Silent Lies: A gripping psychological thriller

by Kathryn Croft

  Before he got here this evening, there were some things I had to get straight with Alison. I told her Will doesn’t know everything she’s told me, only that she used to know Zach and that she’s staying here to get away from her partner.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell him?’ she had asked, the stare she fixed on me accusing and judgemental. ‘He’s your partner, isn’t he? Doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t keep secrets from him?’

  ‘No, it means I need to do whatever I can to keep him from getting hurt. Will knows what he needs to know.’

  ‘Okay, I’m sorry,’ she’d said. ‘I didn’t mean to sound… I just wondered why.’

  I had no choice but to be direct with her, despite how she might perceive it. ‘Alison, that really isn’t your business. All I’m trying to do is help you, and that doesn’t mean you can question other parts of my life.’

  ‘But you also want to know what happened with Zach, don’t you? That’s partly why I’m here, isn’t it?’

  ‘No. I know all I need to know. And there’s no photo any more, Alison, so we both have to let this go.’

  ‘Well, I’m not giving up on the truth,’ she’d said. ‘It always comes out in the end. I want Dominic to pay for what he’s done. Not just to me but to Josie too.’

  In the end, although she hadn’t exactly agreed to keep things to herself, I have a feeling she won’t say anything to Will. She needs my help so why would she do anything to jeopardise that? But one thing I’m learning is that Alison is unpredictable. She barely said a word when she came home from the police station, and gave me no details other than to say that they took her statement and were planning to question Dominic that night. I put her reticence down to being a bit shaken up by the experience, but now, watching her with Will, I see she has made a quick recovery.

  Things don’t get any better over dinner. Will bombards Alison with a stream of questions, and even my gentle kick under the table does nothing to stem the tide.

  As soon as he gets up to go to the bathroom Alison turns to me, her voice a whisper. ‘He doesn’t like me, does he? Why? What have I done?’

  I consider my answer carefully. ‘It’s not that Will doesn’t like you, he’s just a bit worried about this whole situation, that’s all.’

  ‘And by “this situation” you mean me staying here with you?’

  ‘It just took him by surprise. He’s used to me helping people whenever I can, but this is something quite different. It’s not what you’d consider a normal scenario.’

  Her eyes drop to the table. ‘None of this is normal, is it? I mean, the whole thing with Dominic. How many people suspect their partners of this kind of thing?’

  Alison seems to have forgotten to whom she’s speaking. This is exactly what I’ve had to deal with, although Zach was already dead by the time he was labelled a murderer.

  ‘Look, Mia, maybe Will would understand more if you told him everything?’ she says. ‘Maybe he could even help us.’

  Everything I say to this woman seems to fall on deaf ears. I’ve already told her I’m trying to protect Will by keeping him out of this, so I don’t know why she’s pushing me to tell him.

  ‘Alison, I can tell you right now what Will’s words will be if I tell him everything. He’ll say that you were in the flat that night and that you didn’t tell the police. He’ll force me to tell them and I know that’s not what you want. He’ll say I should be worried about this.’ And the truth is, this is something I need to think about: Alison was there. She could very well have had something to do with it.

  She stares at me, her eyes wide. ‘But I had nothing to do with it. I wouldn’t have come to you otherwise, would I? Surely he’d see that?’

  I hear Will washing his hands in the downstairs toilet. ‘We’ll talk about this later, okay? Right now let’s just focus on you. You’ve been to the police today so that’s great. Next, we need to try and find you a new place to live.’

  Alison stares at her plate, the timid girl again. All evidence of the defiant person she was just moments ago has gone. ‘I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I guess that’s what I’ll have to do. He’ll never let me stay in the house, even though we both pay the mortgage. He put more money into it to begin with so I don’t stand a chance.’

  ‘I know it’s scary but you can do this. I’ll help you as much as I can. A fresh start will be good for you, Alison.’ But as I say this I wonder if this is all it will take. She seems to have issues that go far beyond Dominic’s abuse – I just need to get to them. And when I do, I will know exactly what happened that night at that flat.

  When Will comes back in, Alison clams up. ‘I might have an early night, if you don’t mind, Mia. It’s been a long day in so many ways.’ She glances at Will. ‘I’m sure you’d both like some time together, too, so I’ll get out of your way.’

  ‘You don’t have to do that,’ Will says, but his tone is still harsh.

  Alison’s eyes widen. ‘Oh, no, that’s fine. Thank you for the lovely food, Mia.’ But she has barely touched hers.

  * * *

  Later in bed, I confront Will about his animosity towards Alison. I keep my voice low and speak right into his ear; she’s only in the room next door and I can’t risk her overhearing us.

  ‘I don’t like her,’ Will says. ‘There’s something about her that isn’t quite right – I noticed it straight away.’

  ‘I know what you mean, but how should we expect her to be after what she’s been through? She probably distrusts men now so it’s not surprising she was a bit off with you.’ Except she trusts Zach implicitly, even though she has no real evidence to suggest he wasn’t guilty of anything.

  Will turns to face me. ‘No, it’s more than that. But I do respect that you’re helping her. In fact, I admire you for it. You’re a better person than I am, Mia, because I certainly wouldn’t let her stay in my house.’

  ‘I’m not a better person than you. Perhaps I’ve just been tested more.’ And if I was such a good person then wouldn’t I immediately believe in Zach’s innocence? I’ve wanted to over the years, but something within me wouldn’t allow it.

  ‘Just tell me it’s only for a few days,’ Will says.

  ‘It will be. But however strange she can be, she needs a break in life.’

  He doesn’t say anything, and I try to distract him by pulling him towards me, my hands wandering across his body, even though it is hard to switch off from everything. But a few minutes later, when Will is lost in the moment, and I’m trying to shut out destructive thoughts, I hear a noise at the bedroom door. I strain to see into the darkness, but I can just make out the shape of someone standing there before they disappear.

  Alison.

  How long has she been watching us?

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Josie

  * * *

  Spring is finally here and with it comes fresh hope for my future. I’ve heard nothing more from Liv or Richard, and have begun to think they might actually leave me alone now. Sinead still texts me regular updates on Kieren – the last one said he seems happy every time she sees him leaving the house with Liv, so my mind is put at rest, at least for now.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ Craig says, rolling over so he’s facing me. It’s one of those rare April days when it’s warm enough for short sleeves, so we’re spending lunchtime in the park, lying on a blanket and staring up at the cloud-free sky.

  ‘Nothing. Just living in the moment.’ I haven’t told him anything about my messed-up family. Not yet. This is the first time I’ve been able to just be me, without the stigma of what I’ve left behind.

  Craig smiles. ‘So, I was thinking… My parents are coming over this weekend. I know it’s early days but maybe you could meet them? I know we’re kind of just friends at the moment, but what do you reckon?’

  Technically, Craig and I are a bit more than ‘just friends’, even though we haven’t slept together. We spend most of our time with each other and I know he wants to be abl
e to call me his girlfriend, but he respects my boundaries too much to push it. I’ve explained to him that I just don’t want us to label anything, because as far as I can tell, that’s when things go to shit.

  ‘Yeah, why not?’ I say. ‘They’ll probably hate me, but what the hell?’

  ‘Are you kidding? They’ll love you.’

  ‘Just don’t get your hopes up. And I’m not taking out my nose stud. I’m not going to try and pretend I’m someone or something else.’

  Craig laughs. ‘I wouldn’t want you to – I want them to see who you really are. Look, they’re really not judgemental at all, Josie. They’re cool and I know you’ll like them.’

  He doesn’t know my track record with parents, even my own. ‘Well, I’ll try to be on my best behaviour, just for you.’

  I sit up so I can eat my sandwich and there, right in front of me, sitting on the bench opposite us, is Zach Hamilton. He’s staring at us but looks away when he notices I’ve seen him. I don’t know how long he’s been there, but I’m sure that bench was empty when we sat down.

  Despite everything, my stomach flips over. It’s one thing seeing Zach in lectures, where I can prepare myself, but to suddenly catch sight of him like this messes me up. I thought he’d stopped coming to the park, just to avoid me, but clearly he must be over whatever he was wrestling with.

  Beside me, Craig hasn’t noticed Zach and continues eating his lunch. I’m glad he’s not inside my head; knowing my thoughts would really hurt him. I try my best to ignore Zach being a few metres away from us, but when Craig’s phone rings and he’s distracted with the call, I can’t help but watch Zach. He’s jotting down notes and I wonder how close he is to finishing his book.

  I don’t even notice Craig is off his phone until he grabs the sandwich from my hand and shoves it into his mouth.

  ‘Hey, I wanted that!’ I push him gently and he fakes a backwards fall and lands on his elbows.

  ‘That’s abuse, that is!’

  ‘Yeah? So is stealing someone’s sandwich!’

  We’re both laughing, but I can feel Zach’s eyes on us and when I steal a quick glance in his direction I see that I’m right.

  ‘Shall we head back?’ Craig says. ‘I’ve got a tutorial in a few minutes.’

  As we leave the park we walk straight past Zach’s bench but I don’t even acknowledge him. Craig does, of course, and nods to him before taking hold of my hand. And secretly I’m pleased that he has done this.

  * * *

  ‘I hope you don’t think your boyfriend can stay over.’

  I’ve only just stepped through the door when Alison launches her attack. It’s as if she’s been standing right here waiting for me to get home, even though she would have had no idea what time that would be. She’s got worse over the last few weeks and takes every opportunity to demonstrate her hatred of me. Despite what I heard her saying about me on the phone, I’ve tried to make an effort, even stocking the kitchen cupboards with enough food for both of us when I can afford it, but nothing works with her.

  ‘First, I assume you’re talking about Craig, but you’ve got it wrong.’ There’s no way she means Zach, the two of us have barely spoken lately, which at least means she probably won’t report him for anything now. ‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ I continue, ‘and second, if I want him to stay in my room then he can. Any time he likes.’

  I expect her to shrink into herself now that I’ve put her in her place, but I’m forgetting that this is the new Alison, the one who actually stands up to people. But she’s wrong if she thinks anything she says can get to me.

  ‘I think you’ll find we’re not allowed to have people staying the night, Josie. Check your tenancy agreement. That’s grounds for being chucked out.’

  She’s so smug as she says this that for the briefest second I want to slap the smile from her bony face. But then I remind myself to turn my anger to pity, because as difficult as my life has been, I would never trade places with Alison.

  ‘I don’t have time for this, Alison, and neither do you, I’m sure.’

  ‘Oh, sorry, am I keeping you from valuable drinking time? I can imagine how hard it must be to have your problem.’

  I won’t rise to her bait. ‘Actually, I haven’t touched any alcohol for weeks now. Sorry to disappoint you.’

  As I walk away I expect a reply, but there is only silence. And it only occurs to me much later to wonder how she knows anything about Craig when I’ve never mentioned him and he’s never been to the flat when she’s been at home.

  * * *

  I should have known better than to think things could go smoothly, that the peace I was feeling could last, and now, as I lock up the coffee shop and turn around to find Zach standing behind me, I know for sure there is trouble ahead.

  ‘Can we talk?’ he says. He looks stressed; there are dark circles around his eyes and it looks like he hasn’t shaved for days. He’s always been clean-cut, well groomed, so to see him like this is a shock.

  ‘I thought we had nothing more to say to each other outside of uni?’ I don’t want to give him a hard time but I’ve had it up to here with his mind games. I know he’s not doing anything on purpose, but he must realise what he’s been doing to me.

  ‘This is important, Josie. Shall we go for a drive? I’m in the car park over there.’ He points across the road.

  ‘No, I don’t think so.’ I put the keys in my bag. ‘I’ve got to be somewhere.’ This is a lie: Craig is working tonight and my only plans are to go home and crash out.

  ‘How about a walk then?’

  He sounds so desperate I can’t help but give in. ‘Okay. Five minutes.’

  We cross the road and head away from the coffee shop. It’s still light even though it’s past 7 p.m. ‘So are you and Craig together now?’ Zach asks, trying to sound casual.

  I focus on the pavement and try not to look at him. ‘No. Yeah. Kind of, I suppose. Why?’

  He shrugs. ‘I’ve just seen you around together a lot. Is he treating you well?’

  ‘What kind of question is that? He’s a nice guy. What’s this about, Zach? What are you doing here?’ And now I do look at him, hoping to find clues in his face because his words are giving nothing away.

  He shakes his head. ‘I don’t know, Josie, I just… I miss our chats, I guess. How have you been? I’ve been worried about you.’

  We pass a bar I know well and I try to ignore the sudden urge to rush in and have a drink. ‘Well, there’s no need. I haven’t heard from Liv or Richard and as far as I know, Kieren’s okay. So I guess life’s going well right now.’ But I’m sure it will catch up with me soon. I’ve been avoiding thinking about Richard but he’s not going to let his cousin rot in jail if he can do anything about it. But, again, I bury that thought.

  Zach nods. ‘Good, good. I’m glad to hear that. Maybe they came to their senses and realised how much trouble they could get into by threatening you.’

  I stop walking and turn to face him. ‘Zach, what’s going on? You’re acting really weird.’ And then I laugh because I’m talking to my lecturer as if he’s another student, or as if we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

  Zach seems shocked. ‘What’s funny?’ He must be confused, because there’s really nothing funny going on here at all. It’s all very sad.

  ‘Nothing’s funny, Zach. Just tell me why you wanted to talk to me.’

  ‘I told you, I’ve been worried about you.’ He looks around. ‘Can we keep walking?’

  ‘Yeah, when you start talking.’

  But he doesn’t, and after a few moments I head off anyway, knowing that soon enough he’ll be by my side again. And here he is.

  ‘How’s your wife, Zach? And the little one?’

  He smiles. ‘Mia’s great. And Freya, well, she’s certainly got a lot of spirit.’

  That’s it. Nothing is ever going to change here. ‘Well, it’s great that we’ve had this chat, but I really need to go now. So, see you at uni.’ I start to walk off, but he g
rabs my arm.

  ‘I’m jealous, okay? I’m fucking jealous, Josie, and it’s messing me up. Screwing with my head. I love my family, I really love my life, so why the fuck am I jealous of you being with Craig?’

  His words stun me into silence, and he, too, seems shocked that he’s said them. But they are out there now and can’t be taken back. He can never unsay what he’s just admitted to me.

  ‘Oh, Josie, shit! I’m so sorry, I had no right to say that to you.’ He clutches his head. ‘Please, forget I said it.’

  But I can’t; I never will. Because he’s just confirmed, finally, unequivocally, that what I’ve been feeling hasn’t been futile. It hasn’t just been some childish infatuation, this has been real. I am not some silly girl with a crush on her lecturer, I have felt this way about Zach because he has too.

  A young couple holding hands walks past, so he lowers his voice. ‘I know this is crazy, but I do really love my wife, and I’d never do anything to hurt her. But inside, I have all these… these feelings – and I just have to try and crush them. They’re dangerous, Josie. For everyone. But I can do it, I can carry on and not act on anything because it’s the right thing to do. Oh God, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Will you stop apologising? You practically told me all of this already, that night at my flat.’

  He shakes his head. ‘But I never said it out loud. Saying it brings it to life, makes it into something harmful, and I was trying not to do that. In all honesty, I didn’t plan to tell you just now. I suppose I just wanted to know you’re okay, and that Craig’s being good to you.’

  ‘I don’t need protecting, Zach. I’ve done a pretty good job of looking after myself all these years.’

  ‘Yeah, Little Miss Tough Nut, you certainly have.’ He pats my arm to show me he’s saying this affectionately. ‘And I know you’ll be okay, but that doesn’t stop me worrying. Or caring.’