Healed

by Rebecca Brooke

“Em?”

  All three of their heads to turned to me. Josh turned, pushing Emily behind him.

  “What do you want, Andrew?” Lauren snapped.

  “I want to talk to Em.”

  Emily’s shoulders hunched, the sound of her cries stabbing at me.

  Josh glanced back at Emily and shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Josh . . . please take me home?” she whispered brokenly.

  “Em . . . please.” I begged.

  Without a word, she handed Josh her keys and turned to the passenger door.

  Lauren stepped over with her hand out, peeking over at me before turning back to Josh. “You take my car, I’ll drive Em.”

  He nodded and traded keys with her. Emily was sitting in the car, staring out the front window. Once Lauren started the car and backed out of the space, Emily briefly glanced at me, tears tracking down her face.

  And just like that, she was gone.

  Josh turned back to me. “I’m not sure what you want from her. But a piece of advice . . . leave it alone. The Em you knew is gone. Just let her be. She’s trying to put her life back together again, and this”—he gestured around—“did not help that. I’m sorry, man.”

  With that he walked away to get into Lauren’s car, leaving me feeling like I couldn’t breathe.

  What have I done?

  A shove, hard enough to make me stumble, came from behind me.

  “You are an asshole!” Angie shouted.

  When did they arrive? Slowly, I turned around, trying my best to control my racing heartbeat. Angie swung at me again, but Caleb grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back to him.

  “Fucker,” she spat at me. She turned her head to the side. “Let me go.”

  Nick stepped in front of her and shared some silent communication with Caleb. With a nod, Caleb let her go at the same time as Nick wrapped his hands around the top of Angie’s arms.

  “Angie, look at me. I’ll take care of this, but you have to go and take care of Em. She needs you now.”

  Angie narrowed her eyes but nodded her head. “Okay.”

  Nick looked up at Caleb, who also nodded. “We’ve got this.”

  When Nick let go of Angie, Caleb entwined his fingers with hers and led her toward his car. The whole time I stood there staring, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. It was like I’d entered the twilight zone. Emily wasn’t yelling, but Angie was? Caleb let Nick calm Angie down?

  What had been going on for the last seven months?

  Nick rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger then pulled them away with a sigh. “Well this is all kinds of fucked up.”

  “What the hell was all that?”

  He gestured toward the door of the bar. “Should we get a drink?”

  I went to pull my keys from my pocket when I realized I’d taken a cab. I slipped my phone from my pocket and began dialing. “No.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m calling a cab. I don’t care what Josh said, I’m going after her.”

  He grabbed the phone from my hands. “That’s probably not a good idea right now. Come inside with me. We’ll have a drink and talk, give everyone a chance to calm down. Then if you still want to see her, I’ll take you back to the apartment.”

  I noticed he didn’t say it was his apartment or their apartment. He said the, as if it was still where I belonged. And maybe it was.

  I didn’t want to get a drink, but Nick had my phone and I had no car. The need to get to Emily and try and ease some of the hurt I’d caused her was overwhelming. Ignoring Nick, I turned toward the road, determined to walk there if I had to, but a hand wrapped around my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

  “Trust me, you don’t want to do that. There’s a lot you need to know if you’re going to have any chance of getting her back.”

  My chest tightened and I was having trouble pulling air into my lungs. I placed my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. A life without Emily was unthinkable, yet, because of my mistakes, I may have lost her forever.

  Nick helped me to stand up. “Take a deep breath. It’s not over yet. Come on, let’s get a drink.”

  I nodded and followed him back to the bar we’d vacated just minutes before. Nick took the seat next to me and waved over the bartender.

  “I’ll have a shot of Crown, please,” he said.

  So many thoughts about what had happened with Em were swirling through my head. To avoid them, at least for a few minutes, I focused on the moment between Angie and Nick.

  “What the hell was all that with you and Angie?”

  Nick held his finger up, so I waited. The bartender brought over his drink and without second thought Nick threw it back. “That”—he pointed over his shoulder—“is the mess you made when you walked away from Em. Can we get a Sam Adams and a Heineken?”

  The image of her tear-streaked face came back to me. The fear, the hurt—all of the things I never wanted to see on Emily’s face—were there on full display. How could I have been so stupid? I knew my dad was wrong and drinking, but I let fear rule my decisions and probably made the worst mistake of my life. “I really fucked up,” I said, hanging my head.

  “Yeah, you did. There’s still a chance you can fix it.”

  “Why didn’t she yell at me for interrupting? Is she seeing that guy?”

  “You broke her,” he said simply. “The night you sent the letter with the tickets changed her. She doesn’t yell at anyone anymore. She doesn’t get in other people’s business. And, no, she’s not seeing him. To be honest, this is the first night she’s left the house since then. She goes to work and comes home. You took a strong-willed spitfire and broke her.”

  “No, not Emily,” I said, shaking my head in denial.

  “Oh yes, Emily. She’s gotten her life somewhat back on track, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t hear her through the wall, crying herself to sleep every night.”

  The bartender returned with our beers. The bottle in front of me was cool to the touch. Staring at it, I watched the bead of condensation as it dripped down the bottle, my mind on overload. “How do I fix it?”

  Nick picked up his bottle and took a long sip. “You start by drinking that.” He pointed at the Sam Adams in front of me.

  The thought of drinking any kind of liquor turned my stomach. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  He pushed the bottle toward me. “Trust me, with what you’re going to face tonight, a little liquid courage won’t hurt.”

  We sat in silence, drinking our beers. When Nick finished his, he pulled money out of his wallet and set it on the bar.

  He turned to me, his face serious. “Now it’s my turn to ask you a question.”

  I finished my drink and looked up at him. “What?”

  “Are you willing to fight for Emily, no matter what happens?”

  How was that even a question? But reflecting on my behavior over the last few months, I could see why he was asking. “I’ll do anything, and I mean anything to get her back.”

  “Good, because you have one serious fight ahead of you.”

  “She’s worth that, and more.”

  He clasped me on the shoulder. “I’m glad you finally came to your senses.”

  “I’ve got to see her,” I said, getting up from the bar and starting toward the door.

  “Well, all right then.” Nick caught up to me, keys already in his hand. Within minutes we were in Nick’s car and pulling out of the lot, heading in the direction of my old apartment.

  “Do you want to tell me what all that shit with Caleb and Angie was about?”

  He let out a deep breath. “So much has changed over the past few months. Caleb and I were able to fix our friendship. We had to. It took every one of us to keep Emily afloat. A lot of it fell to Angie and me. Caleb understood that our relationship had nothing to do with feelings, only friendship. And Em needed that friendship more than anything.”

  My
stomach felt like a lead brick.

  “Pull over.”

  “Why?” He glared at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “’Cause I’m gonna puke.”

  “You are not going to puke. Take a deep breath. This can be fixed.”

  “What if it’s too late?”

  “It’s not, but if I were you, I’d use the drive to think about what you want to say.”

  What could I say to her? Sorry? It just didn’t seem enough for all that I’d done. The thought of Emily walking out earlier in tears was excruciating. Emily was a fighter, and to think all of that fight had gone . . . because of me . . .

  There had to be a way to fix it.

  So many thoughts ran through my head, but none seemed good enough. Nick pulled into the apartment complex and, just like that, I was out of time. Whatever I was going to say to Emily was going to have to come from the heart.

  Nick was the first to get out of the car. I didn’t make a move. That’s when he came over to my door and opened it.

  “Don’t give up yet. Give her a chance.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, I stepped from the car. It was an effort to walk to the door. This was the place I used to call home. Now it felt like my biggest regret and my biggest fear all wrapped up into one. Raising my hand, I went to knock on the door.

  Nick pushed past me. “Don’t be stupid,” he muttered, and threw open the door.

  The room was full of people—except for the one face I was looking for. Angie jumped to her feet. “What is he doing here?”

  “He’s here—”

  “I’m here to fix this. To make it right.”

  She took a few steps until she was blocking the hallway. “I won’t do it. I won’t let you hurt her again.”

  “I’m not going to hurt her. I love her.”

  Lauren got up from her seat to join Angie. “Yeah, well, you have a really screwed up way of showing it.”

  I could feel Josh and Caleb’s eyes on me. “Please, let me see her,” I begged, my voice cracking at the end.

  Josh came over and reached out for Lauren. “Give him a chance,” he whispered to her. “He’s not going to hurt her.”

  It felt good that my friends trusted me after all that time. Lauren looked up into his eyes. “Are you sure?”

  “Trust me,” he said. “Remember, I’ve been in his shoes.”

  “But that wasn’t seven full months,” she argued.

  “Trust me,” he said again.

  Something must have gotten through to her because she took Angie’s hand and pulled her to the side. “Give him a chance.”

  Before Angie could offer up another protest, I darted down the hall, opening the bedroom door to find Emily sleeping in the middle of our bed. She seemed so peaceful, but I could see the red around her eyes from where she’d been crying. It was hard to tell earlier in the dress she was wearing but now, in just her pajama shorts and T-shirt, she looked so much thinner. Once again—all my fault.

  I took two steps into the room and quietly shut the door behind me. Making my way over to the bed, I sat down next to her and pushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead.

  “Em, please wake up.”

  Emily

  THE FEEL OF A HAND as it brushed the hair off my forehead was warm, comforting, something that I’d been missing in my dreams as of late. I felt safe and protected. The problem was waking up to an empty bed, realizing that he wasn’t there.

  “Em, please wake up?” he whispered.

  I tried to fight. The real world was a mess. I wanted to stay in my dreams. At least there, Andrew still loved me.

  “Baby, please open your eyes. We need to talk.”

  Unable to fight any longer, I let my eyes open. One look and I backed up so quickly, I almost flipped off the other side. He was faster though, holding onto my arm and keeping me on the bed. His touch was as warm as I remembered it.

  Then memories of the last time I’d seen him came rushing to the surface of my mind. Almost as if he’d burned me, I ripped my arm out of his grasp and retreated, hugging my torso tight.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my tone defensive.

  He was looking down at the mattress where his hand had fallen and his voice was low as he said, “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “It’s been seven months. What could you possibly want now?” I tried to hide the hurt in my voice but it was damn near impossible.

  “Baby, I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Please come sit with me so we can talk.” He reached his hand out to me.

  “Don’t.” Leaning out of his reach, I pulled my knees up to my chest and curled my arms around them.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  Not wanting to give away how much him being there was making me want to cry, I shrugged and prayed the tears stayed away. “It’s okay. You did what you had to do.”

  “No, I didn’t,” he said, clenching his jaw.

  “I understand.”

  The next thing I knew, Andrew’s hands were wrapped around my arms, shaking me.

  “Em,” he yelled. “Scream, fight, yell at me. Whatever. Don’t just sit here and be meek. It’s not you!”

  Just like that, the tears started to fall, my body shaking as I remembered all the sleepless nights, the pain that burrowed deep into my chest whenever I’d thought of what we were supposed to have been, all of it too great to allow me a good night’s rest. Andrew pulled me into his arms and held me. “Please, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.”

  Something about that statement set my body on fire, the sobs turning to trembles as my hands clenched and unclenched. The blood pounded in my ears and I shoved Andrew away from me, backing quickly off the bed.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?”

  He jumped up, stepping out of my reach. Step for step, I stalked him. “You walk away from me, tell me that you want to forget everything we were to each other,” I snarled. When his back hit the door, he quickly opened it, continuing to back away from me. “And now you think you get to waltz back in here to ‘talk’?” I said, using those cheesy air quotes.

  He backed up all the way into the living room. Our friends were all still there, staring, the girls wearing wide smiles while the guys winced every time I yelled.

  Eventually he ran into the couch and had nowhere else to go. Jabbing my finger into his chest I continued my tirade, too pissed to care about who was listening. “I’m not sure there is anything to talk about. You’ve made it quite clear that you want nothing to do with me, and I’ve done a damn good job of putting my life back together. You have no right to come in here and try and fuck my whole world up again—just like you had no right to interrupt my dance with Chase tonight. You don’t love me, and I can’t continue to sit around feeling sorry for myself.” My heart was ready to pound out of my chest as I heaved out every breath.

  Andrew dropped to his knees, wetness seeping from his eyes. “I do love you.”

  “Well, apparently, love wasn’t enough, asshole.” The heat in my voice continued to rise.

  “It was. I was so afraid that if I let myself love you, at some point it would all be ripped away and I’d be left without the other half of my soul.”

  That stopped me in my tracks and sent my blood racing. “You think I’m the other half of your soul?”

  Spinning on my heel, I stormed back to the bedroom to grab exactly what I needed for this conversation. My hands were shaking, the blood roaring in my ears as I marched back to the living room. Andrew was still on his knees, watching me. Without letting myself get close enough, I threw the tickets to Puerto Rico and my engagement ring at him.

  “Here’s what’s left of the other half of your soul, you bastard. I loved you, and you threw me away like it was the easiest thing in the world. You took the comfort that I offered you and tossed it back in my face. I begged you, fucking begged. And you have the nerve to sit there and tell me you love me. Well, you’re too fucking late, buddy. I will never let you hurt me agai
n. I’m finally moving on with my life and I’m going to do it without you. Fuck you. We’re done, so I believe it’s time for you to leave.”

  I turned back toward the hallway. “Good-bye, Andrew,” I said, my back to him as I walked down the hall to my bedroom. Slamming the door, I made sure to turn and lock it. There was no way I was going to let him in again. He’d had his say, and I’d had mine. My head was spinning. I sat down on the edge of the bed and put my head between my knees. Had I actually told Andrew to go fuck himself?

  After seven months of pain, he walks through the door and expects me to jump back into his arms because he tells me he loves me? I’d lied when I said I didn’t love him. No matter how badly he’d hurt me, I would always love him. It wasn’t about love though. It was about my ability to trust him with my heart. He’d already torn it to shreds once and I didn’t think I’d be able to survive it again. I was barely surviving now.

  There was a soft knock on the door. I was praying that it wasn’t him.

  “Em, it’s me.” Angie’s voice filtered through. “Let me in.”

  With a sigh, I stood up and went over to unlock the door. Angie stepped inside and immediately shut the door behind her.

  “How are you holding up?” she asked.

  “I’ve been better,” I said, flopping back down onto the bed. I was physically and emotionally drained. “Is he still here?”

  Angie came over and sat down next to me. “No, but I can’t say it was pretty when he and Nick walked out the door.”

  “Nick left with him?”

  “Not exactly. More like Nick dragged him out of the apartment to give you space. Andrew was pretty messed up and tried following you to the bedroom, but the guys stopped him.”

  “I was hoping he wouldn’t follow me.” Now that the anger was starting to fade, I could feel the buildup of moisture in my eyes. I would not cry. I would not cry. I’d done enough of that over the last few months for a lifetime.

  Her hand covered mine and squeezed. “I know, but I have to tell you, seeing him when he left here . . . I think he’s been hurting just as much as you have.”

  “Then why did he leave me?” I let the tears fall.

  She wrapped me in a hug. “I’m not saying to take him back. All I’m saying is seeing him cry made me think he finally realized how stupid he was.”