by Love, B. T.
“I feel the same way about you.”
“You’re very different from Joe Schmo.”
“Joe Schmo?” he laughed. “You mean I’m easier to talk to than the ‘Average Joe’?”
I giggled into the phone. “Well, you are easier to talk to than the ‘Average Joe’, but I’m actually referring to a guy named Joe at the barbecue that Rick tried to set me up with. Schmo wasn’t his actual last name, obviously, but it should have been. He had no personality at all and he talked about himself and his job the whole time.”
“Not your type, huh?”
“Not in the least. He gave me his card so I could call him, as if I actually would.”
“Well, he had a job, right? That’s a plus.”
“Yeah. He’s an accountant.”
“An accountant? Hmm, I don’t know. You might be missing out on some really good conversation about all of his accomplishments he’s had in life. You sure you want to let that go?”
“I’ve never been more sure in my life,” I chuckled. “I actually used his card to dispose of my chewed up piece of gum.”
“So you recycled. I like that in a woman.”
I laughed loudly into the phone; I loved his personality. “Ha, yeah. I was going to laminate it and use it as my bookmark but then I would see it and think of him which is something I don’t want at all. Especially when I’m reading a romance novel.”
“Yeah. Maybe you can use it as your bookmark when you read a horror story or something.”
“Exactly,” I chuckled. “Ah, man. It can be tough meeting new people.”
“Tell me about it.”
“You have problems in that department?”
“Well, I’m single so I would say yes.”
“But you haven’t always been single.”
“No, but if I could go back I would change a lot. Except for having my son, of course.”
“What would you change?”
He sighed heavily into the phone. “Well, I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love. I thought I was in love but once the relationship was over I woke up and realized that we had to work too hard to make something work that should have just been left alone.”
“You mean with your wife?”
“Yeah. My wife and I had been dating a year when she got pregnant; it wasn’t planned. I married her because I felt it was the right thing to do. But deep down it wasn’t what I wanted; I was just trying to be a man about it and handle my responsibilities I guess. I was in my mid-twenties at the time.”
“Well it’s admirable that you didn’t bail out on her.”
“No, I wouldn’t have. I was excited to be a dad. But I married her for the wrong reason.”
“Not that it’s any of my business, but why did you stay with her for so long if you knew she wasn’t right for you?”
“You know,” he sighed, “I’ve asked myself that same question, and I don’t really have an answer. But we stuck it out as long as we could and then got a divorce three years ago.”
“Do you guys get along now?”
“For Tyler’s sake we do, but we still argue over things every now and then. Not to sound like a jerk but she's a little on the crazy side.”
“That must be tough.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I started dating someone a year after the divorce and she freaked out on me, even though she already had a boyfriend herself.”
I couldn’t help but notice the little spark of jealousy I was feeling at hearing about him having more of a recent girlfriend. It was ridiculous that I would even come close to having any feelings like that; I was just getting to know him.
“So you had another girlfriend?” I asked.
“Yeah I was with her for a while. We broke up about eight months ago.”
“Why did that end?”
“We just didn’t have things in common. She was a nice girl but she didn’t have any depth. Any time I talked to her about something she never would have an opinion. I decided I needed someone who would actually contribute to having a conversation.”
“Yeah that would be frustrating.”
“It was. But enough about me; let’s talk about you.”
“Me?” I asked nervously. “Okay, well, what do you want to know?”
“How long were you and your husband married?”
“My husband? Um . . .” My eyes darted to Matt’s handsome picture in the frame. I suddenly had the overwhelming feeling that I was cheating on him.
James sensed the tension in my voice. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought him up; I understand if it’s too hard to talk about.”
What was I so afraid of? I wasn’t going to end up with this guy. He was just a nice man to talk to, a male voice on the other end of the line who I could have a nice friendship with.
“No, no; it’s okay. It may sound stupid but I kind of feel like I’m cheating on him by talking to you.”
“That doesn’t sound stupid at all. If that’s how you honestly feel then you are justified to feel that way.”
“It’s just not a logical feeling, that’s all. He’s gone and he’s not coming back. I know in reality I’m not cheating on him. And to answer your question we were married six years. He died when Hailey was four.”
“Wow, that must have been tough on her.”
“Oh yeah, it was. It still is.”
“I can imagine it is.”
“Yeah. But she’s a strong girl. We’re getting through it.”
“That’s good to hear. Have you dated anyone since he’s passed?”
“No. I spent the first year after he died crying every day. It got better after that but I wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship. I kind of stopped taking care of myself like I had done when he was alive, which is something I want to change.”
“Really? You looked pretty good to me at the barbecue.”
I laughed shyly at his compliment. “Yeah, well, thanks. Mary helped me. I used to be blonde and really stylish; I need to get back to my old self.”
“Well, you’d be pretty either way, but I like your hair color now.”
“Thanks,” I smiled down at the book, feeling glad he couldn’t see how red my face must have been.
“You’re welcome. I’m just telling the truth.”
“Well, you look very handsome yourself.”
He laughed quietly, and I imagined his face was as red as mine was. “Thank you,” he finally said. He cleared his throat. “So, are you ready to be in a relationship again or is it still too soon?”
“Um,” I sighed, “yes, I think I am. I just feel like it’s going to be hard to find a man who would want to be with me, that’s all.”
“What do you mean? You are a very nice, sweet, and beautiful woman. How could any man resist you?”
“Oh gosh,” I scoffed. “Well, thank you for being so sweet, but I am a widow with an eight-year-old daughter. I have emotional moments and I probably will for the rest of my life. Sometimes I just need to cry over my dead husband at random times. No man will want to deal with that.”
“That’s not true. There’s a man out there who would deal with that just fine.”
“Oh yeah? Like who?”
“Like the man who is right for you. If someone is in love with you they will understand what you’ve been through and they should be considerate of that.”
“That’s going to be hard to find.”
“Nah, I think you’re pretty close to finding him.”
My shoulders slumped. Maybe he was trying to tell me that the man I was looking for wasn’t him. My situation was probably too much for him to deal with. But then I remembered his profession and I perked up a bit, noting it would be for the best anyway.
“Would you mind me asking how your husband passed?” he asked, breaking the moment of silence between us.
“Car accident.”
“Man, I’m sorry.”
“Me too. That was a really bad call to get.”
“Yes, I’m
familiar with those calls.”
“Yeah you’ve probably delivered a lot of bad news to people.”
“It’s an unfortunate part of my job.”
“Yeah.”
“Well Kate, speaking of my job, I have to get up pretty early for my shift tomorrow. But I really enjoyed talking to you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Can I call you again sometime?”
My cheeks lifted with a faint smile. “Sure. Anytime.”
“Okay then. I’ll be talking to you soon.”
Four
“So you and James have been talking quite a bit,” Mary mentioned casually as we thumbed through the racks of clothes in our favorite store.
“Yeah,” I shrugged. “So?”
“Well are you two an item yet?”
I laughed out a puff of air. “No. It hasn’t even been that long that we’ve been talking.”
“Then what’s going on between you two?”
“We’re friends.”
“Friends? With benefits?”
“No!” I shot back. “Just regular ol’ friends.”
James had been calling me quite a bit after our initial phone conversation. I even called him a couple times, which was a big step for me to take. We talked about everything imaginable, from our childhoods to our jobs. He really was a great guy.
“Well I think you should date him,” Mary said matter-of-factly.
“We’re friends, Mare. He hasn’t shown any real interest in me besides his sweet compliments. And it doesn’t matter anyway because you know how I feel about the whole situation.”
“But didn’t he invite you to his brother’s house this weekend for the Fourth of July? That’s a pretty romantic holiday. Maybe he’ll kiss you under the fireworks.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, he did. And yes I’m going. That’s why I’m here looking for a cute outfit to wear.”
“So you do care about impressing him.”
“You know, I really don’t know what I want. And in reality, I don’t think he knows what he wants either.”
“Well then you better go this weekend and find out. And report back to me right away with all the juicy details.”
* * *
“You look great,” James said when he answered his brother’s door. His eyes were joyful and they seemed to light up at my presence.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling brightly at him. “So do you; I wasn’t expecting you to be in uniform.”
He looked down at his chest. “Yeah, I actually ended up covering someone’s shift for them this morning. I just got off about a half an hour ago.”
Man, he looked amazing in his uniform. Sexy was the first word that popped into my mind, followed by sexy, and then sexy. And since he didn’t have his hat on I could admire his nice thick head of hair. It was cut nicely with soft messy spikes on top that were held in place by a whisper of gel. His goatee was trimmed short, almost to a stubble length, and he smelled intoxicatingly of cologne. I tried to contain the string of slobber that was drooling out from the corner of my mouth.
“Come in,” he said, stepping aside so I could pass him.
“This is a nice place your brother has.”
He shut the door behind us. “Yeah it’s pretty nice. Come on in here, everyone’s in the kitchen.”
I followed him through the house and toward the sound of cheerful conversation. When we rounded the corner I saw Mark and Susan in the kitchen along with a few people I didn’t know.
“Hey Kate!” Susan shouted. She came over with her arms wide open and grabbed me up in a hug.
“Hi,” I said. “It’s so nice to see you again.”
“You too. Here, have a drink.” She handed me an already-poured glass of wine from off of the counter. “It’s the Fourth of July, which means it’s party time!”
“Thanks,” I laughed. “I’ll be sure to get completely wasted by the night’s end.”
“Really?” James smiled, his eyebrows shooting up.
“Ha, no. I’m way too much of a lightweight, remember?”
“Yeah I remember, that’s why I was questioning it.”
“Well if I were to get wasted I would be on the bathroom floor all night long.”
“You wouldn’t want to do that and miss the fireworks,” Mark cut in.
“Exactly,” I laughed.
Susan motioned to her friends. “Kate, these are our friends Shane, Theresa, and Lila.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said, shaking each of their hands.
James gently nudged my arm. “I’m going to get changed. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” I smiled.
While James was changing I took the time to get acquainted with Susan’s friends. When he came back he was dressed in a T-shirt and board shorts. “You want to go out back?” he asked me.
“Sure,” I said, my heart pounding a little faster than it was seconds before he had asked me that question. Slowly but surely I was becoming aware of the affect he had on me. And as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t stop thinking about how hot he looked in his uniform before he stripped out of it.
I followed him outside to their impressively-decorated backyard and he held his hand out in the direction of the sparkling water. “And here is my brother’s firstborn, or as we call it, the pool.”
“Wow,” I laughed. “His firstborn, huh? Well I have to admit it is a nice pool. The whole yard is nice.”
“Yeah, he worked really hard to make everything exactly how he wanted it. You remembered to bring your suit, right?”
Ugh, my swimsuit. I hadn’t worn a swimsuit in years. When I found one at the store I was so hesitant to try it on that I almost chickened out and put it back on the rack, opting for a tank top and board shorts instead. Mary stopped me, of course, and forced me into the dressing room. I didn’t look too bad in it, actually. I had lost so much weight after Matt died that I looked like a skeleton at one point. But the last couple of years had been better to me and I gradually got my appetite back and gained some much needed weight. I was happy with the way I looked now.
“Yeah, I remembered my suit. I have it on under my clothes,” I said, taking a sip from my wine glass.
I met eyes with his and he watched my lips linger away from the rim. “You want something different?” he asked quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“The wine. You don’t like wine.”
“I told you that?”
“Yeah. You’ve told me a lot of things.”
“I know,” I smiled. “And you remember all of them.”
“I do,” he smiled back. “And I know that you like fruity girly drinks. I can make you something if you want.”
“Oh yeah? A cop and a bartender?”
“Among other things, yes.”
The corner of my mouth rose at his remark. “Okay then. Surprise me.”
“I can do that.” He took my wine glass and disappeared into the house. A few minutes later he returned holding a tall glass of some mystery concoction. “Here. Try this.”
“What’s in it?”
“Coconut rum and pineapple juice.”
I nodded with gratitude and held the glass up in front of me. “Cheers. Let’s see if you pass this test.”
“I didn’t realize I was being tested,” he joked lightly.
“Well I have to test out your bartending skills . . .” I took a small sip. “Wow. This is very good.”
“Are you surprised?”
“No, actually,” I answered before taking another sip. My eyes shifted up from my glass as the cool liquid trickled down my throat. His blue eyes were locked onto mine like a magnet. “What?” I asked after bringing the glass away from my lips.
He smiled. “Nothing. You're just—”
“Cannon ball!” Mark shouted as he ran out of his house and jumped into the pool.
Our attention was averted to his brother as tiny droplets of water landed on my arm, taking us away from whatever mo
ment was happening between us.
“That water feels good,” I said. “It’s so hot out here.”
“Very hot,” he replied.
I looked back at him and smiled. “You want to get in?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said as he took a swig from his bottle of beer, his eyes sparkling with his remark.
I bit my bottom lip and dropped my head shyly, leaning down and setting my glass on the concrete. When I stood up I unbuttoned my capris and pulled them down, taking them off one leg at a time. James took another sip of his beer and watched me in silence. I pulled my shirt off over my head and was left standing in front of him in my black two-piece.
“Nice,” he said, his tone serious. “You worry about your body too much; it’s perfect.”
I hugged myself self-consciously. “You think so? I worked really hard at gaining some weight back from when I got so thin.”
“You look perfect.”
I smiled and dropped my arms to my sides. “I need a tan.”
“You need to stop worrying. Your skin is fair, not pale.”
“I tell you too much stuff in our phone conversations, don’t I?” I chuckled.
He sat his beer down next to my glass. “I like what you tell me,” he said as he rose back up and pulled his shirt up over his head.
My eyes roamed over his chest. It was so sexy and toned in all the right places. I thought he was hot before but him stripping in front of me brought his hotness up to a whole new level.
“Speaking of nice,” I said.
“You like what you see?” he flirted.
“Why wouldn’t I? And you have a tattoo,” I said, pointing to the tribal band around his bicep. “I never noticed it before.”
He turned so I could see it better. “Yeah, my shirts cover it up.”
“I like it.”
“I’m glad.”
* * *
We spent most of the afternoon splashing around in the pool. By dusk we got out and dried off, readying ourselves for the fireworks show that would take place within the next hour.
James slipped his shirt back on. “You want to go for a walk?”
“Sure,” I said, finding myself agreeing willingly to whatever he wanted me to do. I pulled my shirt back on over my head but left my capris off.
We went out front and walked down the street. The whole neighborhood was filled with happy families lighting off fireworks in the street with their kids. It was a beautiful sight.