My One Despair

by Burgoa, Claudia

  Our breaths raced, as we were about to reach the peak. She screamed my name and I pushed my hips deeper as I felt the walls of her channel squeezing me. Every contraction tightened her pussy around my cock. I pumped harder and faster until I couldn’t hold off any longer. I started jetting off, filling her with my seed, as waves of pleasure crashed through my body.

  We were both breathing hard, dripping with sweat, satisfied and yet hungry for each other. She snuggled closer to my chest and whispered, “Don’t break me.”

  * * *

  We made love one more time before hopping into the shower. When we were done, we settled down and ordered Chinese food.

  “It’s not my birthday,” she said, opening the wrapped box I’d given her earlier.

  “I don’t need an excuse to tell you that you’re my world.”

  “Another turtle,” she pulled out the chain that held the little charm. “You really think I’m a turtle? I want to be a narwhal.”

  “You’re my narwhal, too. You’re Tess. My Tess.”

  “Wait, since we’re exchanging gifts. I have something for you.”

  She went into her closet and pulled out a guitar case.

  “I know you have guitars, but I had this one handcrafted just for you.”

  In the back, it was engraved.

  Always with you,

  -T

  “This is perfect,” I set the guitar down, grabbed her hand, and pulled her toward me.

  “My hair is still wet from the shower, Rodin,” she warned me. “You promised to stay very quiet while I studied.”

  “I can’t get enough of you.” I was about to claim her mouth when someone knocked at the door.

  She sprung away from me and went to answer the door. I paid the delivery guy and got water.

  “You need a bigger place,” I complained. “This studio is too small for two people.”

  “It’s just me,” she set a tablecloth on the floor for the food.

  “We should rent something bigger,” I continued.

  “Whoa, buddy. Stop right there. You live in Seattle.”

  “I could stay longer if you let me,” I said scanning her little studio. “We could search for a two-bedroom apartment. We can set up an office in the second bedroom.”

  “Are you complaining about my books?”

  “No, but they’d be more comfortable if they had their own room and shelves. Don’t you think?”

  She sucked on her lower lip just observing me. “I’m not sure what you’re proposing, but I feel like I should say no.”

  “It’s an option. When is your lease up?”

  “December,” she continued.

  “Well, we could search this week for a place. We could move in slowly and then see if we could break the contract.”

  “We’re not moving in together,” she protested.

  “No, you’re moving into a bigger place that I’ll help pay for, so I can come and visit more often.” I handed her a set of chopsticks.

  “I’m not sure if that’s smart, but I’ll consider it.”

  We chatted about her classes while we ate. Once she was finished, I helped clean up and took out the trash. When I came back, she was laying on her bed focused on her laptop.

  “I thought you had to study,” I picked up the table cloth from the floor.

  “I do, but I have to send some information to Dad.”

  “About?”

  “The school organizes trips to volunteer and study different species throughout the world. There’re a couple of dates coming up next year, and I’m hoping that they’ll let me go to the one in January,” she explained typing.

  I sat right next to her and started reading the information. She’d spend two weeks with giant leatherback turtles at a research station along the northern Caribbean coast. They’d patrol nesting beaches at night and explore the rainforest during the day. The turtle work included helping to measure the turtles, collect the eggs, and move them to hatcheries.

  “Why don’t you book the March session?” I suggested. “It’s only a week and I know I have it off.”

  “You’d come with me?” She screeched, surprised.

  “Of course. I’ll make sure that those days work out for both of us.

  She tapped her chin and shook her head. “Nope, Dad won’t pay for it if you’re going.”

  I smirked at her and kissed her nose. “It’s March, your birthday month. That’ll be my present to you.” I brushed her lips with mine. “You can’t say no. It’s a present.”

  Tess looked up at me with a wide smile. “I really love you, Gage.” She pulled me toward her and kissed me hard.

  I almost forgot that she had a test and stopped myself. “Baby, why don’t you finish studying? We can continue this before you fall asleep.”

  “You’re the best, Rodin.”

  I rose from the bed, and grabbed the guitar she gifted me. “Can I play music while you study?”

  “Yes, please,” she answered enthusiastically.

  I tuned my new guitar while she continued studying. It wasn’t much different from any other Monday night, but it felt special because she was right by my side. Being next to her was all I needed to survive.

  Twenty-Four

  Gage

  I arrived in Seattle on Christmas Eve. I was exhausted from traveling, recording, and singing at different venues. Not that I complained. I loved my job. I was living the dream. Unfortunately, that meant seeing Tess sporadically. She was as busy as I was though. She added one class and a lab to her already busy schedule. I hadn’t seen her since the week I spent with her around Halloween. We called each other daily and texted every time we had access to our phones.

  A long distance relationship wasn’t ideal, but we made it work for us. Christmas break was the only time we had to spend together. It was right before I began the second leg of the Arcadia tour. There were a few dates in South America and several across Canada. Thankfully, we had a break during March and April before I had a series of presentations to promote the EP we planned on launching at the beginning of May.

  What had me on cloud nine was that we’d kick the tour off at Madison Square Garden after the New Year.

  Fuck, I about died when Kaden told me I’d be playing there. It’s fucking Madison Square Garden. He mentioned casually that his family was planning on being in NYC around the same time. And maybe, if I behaved really well, he’d get Tess a backstage pass.

  He was warming up to the idea that we were together. I hoped that when she moved into the new apartment and realized that I was living with her part-time, he’d continue being as cool. We couldn’t lease anything before January, but Tess was getting the keys to the apartment in mid-January. I scheduled the movers who had already packed all her belongings and stored them until it was time for us to move into her new place.

  I made it my goal to spend more time down in San Diego with her. Christmas Eve, I was at home with Mom waiting for Tess to arrive from the airport. I had nothing against my mother, but peeling potatoes for tomorrow’s dinner wasn’t my idea of relaxation. I regretted not calling my brothers from the airport.

  I wanted to surprise the family, spending a few hours with them while we prepared the food for our Christmas Eve dinner. Dad and my brothers had gone to watch the Seahawks game and left me hanging with my mother. She was angry at them for abandoning her, and at me for not visiting in three months. We used to have a good relationship, I swear, but lately we can’t have a conversation without her snapping at me.

  “Have you heard from Marti?” Mom asked, as she shredded cod.

  God, I wanted to escape. Between the smell and her mood, I couldn’t deal. She was waiting for Marti the same way millions of children all around the world were expecting Santa Claus.

  “No, Mom. We’re over,” I reminded her.

  I wanted to ask her not to give Marti my new number in case she ever came looking for me. I didn’t. I refused to get into another fight like the one we’d had over the phone dur
ing Thanksgiving. She demanded that I look for Marti who could be in trouble and in need of her family. Marti had a family in DC, and she was perfectly fine without us. I knew because the only time she came back to me was when she needed something.

  “What about Keane?”

  “He’s okay,” I responded, trying to be emphatic with her.

  As a mother, she hated not knowing what was going on with him. With Dad being a cop, she’d lived through the heartache of seeing him hurt a couple of times.

  “When was the last time you heard from him?”

  I regretted telling her that Keane and I talked while he was off the grid. We usually met in the gaming chat room. Our rule was to sign in around nine Pacific standard time on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. If we saw each other, we played and chatted. If not, it was all cool. During our last conversation, he said that things were changing and didn’t know when his assignment would end. He said he was proud of me and loved my music. Well, his words were: That Rodin fucker is kind of good. Glad he’s making it.

  “When is he coming home?”

  “He didn’t say, Mom,” I mumbled. “You know he can’t tell me much.”

  “But you played,” she huffed. “I don’t understand why he can play with you but can’t give me a call.”

  “Because he doesn’t want to put us in danger,” I answered calmly. “Look, I get it. It’s nerve wracking for all of us, but you have to understand that he chose that profession.”

  “You could’ve gotten more out of him,” she insisted.

  She didn’t get it, and I couldn’t explain it to her. The last time, Keane and I spent about an hour playing. Our chats consisted of what would amount to a bunch of nonsense for others. We had codes and ways to communicate without raising any suspicion.

  “You can call his boss,” I reminded her.

  “That man never has the answers I need.”

  Did she call him daily? Maybe, if anything, Mom was consistent.

  “Keane will come back when it’s time, Mom. What’s going on?”

  “You’re always traveling, and he’s constantly away. Cody’s threatening to stay in Ann Arbor for grad school and Emmalee is dating some guy from Tennessee. She wants to move in with him after graduation.”

  Mom needed a distraction, or for my father to finally retire and be with her. My brothers should start taking their relationships seriously and have children. Grandchildren would keep her entertained and off my back.

  “You have Cam and East,” I pointed out.

  “After this tour, you should go back to being a teacher,” she suggested.

  “Mom, I miss you too, but you have to understand that this is my future.”

  “What about Tess?”

  “What exactly are you asking?” I narrowed my gaze and held my breath.

  I hadn’t introduced Tess to the family, but Mom had been campaigning for me to break up with her. She was too young and unsuitable for me.

  “She’s going to want to settle down.”

  I laughed because my mother was being ridiculous. “I thought you expected me to date Marti. What’s changed?”

  “When you were a teacher, you used to visit us almost every weekend.”

  “Sorry, Mom,” I said, at a loss for words.

  My phone buzzed at that moment.

  Tess: I’m home.

  Gage: I wish you’d let me pick you up.

  Tess: Sorry. Kieran and Dad called dibs. When can I see you?

  I turned to look at Mom and felt shitty for what I was about to do, but I missed Tess so fucking much.

  Gage: I’m on my way.

  Without saying a word, I finished peeling the potatoes, washed my hands, and looked at Mom. “Hey, I have to go. Tess is home.”

  “You just arrived,” she said. Her eyes saddened, and my heart almost broke.

  Dad walked into the kitchen at that precise moment. “Hey, son. You’re here.”

  “I thought you were at the game,” I glared at him.

  “Um, yeah, but it got boring.”

  I shook my head. The fuckers didn’t even go to the game—they were avoiding Mom.

  “Well, I’m leaving.”

  “Will you be back for dinner?” Mom asked.

  “Only if I can bring Tess.”

  “Of course she can come.”

  “You’ll be nice, and you won’t bring up Marti,” I warned her.

  “I can do that.”

  * * *

  Tess held my hand tightly as we enter my parent’s home. She was hesitant about visiting my family on Christmas Eve. After I convinced her, she insisted on going with Hannah to the mall to buy a few presents for my family. She wanted to have a little something for them. I wished I could’ve gone with her, but with the crowds and my fear of being recognized, I stayed with Kaden, working in his studio.

  She bought a bell for the house, a silk scarf for Mom, a fishing rod for Dad, a makeup kit for Emmalee, and sweaters for my brothers. She did me a favor because I’d only bought gift cards for everyone this year.

  They all sat in the living room, watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Our Christmas Eve tradition was to watch movies and eat turkey and mashed potatoes. We opened the presents from our parents and went to bed. The next day, we would have breakfast and open Santa’s gifts. Dinner was potato leek soup, cod, and pasta. Keane and I always ate the leftover turkey.

  “Is that Tess?” Emmalee spotted us and sprang out of her seat.

  “That’s little Miss ‘Alyson,’” Cam chuckled.

  “Cam,” Easton gave him a warning glare.

  Tess didn’t care. She understood when I told her Cam wouldn’t ever let her live it down. He still brought up shit from when we were children. Like the time Keane and I ran away from home. The only thing that we put in our backpacks were dog treats and candy; because of course, we brought Kirby with us.

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Em hugged her. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

  “Hi,” Tess greeted her timidly.

  “Mom, Dad, meet Tess,” I introduced her to my parents first who were on the furthest corner of the couch.

  “Nice to meet you, dear,” Mom greeted her rising from her seat. Dad followed.

  “Really nice to meet you,” Dad agreed.

  “Same,” Tess said shyly.

  “And you know Cam and East,” I pointed at my brothers.

  “Hey.” She waved at them.

  “Where’s Cody?” I looked around.

  “He couldn’t come,” Em answered. “He stayed at his girlfriend’s.”

  Mom snuggled closer to Dad. Well, that explained a lot. Two of her babies wouldn’t be spending the holidays with her. As usual, she’d spent half the night baking pies and getting everything ready for the next week. We each liked a different kind of pie, and she loved that we each had our own. She’d methodically planned every detail of the week since Cam and Easton started college.

  Not having Cody in the house because he chose to be with another family for the holidays must have broken her heart. I wondered what would happen when we all had our own families. Would she be okay if we came for Thanksgiving, but skipped Christmas? I looked over at Tess who was listening to my sister talk a thousand words per minute.

  “He’s great, isn’t he?” Em grinned. “Not my favorite of the five, but I would say he’s one of the best.”

  “You have a favorite?” I glared at my sister.

  “I’d have to say Cody, or he’d hate me.”

  “What’s up with the girlfriend?” I asked curiously.

  “No official word yet, but I hate her. She’s like Marti, but needier.” Em shook her head. “I’m not sure how to get rid of her, though.”

  “Where do I put the cookies?” Tess looked around the house.

  “You brought cookies?” Mom smiled at her. “Thank you.”

  “Yes, we were baking cookies when Gage arrived. I thought that you guys might want to try them.”

  �
��Thank you,” Mom said, sounding sincere.

  She took the cookies from Tess before squeezing her arm slightly. I called it progress. At least she accepted the cookies graciously. There was plenty of pie. We didn’t need more sweets. I grabbed Tess’s hand, and we sat on the loveseat.

  “I love this tree,” Tess walked to the Christmas tree that had homemade decorations. “It has character.”

  Everything that Mom or the school had us make for the holidays since we were in pre-school hung up on that tree.

  “I wish we had something like that at home. Though, I love our original trees,” Tess said excited as she picked each ornament and touched it carefully.

  After dinner, with everyone’s help, we cleared the dining room and the kitchen. Once we were seated around the Christmas tree we each opened one present. Everyone was grateful for what Tess and I had brought. Around midnight we decided it was time to go home.

  “Thank you for coming over,” Mom told Tess. “I hope you had a good time.”

  “Thank you for inviting me.”

  “Can you join us tomorrow?”

  She shook her head. “No, sorry. Tomorrow is a big day at my house. Why don’t you come over to our place for lunch? My parent’s love having guests.”

  “It’ll be nice to have you there, Mom,” I said, hoping she’d come so I wouldn’t have to split myself in two.

  “Why don’t you confirm that it’s okay with your parents?” Dad requested.

  “I’m up for it,” East said from the living room.

  “Me too,” Cam and Em called out from the kitchen.

  “It might be nice,” Mom added.

  “Then, I guess we’ll see you there at lunch if your parents agree,” Dad said.

  “I’ll call you once we get home,” Tess said giving him a hug. “Merry Christmas and thank you again.”

  When we arrived at the car, she looked at me and asked. “Where is home?”

  “What?”

  “You said, we have to go home. We could try sneaking you into my room.”

  “I like that plan,” I said as we pulled out of the driveway.