My One Despair

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My One Despair Page 8

by Burgoa, Claudia


  “Stay with me, please,” I begged her, tucking my fingers under her chin and tracing her full, lower lip with my thumb. “This is scary for me too. I’ve never felt this way before.”

  Her hands entwined behind my neck. Her lips brushed mine gently. She claimed my mouth, our lips parted, and her timid tongue brushed against mine. I was falling fast, and I loved every second I spent with her. I just had to convince her that we were good together.

  Fourteen

  Gage

  “So, you’re going on a road trip with the little girl,” Camden said.

  “Stop calling her that, it sounds fucking creepy,” I growled. “Why is everyone so fixated on our age difference?”

  “You can’t be serious about her. I mean she’s way younger, and you just got out of a relationship with Marti. You guys have a history. I dare you to say that you won’t take her back.”

  “Fuck, you sound just like Tess,” I protested. “If Marti comes back, I’ll remind her that we’re over. We never worked well together. Not the way Tess and I do.”

  It was hard to make anyone understand what was going on inside my head and my heart. With Tess, I had something magical. There was this feeling of wanting to be with her and not let her go, ever.

  I never felt like that with Marti. Her departures angered me because she left me hanging with the rent or a lease, or she’d ask for a loan and never pay it back.

  Everything with Tess was different, from the emotional haze I was under, to the way I needed to reach out to her. When she wasn’t around, I thought about her all the time. Before I went to bed, I sent her a text to let her know that I was thinking about her. When I woke up, she was my first thought, also, my first message. Every morning, I went to look for her at the flower shop. She’d even invaded my dreams, and I fucking loved it.

  “Tess is the one for me,” I said. “I know it sounds fucking corny, but believe me when I say, I know what I had back then versus what I have now.”

  “Marti’s coming back,” he warned me. “She’s fucking greedy. Mom loves her, and her cousin works with Keane. How’re you going to handle that?”

  “There’s nothing to handle. I’m with someone else,” I repeated.

  Tess proposed an open relationship, just in case I found it hard to stay faithful, but I wasn’t planning on being with anyone else.

  “Tess is hot and only twenty. She’s going to dump your ass soon.”

  “I hope not, but maybe you’re right,” I conceded.

  It didn’t make me happy to accept it, but I knew we were only at the beginning with a long road ahead of us. She had to finish school and had so many plans. I’d wait for her. It wasn’t like I could just ask her to marry me tomorrow. Actually, one of her goals was living life to the fullest before she even thought about getting into a serious relationship. Tess tried hard to be different from her mother and more like Sadie, her stepmom. I only wanted her to be happy. She had to live her life, and I had to do the same. But that didn’t exclude us being a couple.

  “What about the groupies?” Camden was obsessed. “I mean you're going to have women falling at your feet.”

  “You’re assuming too much,” I said, exhausted. “I don’t need to fuck every woman who says, ‘Gage, I love your music.’”

  “Dude, he’s stronger than you are, Cam.” Easton, who was in the kitchen minding his own business, finally spoke up. “I slept with a few women after I broke up with Jill. Honestly, it gets boring. Everyone is different when it comes to relationships.”

  Camden snapped his fingers. “Tess might have the magic pussy that Keane keeps talking about.”

  Keane had some crazy theories. Fuck, I missed him so much. I loved my other brothers, but Keane and I were tight. The way that Cam and Easton were. But after thirteen months of not seeing him, I couldn’t say the same. We hadn’t chatted in weeks.

  I was proud of Keane. He worked fucking hard and loved being an FBI agent. He was totally nuts and believed in what he called a “magic pussy.” Once you found it, your dick would never get hard for any other pussy.

  “Have you heard from Keane?” Easton asked me.

  I shook my head. Sometimes, he’d contact me via video games just to let me know that he was safe. But he hadn’t sent word in the past few weeks. I worried about him because he hung with the worst kind of criminals: drug dealers, arms dealers, and human traffickers. I just had to trust that he was safe.

  “Let us know when you do. Mom’s worried.”

  I nodded, hoping that if he heard my name or heard my songs, he’d contact me.

  “Has Marti heard from her cousin?”

  I shrugged. “Dude, how would I know? We broke up.” I shook my head exasperated. Sometimes I wondered if they paid any attention to what I said.

  “So, while you are down in Portland are you going to check on our mother?” Easton asked.

  “Nope,” I answered immediately. “I haven't introduced her to Mom and Dad yet.”

  “That sounds like you’re planning on bringing her home,” Camden said grinning. “Do you think Mom will approve of her? She loved Marti.”

  “Is it harass your sibling day?” I protested.

  “Mom knows that I broke up with Marti,” I explained to them. “I’m not planning on introducing her to Tess because Tess would hate it. Have I mentioned her to Mom? No, because I’ve been spending most of my time with my girl. She’s leaving for San Diego, and I won’t see her for a while.”

  “You should bring her over for dinner,” East suggested.

  “I’ll think about it,” I sighed.

  Fifteen

  Tess

  ““This is casual,” he said. “We’ll go slow,” he promised. I narrowed my gaze glaring at Gage who just suggested that we have dinner with his parents tomorrow.

  “Visiting your parents screams fucking serious,” I protested.

  “We just had lunch with yours,” he defended himself.

  “At my father’s request. Believe me, I wasn’t thrilled about having you there while Grandpa Bell visited.”

  “He didn’t like me,” Gage stated the obvious. “And I think your father wanted to poison my food. He used to like me before ...”

  “Before he saw you kissing his daughter. I told you not to kiss me,” I reminded him. “Why’d you do it?”

  He licked his lips and gave me a devilish smile.

  “I’m not responsible for my actions,” he said, as if he really wasn’t.

  He’s infuriating.

  I warned him when he arrived. He didn’t care. He took me in his arms and kissed me senseless. Not that I’m complaining about it, but Dad hated it. He even forbade me from going out with Gage.

  “You wouldn’t miss me if I disappeared into Lake Washington?”

  “Maybe a little,” I confessed. “You could’ve waited to kiss me until no one was around.”

  “You want to keep our relationship as our little secret.”

  “There’s no relationship, just a …” I grunted. “What am I supposed to say? Hey, Gage and I are just fooling around at night and are hanging out for now?”

  “You seriously believe this is an open relationship,” he said gruffly, lifting my chin. His penetrating green eyes stared at me.

  “Sweetheart, you can call it whatever you want,” he said. “I won’t be sleeping around and I fucking hope you won’t either because I don’t think I can handle knowing you’re with another man.”

  My mouth dropped open, that’s not what I expected. “You said we’d take it slow. This isn’t slow,” I insisted.

  “You want me to meet your parents and honestly, I’m not ready.”

  “It is slow,” he claimed. “This is our only chance for you to meet my family before you leave and before Thanksgiving. I can’t just throw you into the mix without them knowing you. It gets crazy.”

  “Thanksgiving?” I screeched.

  He’s already thinking about spending holidays together.

  “We’re not …
ugh, you’re impossible, Rodin,” I said tossing my hands up in the air.

  He was exasperating, and sweet, and I hated that my feelings for him were growing by the minute. Being in his arms became essential. I had to hear his voice often, and when I couldn’t talk to him, I played his songs.

  “So how do I win over your grandfather?” He asked instead of talking about his parents.

  I chuckled. “He hates almost everyone. You should ask Sadie. My father most of all because he married his little girl.”

  “Wait, he’s not your grandfather?”

  “He’s my grandpa, just not by blood. He’s amazing with me. Every other day he calls to check how I’m doing and texts me often when I’m in San Diego. Obviously, he won’t like you because you’re with me.”

  “So, it’s official then, I’m with you?” He smirked, taking me into his arms.

  Those deep green eyes filled with desire as he watched me. He pulled me close and pressed me tightly against his hard dick. I swore not to fall for him, but it was impossible not to respond to his roughness, his tenderness, and for his heart.

  “Stop it,” I protested, poking his muscular chest and taking a few steps away from him. “I’m not in the mood for your word games. We’re friends who happen to share kisses.”

  “Kisses, huh?” He took a couple of steps forward, placing a hand on the back of my neck and cupped my chin. He gave me one of those searing kisses I loved. “You seem to like those.”

  “I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that Gramps and Dad won’t like you.

  “Can I meet your parents another time?” I begged, rising to my tiptoes and kissing him lightly on the lips. “You just broke up with Marti and I …”

  “Stop it,” he ordered. “She means nothing to me. You’re the one who matters.”

  He didn’t understand that I felt like I had to measure up to this tall woman with dark hair and blue eyes who was older, wiser, and I’m sure as smart as he was.

  “Should I worry about your last boyfriend?” He tilted his head.

  “There was no last boyfriend, and you know it, Rodin. I’ve never been attached to anyone.”

  I’d told him about Spencer, the asshole I met last year. “I thought we clicked you know. You know when you think you found someone you can get along with because you like the same music? When he went through my playlist, he swore he liked the same bands and had the same taste in movies.”

  “That was your mistake. He didn't like the same movies you did, he just pretended to like them.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked confused.

  “That’s the tactic my brothers used to get girls back in high school. Keane would go through lengths to find out all that shit. Not everybody has the same taste in movies or music. We could have some common songs. We could like some of the same bands, but that doesn't mean that we have the same taste. Think about it, we both like classical music. I love Bluegrass, you can’t stand it, or country music or … you’re a snob when it comes to music.”

  “Selective,” I defended myself.

  He cracked a smiled before speaking. “If that’s what you want to call it. My point is that there’s no way the guy just wanted to be your prince charming. I bet he watched romantic movies with you and pretended he loved them just to get laid.”

  “He did,” I agreed. “Even knew a few lines, but I think it was because he had a girlfriend.”

  “What do you mean he had a girlfriend?” He glared, the tip of his ears turning slightly red. “He used you?”

  “I guess. We went out for a while, but during winter break he never returned my calls. Once school was back in session, I heard that he was engaged to his high school sweetheart.”

  “Fucker,” Gage growled.

  “I wasn't in love with him, but I felt stupid because I’d opened up to him. I was letting myself fall for the guy he’d pretended to be. I opened myself to the possibilities and …

  “It hurt me that he used me as his placeholder. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had fallen in love?” Then, I stared at him. “Am I your rebound?”

  He smiled and shook his head. “I can’t say that I wasn’t in love with Marti. I was back in high school. Our love was a combination of lust and infatuation that teenagers usually have. It hurt when she just broke up with me because I was leaving. I get the whole long-distance shit not working out, but we’d made plans, and she could’ve tried.”

  “Do you think we will work out?” I had no idea why I asked that question, considering I was in denial that we were a couple, but I knew there was a strong link between us and I didn’t want to lose it.

  Maybe then we were just friends who shared stolen kisses, but the dreamer in me had other ideas. Someday I wanted him to become my home—my forever. But what if our story ended like the one he’d had with Marti? Would it destroy me? Could I survive it?

  He gave me a reassuring smile, nodded once, and lowered his head. Gage took my mouth possessively, hungrily. It was as if he were starving and I was his last meal. I clung to his neck as he thrust his tongue into my mouth. His fingers bit into my hips as he pulled me closer to him. I ground my pelvic bone against his groin causing his erection to grow.

  When he broke the kiss, his mouth descended the side of my neck, leaving a trail of kisses. “We’ll meet my parents when you’re ready, okay.”

  “You’re a dangerous guy,” I told him while gasping for breath and trying to regulate my heartbeat.

  I was falling for a guy who seemed to like everything about me without reservations. My back tensed as desire, fear, and love coursed through my blood.

  “Me?” he questioned and rested his forehead on top of mine. “You’re the one who turned my world upside down in such a short time.”

  “May I remind you that we can stop this now?”

  “You feel it too, don’t you?”

  “I don’t know, maybe ... we shouldn’t. The life you’re about to embark on is complicated. You’ll meet tons of interesting people. Women who’ll relate to you better than I can,” I suggested. “Be open to the possibilities.”

  “Oh, I’m open,” he said, twisting his lips as if hiding a smirk. “But only for you. Fall with me. Let this happen naturally. Stop fighting it.”

  “I don’t know if I’m capable of love,” I suggested.

  He snorted. “It’s happening, and if you don’t feel the way I do yet, it’s fine. We have years to fall in love with each other, over and over. As we grow, we’ll evolve, and I want to fall in love with whoever you become.”

  “See that’s what I'm telling you,” I said. “You're a dangerous guy, and you barely know me.”

  “I’m pretty sure that I know who you are. You’re a little bit of everything. Sometimes you’re happy, others reserved, and there are days that you carry your sadness like a shield. You hate to let people into your life, but when you do it, it’s because you want them to stay forever.”

  “How do you know?” I whispered, leaning my head on top of his chest.

  “I've been observing you since the moment I met you. You were curious to learn more about me, but fearful about letting someone into your life. You like to watch the sea of people, but you avoid getting your feet wet.” He took my hands. “Be brave enough to live life to the fullest. If you don’t, then you’re missing so much. Grab onto my hand and allow yourself to feel.”

  He made me feel bold. I placed my hands on his shoulders and lifted myself a little to touch his lips. With that kiss, I walked into the most dangerous game, the game of love where nothing is easy, and I could lose everything—even myself.

  Sixteen

  Gage

  Around seven, I drove Tess to her house. I wasn’t expecting Kaden Hades to be waiting outside for us. He asked me to walk with him while Sadie talked to Tess. They planned on going on a date night. I was hoping to stick around with her for a couple of hours, but my gut told me I was going to have to leave as soon as Kaden finished lecturing me.

 
“I don’t understand what the fuck is going on between the two of you,” Kaden Hades said, glaring at me. “I just need you to be careful with Tess. She’s a sensitive girl. People have used her and abused her. She pretends to be made out of steel, but she’s not.”

  “She told me what happened with your ex-wife,” I said, interrupting his fatherly rant. “I'll be careful with her heart if that’s what you’re trying to tell me. We’re together for the long haul.”

  “This career is hard, lonely, and you’re surrounded by hungry women. You’re going to be inundated with groupies,” he continued. “I’d hate to have to kill you because you cheated on my daughter.”

  I almost snorted. My father gave one hell of a talk to any guy who dared to look at Emmalee. He’d casually mention his gun collection and his badge. Not something a police officer should be doing, but he was just a dad trying to keep his daughter safe.

  “Look, I get it. You’re grateful for her help, but she’s only twenty, and there’s a lot of shit she hasn’t done yet.”

  “We’re just getting to know each other,” I assured him.

  “You’re going on a road trip. That’s a big step,” he said.

  “It’s a two-day drive, nothing big,” I protested. “We’re going to hang out and get to know each other better.” I shrugged.

  “Do you know what happens during road trips?” His voice resonated throughout his property. “People fall in love,” he said, his face turning red.

  “Too late to warn me not to fall for her,” I announced remaining cool. “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

  “If you … I swear …” He drew a harsh exhale and ran a hand through his hair.

  “I understand why you’re freaking out. Believe me, I’ve seen my dad with my younger sister. The only thing I can tell you is that Tess is safe with me.”

  My heart was the one in the middle of the road, waiting for her to pick it up—or stomp on it. I was deeply in love with her and every day I fell harder and harder.

 

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