked out and I could hear her rounding up the girls to take them to school. Knowing it was probably so she knew I wouldn’t run off again. Soon after Gavin walked in, looking gorgeous as usual. While I looked like a freakin mess. I was so embarrassed. “Gavin you can go to school. You don’t have to stay with me.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m not giving up my free pass. Screw that.”
“Okay, well you don’t have to use your free pass on being home with me.”
“What else would I want to use my free pass for?” Asking sitting down beside me.
“I look horrible. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Maddie, are you kidding? You look absolutely gorgeous laying here in my t-shirt.”
“Well, thanks for lying.”
“I’m not lying.” Looking around I noticed our picture was back on my night stand just the way he had it before I left.
Noticing what she was looking at. “I found it. I hope you don’t mind that I put it back.”
“No not at all.”
Leaning down closer to her he looked straight into her eyes. “I’m happy your back. I missed you so much.” Running his fingers gently down my cheek.
“I missed you to Gavin.”
“Maddie, I love you babe.” Leaning down closer to kiss me.”
“Gavin, don’t.” I said turning my head away.
“Why?” Hurt instantly flashing across his face.
“I’m sick.”
“I don’t care.” He said moving toward me again.
“Gavin, no.”
Sighing, “Maddie what the hell is the big deal? You just have a cold. I said I love you. You have nothing to say to that” Asking now with a new determined look in his eyes.
Looking away from him I was hating what I had to do next. But, I refused to tear his family apart. Most importantly his relationship with his father. I didn’t care if I hated William or not. I didn’t know what happened all those many years ago but, I wasn’t going to be accused of being like my mother and destroy families. “No I guess I don’t.” I said staring out the window. I could feel Gavin stand up now
, and my heart was breaking all over again. I didn’t know if I could go through with this. I was to afraid to look at him, to look at the hurt in his eyes.
“You know what Maddie? I want you to say it then. Say you don’t love me the same way I love you!” His restraint breaking in his voice. “Go on say it.” Almost shouting now.
“Gavin, don’t do this.” I said pleading now.
“You can’t say it can you.” Smug now.
“I don’t love you.” I whispered almost in pain.
Shocked, he felt sick to his stomach and angry, very angry. “You don’t mean that. Your just saying that because of dad.” Still standing here staring down at me.
“Please leave me alone Gavin.” I said completely turning over now away from him.
“That’s fine. I won’t bother you anymore.” He said storming out.
Laying here I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks and I was glad Gavin was already gone because he would of never believed me had he seen my face. I knew I had lost him completely this time. All the fights we have had. All the differences, arguments, and spats. I thought he would never forgive me. But, this time. This time was different. He told me he loved me and I told him I didn’t. He would never forgive me. I knew he would talk to me. However, to see that smile, or that special part of himself that he only shows to me. I knew was in the past. I had to be okay with my decision but, the problem was every part of my being was screaming at myself right now to go get him and tell him you love him! But how you feel, and the right thing to do, isn’t always the same thing unfortunately.
The rest of the day I slept restlessly, even though Gavin is hurt and madder than hell at me I heard him come in a couple times to check on me and leave medicine and food. Each time I acted like I was asleep. I don’t know how I’ll face him ever again. I’m tired of hurting him. The next couple days I didn’t see him at all. I’m sure by now everyone at school knows about my running off. I didn’t know if I could face the stares but even worse I didn’t know if I could face Gavin. When morning came I was dragging my feet getting ready. I still didn’t feel good but, I had to go back. I didn’t want to get any further behind. I still hadn’t caught one glimpse of William yet. He was probably avoiding my like the plague. I’m sure he was ecstatic about Gavin totally ignoring me now. I gave him his wish I suppose. Which only pissed me off double time. But, I had to. Aunt Julia offered to drive me to talk to my principal about me still not feeling well and I jumped on it. I didn’t want to ride with Gavin. I couldn’t face him. Riding to school I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. Thinking about Gavin. Thinking about being behind in school. Thinking about all the stares. Pulling in we were a little early, so I decided to sit in the cafeteria and wait for the first bell. Julia went ahead and without me to the main office. Pulling out my notebook I turned it to the first page and started doodling. Drawing nothing in particular. About five minutes passed and it felt like an eternity. Suddenly I felt someone lean over top of me, putting both hands on each side of me. I recognized the cologne. It was expensive of course, and I’ve smelt it many times before. It was Clay. I had to admit I missed the familiarity of him, and the friendship.
Tangled Dreams Page 27