Dare to Take (Dare to Love #6)

by Carly Phillips

  He tipped his head, unsure he’d heard her correctly. “You’re worried about me?”

  She touched his cheek in that motherly way of hers. “Of course I am. That’s not something any child should see, let alone have to keep inside.”

  He leaned against the counter, taking comfort from the cold granite through his shirt. “That’s not what Dad said.”

  She narrowed her gaze. “He saw you? He knew you caught him? I just assumed you caught a glimpse and ran out. What did he tell you?”

  “To shut my mouth so I wouldn’t hurt my mother. To be a man and keep his secret.” His throat hurt as he repeated the words that had haunted him for over a decade. “So I did.”

  “Oh, honey.” His mother pulled him into her arms. “You’re a good, decent man. I’m sorry you had to live with that all these years and revisit it again now.”

  “Thank you,” he said, his head still spinning from the unexpected way this conversation had gone.

  True, Ella thought his mother would have been devastated no matter when she’d learned of her husband’s betrayal, but Tyler had never factored her worry or concern for him into her reaction.

  “You’re special, Mom. I think that’s why we all turned out okay.” He stepped back and seated himself again.

  She smiled at him in gratitude. “So that’s why you threw him out of the waiting room.”

  “We should have done it years ago. Every year he’s hurt one of us more and more. Olivia was devastated when he didn’t show up for her birthday party. Why would she want him there? Why would any of us?”

  On that subject, his mother remained silent, choosing discretion over further bashing Robert Dare.

  “So what are you going to do with this information now?” she asked him.

  He shook his head at the question that had plagued him, but he’d already come to a decision. “Initially I didn’t plan on doing or saying anything. I couldn’t see burdening them with this. But after last night, I think there will be questions. I’m going to have to tell them.”

  She nodded. “They’re curious,” she agreed.

  “But my half siblings?” He shrugged. “It’s not my place, and they don’t need to live with it the way I did. Unless Olivia or Avery feels like they need to tell them. They’re close.” He ran a hand over his eyes. “I wish he hadn’t shown up last night. I could have kept it to myself.”

  “Maybe that was a sign you’re not meant to be alone in all things,” his mother mused. “Ever think of that? You have a family you can share things with.”

  “You’re right. I’m just coming to appreciate everyone even more now.” Seeing how alone Ella was, how could he not be more thankful for his own family support and unconditional love?

  Emma cleared her throat. “What about Savannah?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “Wish I knew. I guess that’ll play out if her kids find out. And to be honest … if you get someone by cheating, can you really expect anything different?”

  “No,” she murmured.

  “All I know is, this time I can live with things a lot better, knowing I’m making my own decisions. Not ones Dad demands.”

  “You’re thinking for yourself. Like the strong, intelligent man you are.” She touched his cheek. “Don’t lose sleep over your father, honey.” She shrugged. “I’m really not sure what else to say.”

  “I think you’ve said it all. You straightened my head out after so many years. I just can’t believe I kept it to myself all this time.”

  “So … what about you and Ella?” his mother asked, changing the subject abruptly. Clearly she was finished with Robert Dare.

  “In the beginning, the issues were my own.” Or at least that was what he’d thought.

  “What do you mean?” she asked, studying him with the concerned gaze of a loving parent, reminding him how lucky he was to have had her to counteract his callous father.

  He rested his arms on the cool countertop. “Well, for years, I felt like I ran out instead of facing emotionally tough decisions. Case in point, not telling you about Dad and Savannah.”

  “For God’s sake, you were all of fourteen!”

  “How about joining the Army to get away from him? Instead of sticking by my family and being here for you all?”

  She shook her head, her lips drawn into a firm line. “Tyler Dare, at eighteen, I don’t think anyone makes truly perfect, rational decisions. And if you joined the Army for those reasons, then you needed to get away, and you deserved to live your own life. Make your own choices and mistakes. What else are you carrying around like a ten-ton weight?”

  He decided to keep that night with Ella to himself. The same with Jack going AWOL. He already understood the pattern he’d weighted himself with wasn’t an accurate one. He hadn’t run, he’d made choices that were the only ones he could make at the time.

  “Nothing. I understand things better now.” He understood himself better. “I was worried I couldn’t commit to Ella … or any woman because of my past choices. But I see now that wasn’t the right way to view things.”

  “You’re sure?” his mother asked. “Because we can sit here all day until you understand that you’re only responsible for yourself and your decisions. And none of the ones you’ve made have been so awful.”

  He grinned at her, knowing she was right.

  “Good, because it’s life. We live and we learn.” She rose and kissed his cheek. “What about Ella? Does she understand that?”

  Tyler groaned. “I wish she did, but she has more to work out.” He paused, then decided to confide in his mother. “She received a letter from her father in prison. Apparently they’ve been estranged for years. I want to help her get past it, but she has to be ready.”

  Emma nodded. “Knowing she has you, that has to make things easier. The poor girl’s been alone for too long.”

  If Tyler had his way, she wouldn’t ever be alone again. But Ella had a lot of practice doing things on her own, and that made him nervous. It had him wondering if she’d even be capable of truly opening up her heart.

  “Thanks for understanding, Mom. Thanks for everything.” He kissed her cheek.

  “Always.” Emma smiled, back to the bright, happy expression she’d had when talking about her grandbabies.

  “Now I need to get back to this baking or I won’t be ready for tomorrow’s class. Do you want to stick around? I’ll let you eat the scones when I’m finished.”

  He laughed. “I’ll take a rain check.” He had a woman to pick up from work, and they had important things to discuss.

  * * *

  While visiting Olivia and her baby, Ella experienced an unexpected jolt of longing, similar to the one she’d felt while watching Tyler hold Meg’s baby boy. Considering how much she had going on in her life aside from Tyler—someone trying to break into her apartment and her estranged father rearing his head—she didn’t need any more emotional upheaval on her plate.

  But living with Tyler, going through the motions as if they were a couple with a future, how could she not feel a need for more in her life than she’d have without him? Yet unless and until she straightened her head out, she couldn’t begin to think about anything beyond the here and now.

  By the time they returned to his place, she was exhausted and in need of alone time, where she could get her head back on straight. She excused herself, and Tyler said he’d let her know when dinner was ready. She didn’t know what he was preparing, and she didn’t much care. She was just grateful she didn’t have to cook it tonight.

  With her head pounding, she headed for her bag, looking for some ibuprofen that she kept on hand. Frustrated when she couldn’t find the small bottle, she dumped the contents of her bag onto the bed … and the letter from her father fell out.

  She picked up the envelope, now dirty and worn from traveling in her purse, and settled onto the bed. She’d told herself she needed to read the contents, and she took this as a sign it was time, whether she was ready or not.

>   She stuck her nail under the flap and opened the envelope, pulling out the paper and unfolding it. Two pieces of paper fell out, a visitor’s application and a handwritten letter. Drawing a deep breath, she began to read.

  Dear Ella, I know it’s been awhile. Far too long, really …

  She recognized her father’s handwriting, the scratchy penmanship causing a lump to form in her throat. There’d been a time after her mother had died when he would help her with her homework, making notes for her to look at later in the same nearly illegible hand.

  She swallowed hard and noticed at a glance that the note wasn’t long.

  You may not believe me, and I don’t blame you, but I miss you and think of you every day. I understand why you no longer come visit, and I even believe that I wouldn’t deserve it if you did. For that reason, I’m going to come right out and tell you what you need to know, without me sugarcoating the words. I’m dying.

  A sob rose up in her chest, bursting forth from her throat. Feelings she hadn’t known she had, and would have denied if asked, bubbled forth, and she began to rock back and forth on the bed, tears dripping down her face as she continued to read on.

  The doctors said I have end-stage lung cancer. Guess all those cigarettes I smoked along with the booze finally caught up with me. Though I have no right to ask, and was never there for you when you needed me, I’d like to see you one last time. If nothing else, I’d like to apologize in person and to tell you I love you the same way. You need to fill out the application and return it if you decide to come. Yours, Dad.

  Ella wiped her cheeks with her palms, but the tears kept flowing, with big hiccupping sobs she couldn’t control.

  “Ella, dinner!” Tyler called, obviously thinking she’d showered already.

  She glanced around his bedroom, the large king-size bed and the two nightstands and matching wooden furniture around the room. Though she wasn’t alone in the true sense of the word, not while she was in Tyler’s house and surrounded by him in all ways, she’d never felt more isolated and abandoned.

  Tell him, a voice in her head said. Tell him and he’ll hold you and make it all better.

  “It’s temporary,” she replied, as if it made sense to talk out loud. And if there was one thing she knew how to do, had had to learn how to do, it was to survive on her own.

  “Ella?” he called up to her again.

  “I’m not hungry,” she yelled back. Leaving everything on the bed, she grabbed an oversized shirt of Tyler’s and a pair of her underwear before closing herself in the bathroom and turning the shower on full steam. She stripped off her clothing and shut herself in the glass enclosure, letting the burning water rush over her skin.

  While there, she cried hard, unleashing the emotions rampaging through her at the thought of losing another parent. Because, she realized, although they hadn’t had contact, it meant something to know her father lived somewhere in this world. The fact that he soon wouldn’t meant she’d wasted so much time and energy on being hurt and angry. She’d spent all this time without him when maybe they could have healed their rift. And she was the one to blame, because really, how could he have visited her from prison?

  He could have written before now, that voice reminded her. But she wasn’t listening, not when it felt like the weight of the world sat on her shoulders and every decision she’d made had been the wrong one. So she cried some more, for the mother she’d lost and who hadn’t seen her grow up, for the father who’d all but thrown her away, and for not trying once more with him, before it was too late.

  She’d go see him, she decided, but when all was said and done, he’d be gone from her life for good. And she’d be left as alone as when she’d started.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tyler heard Ella answer his call for dinner, a mumbled sound he couldn’t understand. He gave her some time before heading up to see what was keeping her.

  He walked into the room to find her pocketbook on the comforter, contents spread all over. The shower ran in the bathroom. He scooped up the tissues, wallet, and other things, tossing them back into the leather purse, and then he came to the handwritten letter and visitor’s application left open on the bed. He picked those up too, intending to fold them up and put them away, but he couldn’t help notice the tear stains on the paper, smudging the ink.

  And though it was wrong, and rude, he scanned through the document anyway, muttering a low, succinct curse when he got to the end.

  “That stupid, selfish bastard.”

  So he wanted to see his daughter, but couldn’t he have told her the news in person instead of dumping it on her that way? There were so many other ways this could and should have gone down, but then every choice Harry Shaw had made in life had been the wrong, most hurtful one. At least when it came to his only daughter.

  Leaving the letter on the nightstand, he headed for the bathroom, stripping his clothes off as he walked, intending to join Ella in the shower and care for her the way she needed.

  Except when he reached the bathroom and pushed the door open a fraction, a loud sob reached his ears, breaking his heart.

  He joined her in the steamy shower, shutting the door behind him and pulling her into his arms. Trembling, she plastered herself against him and let go, her tears mixing with the water sluicing down his chest.

  “Let it all out,” he said, stroking her hair with one hand, holding her upright with the other.

  He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but she cried harder, her body quaking and trembling, the sounds coming from inside her, raw and painful to hear.

  It took what felt like forever, until finally, her sobs quieted down, just as the water began to cool. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She stepped out of his embrace and nodded, wiping her eyes with her hand as he shut the faucet, freeing them from the now too cold water.

  “You didn’t have to come in,” she said, reaching for the towel.

  He took it from her and gently wrapped the bath sheet around her body. “Of course I did.”

  She sniffed and met his gaze, her makeup streaked beneath her eyes. “Thank you. But I just needed a few minutes alone and—”

  “The last thing you need is to be alone.” He grabbed his own towel from the hook behind the door and quickly dried himself off before tucking the towel around his waist.

  “You saw the letter.”

  It wasn’t a question, so he merely nodded. No point in denying it. She’d left it out on the bed.

  “I’m so damned sorry.”

  She raised a delicate shoulder, then lowered it again. “It shouldn’t matter, right? He hasn’t been in my life for years.”

  “Actually it matters a hell of a lot.” He stepped forward and brushed the black streaks off her cheek with his thumbs, then wiped the stains onto the towel. “If Robert Dare died next year, do you think I’d be able to go on as if nothing happened? That it wouldn’t affect me? That I wouldn’t grieve?”

  “I know, but doesn’t it make me a hypocrite to care now?”

  “It makes you soft, warm, and human.” He looked into her beautiful hazel eyes. “It’s just one of the reasons I love you,” he said, the words escaping without permission. At the worst possible time.

  Her lips parted in a soft oh. “Tyler,” she breathed in a low voice. The same husky voice she used crying out his name when he was buried deep inside her wet, willing body.

  He placed a hand over her parted lips. “Do not say another word. And sure as hell don’t answer me now. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say while you’re an emotional wreck.”

  “But—”

  He braced his hands on her cheeks, slowly stroking her soft skin. “Just live with it awhile and know that, no matter what you believe, you aren’t alone.”

  “Not now I’m not,” she murmured raising herself up on tiptoes to kiss him on the mouth, parting her lips immediately, seeking entry.

  He understood she needed to forget her troubles, and he wanted give her the pe
ace she sought, so without another word, he swept her into his arms and carried her out of the bathroom and over to the bed. Laying her down on the mattress, he pulled the sides of the towel open and unwrapped her, revealing her ripe, perfect breasts, sweet, puckered nipples, and flat stomach. His gaze traveled lower, over her belly button and the smooth skin beneath, trailing down to the neatly trimmed thatch of hair covering her sex.

  Keeping her distracted was key, so he zeroed in on his target and cupped his hand over her mound, sliding one finger around her slippery folds. Back and forth, he coated her in her own juices, torturing her as she writhed against his hand. Tormenting himself. His cock didn’t appreciate being ignored, especially when he was hard and painfully erect, but this wasn’t about him right now.

  “Mmm. Tyler,” she moaned, arching her hips against his hand and rocking against him, seeking relief.

  “I like to hear my name in that sexy voice.”

  She reached out and clasped his erection in one hand, pumping up and down his straining shaft until liquid pooled at the top. “I want to taste you,” she whispered, gripping him tighter, sliding her hand up and down, tightening when she hit the base, loosening as she slipped upward, then gripping him harder again at the head.

  “Fuck,” he muttered, his eyes rolling back.

  “That’s the idea,” she said, a sexy grin lifting her lips.

  Under any other circumstances, he’d agree. He’d told her he loved her, and there was no way he was going to fuck her hard now, as if she didn’t matter to him. No way he would let her screw him just to forget her problems.

  A side benefit? He was all for that. But never again would he take without showing her how much he cared at the same time.

  Unfortunately, she was on a mission, not thinking about emotions, only looking to feel good and forget. As a guy who used to react the same way, he didn’t miss the irony that now he wanted something more, deeper and more meaningful.

  She pushed at his shoulders, and he rolled onto his back, easing himself up farther on the bed. With a determined glint in her eyes, she set one knee on either side of his legs and straddled him, lowering herself until her mouth was inches away from his rock-hard cock.