When He Cheatin' and You Still Love Him 2

by Cachet

  As I eat, my mind drifts back to Terry. Here I was thinking he was mad about the Shanair shit. Turns out he’s probably mad because of how I behaved when Daniel was around. Now that I think about it, running out of the store like that was stupid, and it made me look guilty as hell. I don’t blame him for being upset. I would be too. I wonder what he’s doing at this moment. I immediately lose my appetite when I picture him and Shanair lying in the same bed. I swear I still can’t figure out what he sees in her, or any of the other bitches that he’s fucked with. Shanair is black and ugly as fuck, Toya is a pretty girl, but I can tell that she has a terrible attitude, and Katrina is just funky looking and ghetto as hell.

  Yeah, I know all about his trashy ass baby mommas and how he still fucks them every chance he gets. You already know that I’m not above following Terry, so if you’re wondering how I know what every one of those hoes looks like, that’s the answer to your question. I’ve followed him to each of his bitch’s houses. I even know what the kids look like, and it’s safe to say that mine will be the cutest. I’m not saying that Terry has ugly kids, but I ain’t saying their cute either.

  Just thinking about his children, gets me mad all over again. Terry really better get his ass in gear. It’s okay that he’s upset, but he has no reason to be. Daniel and I are through. I only want him and our child, so he doesn’t have to question that. I start to wonder if the Daniel thing is all an excuse for him to stay away from me. I’m sure Terry has told that bitch Shanair what went down at the store, and I’m sure she’s filled his head with all kinds of things to make him doubt me. She wants him to leave me alone. What she doesn’t know is that she’s got life completely fucked up. Terry cannot, and will not stay away from me. I won’t allow it. He, my baby and I will be a family, and I don’t care how anyone feels about it. I’ll give him a few days to either answer my calls or reach out to me before things get hectic.

  Terry doesn’t want me to show him my bad side because once I do there’s no turning back. I’ve been nice long enough, and I know that in order for him to know that I’m not a joke, I have to kick it up a notch. I’m tired of playing second and third fiddle to those other bitches. He keeps playing with me, and I’ll fuck around and cancel every single one of his baby mothers out without breaking a nail. Terry doesn’t need those bitches anyway because he has me now. I’m going to be the only one left standing when this shit is over, you just watch and see.

  A few days…a few days is all he has before shit gets real!

  Chapter 11

  Shanair

  “I don’t know why they schedule appointments if they come and get you when they feel like it,” I say rolling my eyes. “That shit doesn’t even make sense.”

  “Yeah, that is kind of stupid.” Terry agrees.

  “Then they have you drink all that damn water. I’m gone mess around and pee on myself.”

  Terry laughs before saying, “Yo’ grown ass better not sit here and piss on yo’self.”

  “Shut up.” I snicker. “You know what the hell I mean.

  We are both sitting in the waiting room for my ultrasound appointment, both excited to find out the sex of our baby. It’s been almost a month since I’ve put him out, and this is the first time that I’ve seen him since that night. Of course, Terry has tried daily to come over and spend time with Kendrick and I. I just haven’t allowed him to because I know what it would lead to, and I’m not ready. So instead, I allowed him to meet me here. One, it’s a public place and two, he deserves to be here. Terry has been excited to find out whether it’s a baby boy or a girl since I first told him I was pregnant, and I would never take something like this from him. He may not be the best boyfriend in the world, but that has nothing to do with how good of a father he is.

  “What are you looking at?” I ask when I catch him staring at me.

  “You,” He replies with a smile. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Don’t start that shit, Terry,” I warn in a stern tone. When the older woman beside me looks our way, I lower my voice. “You promised.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry, but you are.”

  I don’t even bother to respond to him because he thinks he’s slick, but I’m not falling for it. I’ve been strong when it comes to his advances. Do I miss him, yes, but getting back into a relationship with Terry is not in my plans at this moment. Now, I’m not sure what the future may bring, but as of today, I’m cool on me and Terry being together. I’m more focused on working on me and taking care of my children. Terry has to work on himself, and I’m stepping back to allow him to do just that. If I were to be completely honest right now, I really think that we are better off apart. There is no tension or arguing about him cheating or telling lies. I don’t have to worry about where’s his been, and if he’s lying up with some random bitch in the middle of the night.

  I ain’t gone lie. The first week had me restless. I cried, cried, and cried some more thinking about what he was doing and who he was doing it with. It took for me to realize that it didn’t matter how much I cried, Terry was going to do what he wanted to no matter what. I had to realize that it was me who was making myself miserable. Once I came to that conclusion things started to get better for me. Now I lay in my bed enjoying a peaceful sleep.

  “Ms. Bishop!” The young Caucasian technician calls out.

  “That’s me,” I tell her as Terry and I walk over to her.

  She leads us back into a room and directs me get on the examination table before taking a seat on the stool across from me. Terry assists me climbing the few steps and holds my arm as I lean all the way back.

  “Today you are…” The technician pauses to read from the clipboard. “Twenty-five weeks pregnant.”

  “Yep,” I confirm.

  “Are you and dad excited to see what you’re having today?” She asks.

  “Yes,” Terry and I say in unison.

  “Alright, well let’s get to it. Hopefully, this little peanut will cooperate and give us a glimpse of what he or she is.”

  She instructs me to unbutton my dress. Before I get a chance, Terry stands up, pushes my hand away and does it himself. I smirk at him being so thirsty to find out what the baby is. When he’s finished, the tech takes a white paper sheet and places it over the lower part of my body, tucking it into the top of my underwear. Next, she squirts a generous amount of warm gel on my stomach before removing a probe from the front of the ultrasound machine. Terry and I watch as she rubs the probe across my belly, stopping ever so often to snap a few pictures of the baby’s organs and brain. She does this for almost ten minutes before she stops.

  “Are you guys ready to find out what it is?”

  “Yes,” I say excitedly. Terry doesn’t reply, he only moves closer to the machine, so he can get a better view.

  The tech slowly slides the probe to the left before turning towards us with a smile.

  “Do you see what I see?” She asks.

  “I don’t see anything,” Terry says confused.

  “Oh my God, it’s a girl!” I shout, barely able to contain myself.

  Terry looks at me, and then back at the screen. “It’s a girl?”

  “It’s a girl.” The tech confirms.

  “Hell yeah!” Terry yells. “I’m sorry, I’m just excited.” He apologizes.

  “No need, I can understand. Is this your first child?” The tech inquires.

  Both Terry and I look at one another before he replies, “Nah, this is my fifth child. I got three boys, and now two girls.” He boasts with a smile on his face.

  “Well, congratulations. Let me get you some pictures to take home.” Once the black and white photo’s printed from the machine, she handed them to Terry and says, “Good luck with the birth of your baby. Here is a rag to clean that gunk off your stomach. You guys enjoy your day.”

  “You too,” I tell her sliding the rag across my belly. When I’m done, Terry holds my arm while I sit up. “So, Brittany is having a boy, huh?”

  “I don’
t know. Why you ask that?”

  “Because you said that you have five kids, and three of them are boys. You only have two boys.”

  Terry laughs, “Nah, I got three. I was talking about Kendrick.”

  “Oh,” I say assisting him with buttoning my dress back up.

  From there Terry goes on to explain what had transpired between him and Brittany the day that she sent me the message. He still claimed that they didn’t have sex, but I know better. He talked about running into her ex at the grocery store and her father ordering him to stay out of her and the baby’s lives. When he’s finished, I just stare at him because I can’t believe all the drama that is going on between him and her. I’m also shocked to hear that he was actually allowing someone to tell him that he’s not allowed to be in his child’s life. Terry went on to explain the way that Brittany had acted, and although I can admit that the bitch is crazy, I don’t condone what is happening with the child. I told Terry how I felt about the situation, but at the end of the day it wasn’t my business to meddle in.

  After that conversation, neither of us says anything else as we gather the pictures and my things so that we could leave. As we pass the front desk, the tech waves goodbye before disappearing into the back. Outside the clinic, Terry walks me to my car. As I climb inside, he asks me if I would like to go to lunch with him to talk, but I decline. As far as I’m concerned there is really nothing left for us to talk about. I can tell by the look on his face that he’s upset, but that’s not my problem. I told him before that we could meet at the clinic, but afterward I would leave alone. He knew what he was getting into before today even came, so I don’t know why he’s acting like he’s shocked by my response. With a look of disappointment on his face, he closed my door, and I drove off.

  *****

  I enter the building with pep in my step. I’m happy and hoping that my mother is herself today because I have exciting news that I want to share with her. I haven’t been here since I brought Kendrick a few weeks ago. That visit was such a good one that I hated when it had to end. I admit I was scared to death of her acting up, but everything went well. Kendrick really enjoyed himself. It had been a nice while since he had last seen his grandmother, and it’s all he’s talked about since then. I would have brought him with me today, but he had school, so I decided to come on this one solo. After signing in at the desk, I make my way to her room with a smile on my face.

  “Hey baby,” my mother sings once I enter her room.

  “Hey ma, what are you doing?” I ask walking over to the table where she’s sitting.

  “Nothing, just putting this puzzle together. Where are you coming from looking all pretty?”

  “The doctor’s office. I found out what I’m having.” I gush.

  Her face lights up, and she smiles.

  “Really? What is it?” She stops, before lifting her hand up. “Wait, don’t tell me. It’s a girl isn’t it?”

  “How you figure that?” I tease.

  “It is a girl ain’t it?” My mother tosses her head back and loudly claps her hands once. “It’s a girl, right?” I look away from her trying to keep from smiling. “Stop playing Shanair, what is it?”

  “I’m having a baby…” I pause just to mess with her. “Girl!”

  “I knew it!” My mom yells as she jumps up and hugs me. “My baby girl is having a baby girl.”

  We celebrate for a little while longer before switching up our conversation to potential names and all the cute little baby clothes that they have for little girls now. Just talking about all the things that I can buy has me excited for my new arrival. I’ve always wanted a little girl. When I was pregnant with Kendrick all I used to talk about was having a little girl. My heart broke when I found out he was a boy. I remember being depressed for weeks after I found out. Then one day my mother snatched me up.

  “Babies are a blessing.” She told me. “You walking around here with your face all frowned up. You are lucky that you are able to have one because there are women who would die to be in your shoes right now. Your only focus should be that he’s healthy.”

  It was then that I realized that she was right. I accepted the fact that I was having a boy. Since then all I wanted was a little girl, and now I got my wish. Now that I have the best of both worlds, I think I may just get my tubes tied. Of course, I’ll think about it more thoroughly before I make my decision.

  When it’s time for my mother’s stories to come on, we retreat to the corner of the room, where I braid her hair up like I usually do. Since I didn’t bring it up during the visit with Kendrick, I think now is the perfect time to ask her the questions I’ve been meaning to ask about my father.

  Chapter 12

  Shanair

  I’m crying so hard right now that I can barely catch my breath. A loud wail exits my mouth so pitiful and loud. If there was anyone else around, they would surely think that I was dying. If they only knew how I felt right now, they would know that I was, and it was a slow painful death. My body trembles and my chest rises up and down quickly as I choke on my emotions. Tears and snot run down my face, but I don’t even bother to wipe them away. There’s no need to because there are plenty more to follow. With my vision now so blurry that I can’t even see ahead of me, I maneuver my truck to the side of the road the best I can before killing the engine. Over and over again I pound my fist against the steering wheel. I stop when I notice passerby’s hitting their brakes because they’ve heard my horn beeping. I don’t want them to send help because they think that something is wrong with me even though it is.

  My feelings are hurt. I’m lost, confused and every other sad emotion one could feel.

  The conversation that I had with my mother is replaying constantly in my mind like a broken CD player, and there is no eject button in sight. Because of this I’m forced to listen to this sad song over and over again. Something told me to leave well enough alone. Of course, I didn’t listen. I just had to ask. Now I know that truth. You don’t know how bad I wish I could just go back to the lie. All these years I’ve been fooled. I’ve been tricked into believing that the man…the man that I wanted to love me so badly was my father. Turns out he isn’t. My mother wasn’t just spaced out during that visit. No, she was trying to tell me the truth, but she didn’t know how. This was something that she’d held on to for so long. Joseph Bishop isn’t my father, Brian Washington was.

  My mother fully explained everything to me.

  You see, my mother, Joseph, and Brian all grew up together. They were all best friends, with Joseph and Brian being a little closer because they were boys. They spent a lot of time together until Brian’s parents moved away. He would come over Joseph’s house to visit occasionally, but not as much as before he moved. My mother said that she always knew that Brian had a crush on her and she kind of liked him too. So when Joseph asked her out freshman year, she was shocked, but accepted his request to be his girlfriend. The two dated throughout their entire high school year with Joseph cheating on her every chance he got.

  One day Joseph called my mother up and told her that he was leaving her. He had met a girl—which I found later found to be my sister Paris’s mother—and they were expecting their first child together. My mother said she was crushed. Hurt and confused, she went crying to her best friend Brian, who consoled her as he always did. That night with my mother being extremely vulnerable, and Brian already having suppressed feelings for her, one thing led to another, and they ended up sleeping together. Since they didn’t want to ruin their friendship, they decided to put it behind them, and vow to never let it happen again.

  A few weeks later Joseph decided to come back. I guess once the honeymoon stage was over, he realized that being with the woman he’d left my mother for was not what he expected. Of course, my mother accepted him back with open arms. Soon after she found out that she was pregnant with me. Since Joseph had just come back, she already knew that there was no possibility that he could be the father. When she shared the information
with Joseph, he was furious. He couldn’t believe that she had slept with his best friend, and told her to immediately abort me. Since that wasn’t something that my mom or her family believed in, she refused. Joseph took her denial as a slap in the face and accused her of only wanting to keep the baby because she wanted to have some sort of connection with Brian. That wasn’t going to fly with him, and he quickly gave my mother an ultimatum.

  Joseph advised my mother that she had two choices. She could keep the baby, but she had to cut all ties with Brian and never let him know that he was my father. In return Joseph promised to marry my mother and take care of me as if it were his own. Or, she could keep her baby, and go be with Brian because he would leave her. Since she loved the ground that Joseph walked on and wanted to make it work, she agreed to the latter. Brian was heartbroken when my mother told him that she couldn’t see him again, and even though he didn’t understand why, he accepted her wished and didn’t contact her again. Soon after my mom got word that Brian had signed up for the Army and was immediately deployed.

  It was eight years before my mother saw Brian again. We were in the grocery store shopping when he walked right up to her cart. She said as soon as he saw me, he knew I was his. I looked nothing like Joseph, who was light skinned with sandy brown hair and grey eyes. Brian and I, on the other hand, had the same bright and beautiful brown eyes, dark hair, and chocolate colored skin tone. Even though my mother tried her best to lie about who my father was, Brian wasn’t going for it. With tears in her eyes, my mother begged Brian not to say anything, and because he loved her so much, he dropped the issue, but not before slipping her his phone number and letting her know that he would still be there for her whenever she needed him. Of course, my mother tore the number up and discarded it before she got home.