The Deception of Destiny: A Novel
Page 6
“If he was taken by ambulance, he should be on the health trauma neuro floor, located down the hall to the left. There is a big sign, you can’t miss it.” She talked fast, but I remembered every word. I slowed down so I wouldn’t miss it. Entering the doors, I saw a waiting room and another desk.
“Excuse me, my husband is here, I think he is here. Bryan Fredrickson? He was in a car accident.”
She didn’t react as though it was an emergency like the last lady, she took her time looking through some papers.
“How long ago did he get here?” she asked.
“I dunno. Probably not very long ago. I mean, I don’t know, I just got a call and—“
“Slow down, slow down. I can’t understand you if you are going to talk that fast. Why don’t you have a seat and I will let you know as soon as I find anything out. Why don’t you fill out this paperwork. There is nothing you can do right now. You just need to stay calm. Are you his wife?”
“Yes, why does everyone keep asking me that?” I tried to calm myself down, but what I really wanted to do was punch this blonde in the face. My husband is here somewhere and I needed answers.
“Please sit down ma’am and let us do our job. There is nothing you can do for him right now. I promise, as soon as I find anything out, I will let you know.” With that, she got up and walked into the closed doors behind her that read, Employees Only.
Sitting down in the chair, my leg began to shake, making it hard to even read the paperwork. I began tapping the top of the pen on the clipboard she gave me, imagining him lying dead in a hospital bed. What would Gabby do if she lost her dad? Why did I do what I did? How can this be happening? It’s all my fault. I rested my hand under my chin and continued tapping the pen on the clipboard when I wasn’t writing, until I saw Jill run in with Carl and Judy right behind her.
“Did you hear anything? Do you know how Bryan is?” Judy asked, looking as though she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
“The lady is going to find out and let us know. She wanted me to fill out this paperwork,” I said, pointing to the papers in my lap.
I reached into my purse and retrieved our insurance cards so I could finish filling it out. I wanted to distract myself from thinking about him. I looked up and saw Judy biting her nails and Carl looking nervously at the ground. Jill put her hand on my knee and squeezed it lightly, shooting me a nervous smile.
“You okay? Need any help with that?”
I shook my head and put my head back into the paperwork. I almost didn’t see the woman coming back to the desk and calling out to me. Judy tapped on my shoulder to get my attention and the four of us made our way quickly to the desk.
“The doctor is with him right now. It sounds like your husband hit his head pretty hard and only has a slight gash on his forehead, which they are stitching up right now. They need to do some tests because the doctor wants to make sure there is no swelling in his brain, or other severe injuries. You won’t hear anything for a little while, so why don’t you guys follow me into the family waiting area where it is a little more comfortable. Are you all done with the paperwork?”
I nodded my head at her as I scanned the paperwork again to see if I missed anything. I handed her the clipboard before we followed her down the hall.
“There is a television in the corner, fresh coffee and cookies, and a pay phone right outside the door if you need it. If you are going anywhere, please let me know so we aren’t looking for you.”
“Okay,” I mumbled, sitting down in a chair.
It felt like days before the doctor finally came in to talk to us. He shut the door behind him as he walked in.
“Mrs. Fredrickson?” he called out, unsure of who I was.
“Yes,” I said, standing up to shake his hand.
“I am here to give you an update. As you know, he was in a bad car accident and hit his head. The brain is about three point four pounds of extremely delicate, soft tissue floating in fluid within the skull. Under the skull, there are three layers of membrane that cover and protect his brain. The brain tissue is soft and therefore can be compressed, pulled, and stretched. He missed a stop light and tried to swerve to miss a car, which resulted in his car hitting a tree. The impact when he hit the tree caused his brain to move around inside his skull, which resulted in a slight swelling to his brain.”
I put my hands up over my nose and mouth, waiting to find out what that meant exactly.
“It is a closed head injury, so the contents inside his head have not broken through, which is good,” he explained, nodding his head to reassure me. “His brain just moved so fast it collided with the bony skull around it in a jarring movement, which bruised his brain tissue. We are unsure of how long he lost consciousness, but I can tell you his CT showed very small swelling. We will know more when he wakes up and we will be continuing to do CT’s to see if the swelling is getting any worse. It is a lot of waiting. At this time, it does not look like the swelling is severe enough where it has no place to go, so right now it doesn’t look like he will be needing surgery. He does have a gash on his forehead that we had to close with six stitches, but he was lucky. We will just have to keep an eye on him and watch him over the next couple of days. Do you have any questions for me?”
“Could this affect his memory at all?” I asked, trying to take this all in.
“It could. I mean, there is really no way to tell until he wakes up. It could affect his fine motor skills, it has been known to affect personalities, we really don’t know at this time. Do you have any other questions?”
“Yes, when can we see him?” Judy asked, stepping closer to the doctor.
“We will be putting him in the ICU, so just one person at a time please. One of you can come with me right now.”
I looked at Judy and she nodded to me to go ahead.
“It’s okay Judy, you go first.” Although I was worried about him and really wanted to see him, I was afraid that he wouldn’t want to see me when he woke up. I felt guilty because a part of me wanted him to lose his memory of the last twenty-four hours, so he could forget I slept with his best friend and everything would be back to normal.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded.
“Here, call Donna. She picked up Gabby when this all happened and Gabby will be staying at her house tonight. Here’s her number. I am sure she is wondering what is going on,” she said, handing me a piece of paper with a number written on it.
“Thanks, Judy. I’m glad she’s with Donna tonight, she just loves her.”
Bryan’s sister, Donna, loved Gabby like her own. I walked into the hallway and threw up in the garbage outside the door before pulling my cell phone out of my jacket.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Gabby’s innocence made it harder for me to hold it all together. I crouched down in the hallway, back against the wall, hands covering my face.
“Are you okay?” The sound of my sister’s voice helped me to my feet.
“No. What if he doesn’t want to see me, Jill?”
She put her arm around me. “It’s going to be okay. He will forgive you, just give it time. He needs you right now. Don’t put all of this on your shoulders, you made a mistake.”
“No, Jill, he won’t forgive me. Life is too short, I know that now. I took it all for granted, let my marriage slowly slip away. For what? For years I punished myself, pulling away from him for what I did. Jill, I love him, this is what I was afraid of,” I managed to cry out, tears flowing down my face.
“You can make it right. What happened to Bryan is horrible, but at times like this, we truly realize what is important to us,” she reassured me, patting my back.
“I took him for granted, ruined the time we had together. I ruined our family.”
“Dez, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop wishing you could change the past. All you can do is focus on the future and be there for him. You need to be strong, for both Bryan and Gabby. Do you think you can do that?”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
She took my hand and led me back into the waiting room, where we sat and waited for Judy to come back. Carl was there, staring, not saying a word.
The door opened, Judy’s puffy eyes stared back at me.
“He’s awake,” she muttered.
I stood up.
“How is he?” Carl was the first to ask.
“He has a really bad headache and his blood pressure is low, but the doctor said he’s doing well, considering. He has no recollection of the accident, but the doctor said that is to be expected. He was asking for you, Destiny.”
I gave her a gentle hug before looking back at Jill, then followed Judy to Bryan.
“He’s in through these doors, second curtain on the left.”
I walked through the doors, peeking my head in the curtain to make sure it was him behind it. He was lying in the bed, eyes closed, a machine by his bedside. Closing the curtain slowly behind me, I inched my way closer to his bed.
I stared at his beautiful face and scruffy beard, my hand made its way on top of his and his eyes opened just as I touched him. He blinked a few times, struggling to flash me a smile. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, his body suddenly grimaced in pain, his eyes pressed shut tightly, only a moan escaped from his lips.
“Bryan, are you okay? Would you like me to get someone?” I asked, letting go of his hand and brushing against his face gently.
“No, no, it’s fine. I just have a horrible headache. Where’s Gabby?”
“She’s with Donna right now. Jill called my mom and she should be getting her in the morning. Gabby wanted to have a sleepover.”
“I’m glad she isn’t here.”
“Listen, Bryan, I’m so sorry about what I did. It’s been eating me alive for years. I mean, after I got the call that you were in an accident—I just don’t ever want to lose you, ever. I took our relationship for granted. I love you.”
“Destiny, I love you too.”
I smiled in disbelief, excitement filling my soul.
“Dez, I love you, but I just can’t forgive you yet. I am going to need some time,” he said, struggling to talk.
“I understand. I’ll wait as long as you need me to. I love you so much. I almost lost you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
He grabbed my hand and squeezed his eyes shut again. “Dez, please go home and take care of Gabby. She needs you right now. Can you bring her to see me tomorrow? If I’m doing better?”
“But I want to stay here with you. I can’t leave you,” I pleaded.
“Dez, look at me,” I struggled to meet his gaze. “Please, do this for me.”
I could tell he was struggling to hold his eyes open and I just wanted to make him happy, take his pain away.
“Okay, Bryan, I promise.” I leaned in and kissed his forehead, slowly letting go of his hand.
“Thank you.”
“Now get some rest. It’s an order,” I said, smiling.
He closed his eyes and I wandered back down the hall to the waiting room.
“Well, how is he doing?” Jill asked, waiting right by the door when I walked in.
“He’s doing okay. He needs some rest. Jill, would you mind bringing me home?”
“Are you leaving?” Judy asked, confused.
I walked over to where she was sitting, Carl’s arm around her on the bright green waiting room chairs.
“Yes, Bryan and I think it is best for me to be with Gabby right now. Take care of him. Oh, and Judy, please keep me informed on his progress. No matter what time it is.”
She stood up to hug me. “You know I will. Everything is going to be okay, I know it. Take care of yourself, Destiny.”
“Jill, do you think our adult lives would be different if Dad would have been around and sober?”
“What do you mean? Like if Mom wouldn’t have packed us up in the middle of the night to escape the alcohol, drugs, and constant beatings?” she asked, her voice full of anger. “Sorry, it still pisses me off.”
“I get it. You were a lot older than I was at the time, so you remember it a lot better than I do.”
“Yeah, well, you are lucky. I remember Mom shaking me awake, yelling at me to hurry. I could only bring a few small things that fit into my Rainbow Brite backpack and my teddy bear. I was six years old when we left, you were just a baby. Mom was crying, her black eye made me cry. Dad went out to get some more Vodka after he threw Mom’s hot coffee in her face for not having a backup bottle,” she said, staring at the road with a disgusted look on her face.
“I can’t believe he did that. I never asked before, but is that when Mom became an alcoholic?”
“Yeah, not long after we moved here from California, she started drinking. She was afraid he was going to find us, so she numbed the anxiety with alcohol. There is just so much you don’t know, Dez.”
“I would like to know someday. Sometimes I just want to understand Mom, understand why she is so controlling and angry all the time. After all these years, she still won’t get the help she needs. I guess I just don’t get it. After what happened to Bryan, I realized that I want to be happy and I need to quit screwing everything up for myself. Sometimes I hear that voice in the back of my head, you know mom’s voice. It’s constantly telling me I’m not good enough, that I should fear everything in life. I just don’t understand how she doesn’t know she’s an alcoholic.”
“I am always worried dad is going to find Mom. Mom is scared and knows that if he finds her, he will probably kill her. What she did for us, by taking us out of that house and bringing us to Minnesota, was so brave. As for you, fight. Fight for Bryan, fight for your happiness. Fight for Gabby. That is something Mom did right. If she wouldn’t of left, who knows what would have happened to us.”
“That is exactly what I intend to do. I love him, Jill. I just pray for a quick recovery. Do you think Dad will ever find her, find us?” I asked, opening up the car door.
“I hope not. Hopefully he is too drunk to find her.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
JANUARY 2017
I could hear them talking, but I couldn’t see them. I saw flowers, a butterfly, beautiful rainbows covering the sky. I was running beside Bryan, enjoying the pounding our feet made as they hit the pavement in unison. The breeze tangled my hair and filled my lungs with energy, happiness. We continued running around the canyon, gazing over the side and laughing. Bryan held me close to loosen the constriction in my chest. He looked into my eyes and came closer, leaning in. As his lips touched mine, I felt the electric current, the earthquake that ripped at my heart again. The stomping sent me to my knees and he was gone, just like that.
“The doctor said she will be awake less and less as the days go on. Although she made it through the surgery, there isn’t much they can really do. We just have to pray for a miracle. He also said patients diagnosed with this have known for six months at the point she is at. He couldn’t believe she didn’t have any symptoms earlier.”
I knew that voice. Whose voice was that?
“What’s next? I mean is she going to wake up? Please tell me she’s gonna wake up.”
It was Gabby’s voice, I knew it had to be Gabby’s voice. Gabby! Gabby! I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t see her in the darkness. Someone turn on the lights, I need to see my baby girl.
I began running again, through the pitch black eerie night. I was lost, unsure of where to find her, confused which direction her voice was coming from. The blackness turned into a forest, I was up on top of a cliff: scared, alone. Light pierced through the sky, lighting up my hands. The freckles and saggy skin that took years of living to consume my body, pushing my veins to the surface, causing pain and aches in places I never realized existed turned to soft, thirty-year-old skin in front of my eyes.
The sun rose in the sky, shining on me more and more with each passing se
cond. My skin glowed in all the places the sun touched, erasing the miles I put on and showing my youth. The prime time in my life. My happiest days.
I saw a shadow in the distance, heard it calling my name and telling me to come home. I touched the pink butterflies that circled my head. I placed my hand out and stared at its sparkling beauty. Did it just smile at me? I felt my heart slowing down as peace filled my heart and soul, my toes tingling.
And then I heard the angel’s voice.
“Mom, please don’t leave me, please don’t go. I’m not ready yet. I need to see you, need to say goodbye. Please open your eyes.”
Gabby? I turned around, ran toward her voice through the trees and past the cliff. Gabby where are you? Gabby! I screamed, panic in my voice. I stopped, looked down at my hands as they once again looked like a fifty-one-year-old’s hands, arms and legs, but I didn’t care. I wanted to see Gabby, I’d do anything. The lights turned off. Darkness. My eyelids were heavy, I fought the pain to open them, to see her again. I struggled to open my eyes, it was blurry but I could see the image of two people, maybe three at my bedside. I blinked twice, tried again.
“Mom. Mom you’re awake.”
Stabbing pain shot up my spine and neck as I focused on turning my head to see her. I fought for this moment and I finally found her. My tongue felt like pine needles against my lips as I stumbled to open them. They were sticking together, I needed to lick them, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get my tongue to move the way I wanted it to, needed it to.
I saw a hand from the other side of the bed reach around me and place my glasses on my nose. I wanted to adjust them, but my hands wouldn’t move. Once I saw the queen of diamonds, I remembered where I was and I felt something squeezing my lungs. I gasped for air, closed my eyes. Was somebody standing on me?
“It’s okay, mom, I’m here. I’m here.”
I could hear her sobbing, struggling for air just like me. Something was in my hand. It was soft; I felt pressure. I moved my fingers, squeezed back with all my might, struggled again to open my eyes.