The Awakening: A Sisterhood of Spirits Novel

by Yvonne Heidt

  Jordan realized that she would eventually bring Sunny down to her level. She would have to let her go before something worse happened and she tainted her somehow.

  The thought made the hollow ache in her soul grow.

  Sunny turned away from the van and faced the building, her gaze unerringly finding Jordan’s. God help her, she didn’t want to let her go.

  When Jordan heard the front door open, she stepped away from the window and into the hall.

  “Where’s my purse?”

  “Are you leaving?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  “No.”

  “Then I’m going to get cleaned up,” Sunny said. “You know.”

  “Okay. Yeah, good. Right.” Jordan returned to the bedroom and sat on the bed. She couldn’t understand why Sunny didn’t cut and run when she had the chance.

  “I don’t know what came over me over there. I have never done anything remotely like that,” Sunny said. “I got caught up in a vortex of the energy around you. But I’m not ashamed of it.”

  Jordan looked up when she heard her voice from the door. “Why did you come back?”

  “Because I see you.”

  “I see you too. You’re standing right in front of me. But I don’t see how that’s an answer.”

  “I’ll be honest with you, Jordan. I’m not sure why, but there’s something about you that I want very much. However, I’m going to make something very clear. I will not tolerate the nasty remarks and attitudes toward my friends. I want to explore this”—she gestured to Jordan then herself—“whatever it is. But hear this—it will never be at the expense of the people that I love.”

  “Was Shade your lover?”

  “Yes. A very long time ago, and I’m only going to explain this once. I’ve known Shade since I was eleven years old. She’s my family, my best friend. She’s loyal, kind, and brave. She doesn’t deserve your attitude, and I mean that. There is no competition between the two of you but what’s in your head. Shade loves me and wants the best for me, and you haven’t exactly shown yourself to be that yet.”

  “I repeat, then why are you here?”

  Sunny sat next to her. “Haven’t you ever been friends with any of your exes?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the last woman I thought I loved shot me and left me in an alley to die.”

  “Oh.”

  Jordan could see that her words took Sunny by surprise.

  “Tell me. No, wait. Come here first.” Sunny scooted to the headboard and leaned against it. When Jordan was next to her, she held her hand. “Okay, now.”

  “The department psychiatrist they made me see didn’t hold my hand.”

  Sunny laughed. “Was that a joke? Did I just hear you make a joke?”

  Jordan smiled. “I love your laugh.”

  “Laughter heals. Now tell me a story, Jordan.”

  “Where do you want me to start?” Jordan was nervous and hesitant. Surely, if Sunny knew her life story she would run. Isn’t that what’s best? That would make this easier. Jordan didn’t want to be the one to hurt her. It would be better if Sunny walked away from her. Jordan was used to that.

  “We’ll start with the shooting first, since that’s the bomb you just dropped.”

  “I was working in downtown Seattle when three runaways came up missing. Kids I had gotten to know. No one seemed to care that they were gone without a trace.”

  “But you did,” Sunny said.

  “I identified with them for a lot of reasons that I don’t want to go into at the moment.”

  “Okay, we don’t have to go there right now.”

  Or ever. “So I started to go down to the streets on my own time. The department noticed. More specifically, Detective Lynn Cody noticed. Anyway, she asked me to back off the search and said that my questions were hindering a current undercover operation. I couldn’t see how doing my job would hurt hers, but she was a superior officer and I agreed even though I knew I would continue looking for them.”

  Jordan paused. This was where it hurt to remember. Hindsight always provided a clearer picture, and she felt stupid for the way she’d been manipulated so easily.

  “Did you find them?”

  Jordan shook her head. “No. Lynn asked me out. I was so distracted by the way she treated me that all my free time from then on was wrapped around her.”

  “How did she treat you, Jordan?”

  “Like I was special and worth something.”

  “Because you are.”

  Jordan ignored the remark. It had all been a lie. “She insisted on keeping our relationship a secret. I was naïve enough to believe it was because she wasn’t out as a lesbian. For the next few months, I thought I was in love with her. I did everything I thought she wanted and considered myself lucky that I’d found somebody to care about. Then one night, I got a text from a confidential informant that there was a major drug deal going down. I called Lynn and asked if she knew about it. She said she didn’t and that she would meet me at the location with backup.

  “I didn’t think twice about going into that alley. I found a place that I could see from and hunkered down to wait for the players to show up. I remember thinking how good the other cops were because I didn’t see or sense any of them around me. Thirty minutes after I got there, I noticed a man at the front of the alley. He looked both ways before he slid into the shadows and started toward where I was hiding. He sat on his large duffel bag next to several garbage cans, but didn’t notice me watching him from three feet away. He was a creepy little man and he kept laughing and muttering to himself.”

  Jordan caressed Sunny’s hair, enjoying the softness under her hand as the ugly memory tore at her. “Another fifteen, twenty minutes passed and my legs were cramping, but I didn’t dare move and draw attention to myself. I held still until two figures approached from the street. I heard one of them order the man to bring it out. The voice was female, and I recall thinking it sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I drew my weapon and waited until the man brought them the duffel and reached for the smaller case they put in front of him. I assumed it was the money. I didn’t have time to think, and I had absolute faith that I had backup, so I stood up and yelled for them to freeze. Creepy man spun around and drew his weapon and fired. I shot back and hit him and he fell. My ears were still ringing when I felt cold steel press into my cheek.” Jordan would never forget that moment. She could still feel the muzzle against her skin. “Lynn ordered me to give up my weapon, and I was so shocked I couldn’t move. Then she told me I should have minded my own business and stayed out of the way.”

  “How horrible!” Sunny said. “What did you do?”

  “Instinct had me fighting, but I was still trying to comprehend that the woman I’d kissed just that morning was trying to kill me. During the struggle, I slammed into a garbage can and she pulled the trigger as I was falling.”

  “You poor thing.”

  “She left me there next to the dead drug dealer. I suppose she thought I would bleed to death.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “No, I didn’t. I lost consciousness, and when I woke up, I was in the hospital.”

  “Wait a minute. I think I remember something about this,” Sunny said.

  “I thought you didn’t watch the news.”

  “I just recall seeing part of a press conference about internal investigation and a trial. This was about two years ago?”

  Jordan nodded. “A little less.”

  “Who found you?”

  “One of the detectives in her division had gone to IA when he found out they were taking money and bribes. Lynn and two of her officers had been under surveillance for months. He was on the late shift that night and overheard them talking about the shooting.” Jordan was certain that if IA hadn’t been following the case, she would have been dead, completely tied up in a neat box with a bright ribbon and labeled fall guy.

  “Where were you hit?”


  “In the hip.”

  Sunny’s eyes were wet.

  “Don’t feel sorry for me,” Jordan said. “Please. I don’t need your pity.”

  “I would choose the word ‘compassion’ instead.”

  “Same thing.” Jordan was a survivor, and no matter what you called it, both terms made her feel weak.

  The bedroom door slammed shut. Jordan looked at Sunny. “Uneven floors and walls. Happens all the time.”

  “Is that truly what you tell yourself? After all you’ve seen and heard?”

  Jordan closed her eyes. “I believe that you believe it’s paranormal.”

  “Don’t patronize me!”

  “Okay, Sunny. How did the door just slam then?”

  “You did it.”

  “What? That makes no sense!” Jordan snatched her hand away.

  “Okay, let’s break it down. We’re still going through the evidence from our investigation here, but I can tell you, most of the poltergeist activity in this building is centered here in your apartment. More often than not, it’s a psychic phenomenon and attached to a person who’s going through emotional, physical, or psychological events that make them feel like they’re losing control, which causes bursts of subconscious energy that have the ability to move objects.”

  “Let’s just say I can suspend disbelief for a second. I wasn’t trying to move anything. I’ve never done it before. And I certainly didn’t choose to aim that flying glass at my head earlier.”

  “That you know of. Emotions have power, Jordan, actual, measurable energy. And you telling me about your trauma makes a good point. There are thousands of cases that document people developing psychic abilities after events of this nature. In addition to those studies, this is what I believe. If someone lives in grief, hate, or depression long enough, a part of their spirit forms offshoots. Those fragments become shadows. If you give them enough negative energy, they grow and manifest into separate entities, shadows that attach to you—that hold you in that dark place. And they can have their own strength, enough of it to move objects telekinetically. I’m not saying that it’s the only answer here. It’s obvious to me there was another entity here, a negative one, that invited itself and rode right in on the back of your anger. It’s using your energy. You didn’t see yourself, Jordan, or the look in your eyes.”

  “You’re talking possession now.”

  “Of a sort. I would call it oppressed instead.”

  Jordan didn’t know how to answer. The idea was one she couldn’t begin to fathom. She shook her head. “Then why did you let me fuck you, Sunny? If you thought I was possessed?” Jordan heard the sarcasm in her voice but held firm.

  Sunny winced. “Honestly? I was caught up in your need at first. I let you because I wanted to show you that it’s you I care about. Then you lit up something inside me and I lost control. The same way I did on the stairs. But I don’t want you to think that it’s just sex, okay? There are so many things about you that I like. It’s your smile, the way you look at me. I think about you all the time since I’ve met you. I wonder what you’re doing and if you’re going to call me so I can see you again. When I’m around you, I feel myself. You don’t know what a gift that is.”

  “Try me.” Sunny felt all those things? Jordan felt panic building in her chest. She couldn’t possibly live up to who Sunny thought she was.

  “Most of the time, I feel like I’m standing in a busy airport. There is noise, color, and traces of other people’s emotions surrounding me. I can’t help but feel it; it’s who I am. But I feel like I ride a roller coaster all day, every day, and it’s exhausting. You bring me blessed silence.”

  “Right along with my shadows that hurt you.”

  “We can deal with those. Let me help you heal. I can teach you how to see good in the world.”

  There is nothing good here. How could she make Sunny understand that? “Have you ever considered that I don’t want to see it? I have seen more human suffering than you could imagine. The horrible atrocities that people are capable of. I see these things in Technicolor, every night before I go to sleep. I can’t afford to feel. In order to be good at what I do, I have to be able to turn my feelings off, or risk drowning in them.”

  “So you won’t even attempt anything that I know would help you.”

  “No. I don’t want you to save me, Sunny.” And I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

  “Then I guess we’re done here.” Sunny moved slowly and deliberately away from her, and Jordan stayed put, watching her leave the room but not making a move to stop her.

  Jordan heard the front door close and closed her eyes.

  Please don’t go.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jordan flipped through channels on the television. Why was it that she couldn’t find a damn thing to watch when she had five hundred of them?

  Nothing had held her attention for more than a few seconds since Sunny walked out the door over a week ago. Jordan had wanted to run after her but was scared. She wanted to tell her she’d believe in anything she wanted her to if only she would stay.

  But Jordan hadn’t begged for anything since she was a small child. It never worked. The pain always came anyway.

  She tried to focus on the screen again. Great, another commercial. Jordan turned it off and threw the remote.

  There was a knock on the door and she ignored it. Steve had come by every day for a week. At least she thought it was him. She never answered it.

  “Jordan, I know you’re in there. Open the door.”

  She looked down at the ratty sweats she’d been wearing for two days. Nope. Not doing it.

  “I’m not leaving this time.” He pounded again.

  “Go away! I’ll call the cops,” she yelled.

  “You are the cops, dumbass. Answer the damn door.”

  Jordan gave in and stomped down the hall.

  “God, you look like shit,” Steve said. He pushed past her into the apartment. He stopped and looked around. “It looks like mine used to. What’s the matter with you? Are you sick?” He began picking up dirty dishes and half-empty fast food wrappers.

  “I don’t need a fucking maid.”

  He looked at her. “No, but I’m sure you could use a friend.”

  The concern in his voice made Jordan feel small.

  “We’ve been worried. You don’t answer the door or your phone.”

  “I don’t want anyone to care.” It only hurt in the long run.

  “Why?” Steve finished clearing the table. “Sit and talk to me.”

  She’d rather stick a needle in her eye but sat anyway.

  “Did something happen at work?”

  “No.” She was just going through the motions there. She did her job, period. Work was something that she used to love and that used to be the most important thing in her life. But each day brought more ugliness, and she had begun to dread putting on her uniform.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened when Sunny was here last?”

  “No.”

  “Then tell me what happened to make you look like an abandoned dog waiting to be kicked.”

  Jordan shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Please leave it alone.” Jordan expected him to get up and leave, but he didn’t. Instead, he made small talk and tried to draw her out. She wasn’t hearing what he was saying, but she did appreciate the sound of his voice. It was almost comforting.

  “They’re coming this afternoon with the results of the investigation.”

  Jordan felt her heart skip but tried to act casual. “Oh?”

  “We’re supposed to meet over at Grandma’s in an hour.” When Jordan didn’t reply, he sighed. “Look. You need to get out. We can go out for a beer or something when they leave.”

  “Are you asking me on a date?”

  Steve laughed. “I probably should. I’ve already seen you half-naked.”

  “Shut up, Jackson.”

  “A
re you going to come hear what the team found? And don’t give me that crap anymore about how you don’t believe in ghosts. You’re smarter than that.”

  Am I?

  Steve rose from his chair. “Jordan, give it a chance.” He patted her shoulder awkwardly. “And take a shower. You stink.”

  Jordan chuckled. “But you’re ugly.”

  “See? Don’t you feel better?”

  “Go away now.”

  As soon as Steve left, Jordan went into the bathroom. He was right. She looked horrible. Purple bruises ringed her eyes and her hair stuck out in odd angles. She lifted her arm and sniffed. She did smell. She met her own eyes in the mirror. She had two choices. She could continue to wallow in self-pity or she could take that chance and see Sunny.

  She threw back the shower curtain and turned on the water.

  *

  Jordan stood on the landing an hour later and smoothed her tucked shirt. She was nervous but hopeful. Sunny was just on the other side of that door and she couldn’t wait to see her. She needed to apologize and wanted to see her smile. She wanted to wrap her arms around her and be surrounded by her sweet fragrance.

  She wanted a chance to love her. The weird shit in her apartment had stopped. The rage she felt, the feeling of “oppression,” as Sunny called it, had completely gone. Whatever kick-ass thing Shade had done in her apartment had worked. Whether she believed in the paranormal or not, that could only be a good thing.

  Jordan took a deep breath and knocked. Agnes answered. “Oh, it’s good to see you, dear. Go on in. I’m skipping this part. I’ve learned what I needed to know, and quite frankly, it scares the shit out of me.” Agnes hugged her briefly before pushing her into the small foyer.

  Tiffany sat at the head of the table with Steve to her left. Jordan scanned the room, nearly frantic. Where was she?

  “Tiffany was just going to start,” Steve said.

  Jordan looked at her. Tiffany’s cheeks turned pink and she looked away.

  “Sunny and Shade had appointments. I’m afraid it’s just me.”

  Jordan felt flattened under her disappointment. Sunny didn’t even want to be in the same room with her. She wanted to slap herself for expecting anything different. But hadn’t this been what she wanted in the first place? To push her away so she couldn’t hurt her?