Clover Blue

by Eldonna Edwards

  Sirona lifts Rain’s hair away from her face. “We need to move you to a bed, sister.”

  Rain knits her brow. “I thought you said it was better to stay active during labor? I’m in labor, right?”

  “Yes. But we need to get your blood pressure up before you can be upright and move around.” Sirona glances in my direction. “Blue, what in the world are you doing over there? I need your help.”

  I drop the envelope and move next to Sirona. She motions for me to stand on the other side of the chair. “You hold her on the left and I’ll take the right.”

  Sirona and I steady Rain as she lifts out of the chair. The three of us move awkwardly toward the mattress on the floor against the wall. A stream of pinkish water runs down Rain’s bare leg and into her wool sock. Rain lowers herself onto the bed, waiting for Sirona to prop pillows behind her before lying back.

  Sirona pulls a latex glove from her bag. “I want to check your cervix. Would that be all right?”

  Rain’s eyes go wide. “Is my baby okay?”

  “The heartbeat is strong. I just want to get a baseline on dilation so we can keep tabs on your progression.”

  I’m feeling uneasy, like she needs a better helper than me. “Should I go find Goji? Or the other sister-mothers?”

  Rain grabs my arm. “Please stay!”

  I take her hand and sit on the floor next to the bed. Sirona taps Rain’s leg. “Bend your knees, hon. This will probably make you have another contraction. Look at Blue. Just breathe through it like we practiced, okay?”

  I turn away from Sirona and stare directly into Rain’s face. Her hair looks like corn silk against the grungy gray pillowcase. She smiles at me through watery eyes. “Namaste,” she whispers. She starts to say something else but winces instead when Sirona checks her. Together we deep-breathe through three long breaths before Sirona snaps the glove from her hand.

  “All done. Three centimeters, fifty percent effaced.”

  “What does that mean?” I say.

  “It means that she’s going to have a baby. Probably today. Tomorrow at the latest.” She smiles at Rain. “I want to send for Goji now, okay?”

  Rain grimaces through another contraction, crushing three of my fingers together. When it passes, Sirona nods at me and I start to stand but Rain won’t let me go.

  Sirona glances toward the door. “Okay, I’ll go find him. I’ll be right back. I promise.”

  As soon as Sirona is gone, Rain yanks on my arm. She grabs for my face, my hair, lingering with her trembling fingers. “She knew. Gaia knew! No wonder he didn’t want her to stay.”

  “Rain, what are you talking about?”

  She points to a cupboard. “Top shelf.”

  I open the cabinet. “What am I looking for?”

  “A bag. A small canvas bag.”

  I feel around on the shelf until I find it. Inside, a tied batch of envelopes. The same ones I’d found the day I discovered the candy bars, all but one addressed to Harmony.

  Another contraction grips Rain. I rush to her side, hold her hand. When it passes she pulls me close. “I thought Goji was protecting Harmony from Gaia, but he was protecting himself. You need to give the letters to Harmony.”

  Goji bursts through the doorway with Sirona. I quickly stuff the envelopes in my overalls’ pocket.

  He rushes to Rain’s side. “How’s she doing? Is she okay?”

  Rain looks at me, then back at Goji. Tears flood her eyes. “Why?” she says, panting through a contraction. She tries to sit up but the color runs out of her face and she faints, falling back on the pillows. Her hand slips out of mine like a loose glove.

  40

  Harmony paces in circles around the community table. “What do you think is taking so long?”

  “I don’t know.” I pat the bench next to where I’m sitting. “Would you please stop? You’re making me dizzy.”

  She glances at my hand but sits across from me instead. With both elbows on the table she leans into her fisted hands, glancing toward the Sacred Space, where they’ve moved Rain to labor so they’ll have more room. Harmony’s long brown bangs nearly cover her big eyes. “I don’t remember Aura taking this long to come out. Why did she faint?”

  “Sirona said Rain was dehydrated. She gave her some juice.”

  Harmony bites a fingernail. “Do you think they’ll take her if she needs to go to the hospital?”

  I’ve had the same thought and it worries me. I think back to the snake bite and Harmony’s coma and how I worried that she might die.

  “I’ll drive her to the hospital myself if she needs to go.”

  Harmony lifts her face from her hands and smiles weakly. She glances toward the tree house.

  “Hey, we should go read Rain’s pregnancy books. Maybe there’s something in there about how long labor should last.”

  I reach inside the large pocket of my overalls and lay the bound letters on the table.

  Harmony looks at the pile of envelopes. “What’s this?”

  “Rain gave them to me when we were in the shack. They’re from Gaia. Your mom’s been writing to you for years but Goji—”

  Harmony fans through the stack. “He . . . he hid these from me?”

  I nod. “I’m so sorry.”

  Tears flood her eyes.

  “Maybe you should—”

  Before I can finish my sentence she stands, dazed, and walks away clutching the letters to her chest.

  * * *

  Outside the Sacred Space I hear Rain’s long moan followed by Sirona’s soothing voice. The smell of incense follows Willow as she bursts through the doorway carrying a bucket. The way she holds it away from her I’m pretty sure it’s not water. When she sees me she sets the pail in the dirt.

  “Don’t you want to go in?”

  I do and I don’t. I want to see with my own eyes that she’s okay but I’m afraid of seeing her in pain. It tears me up inside to see her like that.

  “I’m not allowed in the Sacred Space.”

  “That was before. We’re her family and she needs our support. And she’s asking for you.”

  When I don’t move Willow holds the wool blanket aside and nods for me to go in. I take a deep breath and walk through the doorway.

  Everyone looks tired but focused as they sit cross-legged on pillows scattered around the room. Candles burn on a table to one side of the door. A mattress heaped with sheets and pillows lies empty in the center of the room. Rain is squatting over a towel with Goji supporting her. Sirona kneels behind them, rubbing Rain’s back. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Rain without clothes.

  “Easy breaths,” Sirona says. “When the next one comes I want you to take a deep breath. Hold the breath but push, okay?”

  Rain nods. Her hair is stuck to the pale skin of her back. I take a few steps forward. Rain turns, and as soon as she sees me she starts crying, reaching for me. I start to back up, but Wave runs up behind me and rests his hands on my shoulder.

  “I’ve upset her,” I whisper.

  “No, brother. Those tears aren’t because of you. They’re for you.”

  “She was fine until she saw me.”

  “She’s still fine. She’s happy you’re here. Trust me.”

  “Come, Blue,” Sirona says. “Help me catch this baby.”

  I shake my head. “That’s okay. I’ll just stand over here.”

  “Now, Blue!” Sirona isn’t asking, she’s insisting. “Wash your hands in the bowl, then come over here.”

  I scrub my hands and dry them on the towel that Willow hands me. When I get next to Sirona I crouch on my knees. “What should I do?”

  “The baby’s head is crowning. I’m hoping it’ll come with the next contraction.”

  I look toward the doorway. “Somebody needs to get Harmony. She’s gonna be really bummed if she misses the birth.”

  Wave gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Doobie went to look for you and Harmony before you got here. He’ll probably be back with her any minute.
”

  A low growl starts in Rain’s chest, then bubbles to her throat. It sounds a little like Greta when she’s calling for Inga.

  Sirona reaches beneath Rain. “Okay, this is it. I’m going to massage the perineum so she doesn’t tear. Your job is to make sure the baby’s head doesn’t hit the floor.”

  I feel like I’m going to pass out. “Shouldn’t we get her to the bed?”

  “This is better. We’re working with gravity instead of against it.”

  I glance at Goji. He’s kissing Rain’s shoulder over and over. “I love you,” he whispers. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

  His words seem to fuel the next breath that Rain takes. Her face turns redder and redder as she stares into his eyes.

  “Push, push, push!” Sirona says. She grabs my hands and centers them under Rain’s bottom. I feel the slippery bulge of the baby’s head in my hands. I start to pull away but Sirona stops me. “She asked for this. For you.”

  The language that explodes from Rain’s mouth is foreign to me, a string of syllables followed by a scream as the head becomes shoulders, hips, and finally, two tiny feet in my hands.

  Sirona leans in and kisses Rain’s between her shoulder blades. “Good job, sister!”

  I cradle the slippery baby as Sirona ties two pieces of cloth around the umbilical cord and snips between the knots. “You did great, Blue.” She swipes the baby’s mouth with her finger and uses a small rubber syringe to clean out the tiny nose.

  Rain’s legs start shaking. Goji catches her as she wilts to one side and lays her gently on the floor, using his hands as a pillow beneath her head.

  Rain cranes her neck toward the baby. “Is he okay? Is my baby okay?”

  Sirona flicks the bottom of the baby’s foot with a finger. It takes a sudden breath, then lets out a cry. She thrusts a towel around the baby, wiping the face as she takes the squirming baby from me. Wave tucks a pillow under Rain’s head, relieving Goji’s hands.

  Sirona gently hands the baby to Goji and smiles. “She. It’s a girl.”

  Goji stares into the blue eyes of his tiny child, weeping. He lays her across Rain’s chest, where the baby nuzzles her way to Rain’s breast and immediately latches on.

  “A good eater,” Sirona says. “That’s a great sign.” She throws a worried glance between Rain’s legs. “We’ve got a little blood here so your placenta has detached. I’m just going to help you deliver it and then we can move you to the bed, okay?”

  Rain nods without looking up from her baby.

  I look away when Sirona drops the bloody blob into a pan. Rain starts to shiver. Her skin is so pale it almost looks translucent. I grab a blanket and drape it over her and the baby. Rain looks around at all the faces hovering over her. She stops at mine and smiles through her tears. “I’m going to take the best care of her, little brother. I will never let her out of my sight.”

  Rain looks so peaceful and happy compared to just a few minutes ago. She clutches the baby and falls asleep, exhausted.

  Outside the Sacred Space, Harmony’s loud voice feels like a brutal intrusion on the quiet beauty of this room. I probably screwed up, giving her those letters today. I hear Doobie trying to quiet her before Harmony bursts through the door. Her eyes are wide with anger or fear or both.

  I jump to my feet. “Come on, Harmony. Rain’s really tired.” I gently touch her arm.

  Harmony glances down at Rain, then turns back to me. “Rain is your sister, Blue.”

  “Our sister. She’s your sister, too.”

  “No, I mean your real sister, one you’re related to.”

  She narrows her eyes at Goji. “You stole Ruth’s letters to me because she figured it out.” Harmony’s eyes dart around the room. “You used me and you used my mom to keep her from telling everyone.”

  Sirona turns away from the basin where she was washing her hands. With her arms dripping she says, “You people need to take this outside right now.”

  Goji stands. “Sirona’s right. This isn’t the time or place for these questions. We’re celebrating a new life here.”

  “What about Blue’s life? The one you stole from him?” Harmony shoves a notebook toward me, her finger pointing toward handwriting at the top of a page. It’s dated August 13, 1976. “You have to read this.”

  “Is this Rain’s diary? Harmony, that’s private.”

  Sirona takes a step toward us. “Whatever this is will have to wait until—”

  Harmony ignores her. “Damnit, Blue, just read it.”

  Goji moves quickly toward Harmony, swiping at the diary, but Harmony is too fast. She glares at him, eyes wild, her hand like a crossing guard in front of us. She shoves the diary toward me.

  Stunned, I take it and start reading.

  “Out loud, Blue.”

  “‘I wonder if God will ever forgive me. Goji says God is in me, that I need to forgive myself for losing track of my little brother at the lake. He makes it sound so simple but it’s not. Every time I looked into my mom’s face I saw her pain. Dad didn’t talk about it but his silence about Noah was almost worse. I’d give anything to go back to that day and start over.’”

  I close the journal and look over at Rain, still sound asleep. My whole body is shaking. I feel like I’m going to explode.

  Harmony reaches for me. “Blue, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have read her diary but . . .”

  Sirona turns on her heels to face Goji. “What on earth are they talking about?”

  Harmony moves closer to Sirona. “Willow and Wave stole Blue from a park when he was three years old. Rain was just a kid at the time, and Blue disappeared while she was supposed to be watching him.”

  Willow breaks into sobs. “We were tripping. I . . . I . . . it just happened. I thought he was my baby. I was so scared.”

  I turn to Wave, who slowly shakes his head from side to side as he comforts Willow. “It was a terrible mistake. I’m so sorry, Blue.”

  Harmony pulls the letters from her pocket and holds them up for Goji to see. “Rain felt responsible. She ran away because she couldn’t forgive herself. My mom brought her here on purpose when she realized Rain was probably Blue’s sister.”

  I turn to Goji. “You robbed me of my family twice? Rain thought I was dead. All this time she believed it was her fault. You could have helped her—you could have helped both of us. . . .”

  Goji shifts his weight from one foot to the other, glancing toward the door.

  I take a step closer to him. “You were afraid she’d leave. That we’d leave together.”

  Sirona’s chin trembles as she takes everything in. “Goji? Is this true? Is Rain really . . .”

  “And he’s taking her to India.” I glare at Goji. “Tell them.”

  He grimaces, but doesn’t answer.

  Sirona looks down at Rain. She gently stokes her leg then takes in a sharp breath and throws the blanket aside. “We’ve got a little problem here. She’s still bleeding.”

  I race to Rain’s side and drop to my knees. Sirona starts furiously massaging Rain’s belly. Next to me a pool of blood spreads beyond the rug and across the wood floor. I lean down and put my mouth next to Rain’s ear. “Hey,” I say, squeezing her limp hand. “Hey, Rain, wake up.”

  Nothing.

  “Bethany? It’s me.”

  Rain’s eyes flicker open, then close again. When she tries to speak I move my ear to her lips.

  “Noah,” she whispers.

  Her arm falls away and I catch the baby before she rolls to the floor.

  I look around the room at the others. “We need to get her to a hospital!”

  Sirona nods at Goji. “He’s right. She’s lost a lot of blood. She needs a transfusion and medicine to stop the bleeding.”

  Goji collapses next to Rain and lays his head across her chest. His body heaves with sobs. “Take her,” he says.

  41

  Wave wraps Rain’s limp body in a blanket and scoops her into his arms. I’m still holding the new b
aby. We all race after Wave as he carries our sister toward the truck. Sirona lowers the gate and quickly lines the camper with blankets. She climbs inside to care for Rain on the way to the hospital. The baby starts crying, her little head arching back against the crook of my arm. Willow offers to take her from me. I take a step backward.

  Sirona shouts from inside the truck. “Boil the baby goat bottles and nipples! Give her fresh milk if she gets hungry!”

  Doobie and Wave get into the cab and wait for Goji to join them.

  Goji shakes his head. “I’m going to stay here with my daughter. The rest of us need to meditate and surround our sister in healing white light.”

  Sirona slaps the inside wall of the truck. “We need to go!” she yells. “Now!”

  Wave pulls the door closed. When Doobie turns the key, a weak buzz sounds followed by a series of clicks. Doobie’s jaw drops as he looks at Wave. “Dead battery,” he mouths.

  Jade and Coyote are using the station wagon so Doobie jumps out and runs toward the Vega. He grabs a key hanging from a nearby tree and hops in the driver’s seat. We haven’t driven it since the day Harmony came back.

  The thought of losing my sister again seems impossible. Please let it start. Please, please, please.

  Doobie cranks the starter. The engine roars to life on the first try. Harmony raises her fists in the air. “Yes!”

  The motor sputters and dies.

  I hand the baby to Willow. “I’ll be right back.”

  I take off running toward the Fullers’ house. They have a phone. And a car. I race through the middle of a herd of Jerseys, who flee in every direction to make way for me, lowing noisily. By the time I reach the Fullers’ yard my bare feet are covered in mud and cow muck.

  When I spot Lotus’s car parked in the driveway my heart nearly leaps out of my chest with relief. I climb the steps two at a time. Through the door I see Lotus from the back, standing at her easel, paintbrush in hand. A naked Mr. Fuller lounges on an overstuffed sofa. I only hesitate for a half second before pounding on the door. I’m crazy out of breath but when Lotus sees me she squeals. “Blue! It’s so good to see you.” She glances down at my filthy feet. “Maybe you want to . . .”