Regrets

by Caragh Bell

  Luca waved over and made a beeline for the table.

  ‘Hey, Craig!’ he enthused, thumping him on the back. ‘Last night of freedom, huh, buddy?’ He glanced around the table, clocking who was there. Samantha didn’t know if she imagined it, but she noticed a look of relief on his face when he realised that Lydia was nowhere to be seen.

  Craig got to his feet and gave him a brief hug. ‘Good to see you, man.’

  Luca kissed Anthea’s cheek and shook Michael’s hand.

  ‘Mom and Dad are so sorry they can’t make it,’ he said.

  ‘It can’t be helped, I suppose,’ said Michael practically. ‘Work is work.’

  ‘Anyway, they sent Craig and Sam a big cheque so all’s good.’

  Samantha raised her glass. ‘I’ll drink to that!’

  Mark clinked her glass with his. ‘I told you, toasts are the best. Let’s try and squeeze a few more in before the end of the night.’

  She kissed his cheek. ‘I love you, Daddy.’

  Mark gulped. ‘Ah, pet. Don’t do that. I can’t let the side down by getting emotional.’

  Charlotte gave a small wave to the group. ‘Hey, you guys! I’m Luca’s fiancée, Charlotte.’

  Luca stopped mid-sentence in his conversation with Craig. ‘Oh, sorry. This is my wife-to-be.’

  ‘You are a beautiful girl,’ said Sandra warmly. ‘I’ve seen pictures but they don’t do you justice.’

  Charlotte beamed at her. ‘Thank you so much.’

  ‘Americans are gas,’ whispered Colin to Samantha. ‘They always take a compliment. If you said that to an Irish person they’d never accept it.’

  ‘She is beautiful though,’ Samantha whispered back.

  ‘She’s not as beautiful as Lydia,’ he retorted.

  Samantha punched him playfully on the arm. ‘You are so funny. Like a little guard dog.’

  Luca nodded in Colin’s direction. Colin smiled wanly. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about him. Sure, he had felt sorry for him when Lydia took off, but again there was an undefinable, indescribable thing he found unnerving about him.

  Samantha raised her glass to Charlotte. ‘So, we’re nearly there, thank the Lord.’

  Charlotte smiled. ‘Well, you sure are. I still have tons of things to do.’

  ‘Where will you go on honeymoon?’

  ‘Luca is organising that as a surprise.’ She rubbed his arm. ‘That’s his present.’

  Luca looked around questioningly. ‘Luca’s what?’

  ‘Organising our honeymoon,’ repeated Charlotte.

  He nodded and turned back to Craig. He was sick of wedding talk. Women could talk about it forever. He still hadn’t booked anything. There was plenty of time. It was that just nowhere appealed; there was no destination jumping out at him.

  Val arrived at that moment. He rushed up to Samantha and kissed her cheek apologetically. ‘I’m so sorry I’m late. There was a prop disaster and then Puck had a meltdown.’

  Samantha patted his arm. ‘It’s absolutely fine. Lyd still hasn’t arrived.’

  ‘Wine?’ Craig held up a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

  Val took off his coat. ‘Nah, I’ll have a beer if it’s going.’

  Sandra beckoned to the waitress. ‘Do you have beer? Put it on our tab.’

  Colin giggled and nudged Samantha. ‘A tab? She’s off again, spending Marks’ money like water. It’s like the hen night revisited.’

  Samantha didn’t laugh. ‘She’ll hardly pay for the whole thing, will she?’ she asked in alarm. ‘I mean, I want some inheritance down the road.’

  Colin looked grave. ‘I’d confiscate the visa – just saying.’

  Mark got to his feet and clinked his glass with a spoon. ‘So, now that we’re all here,’ he began, raising his glass for the umpteenth time.

  ‘Lydia isn’t here!’ protested Colin, getting to his feet too. ‘I’ll just ring her. You can’t do a toast without the chief-bridesmaid.’

  Luca kept his eyes cast down, pretending to check his phone.

  Charlotte clapped her hands. ‘I’m sure excited to meet this Lydia. She’s your best friend, right, Sam?’

  Samantha nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, she is.’ She watched Luca fidget. His expression was unreadable. Oh, for God’s sake! Get a grip, she thought.

  ‘Luca,’ she said clearly.

  He looked up. ‘Yeah?’

  ‘You remember Lydia, don’t you?’ She stared at him directly. She had had enough of this dramatic bullshit. It needed to be put to bed right away.

  He mumbled something and turned back to his phone.

  ‘He was in her class in college,’ Samantha said for him. ‘So was he.’ She pointed at Colin. ‘So, it’s high time we all met.’

  Charlotte smiled beatifically. ‘So you guys went to school together? That’s neat. Luca! You never said.’

  Luca didn’t reply. Suddenly, Colin’s phone vibrated on the table.

  ‘It’s Lydia,’ he announced peering at the message. ‘She’ll be here in five.’

  Luca knocked back his wine. ‘Fill me up,’ he said to Charlotte. ‘It’s going to be a long night.’

  ‘Are you seek?’ Mathis’s brown eyes were concerned. ‘You look vairy pale.’

  Lydia was sitting on a park bench, her stomach doing flip-flops. He knew that she needed to get it together but a wave of nerves had taken over her body and she felt nauseated.

  Grow up, Kelly. Get up and go in there.

  ‘Okay, I’m ready.’ She jumped up, straightening her dress. She had chosen a purple minidress with black strappy sandals and big hoopy earrings. Her eyes were painted with silver and black, which gave them a smoky look. Her lips were painted with tinted gloss, not too red but enough to accentuate their fullness. Silver bangles jangled on her wrist and she carried a black clutch. She looked her best; she had pulled out all the stops. She had been planning this outfit for weeks. The last time he saw her she was a bloody mess in blue-and-white hospital gown, with big bulging eyes from crying. Gone was that femme fatale; she would no longer be the little victim, in need of her strong white knight to rescue her.

  Tonight she would be independent and strong. She would strut in there and dazzle.

  The fact that she felt like she was going to throw up didn’t help her strong confident woman persona, but she chose to ignore it.

  ‘On y va, let’s go!’ she commanded and gestured for Mathis to follow her.

  They entered the restaurant and reaching out, he took her hand in his. She felt like snatching it away, but thought better of it. It wouldn’t be fair to him. She had been so obsessed with herself she had forgotten that he might be nervous too. The only people he knew were Colin and Val. He was bound to feel like a fish out of water. She squeezed his hand in comfort.

  The first thing she saw was his blond head. She felt like bolting, but somehow managed to keep walking.

  As if in slow motion, she saw Colin jump to his feet and shout, ‘Lyd! I kept you a seat!’ He gestured to his right. ‘You too, Mathis!’

  Sandra waved enthusiastically. ‘You’re here! I thought you’d never arrive.’

  Lydia stopped and waited for all the heads to turn. One by one, the wedding party started to greet her. Craig, Sam, the Dillons, Mark, Val and then this beautiful blonde girl: Charlotte du Maurier. She looked even better in the flesh. Luca nodded curtly before turning his head in the opposite direction.

  Mathis pulled out the chairs Colin had kept for them. It was mercifully on the opposite end of the table to Luca and Charlotte. ‘After you,’ he said, before taking a seat himself.

  Val filled two wineglasses like lightning. ‘You’re just in time,’ he reassured them, handing them a glass each.

  ‘That’s because you were so late yourself,’ remarked Samantha drily. ‘Jesus, Lyd, what kept you?’

  She opened her mouth but no words came out. Mathis intervened.

  ‘We ’ad to get some money and zere was beeg queue.’

  Luca turned and regarded them
both without emotion. Lydia forced herself to meet his gaze.

  ‘Hi, Luca,’ she said breathlessly.

  ‘Lydia,’ he replied crisply.

  She reddened and gestured to Mathis.

  ‘Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Mathis.’

  Lots of smiles and waves ensued. Mathis waved back pleasantly.

  ‘Enchanté,’ he said, smiling.

  Luca nodded briefly in his direction and once again turned his back on them both.

  ‘Attention, everyone!’ said Mark, getting to his feet. He clinked his glass with his fork. All heads turned in his direction.

  ‘So, as you all know, Samantha was a baby we waited a long time for.’ said Mark. ‘ We were blessed to have her as she turned out to be our only blessing in the end.’

  Everyone cheered.

  ‘Being an only child is the bomb,’ whispered Colin, clapping. ‘No competition.’

  ‘I wouldn’t know,’ answered Lydia. ‘I’ve always had to share.’

  ‘So,’ Mark continued. ‘Craig is a welcome addition as I’ve never had a son. Now I will and for that I am really happy.’

  ‘Oh, Daddy!’ Samantha’s eyes filled with tears. ‘That’s so sweet.’

  Anthea Dillon wiped the tears from her eyes too.

  ‘We wish the happy couple a long and fulfilling life.’ He raised his glass. ‘To the happy couple!’

  ‘To the happy couple!’ they all chorused.

  The waitresses descended immediately when he had resumed his seat. They were anxious to take an order as the kitchen staff was waiting to get started.

  ‘I can’t decide what to eat,’ wailed Colin. ‘I want everything.’

  Lydia scanned the menu. She wasn’t remotely hungry. ‘Look, pick two dishes and we can share. That way you get to try different things.’

  ‘You’re a doll.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘How are you feeling?’ he added in an undertone.

  She glanced in Luca’s direction. He was ignoring their end of the table completely.

  ‘Okay, I suppose,’ she muttered. ‘It’s just weird, that’s all.’

  ‘His fiancée doesn’t know about you two,’ he murmured. ‘She’s blissfully ignorant.’

  ‘Thank God.’

  What a relief. At least she could start fresh with her, without history or resentment. The wedding was the day after tomorrow; then it would all be over. She would never see them again.

  Luca tore his bread roll apart viciously.

  Of course she had a boyfriend. Girls like Lydia didn’t stay single for long. And of course he was a hot French guy.

  Why did it matter to him? It shouldn’t make a difference. Why then did he want to grab her and pull her outside and…

  He gulped his wine. Why did she affect him like this? It was such a joke.

  He stole a glance in her direction. She looked even more gorgeous than normal. Her lips glistened and her eyes were huge. Her skin looked luminous and even though he couldn’t see her legs as they were concealed by the table, he could imagine their smooth length.

  He closed his eyes. This had to end now. Charlotte was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever dated. She was sitting by his side, wearing the ring he had bought her, chatting in her charming way to Sam’s parents.

  This had to end now.

  His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Tyler. His flight was due in the next morning and he was wondering where to stay.

  Luca frowned. He had booked Ty into Hayfield Manor as well. It made sense to have him nearby. They could avail of the residents’ bar together and hang out. Charlotte sure as hell wouldn’t join him for nightcaps. She was still on a major health binge. She had barely touched the wine that Mark had poured her.

  He hadn’t mentioned that Tyler would be staying in the same hotel. She wouldn’t be impressed. Better to spring it on her at the last minute. He suspected that she would be put out. It was no secret that she disapproved of his friend. She felt that he led him astray. Luca frowned. He sure as hell didn’t need anyone to lead him astray. He was perfectly capable of that himself.

  He could feel the animosity from Val. He was Team Jessica, he remembered that.

  Jessica. He hadn’t thought about her in years. She had been his girlfriend back when he was in college here. When he and Lydia had had their fling, it had been behind her back. Funny, at the time he didn’t care about the hurt he had caused. Yet now, looking back on it, he felt terrible for the way he had treated her. Being here with all the old crew was stirring up lots of memories that had been lost for a long time.

  ‘Mathis! You are so bad!’ Colin shrieked suddenly and the whole table turned in his direction.

  ‘What’s going on?’ asked Craig, intrigued.

  Mathis’s brown curls bounced as he laughed and related the tale of the missing shoe.

  ‘His accent is to die for,’ said Sandra dreamily.

  Luca tried and failed to ignore the whole thing. The entire table was listening to Mathis’s story, with Colin interjecting every now and then.

  Lydia had her head in her hands and kept repeating, ‘Please stop, please stop.’ She looked very embarrassed.

  It sounded like a dumb story, anyway. Like, who cares about a shoe?

  ‘So zen, Colin arrive in to zee bedroom and I am standing zair completely naked and he almost die.’

  Mark burst out laughing. Luca almost spat out his wine.

  ‘Lucky Lydia,’ remarked Sandra, winking at Anthea, who looked thoroughly shocked.

  Charlotte laughed and it sounded like a tinkle. ‘You guys are so funny. So, did you find the shoe?’

  Lydia wanted to crawl into a hole and die. This was the worst conversation ever. She made a mental note to kill Colin after the meal. She kept her eyes trained on her salad fork and prayed that someone would change the subject.

  Luca pulled himself together and forced a smile. ‘Yeah, you guys. Did you find the shoe?’

  Mathis shook his head. ‘Non. We deed not.’

  Colin fanned his face dramatically. ‘I was so embarrassed because I totally didn’t expect it.’

  ‘I bet it was sight to behold,’ whispered Sandra to Anthea, swigging her wine.

  Anthea pursed her lips. This conversation had gone crazy. Sandra was plainly drunk and was being entirely inappropriate with that French boy. Where was the food? They needed soakage quickly.

  Thankfully, the starters arrived.

  ‘I ordered two!’ yelled Colin. ‘I mean, Lyd and I are sharing.’

  Lydia didn’t care if he ate the whole thing. Adrenaline was coursing through her veins and every time she glanced at Luca, her heart gave a jump. She felt like a teenager again and the feeling was intoxicating.

  She watched him fork up his salad efficiently. She loved his fingers. They were a painter’s hands. She used to intertwine her own fingers with his, tracing their length with her thumb.

  ‘Are you okay, Leed?’ Mathis leaned over and kissed her shoulder.

  She came back to earth with a jolt. ‘Yes, I’m fine.’

  ‘Why you not eat?’

  ‘I’m not really hungry, that’s all.’ She smiled wanly.

  Colin mopped up the sauce from his ravioli with some baguette. ‘This is so good,’ he groaned. ‘Great choice, Lyd.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it.’

  Mathis looked concerned. ‘You need to eat, Leed. You will be peesed.’

  She picked up a piece of bread and began to nibble unenthusiastically on it.

  Luca pretended to ignore them, but he was listening intently.

  Why doesn’t he back off and leave her eat what she wants? He would never tell her what to do. It was just like Charlotte and her macrobiotic diet mumbo-jumbo. People can do what they want.

  Samantha groaned. ‘I have to think of the dress,’ she complained. ‘I would love to finish that basket of bread, but I must resist.’

  ‘Think of all our mornings, jogging up hills,’ encouraged Colin.

  ‘More like jogging to get pancak
es,’ she corrected him. ‘I’m not sure how much exercise we ended up doing in the end.’

  Lydia looked up and found Luca looking at her. Their eyes connected for a moment and everything came to a halt. The he looked away almost straight away and it felt like she had imagined it. Leaning to his right, he kissed Charlotte’s hand and joined in on the conversation she was having with Michael Dillon about family law.

  ‘Ireland very much favours the mother,’ concluded Michael, putting his knife and fork together on the plate.

  ‘Sure, I get that, but I’m talking about equality here,’ argued Charlotte.

  Luca zoned out. He was so over attorneys.

  Getting up, he excused himself and beckoned to the waitress. ‘Men’s room?’ he asked. She pointed to the back of the restaurant.

  Pushing open the heavy door, he bashed straight into Colin.

  ‘Sorry, buddy,’ he exclaimed, steadying himself.

  ‘Hi,’ said Colin, wide-eyed. Luca moved to the side in order to pass, but Colin grabbed his arm.

  ‘Thanks for saving Lyd,’ he said sincerely. ‘I was so worried.’