Alone

by Prunty, Mercedes

  He nodded, “Fine then I’ll wait here for you but if you don’t come back when I’m old enough I will come find you”.

  I could see he really meant what he said by his face, “Ollie you don’t have to, you might find friends that need you here”.

  “Your my friend and if they capture you, you might need me to save you to”, he replied.

  I felt guilty I didn’t want him to feel that way about me but I couldn’t tell him what to do, I just wasn’t that sort of person, in this new world people had to make their own decisions, it wouldn’t be fair to dictate to him, “If that’s how you feel Ollie but you know right that if you didn’t come looking I wouldn’t be mad at you because I know you need to live your life ok”.

  He nodded, “Yeah but it’s my choice like going to find your sister is yours”.

  I had to hand it to him he spoke my point exactly, “Thanks Ollie you’re a true friend”. He gave me a hug.

  “Anyway we’ve only just got here you might not even like it yet”, I said, “You might want to come” but I knew deep down I didn’t want him to, it was bad enough me going willingly to the big guns let alone taking a child. I just hoped this Callum and Amanda were ok and it wasn’t some weird camp. I so desperately wanted and needed them to be nice and normal so I knew he would be safe.

  Telling him to go and rest I saw Monique standing looking as if she wanted to say something to me, “You ok?” I asked her.

  “Yeah I just…I don’t think you should bother looking for your sister”, she replied changing her tune from thinking I should.

  I felt anger rise in me, I could take it from Ollie as he was so young but from her who I considered a sort of friend now, “Why? She’s my flesh and blood I can’t just leave her to rot with those bastards”.

  “Yes but there is no guarantee that she is even alive, they could capture you and do things to you that would destroy your mind and your whole being”, she said.

  “But that’s my choice …I need to know or I will forever be thinking what if!” I said fighting my corner.

  “Yes but me and Ollie care about you Stacie, if you leave and never come back we will feel lost”, she said, “Couldn’t we mean something to you and become your new family?”

  “Look I do care for you both too but you knew from the outset that I was looking for her”, I snapped.

  “I feel for you as a friend, I feel so bad for you that you have this need to fulfil a promise to your dad who didn’t really know what the world had or would become. Would he really wish this for you to risk your life every day to find her even though she might not still be alive and yes I knew when I met you what your intentions where but I lost my friend trying to help you, Darren lost his life trying to help you even though he knew it was a lost cause”, she snapped back.

  “A lost cause, my sister is a lost cause to you?” I snarled, “Look it’s up to me what I do with my life not you, I’m sorry I made such an impact on you I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry about Darren but one day that doctor would have gotten to you both with me there or not, you said yourself it was only a matter of time”.

  “So you’re just going to leave even though this place could be… No I mean this place ‘is’ safe and we could live here and be happy”, she said angrily.

  “We have only just got here! We don’t know these people from Adam! How do you know that you are any safer here than out there?” I asked her.

  “I didn’t know you from Adam but I trust you don’t I? Not everyone is bad plus they have a lot of people here who look happy and healthy plus the large gates, the guns and the walls and fences. It just screams safety doesn’t it?” she snapped, “Why can’t you just stay here with us?”

  “Well you’ve changed your tune, when we were being bundled into the truck you were voicing your concern over weapons, did you trust them then?” I asked.

  “No I didn’t and I still don’t but I need to give this place a chance. I want to settle down and live somewhere safe and they could do that for us. I might never trust them but I trust the fences and walls”.

  “Look I’m sorry ok this place does have an appeal to it and you guys can stay but I need to know, it drives me crazy thinking she might or might not be alive and waiting for someone to help her. I can’t rest until I know either way I have to know, how could I live with myself if it turned out she was waiting and she was ok but I just gave up and left her to rot in the hands of those bastards!” I said.

  “You would never know the difference”, she said pleading with me.

  “No I wouldn’t and that would tear me apart inside. I’m sorry ok Monique I don’t get this sudden need to keep me here, I know you just lost your friend and that you had feelings for him but you can’t force those feelings on me”, I snapped back, “You knew the deal with me and that hasn’t changed I’m going!”

  “What you think I love you?” she gasped in horror.

  “No that’s not what I meant…I meant that to keep me as a friend close by so you can’t lose me. You can’t live like that!” I said but she just looked pissed that I had almost accused her of falling for me although I hadn’t meant it like that at all.

  “Look Stacie I’m just fed up with making friends and losing them ok. I trust you and yes I think you’re a great person I just don’t want to lose you. Is that so terrible? Especially as in this day and age most people you know peg it within a few weeks of meeting them. I just wanted a friend…a best friend”, she admitted.

  “Monique”, I said quietly, “We can be when I come back”.

  “From experience though Stacie you won’t come back”, she said before turning to her room and closing the door behind her and Ollie.

  Shutting my room door I slumped down on my bed and closed my eyes, I felt like crying as I now felt confused, I had become close to both of them through the tragedy of meeting them both and them losing the people closest to them but was that enough to make me need to not look for Tanya anymore? I had promised my dad I would keep looking for her and he knew I wouldn’t stop until I found her dead or alive but why should meeting these two people make things change, why shouldn’t I keep looking? Could I stop looking? Could I be selfish and stop looking for her for myself, so I could settle down and be happy, could I even be happy? Closing my eyes I fell into an angry slumber with dreams of slicing the creatures with such force they all fell to pieces on the ground and with those pieces I began to build a wall around myself like I had before in the hospital but this one wasn’t a mental wall as such but a real fleshy one to keep everything out and away from me, for nothing wanted to touch infected flesh.

  I woke up to a knock on the door, getting up I slowly answered it to find Amanda standing there with some clean towels and clothes for me, “There’s a shower at the end of this block and these clothes are clean, we eat in an hour”, she spoke so quickly before turning and leaving me, taking her advice I headed to the shower block. The water was running but it was cold rain water that they had collected and worked a way to make it run, I didn’t take long in it in case there wasn’t much water, using some soap that was already there I scrubbed the dirt from my skin and washed my hair, it was surprising how dirty I had become in those few days of reaching Brighton but then again I suppose a collapsing hospital wasn’t the cleanest thing for me to have been near. As I washed all the dust, blood and rubble down the drain I couldn’t help but think I had been nasty to Monique, she had helped me this far even though Tanya was nothing to do with her and she had lost her friend to. She had kept helping me so did that mean I owed her? But I don’t think my owing her was enough to make me want to stay, I had spent my life since her kidnap looking for my sister, how could I abandon that plan now? Truth was I couldn’t and no matter what I was going to find her.

  Climbing out the shower I dried my body, before quickly changing into the clothes Amanda had given me, pulling on some new jeans which had been worn before but were in good nick I then turned to the top she had given me, it was a grey vest
top but it had another more see through black top over it with longer sleeves, not much to give me warmth but it was clean. My boots were still in ok condition so I popped them back on before towel drying my hair and tying it into a fishtail braid. Taking a look in a small mirror I braced myself for what was probably going to be one of the most awkward dinners of my life between Monique and myself.

  Walking outside I could smell a scent of food in the air and my tummy rumbled at me, I felt saliva drool in my mouth at the thought of eating, I last ate with the others when we had our makeshift roast last night and that felt like an age ago but food was becoming quite a luxury at the moment. I found everyone in what they had labelled the Canteen, it was a large canteen with rows of benches and tables, everyone had found their seats other than me, I spotted the others sitting with a group of people happily chatting away and I noticed how they hadn’t saved me a seat next to them. I also noticed how everyone else was looking at me like I would turn at any moment into a monster charging at them with claws and dripping jaws. Trying not to let it bother me I walked to the counter where a woman with long grey hair and glasses served me the food, it was a pasta dish with some vegetables, I thanked her and headed to a mostly empty table at the end of the canteen, I didn’t sit directly next to the people there due to the fact that when I approached they looked at me with horror that I had even considered this table. What was their problem? But then I knew, Amanda! As she stared and glared from her table with a few others. Ignoring her and taking my fork I ate my food in silence knowing I didn’t belong in this place anyway and that the sooner I left the better, I had pretty much finished when Callum opened the door and waltzed in, people shouted out to him and he nodded. So him and Amanda really were the leaders of this camp, would that mean they would make it harder for me to leave? He spotted me on my own as he grabbed his own portion of food and headed my way, taking the seat opposite he sat down and just stared at me. I was beginning to get annoyed with people staring at me for no apparent reason.

  “I knew you were going to be trouble the moment I saw you on that roof”, he said looking deep into my eyes trying to read me but I had built up new walls and they were strong this time.

  “Oh right”, I replied not sounding too bothered, “And why am I trouble?”

  “Your roommate Katrina came back to hear you arguing with your friend about you wanting to find the big guns”, he replied he crossed his arms over his chest, “Do you think that’s a wise choice?”

  “Well as everyone likes to tell me probably not but I have to find her, I have to know if she is still alive or not even if it means going to the big guns”, I said strongly, I wasn’t going to let some person who thinks he’s in charge here boss me about, if he doesn’t like it he can tell me to leave.

  “Do you really think she is alive after all this time? I spoke to Monique and she said she went missing when this whole disaster happened, I have to be honest with you she is probably dead”, he said.

  “What like we all are?” I said motioning to all the people around us, “What makes you think that just because she isn’t here doesn’t mean she isn’t alive, we have all survived and so she might have”.

  He nodded, “Yeah maybe if she had been like you travelling around but she wasn’t she was taken by them, look I have seen first-hand what these men are capable of, they kidnap women and rape them, they don’t treat them like princesses, once they are finished with them they treat them like slaves or kill them, so if they haven’t killed her maybe she has killed herself”.

  I felt numb I knew what those bastards were capable of I just didn’t want to believe it, I couldn’t think of Tanya being treated that way, I mean they had shot my dad, Linda, Arnold and Terrance all in cold blood so I knew that Tanya’s chances might be slim, “What if it was your sister?” I asked him.

  He sighed and I knew right away he would feel the same way, “I would keep looking”.

  “See so you can’t tell me I can’t because you would”, I said to him, I finally felt like someone might actually understand my need to go on and find her, since especially it had been all I lived for.

  “Not that I would try and stop you Stacie, you are your own person and in this world we need to make sure we keep hold of something that means we are who we are. Plus you seem the type of girl that would find a way to go even if I tried to stop you”, he smiled that charming grin that wanted to make me melt but I couldn’t, he was so much older than me and I couldn’t afford to get close to someone in that way not now, it could ruin me for wanting to leave, maybe I could find that sort of commitment with someone if I came back from the big guns alive.

  “Yep that’s me I would find a way, I always do”, I grinned back, “Um earlier you said I could take or borrow some supplies for my journey, is that still possible or now you know what for are you not willing to do that? Either way I’ll survive but the supplies would be a bonus”.

  “We’ll sort something out but I would like for you to meet me at the garage in the morning, I would like to show you some training with guns and maybe the basics of driving, if your be willing to stay a few more days to let me, it could be the difference between just seeing your sister and saving her”, he replied before taking a mouthful of his dinner.

  I thought it over for a moment, it had taken me over a year to get to this point, what would a few more days do? Surely Tanya wouldn’t be expecting me to come marching in anyhow so just two more days couldn’t hurt…maybe? I didn’t want to leave her for any longer than I had to, the thought of her those last few miles away made my heart ache inside me slowly caving into the coldness in my chest, “Just two more days then I leave ok?”

  He nodded, “Sure thing, oh and your friends can stay if they like, we have the room and the others like having new people around them, makes them feel like we aren’t the only ones alive out there”.

  Relief flooded through me as I knew Ollie seemed to like it here and he would be safer here than with me at the moment and Monique…well I was sure she would make friends she was a nice person, a good girl and she didn’t take no crap so she would be fine.

  “Thank you”, I said.

  He nodded, “Well I didn’t save your asses for all of you to run off and get killed but one of you I can accept”, he said it in a joking manner but I knew he did feel a little put out that he had helped me and now I just wanted to run for the not so green grass on the other side.

  “I do really appreciate all that you’ve done for us, not many people would have saved us and offered shelter too”, I said, “Can I ask you something?”

  “Go on?” He asked it almost like a question back to me.

  “How did you and Amanda end up being the ones in charge here?” I asked.

  He shrugged, “We found ourselves going through a bad patch, we needed to turn over a new leaf and we found this place with all its room, weapons and food and knew we couldn’t just keep it for ourselves so we went looking for others, saving them from whatever terrors they faced and we brought them here, gave them a roof over their heads and in return they made us stay in charge, they looked to us for guidance, they wanted us in charge as we took control when the creatures attacked. I guess it just stuck and that’s how the people like it”.

  “That’s nice of you both, especially since you could have turned out like the bastards that took my sister and killed my dad”, I said feeling anger in me for those inhumane souls but I felt glad there were some good people left.

  He shifted in his seat, his eyes boring into mine as he spoke, “I’ve not always been a nice person Stacie, I’ve done things I’ve regretted but I’m determined to fix all of that. I think about Karma and how it didn’t hit me and Amanda how it should have but at least this way I might make up for it all”.

  “Like what?” I asked but he didn’t reply to my question instead he finished his food before turning back to me, his eyes looking haunted for a split second then they flickered back to his smooth calm exterior, what did he do that was so
bad?

  “So what about you? How was it you made it this far? Monique made it sound like you’ve travelled miles to get here”, he asked me taking a sip of some water.

  So I told him all of it, from when the acid rain first hit our small town and the craziness that followed, me having to kill my own mother to save my dad and sister, how my sister went into herself at the home of Linda and Arnold how I looked after her trying to get her back to herself, then how the big guns blasted in killing all my friends and my dad. Then Tanya hiding me to save my life and getting herself caught and kidnapped. Then I went on to how I protected myself in the countryside, teaching myself to hunt with the rifle and a knife, staying low but also trying to track down the big guns, then I found out they had headed to Brighton so I followed meeting Monique, Darren, Sian and Ollie and how the crazy doctor tried to create a superhuman army, me and Ollie taking him out and leaving that crazy city behind. When I finished he stayed quiet his face a shade paler than normal, his body language had shifted a little which I took as a little odd but then what I had said did sound crazy, “You ok?” I asked him.

  “Yeah fine, just didn’t expect you to come out with that”, he bit his lip, even though I had only known him a few hours I didn’t really think he was the type to shy away from things or bite his lip over nothing, there was something bothering him.

  “Hey look if your worrying thinking I’m pregnant with one of his experiments you can forget it, Ollie and Sian watched over me and said he hadn’t inseminated me yet was too busy with…Darren”, I paused, “Plus I don’t think I can get pregnant”.

  He looked at me as if almost it was too much information, “Really how do you know?”

  I shrugged, “I’ve not seen my lady friend for a while, I think because I’ve not eaten enough sometimes maybe it’s taken its toll I dunno or stress. Sorry too much info I know”.