Cuts like a knife

by Dana Monahan

  John Hall, obviously, was in way over his head. The man next to him needed a miracle, and he had nothing to give and no tricks up his sleeve. His only hope was to introduce a hint of doubt by putting Ben on the stand. His testimony would hopefully sway the jury from seeing Sierra as an innocent victim.

  Hall's last attempt walked slowly to the stand. Ben looked unkempt with a wrinkled, too large suit and greasy hair. His shirt hung slack off his bony frame, and his pallor was yellow and pasty under the lights. Sitting down, he looked over to James and nodded his head. James returned the gesture. Ben felt bad to see his friend on trial for murder, and he rubbed his sweaty palms together in agitation, wishing for a shot of whiskey.

  James had been the only one who thought Ben was too good for Sierra. He had been the only one to encourage him to quit drugs, instead of using him for his supply. James was the only friend he had and, other than his sister, the only one that ever cared if he lived or died. Oh, his drug supply might be missed by some, but someone else would always be there to take his place. Now, just like he had betrayed his sister, he would be forced to betray James. Ben owed James for his loyalty and friendship, but instead, he faced him across the courtroom. A hostile witness, but a witness against him just the same.

  The jury leaned forward wondering what this man could possibly have to do with the trial. John Hall got up and started the inquisition.

  "Did you know the victim?" he asked.

  "Yes."

  "Did you know the victim intimately?" As Hall asked this question, he watched the jury for their reaction to Ben's reply. He was grasping at straws. He knew that sooner or later the opposing attorney would object, realizing there was no real point to this questioning. Ben had an alibi. The courtroom became still, waiting for an answer.

  Squaring his jaw, Ben faced the jury. "Yes. And it wasn’t no hardship to get her in the sack either."

  At this, some of the women in the jury actually gasped aloud, their image of a sweet young girl shattering. Men looked surprised, remembering the photo of the black-haired beauty, and trying to picture her with the unkempt man before them.

  "He's lying.” A slender woman with short black hair yelled from the back of the room. “My baby would never be with a man like that.” She pointed an accusing finger at Ben. “He's just another scum friend of the murderer trying to make my daughter look bad. She was a good girl." Pam Lock's face was flush with anger, her face wet with tears, and her tirade came to an end only when she was physically escorted out.

  “Objection,” Mark Cabot had called out and the honorable Judge Thorn asked John Hall to get to the point. John pushed the fact that Ben knew Sierra well. That she would always talk about James and say how she was going to get him, wanted him, but James had always shunned her advances.

  "James hated that broad," Ben said emphatically, looking at James sadly when he realized he'd just made things worse for his friend.

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  The trial was a short one, lasting only a few days. The jury was out for an hour before they came back with the verdict. Kelly and Billie were waiting just outside the courtroom door for the news, fingers crossed in hope, but they both knew what the verdict would be.

  John Hall was already feeling the brunt of his first loss, and James was looking forward to the end. Another day in this courtroom and he would go crazy. He was tired of being on display.

  The honorable Judge Thorn asked for the verdict. A short woman in a beige suit stood, cleared her voice, and slowly read in a loud steady voice, "Guilty of murder in the first degree." James was sentenced to life in prison.

  Kelly let out a long, loud wail of anguish before she let the blackness engulf her. James stared at the closed door standing between them with a pained expression. She had been here the whole time, he realized, hanging his head in regret. Standing up, he walked out of the courtroom, never looking back. His fate had been sealed.

  “Kel, wake up. Please, get up.” Billie shook lightly at Kelly’s shoulders. Noting her pale face, Billie glanced frantically back and forth along the empty corridor for someone who might help. One minute, Kelly was pacing the floor and at the next, she had crumpled to the ground. Billie heard her groan, and let out a long sigh of relief.

  “Wow. I guess I fainted.” Rubbing the back of her head where it had hit the floor, Kelly sat up slowly. She let Billie help her to a seat, when the hall doors opened. “I’m never going to see him again. I feel so empty.” Dropping her face in her hands, Kelly cried again.

  Draping an arm around her friend, Billie lent her silent support. The words to soothe her were not hers to give. She could not promise that everything would work out. James was going to prison.

  In the last month, since the tragedy, Billie had watched Kelly change drastically. Not so much physically, although she had taken off some weight, but mentally. Eyes, once full of love and happiness, were now dull. Her smile faded away, as if she no longer cared. Her shoulders were constantly slumped in defeat, and she had drawn into herself.

  “Why don’t you stay at my house tonight?” Billie asked with a worried frown.

  “Stop worrying. I’m going to pull through this. I just need to have you give me some space.” Kelly dried her eyes and stood up to leave. She wanted to be as far away from the courtroom as possible. “Take me to his house. I want to stay there tonight.

  “You shouldn’t be alone.”

  “I’m happy there. It feels right. Anyway, I just took a full time shift at the Tea Cup. I’ll be working all day and you’re just a phone call away.”

  “Maybe I should hold off my wedding for a while. I can stay here with you and meet Brad in San Bernardino later.” When Kelly whipped around, Billie took a step back.

  “Don’t you dare do that to me. How do you think it would make me feel, knowing I stopped you from getting married. You’re making things worse.” She sighed. “Please. Stop worrying about me. We’re not kids anymore. I’m perfectly capable of living on my own.”

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. But I still worry.” Billie placed her palm against Kelly’s, pressing their identical scars together. “You’re my sister.”

  They walked through the crowded main entrance, eyes downcast, in companionable silence. It all seemed unreal to Billie. In seconds, someone, the real murderer, had taken control of their lives. The fact that a stranger, or even worse, someone she knew was free to do it again made her feel so vulnerable.

  With a slight shiver, Billie zipped up her jacket and pulled her keys out of her pocket. It would start to rain soon. Life would go on, but it would never be the same because certain innocence had been taken away. Every time she met someone, or talked to an old acquaintance, she would wonder if she were facing a killer. With her hand outstretched to start the car, Kelly broke the silence.

  “Sierra was my sister, too.” Kelly said, staring out the window again. Billie thought she was talking to herself, but Kelly turned her head on back of the seat and smiled at her sadly. “Sometimes I feel guilty, you know. I blame her. I hate her. Then I realize that she’s dead and I wonder how I can feel sorry for myself when she actually lost her life.” Turning back to stare out the window, Kelly murmured, “I’ll just picture her in my mind the way she was as a little girl. We were so close, remember?”

  “I remember.” Starting the car, Billie cast a worried look at Kelly. Her voice sounded strange, wistful but aloof, and Billie wondered if she had gone into some sort of shock. “Why don’t I stop and get us some fast food. I haven’t eaten since breakfast and it’s going on three o’clock.”

  “No thanks, but you go ahead.”

  There was an empty parking lot up ahead and Billie pulled into it. “Kelly, you need to eat. Now damn it, if you don’t eat something now I won’t take you to James’ house.” She pulled the key out and faced Kelly. “In fact, we’ll just stay here until we both starve to death.”

  Kelly crossed her arms across her chest, and Billie stubbornly did the same. For about five minutes
they sat there in a silent battle of wills, neither saying a word.

  “That will be fine.” Kelly finally gave in.

  On the rest of the way home, Billie was pleased to see Kelly eat a hamburger and fries. When she let Kelly out at James’ house, Billie could tell she was still a little miffed at her, but she didn’t care. At least anger was an emotion and that meant Kelly wasn’t in shock anymore. “Call me,” she called out of her window happily as she backed out of the drive.

  Finally, she was alone. With shoulders slumped in defeat, and fresh tears on her face, Kelly went into the house. Heading straight to the first bathroom, she bent over the toilet and threw up.

  Chapter 12

  His first day in prison was hell. As he walked toward his cell, the other inmates shouted and tried to spit on him, each step taking him farther and farther from his freedom. Reality hit hard when the cell door slammed closed, cutting off his life- line. His cage was small, containing two cots and a stained urinal in the corner. Feeling stifled and claustrophobic, he paced animal-like back and forth in his cell, blocking out the sounds of the other inmates. Eventually, the taunts died down, except for one voice, repetitive and crude, which continued through the night.

  James' cellmate watched him in stony silence, his glare boring into his back. He was a short man but very stocky, without tattoos, unlike most of the prisoners. Muscles, the size of melons, strained against his shirt and pants. Although he didn't make any lewd comments, his lack of attention implied that he would not encourage conversation. A day later, he finally spoke his first words.

  "You don't have to worry about me none. I might be big, but I like my meat with tits. As for all the other inmates, well, you have to earn the right to keep your ass to yourself. That big guy calling out your name is Python. He's the worst but, at least if you're his bitch, you don't have to spread yourself around."

  He then stuck his beefy hand out to shake, "The name’s Frank Bennet, you may have heard of me. I was a boxer, a damn good one, till I got in a brawl. It was self-defense, but the court didn't see it that way when I killed the guy.” Frank dropped on his bunk, stretching the bulk of his arms behind his head. “He's dead and my career is over. Welcome to Hell. I hope that you have a pleasant stay." He laughed as if he'd made a real funny joke.

  James didn't laugh.

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  Every night at lights out, Python would call to James, promising to make him his boy and taunting him mercilessly into the night. For hours he relentlessly made his crude promises, but James had learned to ignore them. Only once did he show any reaction, and on that night he got up and retched in the toilet. The echoes of new arrivals’ crying haunted his dreams each night, and each morning brought the repetition of the day before, making each day seem endless. Time meant nothing as he lost himself in day-to-day survival, so far managing to avoid contact with Python. But his luck was running out.

  Keeping to himself, James dropped the tray of food in front of him and sat alone in a corner table in the crowded cafeteria. His stomach tightened as he looked over his lunch with distaste. Even the healthy dose of gravy could not conceal the lumpy potatoes or the grease oozing out of his meat. He was just lowering his fork, when a hand reached out to take one of his rock-hard biscuits. Without hesitation, he slammed his fork down, the prongs stabbing into flesh and bone. The man screamed in pain, pulling his hand away. James recognized him as one of Python’s pals, and his muscles coiled up, ready to strike. Python would not be far behind.

  “You shouldn’t a done that, boy.” Python’s voice was menacing, and came from behind. James lithely took a step sideways, placing his back against the wall, and bracing his feet. Reaching out, Python took James’ biscuit and bit into it.

  “Mind if I join the party?” Frank asked James, walking up to the table, but his eyes were on Python.

  “Take off. This is no concern of yours.” Python spit the biscuit out onto the mashed potatoes. Frank just stood his ground, never taking his eyes off Python. The two faced each other, eyes clashing and muscles taut, before Python turned to James. “I’ll be seeing you, boy. We still have some unfinished business.” His tongue snaked out of his mouth in a rude gesture and he blew James a kiss.

  James waited until Python had walked a few tables away, before he relaxed his stance. “That’s quite a trick. He actually backed down. You two have a history or something?” James took his seat, but pushed his tray away with aversion.

  “That ape’s taller, but I’m faster. A busted kneecap or kidney punch will drop anybody, even that bastard.” Frank smiled, showing crooked teeth. “A lot of people tried to take me on when I first came, but I messed them up one by one, until they stopped trying. I trained for years. No street prick, I don’t care how big, is going take me down, and he knows it.”

  Frank rocked back in his chair, slowly surveying James’ lanky body. “You move fast. Your reflexes are good and so is your aim. I watched you nail that little prick with your fork.” Leaning forward, Frank suddenly looked intent. “How’d you like a little training from the best?”

  Rubbing his fingers beneath his chin, James stared back, “Why?”

  “Because I ain’t got nothing better to do, and neither do you. It’d give me a chance to put all my training to use. I’ve been watching you and I see potential. And since I don’t want to fuck you, maybe we can spar together to pass the time in this shithole.”

  James thought about all the crude things Python promised to do to him once he got him alone. He wouldn’t make it easy. “When can we start?”

  They started that night. Frank stood before him, hands at his sides, legs braced, and told him to try and hit him. Facing each other, in the small cell, James threw a punch and Frank blocked it with ease, returning it right in his solar plexus. James gasped, as the air left his body in a whoosh, taking with it his pride. He would have blocked it, but he never saw it coming. Losing his cool, he swung out again, but Frank just dodged it, landing another blow to his mouth. James licked the blood off his lip, spit it out on the floor, and lunged forward with his shoulder. A second later, he lay flat on his back, looking into Frank’s laughing face.

  “Lesson number one, don’t lose your cool.” Reaching his hand out, Frank offered to help James up. When James slapped it away, he just laughed and reached out again. “You ready to quit? I thought you had more gumption than that. Maybe a big, strong fella like you don’t need any help from no one. Maybe you want what Python has to offer.”

  “No.” Swallowing his pride, James reached out his hand. “I can take it.”

  Are you sure?” Frank grinned. “I ain’t even started yet.”

  “I can take it! I just hope you can, when I knock you flat on your ass.” It didn’t sound like much of a threat since he was lying flat out, but it felt too good to say it.

  Frank pulled James to his feet, his smile cocky, before he sent him flying backwards against the wall with a left hook. James dropped to his knees, eyes wide. “Lesson number two, always be ready.”

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  The next morning, the word was out. James was now the sole property of Frank. The inmates judged him in a whole new light. He was no longer a piece of meat on the block. As far as they were concerned, he was Frank’s boy toy, his swollen face was proof of that. At first, James wanted to lash out. Use his fists to wipe the smirking faces off everyone that thought he had been taken by a man. But he still remembered lesson number one. Never lose your cool. Whenever he was taunted, called Frank’s boy, he smiled. Pride was no longer an issue. Lesson number three rang in his ears.

  “Lesson number three,” Frank had told him, when it was obvious the inmates considered him Frank’s bitch. “A real man has nothing to prove. Strength comes from within,” he had said as he pushed a fist to his chest. “When you accept yourself, know who you are in your heart, no one can take it from you.”

  For the first time in his life, James felt respect for another man. He took in the criticism
with weary acceptance and the praise like a young child, eager to please. After one month of brutal training, he had finally landed a punch to Frank’s jaw, forcing him to shake his head in surprise.

  “I’ll be damned. I never saw it coming.” Frank beamed like a proud father. He was at least fifteen years older than James, with thinning salt and pepper hair.

  James felt his chest swell and pulled Frank into a hug. “I can’t believe it. I feel like I just won the world title.” James realized what he did, and felt immediately foolish for his uncharacteristic display of affection. Never in his life, had he hugged another man, not even his own father. He pulled away but Frank patted his shoulder.

  “Everyone’s got feelings. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. I never regretted having a child until now. It’s a good feeling to pass a part of myself onto another. You make me proud,” Frank muttered gruffly before pushing James away. With a curt nod, he flopped on his cot. “Let’s call it a night.”

  It was stupid, James knew, but he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. He might be behind bars, but for the first time in his life he felt free of his inner turmoil. He was not a loser. He had nothing to prove. He faced himself, faced his feelings, and liked what he saw. Nothing could ever take that from him now, not even the system.

  The following day, James had just finished his shower and noticed too late that he was all alone, when he was waylaid by Python and a few of his cronies.

  Python was probably the ugliest man James had ever seen, with large tattoos of snakes coiled around his head and wrapped around his thick neck. With his bald head and thick moustache, James was reminded of Mr. Clean. Large muscles bulged as he flexed with every movement and James figured him to be about 6'6" and 300 lbs. of solid rock. Pulling his lips back in a sneer, Python showed off yellow teeth. Luckily James had just gotten dressed and felt a certain security in being fully clothed.