Cuts like a knife

by Dana Monahan

  “Hi, it’s Sierra. It’s been a long time. I know the bouncer at Leroy’s bar.”

  “So what’s your point?” The question was blunt, but it was asked without sarcasm.

  “With some chalk and a pencil I can make you twenty-one.”

  “That’s that bar right outside town. I heard they do drugs there and it’s kind of rowdy.” With the phone cradled between her shoulder and ear, Billie combed her fingers through her wet hair. Maybe it would be a chance to mend their friendship. “I don’t know.”

  “Come on. Kel’s going.” She actually hadn’t asked her yet, but if Billie went so would Kel. “It’s been too long since we’ve all hung out. I’ve been there before and it’s not that bad. Deck out and live a little. You scared?” Sierra still knew what buttons to push.

  “Alright, pick me up in an hour.”

  “Great. I’ll call Kel and we’ll meet at your house. It’ll only take a sec to fix your I.D.’s.

  Billie hung up with the feeling she didn’t make the right choice. She threw on some jeans and a powder blue sweater that buttoned up the front. Concentrating on her reflection in the mirror, she frowned and wondered what girls wore to a downtown bar.

  An hour later, Sierra showed up with Kelly. Billie could hear the radio blasting from Sierra’s car and took one last look at her appearance. Dr. Braddock answered the door, and Kelly and Sierra ran up the stairs to Billie’s room.

  Billie checked out their outfits to make sure she had dressed right. Kelly looked nice in white jeans and a flowered sweater. Her thick brown hair curled around her shoulders and a light touch of make-up accented her green eyes and wide mouth. Even with heels on, Kelly only reached the bottom of Billie’s chin. For some reason, she had stopped growing taller in eighth grade. When Billie glanced at Sierra, she had to swallow a laugh. Tight black pants and a clinging, low-cut red sweater were topped off with stiletto heels. It was the make-up that really caught her attention. Black eyeliner covered her upper and lower lids and a dark reddish-brown lipstick completed the look. Kelly shared a look with Billie and just shrugged.

  “Nice outfit. You going for some beer or are you looking for paying customers?” Billie asked dryly.

  “Ha, ha, you are a real riot. Give me your license. I already did Kel’s at her place.”

  “Luckily my mom and dad took the kids out for ice cream. I doubt they would have believed I was going bowling if they had seen Sierra. I still don’t feel right lying to them.” Kelly rubbed her hands together nervously.

  “Spare me. It amazes me that I even know you dweebs.” Sierra didn’t even bother looking up from her spot on the edge of the bed. She was busy chalking out the date of birth on Billie’s I.D.

  Leroy’s bar was at the other end of town. Shards of glass were scattered around the parking lot, and loud music emanated from the small structure. Most of the loggers and mill workers came there to unwind after a hard day’s work, not to mention a few drug dealers and welfare recipients. The girls stood in the doorway a second to let their eyes adjust to the dark atmosphere and their lungs adjust to the smoke-filled room. The smell of sweat permeated the air, mixing with the smell of booze, and the dance floor was crowded with couples gyrating to a loud rock band. Billie and Kelly’s ears hurt from the noise, and yelling was their only form of communication. Sierra found a booth, ordered three beers and pulled a cigarette out of her purse.

  “When did you start smoking?” Billie asked a little sarcastically. “Are you addicted or does it just fit the image?”

  “Lighten up, Billie, and enjoy the ride. It wouldn’t hurt you to change your perfect little image.” Blowing smoke in her face, Sierra just shrugged.

  Kelly was on her second beer when a tall, good-looking guy came over and asked her to dance. Kelly admired the way his jeans slid low over slender hips and his broad shoulders filled out his T-shirt. Golden flecks highlighted his green eyes as he watched her lazily, and when her cheeks turned pink, his thin lips lifted in a sexy smile. There was an aura of trouble about him, or maybe just plain sex appeal, but Kelly couldn’t decide which. When he held his hand out to her, she shyly took it and walked with him to the dance floor.

  “That guy is a major babe.” Billie watched them walk away.

  “He’s James Cordel; the James Cordel. I think he was a junior when Brody was a freshman. Does the name ring a bell?” When Billie just looked confused, Sierra smiled smugly. “He’s notorious for beating up that P.E. teacher, and that butt of his should be put in the hall of fame. I heard he spent a few months in juvie, passed his G.E.D. and went to work at the mill. He’s a foreman now and has his own place.”

  Billie’s face lit with recognition. “I remember hearing about that. He looks like he’s got the hots for Kel. I wonder if she knows she’s dancing with a legend.”

  “He’s hardly interested in Kel. I know him. He’s been scoping me out lately. Maybe tonight I’ll quit playing hard to get.” Sierra gulped down her beer. “Finish up yours, too. We’ll let him foot the bill for a while.”

  When Kelly and James came back to the booth, Sierra pounced. Bending over the table, she exposed a large amount of cleavage. “Why won’t you dance with me?” She flashed what she considered her mega smile and waited for his response.

  James looked at Sierra for all of one second and replied in a bored tone, “Not now. I’d like to sit with this pretty lady.” He looked towards Kelly and she scooted over for him. She shot Billie a dumbfounded look, stunned that somebody would choose her over Sierra, and nodded when he offered to buy them all a round of drinks.

  Billie couldn’t help her smug smile, as she enjoyed Kelly’s moment. This seemed to irritate Sierra, who got up in a huff, sauntering over to a scraggly looking guy at the bar and straddling the stool next to him.

  They could hear her laughter over the music, loud and forced.

  When the beers arrived, James turned to Kelly. “What are you doing with a broad like that? She seems a little hard to be a friend of yours.”

  “You just don’t know her. Sometimes she can come on a little strong to someone she doesn’t know.” Kelly’s smile gaped open in shock when James starting laughing at her remark.

  “I know her all right. She comes here all the time. Her little blond friend asked Ben,” he pointed to the guy on the bar stool with Sierra, “for some white shit to help curb her hunger pains. They’re both crank fiends. Sierra would drop her pants for a line, but her friend pays for it.”

  “Sierra slept with him?” Billie asked in obvious distaste. She took a closer look at the guy that James called Ben. His clothes looked rumpled, as if he’d worn them for a week. Long dark brown hair hung limply past his shoulders and the cheek bones were prominent on his long thin face.

  “He might not look like much to you, but he’s too good for her.” James said, accurately gauging Billie’s expression of distaste.

  “How do you know him?” Kelly asked.

  “We were in juvenile hall together. We watched each other’s backs.” James’ expression turned hard when he lost himself in the memory of his confinement.

  “I came home and found my stepdad raping my little sister.” Ben had confided one night after lights out. “Instead of helping, I ran. I was scared of the bastard and I ran. Laurie never said a word about it. She doesn’t know that I saw.” Ben’s voice had choked up, but he’d continued. “She doesn’t understand why I avoid her, but I can’t stand the guilt. I was the only one she counted on, and I let her down. I can’t face her.”

  With a slight shake of the head, James pulled his thoughts back to the present. He would never tell another soul what Ben had confided to him that night. James owed him. When he got jumped by some wannabe gangsters, Ben had stood by him with fists raised in a fight they had no chance of winning. It still bothered James that Ben had turned to drugs to help fight the inner demons after they had gotten out, while he had decided to turn to hard work. Even though they chose different paths, the friendship remained intact.
<
br />   “I’m sorry. What was that?” James asked when he realized Kelly had said something to him.

  “I didn’t realize Sierra hung out here. I guess we haven’t been that close lately.” Kelly shot a curious look in Sierra’s way and was surprised to find her glaring back.

  The rest of the night seemed to drag on for Billie. Sierra disappeared with Ben for a while. Kelly and James seemed to hit it off while Billie drank her beer in silence, avoiding eye contact from any guys looking her way. Every so often, she found her eyes drawn to the door into which Sierra had disappeared.

  Eventually, Sierra sauntered out with wide eyes and stiff smile. Ignoring James, Sierra slid into the booth and proceeded to banter on and on to Billie about how Brody had led her on. All the while, Billie noticed Sierra’s eyes straying to Kelly and James. She talked too fast and drank too much, causing Billie to wonder if she even knew Sierra at all anymore.

  Finally, it was time to go. James walked Kelly to the car and she gave him her phone number. Kelly was the designated driver because she’d had the least to drink. Excitement oozed out of every pore as she drove along, recanting her night with James.

  “He wants to take me out next weekend. God, is he cute or what!” Kelly couldn’t wipe the silly grin from her face. Happy to see her so animated, Billie smiled, but it didn’t take Sierra long to burst Kelly’s bubble.

  “He’s a loser,” she said. “Any girl with brains wouldn’t go near him. He picks a different broad every night, sweet talks her, gets down her pants, and moves on... a mill worker, for God’s sake.” Sierra leaned back in the passenger seat, smiling in triumph when she noted Kelly’s spirit lag for a second.

  “So what if he’s a mill worker? I work part-time waitressing at the Teacup now. He makes more than I do. Mill workers make damn good money, and he’s a foreman. Besides I’m not after mega-bucks like you are.” Kelly added with a proud tilt to her chin.

  “You sound a little jealous to me. Speaking of losers,” Billie leaned forward from the back seat. “That drug dealer you took off with was to die for. Do you think he’s ever heard of a washing machine or even a brush? What a turn on. I mean, too bad we don’t have your impeccable taste in men.”

  “I’m glad it’s time to drop you off.” Sierra said to Billie. “I don’t know what possessed me to want to spend my precious time with you anyway.”

  Kelly came to a halt in front of Billie’s house and promised to call her in the morning before letting her out.

  “You’re a real drag,” Sierra continued. “Maybe you wouldn’t be such a bitch if some poor soul paid you the time of day.” She spit out each word slowly. “Poor baby, I’m sure there’s a guy out there for you somewhere. Even girls like you find a guy now and then. Night, night.” After that remark, she rolled up the window and gave a little chuckle before turning up the radio to drown out Billie’s rebuke.

  “God, I hate her.” Billie mumbled as she went into her house.

  --------------------

  During the next few months, Kelly spent all her time with James. Every night, she would call Billie and tell her how much she loved him. Billie missed having Kel around, but she felt good about her friend finding happiness.

  Although Sierra hadn’t come around or called, every once in a while Billie would see her going up to Mandy’s. She figured Sierra just wanted to have a reason to be there when Brody came home.

  Billie had been spending a lot of time with Brad. He’d broken up with his last girlfriend a while back and Trent was still with Candy. Normally they went to the shows or school football games. One night, they went up to Devil’s Rock with a six pack of beer. A full moon lit up the night, and the warm breeze carried the fresh scent of wildflowers. The sound of crickets filled the air, and a bull frog croaked in the distance, adding bass to the cricket’s tenor.

  “Boy, the crew sure has gone its separate ways. I remember a time when I thought we’d hang out forever.” Brad said solemnly as he finished his last beer.

  “I know. I guess we’re all growing up. We all need to make our own marks.” When Brad moved closer, Billie didn’t think anything of it.

  “Billie, I really like you. I mean it’s more than that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and I’ve had fun.” Smiling shyly, he draped an arm across her shoulders. Billie realized how much she enjoyed just talking with Brad. She could always feel free to be herself, and not worry about what she said or how she looked.

  “I’ve really had fun, too,” Billie said, leaning over to give him a friendly peck on the cheek. He saw it coming and maneuvered his mouth to meet hers. Billie was a little surprised when their lips met, but she didn’t pull back. When the kiss ended, she looked into his eyes and knew something had just changed between them. In silence, they stood up to leave. Neither talked about the kiss, but both of them were thinking about it.

  When they arrived at to her door, Brad gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll go to Trent’s game next week.” With a nod, he was gone.

  A few minutes later, Billie was sitting up in bed, rehashing her night with Brad. Did she actually consider him more than a friend? His kiss hadn’t affected like Brody’s had, but she wouldn’t mind doing it again. With a laugh, she turned off her light and fell to sleep instantly.

  -------------------

  A few weeks later, Billie, Brad, James, and Kelly went out for pizza on a double date. Antonio's boasted of secret sauces and the best pizza in town. It was the only pizza joint in Angel Falls. Music crooned from the jukebox as young children spent their allowances on the video games and a waitress showed them to a booth in the back.

  James was over his 'rebel days' as he put it. "You know, after a while I forgot what I was rebelling against," he said with a laugh and a grin at Kelly. He knew the waitress, and they were able to drink a pitcher of beer in the back booth. Billie was touched at the way he would smile down at Kelly. They looked good together.

  After Brad felt comfortable with James, he plunged in and asked about the day James had hit the PE teacher, Mr. Braggs.

  "Oh that. I was hoping people had forgotten about that one." James winced at the memory of getting kicked out of school.

  "Hardly, you're a legend. From what I hear, Braggs thought he was a drill sergeant or something. You know, he transferred two weeks later. Brody said he was notorious for making kids come to tears by calling them sissies or mama's girls."

  "He sounds horrible. I'm glad you hit him, James." Kelly reached out and took his hand.

  James leaned back in his seat and took a deep breath. "Braggs wanted me to play on the basketball team. I wouldn't do it, and that pissed him off. After a few weeks of major harassment, we finally had a blowout. You see, I was a powder keg ready for a match. When my mama took off with some dude, my dad got pretty heavy handed. I had a lot of anger built up and was in no mood to deal with Bragg’s power trip." He stopped and took a swig of beer.

  When it seemed he wasn't going to elaborate, Billie urged him on. "So what did he say? Why did you hit him?"

  "He called me a mama's boy. I told him to back off or I'd deck him."

  "Dude, he was huge and mean,” Brad said. “I saw his picture in Brody’s yearbook. What were you thinking?"

  "I was thinking I'd like to make his face hit the pavement," James stated seriously. "Anyway, he told me to give him fifty laps and said he could understand why my mama would ditch a ‘wuss’ like me. I shoved him backwards. Braggs swung and I ducked; I swung and connected Guess I busted the bastard’s nose." He shrugged.

  "It sucks that you got kicked out of school, but that dude totally deserved it," Brad replied, shaking his head.

  After the pizza was long gone and they were on their second pitcher of beer, Sierra walked in with Mandy. Sierra was dressed casually with jeans, sneakers, T-shirt, and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. With a little mascara and some pink lipstick, she looked sweet and innocent. She saw Brad and Billie and waved. Her smile faltered when she saw J
ames and Kelly smiling and holding hands, but she covered it well. After saying something to Mandy, who looked over and smiled, Sierra came to their table. Kelly stiffened a little. Sensing her agitation, James let go of her hand and put his arm around her shoulder.

  "Well, well, isn't this a cozy little dinner for four. Aren't you just the happy couples?" Smiling in mock sweetness, Sierra looked at James and purred, "You never called me back the other night.” Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth, “Sorry, Kel, I didn’t see you sitting there.”

  Returning her look squarely, James just laughed and said, "I don’t have the number and I don’t want it.”

  After seething over this last comment for a moment, Sierra put on a happy face and said over her shoulder, "Later, we'll have to get together again, soon." Mandy grabbed a salad to go and they left.

  After they had gone, James was emphatic. "God, I hate that broad. I can't even stop by the bar anymore because she always tries to hit on me." He looked sheepish a moment and then glanced at Kelly apologetically. "I'm Sorry, Kel. I guess I should’ve told you. I didn't mention it because she was once a good friend. It's not as if I like it. She's bad news, and nasty to the core." He shivered and made a face as though he'd tasted something bad.

  Laughing, Kelly hugged him. "Okay, okay, you made your point. She just can't imagine that you would pick me over her and I guess her ego can't take it. She'll keep trying until she succeeds. I never realized what a self-centered, scheming bitch she is." Kelly spoke vehemently, causing surprised looks from Brad and Billie.

  "Well, again it would seem Sierra spoiled the fun mood.” Brad said, finishing the beer in his mug. “Why don't we hit the road? Maybe we can get together at Trent’s game on Saturday."