Wicked Women Whodunit

by Davidson, MaryJanice

  Classy and beautiful? Was he high? Was she? But he was right about the too good to be true part. The whole night had a definite surreal cast. Death and sex ... who-dathunkit?

  She was right about one thing. This wasn’t like her. But for once in her life, she was going to do something irresponsible and weird. And Turner was going to help!

  “Anyway,” she said, determined not to waste the opportunity, “about those condoms ...”

  There was a sudden rap at the door, and they both jumped. Then Caro laughed nervously. “Dum-dum-dum! I guess it’s been that kind of night.”

  “I’ll get it.”

  She pushed him back on the bed. “Stay put. And how about losing those shorts? It’s my room, I’ll get it.” She crossed the room and called through the door, “It’s not the killer, is it?”

  “No,” a confused-sounding female voice said from the other side. “I’m looking for Turner.”

  Caro opened the door and beheld a freckled, red-haired woman who was almost exactly her height. Her hair was sleek and damp, the color of strawberry pie, and she was barefoot and dressed in denim shorts and a red polo shirt. “Hi,” she said, extending a large hand.

  “Hi. Listen, you’ve found Turner, but you can’t have him.”

  The redhead looked confused. “But I need him.”

  “Join the club, babe.”

  “No, I mean, he’s supposed to help me with the garbage bins. I can’t move them by myself, and I’ve got to prep for breakfast.”

  Caro stared. “Uh, why?”

  The redhead stared back. “Because it’s my job. I’m the cook? Anna Barkmeier?”

  “Aigh!” Caro cried, and slammed the door shut.

  Ten

  “What? What?” Turner was at her side in a second. “What’s the matter?”

  “It’s the body!” she cried, leaning against the door. “The body is here, looking for you!”

  “You mean Anna? Move.” He jerked the door open. “Holy shit!”

  “You slammed the door on me,” the body complained, aggrieved. “I hate that.”

  Caro goggled. “You’re not dead!”

  Turner gave her a curious look. “That seems to be a thing with you. You’re always shocked to find out someone’s alive.”

  “No, I’m not. I mean, I am tonight, sure. But it’s not ‘a thing’ with me. Not normally. Jeez, Anna Barkmeier! I can’t believe it!”

  “Anyway,” the body continued doggedly, “if I could just borrow Turner for a few minutes ...”

  Turner grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into the room. “Where the hell have you been?”

  Anna tripped on the rug and nearly went sprawling, then jerked her elbow away and glared at them both. “I was stuck in town, of course. Miserable storm. Why, were you looking for me?”

  “Actually, no. We thought you were—uh—it’s a long story,” Caro finished sheepishly.

  “Well. Now I’m way behind on breakfast prep, so I really need you to—”

  “But who’s dead?”

  “Corinne! Open up!” Caro hammered on the door. “We found the body!” Silence from inside the room. Caro hammered more. “I’m sorry to bother you again, but the body’s here!”

  Suddenly, the door was jerked open, and a disheveled, hastily robed Corinne stood there, glaring. “You’re going to be the body if you don’t quit interrupting us,” she growled.

  “I know, I know, I’m sorry. But the body came looking for Turner.”

  “The body did what?”

  “For heaven’s sake,” she heard Grant say from inside the room. “Let her in, Corinne, or she’ll beat on our door all night.”

  “I didn’t know you were into that stuff,” she snapped, then stepped back.

  Embarrassed, Caro scuttled into the room. “Hi again,” she said breathlessly as the scrumptious Grant, looking resigned, once again rearranged the covers over himself. “Sorry. I’m really sorry. But this is important.”

  “Oh, you always say that. ‘Come quick, there’s been a murder.’ ‘Come quick, we found a dead body ... again.’ ” Grant smiled at her to take the sting out of his words. “Can’t you come up with anything good?”

  “Funny,” she said. “But we really need you guys. See, Anna being alive poses kind of a problem.”

  “You got that right,” Corinne replied. “For starters ...”

  Eleven

  “Who the hell is dead?”

  “I—I don’t understand,” Anna said faintly. “What’s going on? Why is everybody up? Have you filled out your breakfast orders?”

  “Screw breakfast,” Todd said. “We’ve sort of had a few other things on our mind tonight while you were slumming in town.”

  “I wasn’t—”

  “One of the guests killed somebody,” Corinne explained. “We don’t know who, because with you being alive, everyone’s accounted for.”

  “But—but—who—?”

  “Whom,” Jana corrected loftily.

  “Shut up, Punky Brewster,” Todd ordered.

  “Dana Gunn killed someone, then confessed and barricaded herself in her room,” Caro said. “Before she did that, she conked Turner over the head and wrecked the boat so we couldn’t get the body. Which is weird in itself. . . she confessed to murder but she won’t tell us who she offed? What, like she’s embarrassed? Don’t you guys think that’s weird?”

  “This whole awful night is weird,” Lynn said.

  “Dana ... Dana killed ... ?” Anna rubbed her temples, as if a sudden, throbbing headache had appeared. Which, for all Caro knew, it had. “I don’t understand ... and you thought I was ... ?”

  “Well, you were the only one we couldn’t find,” Jana said peevishly. “Thanks tons for disappearing, by the way.”

  “I don’t believe it,” Anna muttered, still rubbing. “I just don’t believe it.”

  “Believe it, sis,” Todd said, exhaling a cloud of smoke and looking not unlike a sulky blond dragon. “But you turning up begs the question ... and stop me if you’ve heard this before, but who’d she kill?”

  “Whom did she kill,” Jana corrected.

  “And why?” Caro asked, ignoring the teen. “I still want to know why.”

  “If you knew why she killed, you’d probably know who,” Corinne pointed out.

  “This is decidedly freaky,” Turner commented. “Now what do we do?”

  “The storm must be letting up,” Grant said. “If Anna was able to get back.”

  Corinne frowned. “Anybody try their cell phone lately?”

  “Why do you think I was stranded?” Anna snapped. “My cell wasn’t working, among other things.”

  “All right, all right, don’t foam at the mouth. I suggest we all go back to what we were doing—”

  “Insatiable,” Grant murmured.

  “Works for me,” Caro said cheerfully.

  “—and we’ll get together again when the police are here.”

  “That sounds all right,” Lynn said tentatively.

  “Well, it’s not like you’ve got a lot of choice. You’ll all have to give statements, anyway.”

  “But I’ve got breakfast to get on with,” Anna protested.

  Corinne gave her a look, and the redhead subsided.

  Twelve

  “Well, if there’s nothing else we can do ...” Her shirt went flying, followed by her bra.

  “I’m a handyman and you’re a nurse. We’re not the police.” His shorts joined her shirt on the floor, and then they tumbled to her bed. “Now, if they needed something repaired ... or if someone needed a vaccine ...”

  “Then we’d be there for them. But they don’t. And ...”

  “And we’ve got to pass the time somehow.”

  “Right!” She pulled the covers up over both of them and gasped with delight as he suckled her breasts.

  “Or the minutes will just drag by ...”

  “And we can’t have that!”

  “Damn, you’ve got the best rack I’ve ever seen.�
��

  “That’s so romantic,” she sighed. “Ooooh, don’t stop. That’s wonderful.”

  “And your ass isn’t bad, either.”

  “Turner, maybe you shouldn’t talk while we do this.”

  He laughed, then abruptly sobered, which was startling. “Do you think we should be enjoying this? I mean ... someone’s dead.”

  “Yeah, but what can we do? I think we just established that we’re mere observers.”

  “Good point.” His hand slipped between her legs, and she wriggled against him. “Oh, God, you feel so sweet ...”

  “Just wait,” she promised him. “I’ll—”

  There was an abrupt knock at the door, and they both froze.

  “Hey in there!” Corinne called. “Let us in!”

  “Fuck,” Turner swore.

  “No, we’d better not,” Caro said, then called, “Just a minute!”

  “Where’d you put my shorts?”

  “Where’d you put my bra?”

  Twenty seconds later, she was pulling the door open. “What?”

  “Ha!” Corinne crowed, instantly analyzing their flushed faces.

  “Shut up and come in already. What is it?”

  “Terribly sorry to interrupt,” Grant said, looking embarrassed. “But Corinne had some thoughts ...”

  “So?” Caro asked rudely.

  “Well, there’s a couple of things,” Corinne said, kicking Caro’s bra out of her way, marching across the room, and sitting on the bed. “Anna said she was stuck in town, right? And she said her cell phone doesn’t work?”

  “Right. So ... ?”

  “But ours does. We just called the locals, like five minutes ago.”

  “Well, maybe she’s got a different service than we do ... ,” Turner said doubtfully.

  “Right, anything’s possible, but that did get me thinking. If she lied about her cell, maybe she lied about being stuck in town. And if she hasn’t been stuck in town, what’s she been doing?”

  Caro’s mouth popped open. She had just flashed back to seeing Anna standing outside her door, with wet hair and bare feet. And ... there was something else, wasn’t there? Something ...

  “She’s tall,” Caro said slowly. “But Dana’s short. I remember being surprised when I saw Anna, because I hardly ever meet women as tall as me. But Turner got hit in a bad place ... low, almost on the back of the neck. Dana would have had to swing up ... but Anna’s a big girl. She wouldn’t have had any trouble conking him a good one.”

  Comprehension dawned on Turner’s face. “So Anna went down to the boathouse, to prevent us from getting the body. And she probably took the bloody candlestick, too. But that means Dana ...”

  “Dana’s been in her room the whole time,” Caro said, feeling a definite chill race down her back. Bad enough the killer was in the house with them, but knowing Anna was scuttling around, covering things up for the killer and lying herself black in the face ... that was fucking creepy. “Anna never went to town. She’s been here all along, covering up for her ... protecting her ...”

  “Because she didn’t know Dana had confessed!” Corinne finished triumphantly. “That’s why she looked so totally poleaxed earlier. Not because she was shocked about the murder ... she was shocked that Dana had told us she was the killer! It made all the crap she’s been doing totally unnecessary. No wonder she looked sick!”

  “But ... why?” Grant asked.

  “Well,” Corinne said, “let’s go ask her.”

  Thirteen

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Anna said through tight lips, peeling potatoes so rapidly her hands were practically a blur. “Now that the power’s back on, I’m way behind. Why don’t you go back to your rooms?”

  “Anna, you want to cut the shit? We know,” Corinne said impatiently. “Your story doesn’t hold water with us, and it sure as shit won’t with the local cops, who, by the way, should be here in about ten minutes.”

  Caro nodded, and glanced around the large, spotless kitchen. Something was missing, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. What was wrong? There was a small shelf full of pictures, but that wasn’t it. Distracted, Caro stepped closer to the pictures. Family stuff, mostly, Anna posing in front of various gorgeous scenes ... and one was flipped down.

  “Not to mention, where are the groceries?” Corinne gestured at the large kitchen. “No damp bags, no extra food ... because you never went to town.”

  That’s what was wrong, Caro decided, fingering the turned-down photo. No food. Anna hadn’t had time to return from shopping, put everything away, and find Turner. Because, of course, she had never been shopping. Heck, where could she go? Was there even a grocery store on the island? She supposed they could check the garage, see if Anna’s car engine was warm. Another nail in the coffin.

  “You’d better cough up the truth,” Corinne went on relentlessly, “because it’ll just be that much worse for you if you lie to the locals.”

  Caro flipped the picture back up, positioned it where it belonged, started to turn back to the group ... then took another look at the picture.

  “So why don’t you just talk?” Corinne finished.

  “Jesus Christ,” Caro whispered, staring at the photo. Everything made sense ... a horrible, skin-crawling sense. Poor Turner. Poor Anna. And poor ...

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Anna repeated stubbornly, peeled potatoes flying into the pot. “I didn’t go to town for food, I went for ... for ...”

  “You’re covering up for Dana. By my count, you’ve destroyed property, tampered with a crime scene, and committed felony assault, and that’s just for starters. The cops are going to want to talk to you. We’ll make sure of that. So all this crap you pulled was basically for nothing. Why not tell us?”

  Anna glared at Corinne, and her grip tightened on the potato peeler. Grant stepped protectively in front of his wife and got a poke between the shoulder blades for his pain. “Don’t do that,” she snapped, elbowing him out of the way. “On my slowest day, I could take her.”

  “Let’s stop provoking unbelievably dangerous people, what do you say, dear?”

  “Anna, won’t you tell them why?” Caro had flipped the picture back down. For her, there were no more questions. But the others ... Corinne was definitely on the right track. Anna looked as though she was going to puke. Or faint. Or both. “Why in the world would you do all this stuff? Steal crime scene evidence and hurt Turner?” Especially hurt Turner, who was only guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, both times, poor dope. “What was it all for?”

  “Yeah, we work together, Annie,” Turner added. “You and me and Rich, we were making this place into a real weekend getaway for people.” He rubbed his head and looked at her reproachfully. “I kind of thought we were a team.”

  “A team!” Anna spat. “Ha! You’re the cause of all this, Turner, you ass.”

  “Me?” Turner gasped.

  “Him?” Corinne gasped. “What’d he do?”

  “You led her on, that’s what. That whole ‘studly handyman looking for love’ nonsense you give off like ... like pheromones.”

  “I’ll admit he’s cute,” Grant said, “but I fail to see ...”

  “She’s my sister,” Anna said in a small voice. She put the potato peeler on the counter and stared at the floor.

  Caro could practically hear the air being sucked out of the room as everyone gasped. “Dana’s your sister?” Corinne managed, while Caro nodded tiredly.

  “I didn’t lead her on!” Turner protested. “She was all over me.”

  “That’s kind of a minor detail you could have mentioned,” Corinne said. “The killer being, you know, a blood relative and all.”

  “Not just that,” Caro added. “Isn’t that right, Anna?”

  “No, no. I mean, yes, she is, but she killed ... our sister.”

  “The body’s your sister, too?”

  “I think I’m going to faint,” Grant murmured.
<
br />   Anna looked peeved. “Turner, you ass, don’t you remember? I brought them both out here on opening weekend.”

  “Well, yeah, I remember Dana from before,” he said slowly, “sure I did. But ... nothing ever came of it, and I figured ... I just figured she was here this weekend as a returning guest. Rich wants to build up repeat clientele, so I didn’t think anything of it. I tried to be friendly, you know, talk to her, but she was totally cold to me. I guess she ... I guess she didn’t like me from before.”

  “That’s not true,” Caro said quietly.

  Anna snorted. “Didn’t think anything of it ... that’s you in a nutshell. And I suppose you don’t remember Tina?”

  He frowned. “Tina? No, I didn’t meet her. I only met Dana.”

  “No, you met Tina pretending to be Dana.”

  “How could she pretend—”

  “She had a crush on you. She would have done anything for you.”

  “Who are you talking about?” Grant asked.

  “But I only talked to her for five minutes! I—”

  “So your sister fixated on Turner,” Corinne interrupted. “And it sounds like Dana did, too.”

  “But I didn’t do anything!” Turner was looking more horrified by the second. “I was nice to her!”

  “You slept with her!”

  “No, I didn’t! I didn’t! I slept with Dana!”

  “Somebody give me a notebook,” Corinne muttered. “I’m gonna have to start writing this down to keep track. Who’d you sleep with, Turner?”

  Anna ignored the interruption and went on in a tone that stung. “Tina wanted to see you again ... and Dana did, too, only she didn’t tell me.” She looked at the floor again. “So I snuck Tina out here this weekend—”

  “Which is why she’s not on the registry,” Grant observed.

  “—but Dana didn’t tell me she was coming, too, as a guest. And Tina ... Tina was going to—well, I guess she was going to, what’s the phrase, make a play for you? And Dana ... she didn’t like that.”