“That she was a hero, a fighter. Maybe she didn’t have a badge or a uniform, but she tried to do the right thing.”
“She was fucking amazing,” he agrees.
“I’m sorry for not welcoming you,” I apologize. “You came at the wrong time. I hadn’t seen Tess in years. Obviously it’s not the same loss you’re dealing with.”
“Fuck, it was bad when she died. I fucking lost my mind. It was hard to keep up the cover. She died, and I couldn’t save her. I need my baby girl. She’s all I have left of Ana.”
“We’ll do this slowly,” I assure him. “A therapist can help us with the transition. Emmalee can too. They’re pretty close.”
“Emmalee’s out of town,” Easton reminds me.
“Maybe Tess could help too,” I sigh, not sure why I’m saying it .
“We’ll get a shrink,” Keane says. He sounds exhausted. “I guess you know more about this parenting shit than I do.”
“You should stay with East for the time being. Let’s talk to a therapist before we introduce the two of you. I’m not sure how to do this, but if we work together, we can do what’s best for her.”
Give me a few days with my little Jojo. I don’t want to say goodbye to the only other girl I’ve surrendered my heart to since Tess.
Forty-Four
Gage
The moment I met Tess, she became my best friend. We told each other everything. I trusted her with my deepest secrets. She did the same. She listened to everything I had to say and supported my decisions or gave me advice when I needed it.
After the incident that brought Keane and Ana into my life, our relationship changed. I tried my best to be open, but the shadow of that secret lingered with the knowledge they might come back. During those times when I had no idea where to turn, I’d have conversations with Tess in my head. After we broke up, I continued doing it.
She wasn’t there when Jojo was a baby, but I’d ask myself, what would Tess do? By doing things the way I imagined Tess would, I felt closer to her and never felt alone. With my current state of mind, I can’t feel her close, but I need her more than ever. The craving to reach out to her, to hear her, pushes me to text her.
Gage: I didn’t sleep. Should I have coffee or Red Bull?
Tess: You know I’m not a fan of either one of those to replace sleep.
Tess: Water. Drink lots of water. What happened with Keane?
Gage: He’s staying at East’s.
Tess: That’s a smart move.
Gage: Yeah, I don’t think it’s wise to introduce Jojo to Keane until we’re ready to do it the right way.
Tess: Sensible. When’s that happening?
Gage: We have an appointment with a therapist today. Hopefully, she can help us set up a timeline for the transition.
I’m tempted to ask her if she can watch Jojo. Mom could pitch in, but she’ll either ask too many questions or scold me for working so freaking much. She’ll ask about Tess for the billionth time, speculate whether or not I could make things right between us. If not with Tess, then she’ll suggest I find a wife because Jojo needs a mom.
Gage: Hey, is there any way you could help me with Jojo today?
Tess: Help you how?
Gage: Babysit her.
Tess: If you don’t mind me taking her on an expedition.
Gage: What kind of expedition?
Tess: Grady and I are exploring the city. The usual: children’s museum, jumping jungle, Crazy Pete’s burgers, and the mall.
Gage: Who is Grady?
Tess: Right, you don’t know the fifth element. He’s my little brother. He’ll be turning four in a couple of months.
A pang of nostalgia and loss hits me as I learn about her youngest brother. The Hades became my family, and I lost them the same way I did Tess.
Gage: If you’re busy I can call Mom.
Tess: I’ll be hanging out with Grady, and she’s more than welcome to join us. It’s entirely up to you.
Gage: She’d love that, but I don’t want to impose.
Tess: If you were, I wouldn’t be offering. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get ready. I’ll pick her up in an hour. Make sure she wears pants and socks.
Gage: I owe you, Turtle.
* * *
“I should wear a princess dress,” Jojo insists, so I show her Tess’s message.
She frowns and huffs but goes back to her room. By the time Tess rings the doorbell I’m at a loss. We’ve gone through every piece of clothing she owns, and nothing works out the way she wants.
“We have a problem,” I open the door and walk toward the living room hoping she’ll follow.
“What’s going on?” Tess remains by the entrance, holding a little boy who looks a lot like Kieran, but his hair is a lighter shade of brown, and his eyes are a deep rich brown, like Sadie’s.
“Come inside. This is going to take a while,” I insist. She obviously doesn’t understand the gravity of the issue. My daughter’s about to blow up because the world is coming to an end. “Jojo can’t find anything to wear.”
“Grady, this is Gage. Gage, meet the youngest and most handsome Hades.”
The little boy frowns at me and holds her tightly.
“He’s okay, Grady,” she whispers to him, then looks around the place. “What’s going on with Miss Jojo?”
“Her outfits aren’t appropriate for the expedition.”
“May I help?” she asks.
“You can try.”
“Grady, take a seat. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Okay.” He nods and sits down on the couch, staring at me with a narrowed gaze.
Five minutes later, Tess and Jojo walk into the living room. They’re smiling, and the world isn’t ending anymore.
Tess defused the ticking bomb. I have to find out how she did it.
My little pumpkin is in a pair of leggings with a tutu on top and a light pink t-shirt, similar to the one that Tess wears. Tess carries Jojo’s jacket and George, the pillow. They both have pigtails.
“Nice hairdo,” I smirk. She looks fucking adorable.
“Are you aware she wants purple hair?” she asks biting a smirk.
I crook an eyebrow and glance at my child whose campaign to switch hair color continues.
“She’s brought that to my attention a couple of times,” I comment, pulling one of Tess’s pigtails.
Tess gives me an unamused glare, but her lips fight a smile.
“Let me know when you want to do it, I might know a way to create some magic.” She winks at me.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I pull out my wallet. “How much should I give you?”
“It’s covered. I’m using Aubrey’s booster seat unless you want me to use her chair.”
“No, that should work.”
She claps. “Then, we’re ready for our adventure.”
Tess stops under the threshold and says, “Dad mentioned last night that if you need to talk, he’s there for you. He went through something similar, and he kind of gets you.”
“Will he shoot me afterwards?”
She laughs. “Have a nice day, Rodin.”
* * *
After Tess and the kids leave, I drive to Easton’s house. Keane’s in the kitchen leaning against the counter and holding a bowl, the milk carton and cereal box right next to him.
“Did you just wake up?”
“Do you think he let me sleep at all?” He grunts, eating a spoon full of cereal. “East should work as an interrogator for the CIA. I swear, my head is still pounding because of all the freaking questions he asked.”
“You could’ve gone to your house,” I remind him. He went in on the penthouse with Cam years ago, but he rarely spent time there.
“Did you find a therapist?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Yes, she’s willing to see us today, at noon.”
“Where’s Jojo?”
“Spending the day with Tess.”
He lets out an exasperated breath. “I�
��m fucking tired of shrinks.”
“Are you still working for the FBI?”
“No, I quit a couple of weeks ago. As soon as the counselor signed off on my return to the field.”
“Why would you quit. That doesn’t make sense.”
“I wanted to quit ever since Ana told me she was pregnant. After we closed the case, my boss got wind of our relationship and ordered me to undergo psychotherapy before taking on another job. I went to therapy because he was right. My head wasn’t in the right place. I wanted to have a clear mind and be ready to take on the responsibility of Jojo.”
“You sound much different than you did last night.”
“You weren’t answering my texts. You stopped going to the chat room. I thought you were trying to keep my kid.”
My kid.
“Do you think I have time to check the chat room?” I glared at him. “You disappeared for months at a time. My life is hectic. When I’m not on the road I’m with Jojo, or spending nights at the studio producing records for other artists.”
“When were you going to answer?”
“It doesn’t matter. What are you going to do with your life if you quit the agency?”
“Easton offered me a job. Hopefully, Cam will want to buy me out of the penthouse so I can buy a house. I’m sure you did great homeschooling Jojo, but I’m planning on sending her to school.”
“That’s fine by me. She won’t be known as Gage Rodin’s child.”
“How did you keep her away from the celebrity gossip?”
“My publicist worked her magic. We had a system to make sure that even when Jojo was with me, no one noticed her. I’ve always kept my private life out of the public eye.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because of Tess. She always hated the spotlight.”
“She’s famous?”
I glance over him. “You didn’t recognize her dad, did you?”
“Should I have?”
I nod. “That’s Kaden Hades.”
“Get the fuck out of town. I talked to the frontman of Killing Hades?”
“You did. Tess grew up shielded by him, exposed by her mother. It was fucked up. The fewer people who know about her, the better. She’s published a lot of papers—all of them under a pen name. Tess is a hell of a lot more than some celebrity’s kid or partying heiress—I wanted that for Jojo too.”
Forty-Five
Gage
Thea Decker has experience counseling families and childhood trauma. She also happens to be married to one of the Decker brothers. She understands the implications of living with a celebrity. After I introduce Keane, I begin to explain our situation. Shortly after, Keane takes over and gives her more details—that include Ana, living undercover, and ultimately, her death.
“You’re permanently retired, I assume,” she asks.
“Yes, I’m done doing any undercover work and no longer part of the force. I want to dedicate my entire life to Jojo,” he assures her.
“Well, I understand why you want to do this transition slowly. Telling her that Gage isn’t her father can’t go slow, that’s not possible,” she concludes, and my pulse spikes.
“Think of this process as an adoption.”
“What do you mean?” Keane’s voice booms throughout the office. “I’m not giving up my kid.”
“Of course not. What I’m saying is that you can’t say ‘I’m not your father’ slowly. It’s just five words. The transition from one household to another is different,” she points out.
“Why did you mention adoption.”
“When you adopt, there are different of ways of telling children about their biological parents,” she explains, unmoved by Keane’s outburst. “Some parents choose to be open and tell their children from the beginning. Other’s wait until they’re older and feel like they’ll be more understanding.”
Keane unclenches his fists while my shoulders tense. The way she says it sounds so indifferent.
I set my flat palms down on my thighs, trying to simultaneously pay attention and relax.
“You have to remember, this is a pivotal moment in her life and you don’t want to get it wrong. You need to keep it simple and honest.”
She stands up and goes to her bookshelves. “Here, read this book. It should help you with tips on both how and when. She’s going to have a lot of questions. The key is to reassure her that she’s loved by you, her father. You’ve cared for her since she was born.”
She stares at Keane and says, “Gage’s never going to stop being her father. She’s a lucky girl who has two fathers that love her.”
She pauses and looks at both of us. “Does she know about Keane at all?”
“We’ve talked often about him and his job,” I answer immediately. “I always tried to keep him present and explain to her how close we are and that he’s my favorite brother.”
“Good. Indirectly, you made him a part of her life. It’s great that you’ve explained to her why he’s away,” she says relieved. “Make sure that she knows why you chose to take her in as your own. When you tell her about Keane, you can say, ‘Remember I told you that Keane, my brother, has a dangerous job?’”
Though my chest remains tight, I feel a little lighter knowing that I’ve done some legwork.
“What do I do?” Keane takes the book away from me and begins to leaf through it.
“I suggest you move in with your brother right after Gage tells her the truth and introduces you. You need to tell her now, but transitioning her from one household to another can take as long as she needs.”
“Doesn’t she have to get to know him first?”
“Yes, but as her father. You want to establish that relationship from the beginning. Keane, you have to remember that. You can’t force her to love you. But you can love her until she realizes that you’re here to stay and accepts you. As for you, Gage, she’s going to be hurt and think that you might not love her. Assure her that you do and that she’s the most important person in your world. That just because her father is back you’re not going to abandon her. I’d love to see the three of you the same day or the day after you give her the news.”
“What if she doesn’t react well to either one?”
“It’s hard to say what she’s going to do. I don’t know her, and every child is different. She’s going to be upset. She might cry for hours. She might accept it right away. Being sad and angry are two of the most natural reactions. Whatever she does though, you have to allow her to express her feelings, but always in a safe environment.”
She takes a deep breath. “Ask your brother and your friend to stay close. Jojo’s going to need a third party who’s not involved in the situation. Jojo’s going to be hurt and might not trust either one of you for the time being.”
She looks at Keane. “In her mind, you might be the guy who abandoned her and didn’t love her.”
“What about Ana?” I ask. “Jojo’s waiting for her mom.”
“When she asks, you’ll have to tell her the truth. She’s in heaven. As time passes and she asks more questions, you’ll explain what you feel is appropriate and will satiate her curiosity. This isn’t going to end when you tell her who you are, or even when she finally accepts you. She’ll ask questions until she feels like she knows everything about her origins.”
“How long do you think this will take?” I ask. I’ll be in agony, but I dread seeing Jojo suffer or having her hate me even more.
“There’s no timeline. We will work this through together. All cases are unique, but I’ve dealt with one that was similar. I’m committed to help Jojo, and you too.
I was devastated about losing Jojo so soon, but everything Thea said makes sense.
“Thank you for receiving us on such short notice,” I say as we get ready to leave.
“Here’s my card. Call my cell phone if you have questions. I’d like to see the three of you once she learns about Keane. We can start helping her transition. It’s going to be a tough
process, but with love and understanding—it should be successful.”
She then turned to Keane and handed him a business card too. “My brother owns a high-profile intelligence agency. Part of the benefits he gives to his agents is counseling after missions and traumatic experiences. The counselors in this practice are trained to help them after they come back from their assignments. If you ever need us, we’re here.”
He looks at the card and puts it away. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”
* * *
“Tess might be able to help,” I say as we drive toward my house. “Unless you want me to call Emmalee.”
“I don’t want to drag the family into this,” he protests. “Not yet. You heard her. The less we have to deal with other people’s emotions the better.”
“Let’s focus on Jojo, okay. She’s going to need me. A part of her always believed that her mom would come back. We’re going to tell her that her biological dad is back and that her mom is never coming back.”
He holds his head tight. “Ana told me every night that if she died, I had to make sure that Jojo knew she didn’t abandon her. That everything she did was because she loved her, and she wanted her to have a different life. She wanted her to be free and choose her own path without fear.”
“I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to lose the woman you love in that way.”
“She was smart, brave. I thought we were going to make it. She wanted to live here, close to our family.”
“Why would she want that? We’re overbearing, meddlesome, and loud.”
“We’re caring, generous, and open sometimes too.” He laughs when I give him a sideways glance.
“Maybe Dad, Mom, and Emmalee are. We were terrors,” I remind him.
“Yeah, maybe we weren’t easy growing up, but we’re a nice family now. I told Ana all about you guys. She wanted to meet Mom and Dad, have a normal life. I failed her. To this day, I feel like every decision I’ve made for the past seven years wasn’t worth it.”
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