My One Despair

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My One Despair Page 20

by Burgoa, Claudia


  “Give me one good fucking reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now?” I dared him to give me a good explanation. I was done with him. “Why the fuck did you come to Seattle, Keane?”

  “We’re trying to figure out how to escape from her father and the FBI,” he explained. “I have to protect our baby.”

  “Wait, you’re pregnant?” I turned to look at Ana and released my brother.

  Ana smiled and rubbed her belly.

  Fuck. I run a hand through my hair thinking about the poor creature.

  “So now what?” I tossed my hands up and sat on a chair. He dragged me through the fucking mud without warning. “You’re sinking and about to take me down with you. Aren’t you, asshole?”

  “I don’t want to have anything to do with my father,” Ana’s voice sweetened. “We have to be aware of who is around us because if we’re not careful my father’s enemies can kill us. That’s not the life that I want for my child. It’s not just the drugs, but he traffics women and children, even arms.”

  “What’s your plan?”

  “Originally, we wanted to get off the grid. That’s why I was asking you for money. We have a place that’s perfect, and with new identities, no one would ever think of looking for us.”

  “But?” I asked, knowing that the ‘original plan’ was out the window.

  “We have to stop my father,” Ana interceded. “What if he finds out about Keane and kills us both?”

  “She agreed to become part of the program,” Keane explained. “She’ll be our double agent.”

  “Which means, you don’t need me anymore?” I narrowed my gaze because I didn’t feel off the hook. “Wait, but if she becomes a double agent, what’s going to happen to the baby?”

  “We still need you to lend us money. We have a plan,” my brother said.

  The plan sounded simple. Ana would hide her pregnancy from everyone. Once the bump became noticeable, she’d stay with her best friend in Knox Ridge, a little town south of Atlanta. After the baby was born, they’d go back to their normal lives. They needed the money to pay for a place where she could stay and the doctor’s bills.

  “And the baby?”

  “Keane says that it could take a year or two before they wrap the case,” Ana said and batted her eyelashes. “You could care for our kid during that time.”

  “Wait, you want me to take care of a baby for a year or two?”

  What would Tess say? Of course, honey, let’s be parents until your fucked-up brother comes back home? I’ll put my life and my career on hold just for you. And if they come to kill us, we’ll just run.

  “What if everything goes wrong and they come after me and the baby?” I wasn’t thinking about me, but Tess.

  What if they find us and they kill Tess? And her family too. My stomach ached as I thought of Aubrey and Kieran being in danger. I loved her entire family. They were mine too.

  “If you hear that we died, you run,” she answered as if it was that simple.

  Ana said it as if leaving my life behind meant nothing. She didn’t care about my career, my girlfriend, or my family. I worried about Tess who had plans for her life. I couldn’t destroy those because my brother was an idiot.

  Keane, who knew I was a sucker for children, handed me his phone. There was a grainy video playing on the screen. It didn’t make sense until the heartbeat began, and he said, “That’s my kid. You need to take care of her.”

  I felt protective of her. In seconds, I knew that if needed, I’d take her with me.

  “You have plenty of time to think about what you really want to do,” I said rising from my seat. “This baby needs you—your love—not me. If you decide that what’s best is to give her to me, then I’ll take her, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

  Forty

  Gage

  I never got calls in the middle of the night when we were in San Diego. My brothers knew that I couldn’t get to them on time. When my phone rang, the hairs on my back sprang up. I knew it was Keane. My mouth was bone dry as I spoke with him. He gave me precise instructions on where to go and sent me an encrypted map of where they were hiding.

  To avoid Tess’s questions, I left the bedroom and hoped that she wouldn’t follow me. When it was time to leave, I tried to do it fast. Like ripping off a band-aid. She liked to ask questions, and I didn’t have any answers. Telling her that I was going to pick up my niece and that we’d probably be taking care of her for a couple of years was a heavy subject that couldn’t be discussed casually—seconds before I left.

  After twelve hours, I was exhausted and worried about Tess’s reaction. When she found out that someone broke into our house she was freaking out. My girl had already suffered a breakdown that affected her emotional state for a long time. Still, I knew in my heart she’d accept the baby regardless.

  “You made it,” Keane greeted me. “I owe you.”

  “I have money,” I patted my backpack. “The three of you can escape right now. You’re smart. I know you’ll keep them safe.”

  “We can’t. They’ll find us, and everyone I care about, including the rest of our family.”

  A tendril of panic seized my chest, and I masked the fear with anger. Fucking Keane. He only thought about himself. He could die and take everyone down with him.

  “What the fuck were you thinking? Aren’t their rules about not fraternizing with anyone while on a case?”

  “It was my job to get close to her, see what she knew, and we couldn’t fight the attraction.”

  I got that part. Falling in love wasn’t a choice, it just happened, even when you least expected it.

  “What’s my role?”

  “She’s yours for the time being,” he said walking to a bassinet where the little pink bundle slept. “If anyone would know how to take care of her, it’s you. I’m hoping that we’ll wrap this up in a couple of years—sooner, with Ana’s help.”

  “Tess and I will take care of her.”

  “Are you sure you want to involve her?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “If I die, that means shit’s gone south and you have to run, Gage. Disappear with our little girl.”

  My heart raced, thudding against my ribcage. I could run and let him deal with his own shit, but I looked at the baby again, and I just couldn’t leave her.

  “What’s her name?”

  “We haven’t named her yet?” He rocked the weight of his body onto his heels. “She’s a couple of weeks old, and we can’t find the right name.”

  “Why not?”

  “Ana didn’t want to get to attached to her, in case we don’t make it.” He drew a sharp breath. “After Joaquin, her brother died, she’s been obsessed about making things right. She’s scared of what could happen. It’s fucked up, you know. Did I tell you how her mother died?”

  I shook my head and began to sweat when he told me that her father’s cronies raped her and burnt her alive when they learned she was feeding information to the feds.

  “You sure about this,” I asked one more time. “You can still run.”

  “No, we have to finish this. For our daughter and everyone who’s suffered at the hands of Domingo Leyva.”

  Keane stayed for a week while I got acquainted with my niece. She was quiet and loved it when I talked to her. She had a fuzz of dark hair and big dark eyes. While I changed her diaper, sang to her, and fed her, I thought about Tess. If I brought the baby to her, she’d have to know everything, and she’d have to run with me if the time came.

  I couldn’t put her at risk or take away her future. Everyone would benefit from her work, even the baby I held in my arms. I kept going back and forth as I tried to decide what to do when she called. I only answered because there wasn’t caller ID. She knew I was acting strange and hiding something from her. We could sense when the other was off. And then, she heard the baby coo.

  It was my chance to make everything right for Tess. Instead, I chose to rip our hearts out for her own good. Without k
nowing, she helped me name the baby.

  The next day I went to the Vital Record’s Office. Keane gave me the midwife's paperwork so I could register the baby. It only had the basics: birthweight, height, and her signature. Keane added the birth date that Tess said over the phone. We both liked the name Jolene, and he agreed to use Tess’s middle name. I had everything they required. The two witness affidavits, my brother’s ID, and Constanza, Ana’s best friend posing as Ana.

  I waited a couple of weeks before I went back to Seattle and announced that I was a father. Easton knocked me down for hurting Tess. Kaden Hades stopped talking to me but didn’t ruin my career, and I made a plan with Duncan to slow down enough so I could raise my child.

  Forty-One

  Gage

  “Better than any Netflix series,” I hear over the phone.

  “Why is Hannah listening?”

  “Because she is,” Tess says, glaring at me and then at Keane. “I leave for one day and you have America’s Most Wanted sleeping in my guest room?”

  “Do you think she was proud of her father’s enterprise?” Keane warns her.

  “Excuse me, I might not know her, but you two destroyed my life. My sense of safety disappeared after that day. I worried about Gage every second of the day. What happened if a crazy woman came to our house and shot him because he didn’t want to be with her,” Tess argued with him. “Why bring her to Seattle?”

  “I thought it was safer. If the FBI got wind that I was gone from my post, I could convince them that I visited my parents and make up some shit. If her dad started looking for her, it’s easy to take a boat to Canada and pretend we’re looking for ways to smuggle the product.”

  “You had time to consider your options, why did you choose to leave your child?” Hannah asks over the phone.

  Tess, on the other hand, is chewing her thumb while watching my brother. She has so many questions, but she can’t seem to get her mind in order. I still know her so damn well.

  “Because anyone who tried to escape from Domingo Leyva always ended up dead. We could run, but for how long? He’d come back and kill my family. Ana knew it. She’s the one who convinced me to make things right for our little girl. That’s when I called Gage.”

  “He’s the one who called you that night?” Tess finally speaks. “Were you going to tell me any of this?”

  I press my lips together and look at Keane.

  “I forbade him to do it,” my brother says. “Because I was an asshole.”

  Tess holds her head, pacing the little area without saying a word. We watch her. I don’t have anything to say other than I’m sorry. I don’t regret taking Jojo with me. Ana abandoned her after she was born. It was just Keane and the baby. I did what I thought was best at the time.

  “You fixed everything so you wouldn’t be lying, but you were misleading me. Do I have that right?” Tess stands in front of me, her eyes shooting daggers.

  “Yes. I did it for your safety,” I defend myself.

  “How would that be for my safety, please explain?” She grinds her teeth.

  “The less you knew, the better,” Keane answers for me. “He planned on telling you. When he met Jojo, the first thing he said was, ‘Tess is going to love her.’”

  He sighs. “I reminded him that you shouldn’t be involved in the situation. If anything went wrong with what Ana and I were about to do, it would put everyone in danger.”

  “Where’s Ana?” Tess closes her eyes.

  “She died a couple of years ago,” my brother’s words suck the air out of the room.

  “I’m so sorry,” Tess and Hannah say at the same time.

  “What about her father?” Tess stares at him.

  “He’s dead too. My boss brought in HIB to finish the job after she died,” he says, not explaining in detail.

  I can feel that there’s more to what he’s telling us, but I don’t ask any questions. He’ll tell me when he’s ready and only if it’s allowed.

  “Why didn’t you come back two years ago?” I ask, trying to understand his motives.

  If he weren’t here to take Jojo away, I might be consoling him. It’s obvious he’s in pain. I just can’t lower my guard right now. Jojo comes first.

  He taps his head. “I was a fucking mess. Ana died on my clock. I did things that I’m not sure I can live with—all while on administrative leave.”

  Tess opens her mouth, and he lifts his finger. “I can’t disclose any of that.”

  “Why were you two fighting in the front lawn?” Easton finally speaks, staring at us.

  “He’s refusing to give me my kid back.” Keane glares at me.

  “She’s my kid!” he repeats.

  “So you’re just swinging by to grab your kid who’s never even met you?” Tess crosses her arms.

  “I don’t see why not. She’s my daughter,” he argues.

  “Think of the psychological damage you’ll do if you just disregard her environment—the people she’s bonded to,” Hannah weighs in from the phone.

  “The paperwork might say she’s yours, but she’s only ever known Gage as her father.” Tess swoops in. “I get it. The circumstances forced you to give her away. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to you. But you can’t just show up one night and say, hand over my kid. Have you thought about the effect it would have on Jojo?”

  “The second the midwife handed her to me, and I held the most precious thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” Keane says, staring at his hands that pretend to be cradling a baby. “I swore I’d protect her and that I’d come back for her.”

  “Then protect her and do the right thing,” I say. “We’re not saying that you have to give up your kid, but she has to be transitioned slowly.”

  “She’s known him all her life,” Tess agrees with me. “She adores this man who adores her back, and who has bent over backward for years for her. You can’t just come in and break the bond they have.”

  “So, what am I supposed to do, be ‘Uncle Keane’? She’s my kid,” he screams, his eyes burning fanatically.

  I push him back and warn him. “Don’t you dare to talk to her like that, Keane. I swear, I’ll kill you if you do it again.”

  “Stop, both of you.” East pushes us apart.

  “Tess is right, Keane. You can’t upset Jojo’s world like that. They aren’t telling you to be her uncle either. How about you listen for once in your fucking life.” East uses his big brother voice.

  “You have to ease yourself into her life,” Hannah says, and I’m kind of impressed how she’s trying to help. I can’t imagine Hannah as an adult though. The last time I saw her she was barely eighteen.

  “Jojo’s a smart kid, and she’ll understand, but only if you handle this right,” Tess advises.

  “Wouldn’t you like me to just disappear, so you can waltz right back into his life?” Keane tosses out his question and it freezes my entire body.

  “Whatever happens to Gage isn’t my business anymore, Keane. What he did for you is huge. He changed his entire life for you and that baby. Work with him to make everything better for Jojo. Remember why you chose him over all your brothers.”

  “I knew he’d do anything to protect her in my absence.”

  “Which is why he started that fight,” she continued. “He’s protecting her, even from you. Think about it and try to work this out as a family. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m emotionally exhausted and have had my fill of the Rodin clan.”

  “I’m sorry, for everything,” Keane apologizes.

  I’m not sure if he’s saying it to everyone or just to Tess.

  “If you ever decide to move out of your parents’, I have a nice place for you.” East hugs Tess as he tells her about the development he’s building. “If not, don’t be a stranger. We’ve missed you.”

  My brothers leave, but I stay behind. I need to know if I’ve got any chance.

  “Tess?”

  “It wasn’t that hard, was it, to tell me the truth?”
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  “I was trying—”

  “To keep me safe,” she answers. “I understand now. I’m safe, and I think I’m better off now that I know the truth. Who knows, maybe I’ll finally be able to move on. Put more ice on that face.”

  She doesn’t seem angry or upset, more like she’s numb and processing what we told her. I hold my breath like I hold onto some hope that maybe she’ll forgive me. Not that I’ve asked.

  “I could’ve handled it,” she says as an afterthought.

  “I didn’t want to put you in danger. If anything went wrong, I … I’m not Keane. I can’t shoot a gun to save my life. Fuck, he couldn’t protect Ana. I had to protect you even if it meant losing you.”

  She shrugs and says, “Well, we’ll never know. But things will work out for you guys. He needs to mourn. You need to let her go, and that lucky girl has a big family that loves her.”

  “What about us?”

  “There is no us. I know the attraction is still there. We have chemistry, but our love died when you made that decision for the two of us.”

  We look at each other, and I see a spark in her eyes that wants to warm her up, but she closes them and turns around shutting the door right behind her.

  “You fucked up his life, Keane,” Easton scolds him. “He had something good. Not good—fucking great. I always wanted what he had and you, selfish bastard, you destroyed it.”

  “What should I have done, wise man?”

  “You should’ve trusted me,” East responds harshly.

  When we reach the car, Kaden Hades is there leaning against it, glaring at us.

  “Stay away from this house, Rodin. I let you in because my wife thought it was the right thing to do, but I don’t want to see your fucking face ever again.”

  “He didn’t cheat, sir,” Keane confronts him.

  Kaden looks at the two of us and frowns. “He’s your twin?”

  “We’re not, but I took advantage of the similarity to ask him for a favor. I needed him to raise my child. You’re a father, you might understand. Thank you for letting us in.”

 

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