My One Despair

by Burgoa, Claudia

  Ten

  Tess

  “You’re not just anyone,” Gage sang, his baritone voice filling up the studio and my heart. “You’re my only one.”

  I held onto each word, while fighting the magic that I felt when he was close to me.

  Fated, predestined

  You feel like home

  You’ll always be that one. The one for me.

  “He’s fucking talented,” Dad broke the spell.

  Thank fuck, or this might have been the time I let Gage kiss me.

  “Language, Hades,” I mocked Sadie’s voice.

  “I can’t believe you brought him here under false pretenses.”

  “What was I supposed to say? Dad wants to listen to you because Hannah said you’re the next John Mayer.”

  “What’s going on between you two?” he questioned out of the blue.

  “Nothing,” I answered, hoping he hadn’t noticed my glances at Gage when I thought no one was watching.

  Gage was cute. Ugh, who was I kidding? He was sexy as fuck. His magnetic green eyes hypnotized me. I wanted to kiss his full lips so badly. Every time his fingers brushed my skin, it felt like I was igniting.

  “He’s okay but just broke up with his girlfriend.”

  I couldn’t tell him that his green eyes were seductive and that he had the look of someone whose clothes I wanted to rip off his taut body. I wanted so desperately to lick every defined muscle underneath his t-shirt. I melted every time I heard his voice.

  “Don’t lie to me, child,” he warned me.

  Dad and I got along pretty well. He was one of my best friends. There were no secrets between us. Not after the horrible stuff I’d hidden from him while I lived with Mom. Yet, I didn’t think it was time to bare my feeling to anyone—or even accept them myself.

  “So what if he’s attractive and funny—a great singer who also knows a lot of stuff?” I asked. “Dating isn’t part of my vocabulary.”

  “Be careful, he’s way older than you. Last year’s heartbreak was bad.”

  The year before I’d met a guy at a Halloween party. He wasn’t perfect, but I could check a lot of boxes from my list of boyfriend-material requirements with him. He was nice, sensitive, handsome, and smart. We spent a lot of time together, and after the winter break I learned that he’d gotten engaged to his high school sweetheart. Fucking cheater. It broke my heart a little. I wasn’t in love with him, but it still hurt.

  “How are you going to handle this, Dad?” I asked, staring at Gage who was on the other side of the window playing his heart out. “I don’t like that I was dishonest with him.”

  “He’s not using you to get to me. I like that.”

  “That’s a given. He’s not like everyone else,” I agreed.

  “This smells like heartbreak.” Dad shook his head.

  “You’re insane, Dad. I’m not going to date him, let alone hand him my heart when he’s about to become a celebrity.”

  “Who said you’d be the one with a broken heart?” Dad smirked.

  “Keep the session. I’ll edit it later,” he ordered, touching the button to call inside the recording cabin and said, “Play ‘Edge of Desire’ by John Mayer.”

  Dad grabbed his guitar and entered the studio. Gage’s eyes widened, he stared at me first, and then at the door. It took him a second to recover from the shock, but when he did, he began to play immediately. After the first song, Dad played a few chords of “Wonderwall.” Gage followed and they continued playing for about an hour.

  After the impromptu recording, they’d created a set of famous covers with “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” “The Man in the Mirror,” a few of Killing Hades old songs, and they wrapped up with “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Gage played the piano and sang during the last two songs.

  “Sir, I promise to pay you for your time.”

  “My band is on hiatus.” Dad ignored him. “You’re talented, and with the right people, you could have a great career.”

  “It’s hard to find support, sir,” Gage said matter-of-factly.

  “Let me give you a push. Logan’s told me great things about you.”

  “Logan has never heard me play,” Gage said.

  “He praised you as a hard worker. Talent can only get you so far. I made a few calls, kid. You’re on the Deckers’ radar, but they haven’t seen you since you played at the Silver Moon.”

  “They wanted me, but not the band,” Gage clarified.

  “You have a band?”

  “Not anymore.”

  “Shit happens at the right time. You can’t force it. I believe it’s your time to shine, and if you allow me to, I’d like to be part of the journey and help you achieve your dream.”

  Gage turned to look at me, his eyes filled with anguish. “I swear, I didn’t come here to score a gig with your dad.”

  “I know,” I said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently.

  My eyes wandered to our linked hands, then to my dad. Could he feel the electricity between Gage and me crackling in the air? My cheeks were heating up as I felt Gage’s own heat radiating from his body.

  “Hannah’s been talking about you since the school year started,” Dad said.

  “I heard you last night, and it’s a no brainer,” I continued, thankful that I’d found my voice. “I mean, you’ll have to pay me back. When you’re famous, a percentage of your proceeds should go to my ocean conservation charity.”

  He linked our pinky fingers. “Deal.”

  * * *

  “You don’t have a stage name, Dad,” I protested.

  “Gage Rodin sounds perfect,” I said as we sat in Dad’s office trying to come up with Gage’s branding.

  “Don’t you have a nickname?” Dad asked.

  “No, my full name is Gage Alexander Rodin.”

  “Rodin, like the sculptor. You’re shaping lyrics, sculpting notes.”

  “Please, don’t, Dad. Stop it,” I ordered.

  “Gage is fine,” I insisted.

  “Let’s move to his image, then.” Dad shrugged. “You’ll have your guitar. It’s like an extension of your body. Unless you decide you want to play the piano. What were you thinking for clothing?”

  “Jeans and a T-shirt, either white or black. Industrial boots,” I suggested. “Nothing too fancy. Just a regular guy with hopes and dreams.”

  “You’re good at this. Are you sure you want to continue saving turtles?” Dad questioned. “We could start a production company and work as a team.”

  “No thanks, Dad. Enjoy this night because I’m not doing it again—ever.”

  “Fine. Thank you for helping us.”

  I nodded and checked the list, then turned to Gage and asked, “Do you have an Instagram account?”

  “I don’t care much for social media, but I have a Facebook account,” he said, turning on his phone.

  “You should open a new account, separate from your personal one,” I suggested. “We’ll set up your business page from the new one. I’ll take care of your social media—for now.”

  “Thank you for everything.” He smiled, but turned away when Dad cleared his throat and stood up.

  “Tess,” he called to me. “Please show him to the guest room. We’ll continue this in the morning.”

  “I appreciate your hospitality and everything that you’re doing. Why don’t I come back tomorrow?” Gage offered.

  “It’s past three, and I need you back by seven.”

  Dad wasn’t much of a sleeper. He went to bed around midnight and woke up super early. That’s why we barely lost any sleep when Kieran and Aubrey were babies. Dad was always right by their cribs when they opened their eyes.

  “Thank you for the offer. I’ll take it,” Gage said.

  We walked through the house following Dad. I showed him the kitchen in case he needed a snack while I grabbed my small pitcher and filled it with water.

  “This house is huge,” he said, taking the tray I carried with water and a glass.

  “It�
��s something of an heirloom. The house used to belong to Sadie’s grandmother,” I explained as we climbed the stairs. “That’s my parents’ room. The first door is Kieran’s room—my little brother. Across from him, you’ll find Aubrey’s nursery.”

  “Your baby sister?”

  “Exactly.” I grinned at him like an idiot. I loved that he’d paid attention to what I’d said last night.

  “Hannah’s room is down at the end. Mine is this door and right across the hall is yours.” I opened the guest room door. “What’s your shoe size?”

  “Twelve.”

  “Great. There’s a pair of sneakers in the closet. Some sweats in the drawers as well as shorts and T-shirts. Uncle Jax stays here sometimes. He’s about your size.”

  “Jax London?” The tray he held shook a little as did his voice.

  “Yes, the infamous drummer of Killing Hades. He’s just Uncle Jax to us. Dad’s going to wake you up at seven, and he’ll take you on his run. That’s when he plans the most.”

  Gage walked into my room and set the tray he’d carried on my nightstand. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I want to be your friend,” he said earnestly. “Not just a guy who you discovered and then handed over to your dad.”

  “Just promise me that you’ll stay grounded.”

  “If you’ll promise to help tether me?” He winked at me, and I nearly melted at the sight of the devilish grin he threw my way.

  “Keep it real,” I said with a teasing voice.

  “Thank you, Tess.” He kissed me on the cheek, his lips lingering so close to mine that I if I moved a couple of inches our mouths would touch. My heart thundered in my chest, and my knees went weak.

  “In a couple of years, I’m going to ask you out,” he whispered.

  I took a step aside, remembering that I didn’t date celebrities or guys who made my heart flutter and my mind hazy with desire. “Wow, you have plans for me, Mr. Rodin?”

  “Plans?” he said confused. “What are you talking about?”

  I no longer knew what to do, I was so taken by those dark green eyes. I wanted to flee before I made a fool of myself, but my feet were paralyzed by the heaviness of his gaze.

  “I assure you there’s no plan, Tess.”

  “Next March, you’re giving me my ID back. In a couple of years, you’re asking me out. What’s next?”

  “I don’t have a plan, but when you’ve accomplished your dreams, we could discuss all the possibilities.” He brushed my lips with his and my knees went weak. “Right now, I’m just getting out of a relationship, and you’re about to leave for San Diego. A relationship doesn’t make sense.”

  “Will we ever make sense?” I asked breathlessly.

  I wanted more than that slight friction between our mouths.

  I desired a deep, searing kiss that would fuse me to him, one that would curl my toes and make my heart beat fast. My entire body tensed with need. I wanted magic and long conversations. Kisses. Him.

  “Someday we will,” he said, his words a promise, a prophecy, or maybe just a spur of the moment confession guided by the lust we shared.

  Gage Rodin scared me. He was different. The way my soul was drawn to his was beyond my comprehension. I feared what I’d do for him. What if I went crazy and acted like my mother did with Dad? I had to fight it. What was happening between us wasn’t normal. It was consuming, magical, powerful, and inexplicable. It was an obsession that couldn’t last and would only make me crave more—always.

  I had to fight it.

  Eleven

  Gage

  Life was full of surprises. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. After a week of recording, practicing, and composing with Kaden Hades, I sat in the Decker Records conference room with the actual Decker Brothers.

  “He’s ours, Hades.” Jacob Decker, the man who sent scouts to the Silver Moon every Friday, said.

  “You had your chance, Decker. I’m calling the shots,” Kaden challenged him. “You don’t have anything on paper, I have a contract.”

  “Who do you want, kid?” Jacob ignored him and scribbled a seven-figure number on a piece of paper, then handed it to me.

  It was a lot more than Hades had offered me. Actually, what Kaden and I agreed on was twenty percent of my royalties. Ten would pay everything that he’d invested and the other ten would be his cut. Once I paid him back, he’d only take ten percent.

  “Look, I appreciate your offer,” I said pushing away the paper. “I’m not sure if you’re offering me that as a lump sum or if it’s a signing bonus. The point is that Mr. Hades believes in me, and I think he has a plan that fits my personality,” I answered truthfully.

  “Fuck, why didn’t I snatch him when I could?” Jacob protested. “Well, I guess there’s not much I can do. I can offer a few suggestions. We could have an unplugged concert where he can play with us.”

  Kaden cleared his throat.

  “You’re included in the gig, Hades.”

  “Good, I’ve been working my ass off for this kid. I want big things for him—as my protégée, not just another guy from the bunch you promote.”

  Kaden Hades had gone above and beyond for me since he heard me play. I spent more than a week at his household recording songs, finding my branding, and planning the launch of my career. Every two seconds I kept pinching my arm waiting to wake up from the dream. During our breaks, I hung out with the family. Kieran would ask me a million questions, and he loved that either I had the answers, or we’d search for them in Google. Aubrey, the almost one-year-old baby, had Kaden wrapped around her pinky finger.

  His wife, along with Tess and Hannah, spent hours in the greenhouse and the backyard during the weekend. They had a beautiful garden, and most of their produce was grown at home. Kaden advised me during dinner that my family should always come first.

  “We’ll let you use our facilities as long as you give us some credit,” Jacob offered. “It’s always nice to be recognized. Though, we should wait until the shiner is gone. Who won kid?”

  “My ex.” Hades sighed.

  “She still around?” Jacob arched an eyebrow.

  “That was the last straw, we’re taking extreme measures to ensure the safety of our family and friends.” He tossed his head back and looked at the ceiling. After a few seconds, he composed himself, tapped the table and said, “Let’s sign the documents and be on our way. I still need to introduce him to Pria who has a nice publicist lined up for him. We have to make sure he knows how to behave.”

  “Pria should take him as her client,” Jacob spoke, grabbing his phone.

  “She doesn’t take new clients,” Kaden reminded him.

  Jacob looked up from his phone after typing on it. “She will, I just texted her.”

  Kaden laughed. “We’ll see. My wife wouldn’t be thrilled if I try to run her business.”

  Jacob rolled his eyes. “Neither does mine,” Jacob agreed. “But I explained to her why I think she should take the account. I hope she takes it under consideration.”

  Then, he shoots me a glare.

  “Lesson number one, kid,” Jacob said. “Be careful with the groupies. They can suck your soul dry.”

  I had no idea why he said that, but I knew Kaden’s story. He married a groupie after knocking her up. A mistake he regretted to this day. He should’ve just taken care of his daughter. As I thought about Tess, I decided to text her. We hadn’t spoken since last night when I left her parents’ place.

  Gage: What are you doing?

  Tess: Building a snowman?

  Gage: It’s September.

  Tess: With balloons. We’re creating a Frozen themed party for one of our clients.

  Gage: On Monday?

  Tess: The party isn’t until Saturday, but we’re practicing. They want a giant Olaf. We’ve never made one before.

  Gage: Good luck.

  Tess: How are things?

  Gage: This is
surreal. I’m about to sign with a publicist, and they’re going to release my demo tomorrow on the Deckers’ radio station.

  Tess: Come to the flower shop tomorrow. We can listen to it together.

  Gage: Sounds like a plan. I’ll bring the coffees.

  Tess: Did you quit Logan’s Java?

  Gage: Not yet, but I’m off by nine. I haven’t changed my schedule.

  Tess: Give your two-week notice. You’re going to be super busy.

  * * *

  Easton, Cam, and I spent the night at the penthouse, drinking beer and eating tapas while discussing my future. Keane was doing his secret gig, and Cody was living in Ann Arbor where he went to school.

  “I told you this girl was your ticket,” Camden said.

  “Never say that, I swear.” I combed my hair with both hands. “She offered, and I accepted. It feels kind of shitty that I ended up with this deal just from knowing her.”

  “Don’t think that way. If you didn’t have any talent Kaden Hades wouldn’t have offered you a deal,” East argued.

  “That’s exactly how it happened,” I agreed. “He’s never done this before, but he’s pumped with the idea of being a producer and my manager.”

  “So, what’s next?” East asked.

  “The single starts playing tomorrow, exclusively on the Deckers’ radio channel. On Friday it’s going wide. I have a concert in a couple of weeks at the Silver Moon. You guys have to come.”

  “Will there be hot chicks?” Camden asked. “You’re going to share the groupies, right?”

  “Seriously, that’s all you’re thinking about? Groupies?” Easton rolled his eyes.

  “That’s all I want for our Gage,” Camden joked.

  “Women and money,” Easton frowned and then warned me, “Stay as far away as possible from those bitches. I remember what it was to have a bunch of women following you around just because you’re famous.”

  East played football with the pros but got hurt during his first year. He kept his signing bonus and started his construction firm. Once the fame was gone, so were the women and his longtime girlfriend.