Cuts like a knife

by Dana Monahan

  “I’ll call her tonight. I didn’t realize she was worried. I’ve been busy with work and school.”

  “What about me? I’m still your husband!”

  Suddenly, Billie felt nervous. She got up to get a drink, and then fiddled with the pictures on the mantle. Anything to avoid the confrontation, but Brad stalked her every move.

  "I lost a baby, quit harping on me!" She finally looked him in the eyes.

  “So did I.” Brad grabbed her by the shoulders, before she could move away. "Get over it. It's time to move on! I wasn't ready and in the long run we’re better off." he retreated a step, loosening his hold, when Billie’s wide eyes turned cold. “I didn’t mean it that way,” he amended instantly, but it was too late.

  "Why don't you get out and leave me alone. You’re good at that," Billie spat out vehemently while pointing towards the door. For a moment, Brad stood still with clenched fists. His body seemed to vibrate with restrained rage before he stalked to the door. He slammed it shut with such force their wedding picture fell off the mantle. She gingerly picked up the broken portrait and stared at her image smiling wistfully up at Brad, the picture capturing their excitement and shared love, through the shattered glass. She smiled wanly at the irony, as she listened to his tires peel out of the driveway.

  Walking in the bathroom, she splashed cold water on her face and took a long look at herself in the mirror. She flinched at her reflection. There was long hair hanging lifelessly around her face. The listless eyes staring back at her through swollen lids.

  "He's right," she whispered to herself. "It is time to move on."

  Billie gave Norma a month’s resignation notice and finished her semester of school. After packing all her belongings, she made an appointment at the beauty salon. Noticing her clothes had become slightly baggy from her recent lack of appetite; Billie continued with her self-indulgence and bought some new ones. Losing the extra ten pounds that had always plagued her, gave her confidence. This time she chose outfits that enhanced her figure instead of hiding it.

  It was time, she decided, facing her reflection one last time before leaving. It was time to go home. Her dad said he would clean out Sierra's old house and have it ready for her. All she needed to do was stop by and see Brad on the way out. Billie felt new, alive, and she was finally ready to put the past behind her.

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  The front door to the small cottage was locked, but Brad’s truck was parked in the driveway. Instead of searching for her key, Billie knocked.

  "May I help you," a woman asked. Brad's green bathrobe dwarfed her short frame, but she seemed to have cleavage up to her chin. Her hair was wrapped up in a beige towel, but it was probably bleached blond, Billie thought snidely. Hazel eyes narrowed on Billie when she hesitated to speak.

  "Look, honey, we're not interested in buying anything so why don't you run along," she said impatiently and started to close the door.

  Billie simmered at her attitude and pushed the door back open, startling the woman.

  "Actually, I'm not interested in selling anything so why don't you be a dear and tell my husband his wife is here."

  The woman’s expression took on a hard edge, before she smiled sweetly.

  "Darling," she called, "we have a guest." Then she looked at Billie squarely and crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive stance.

  Billie felt a certain satisfaction in knowing that she looked her best in a short white sundress, as the woman looked her over with jealous eyes. Her animosity only added strength to Billie’s intentions.

  Brad walked up behind Mary and froze in his tracks when his eyes fell on Billie. He inhaled a deep breath and held it for a moment before exhaling slowly. Billie still had the ability to take his breath away. Her blond hair curled around her face as he remembered, and her aqua eyes were no longer dull but glowing vibrantly and currently burning into his own with underlying hostility.

  "Mary, why don't you leave for a while," he said to the woman, all the while staring at Billie.

  In a huff, Mary picked up his truck keys off the counter and left, still dressed in his bathrobe.

  "I want a divorce, Brad,” Billie said as soon as she heard his truck start. There was no sense skirting the issue with polite conversation at this point. “You can send me the papers to sign at Sierra's old address."

  "This isn't what it looks like. She doesn't mean a thing to me," he pleaded, stepping into the open doorway. Her eyes narrowed when he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, stopping him short, and he shoved it in the pocket of his khaki shorts, wiping the other through his short brown hair in frustration.

  "She doesn't mean a thing to me, either. The fact that I'm not bothered by her makes it clear that a divorce is what I want," Billie said, realizing it was true.

  "I don't want a divorce.” Brad’s voice was edged with panic. “I want a second chance. We can make it work this time. We’ll take that vacation you always wanted.” Now he was helplessly holding both hands out in front of her. “Oh, God, please Billie. Don’t be rash. I’ll do whatever you want." He stepped closer, pleading with his eyes.

  Billie's temper surfaced a little at the mention of the long ago promised honeymoon. She used that anger to help her say what was on her mind.

  "I don't want anything except what I brought into the marriage and the savings account with what I've earned. You can keep the house and all the furniture." She hurried on when Brad started to shake his head. "Have the divorce papers sent to me in two weeks or I'll take you for fifty percent and make your life hell. You'll never make it to the top if you have to pay me alimony.” Gentling her voice, she added, “Just let it go, Brad. Let's end it as friends." With that, she turned around and left.

  "She will go straight into the arms of Brody," Brad mumbled to himself, bitterly. For a second he thought about running after her, but realized the futility.

  "Good bye, Billie. I love you," he said aloud, as he watched her drive out of his life.

  Mary would be back soon, he remembered with distaste. She was his uncle’s secretary, and her attentions had soothed his bruised ego, but now he was feeling the regrets that come hand in hand with casual sex. She had been accommodating, to say the least, but the attraction had dimmed considerably after seeing her next to Billie. Now, in comparison, the attributes that attracted him to Mary suddenly turned him off. Billie was tall and willowy with a melodic voice. Mary no longer seemed voluptuous, but short and big boned. Her voice was no longer husky, but abrasive. She just wasn’t Billie. Wandering in the kitchen, he poured himself of cup of coffee, but instead of drinking it, he hurled it against the wall.

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  Brody hung up the phone, ending another business call, and leaned back in his chair. Taking over his dad's shoes was no easy task, not to mention taking on a whole new business venture. Brody had always wanted to breed horses, and now his dream was coming true; and behind him in a frame on the wall was his college degree. His father had retired in the mountains as planned, leaving him the ranch to run as he pleased. The only thing missing was a wife and the sound of little children running through the house.

  He dated when he could, but never got that special feeling in his gut that let him know he was in love. All the girls he dated were attractive and had special qualities that drew him to them, but he couldn't picture himself spending the rest of his life with any of them. Sooner or later, they would all want a commitment and Brody would have to break it off.

  A knock at the door brought a smile to his lips. Matt was there, and he had a surprise for the little squirt. When he opened the door, Matt came bounding in the house and jumped up for a sloppy kiss.

  "Hi Uncle Brody, do you have any candy for me?" he asked immediately.

  "Mathew James, don't you ask Brody for candy," Kelly chided, giving Brody an apologetic smile. Her figure was back to normal, had been for a while, but it was still hard for Brody to believe little Kelly, with her tiny waist and youthful features,
had a child of her own; A five year old child who had grown into the spitting image of his father. As soon as Brody set the little guy down, he shot through the kitchen and out the back door. "I'm going to see the horses," he called, over his shoulder.

  "Well, I guess we’re going outside," laughed Brody as he followed behind Kelly, who immediately took off after her wayward son.

  Brody enjoyed his visits with Kelly and little Matt. As soon as he had moved back into town, he invited Kelly to have dinner with him. The two of them had stopped by at least once a week since then. His house was lonely with his father gone, but long hours of work kept his mind off the emptiness he felt growing inside him. Sometimes, on rare occasions, one of his old flames would come by for a weekend, but that was all it would be. He would make it clear from the start that he still wasn't interested in settling down.

  Matt let out a loud scream when he entered the barn and came dashing out running into Kelly.

  "Look, Mom! Look in the stall." Jumping up and down with excitement, he turned his attention to Brody. "Uncle Brody look, look what I found." Running forward, he impatiently grabbed Brody's hand, pulling him into the barn. Stopping in front of the first stall, he pointed excitedly to a small brown Shetland pony with a tawny mane pacing back and forth in its stall.

  "Wow, how did he get in there?" asked Brody, acting innocent.

  "I don't know?" Matt answered seriously. "He's not as big as your other horses. You’d better give him to me. I'll take care of him." Without missing a beat, Matt wrapped his arms around Kelly’s legs in a hug. "Brody said you should bring him home with us. He can stay in my room."

  Brody and Kelly laughed in unison at Matt. He stomped his foot when he realized they weren't taking him seriously.

  "I'll tell you what.” Brody looked into those mutinous green eyes and tried not to chuckle. “We'll leave him here and whenever you come to visit, you'll be in charge of him. Why don't you start by finding an apple? I noticed a few dropped off the tree recently."

  "Yippee. I'll go get it." Matt came charging back into the barn seconds later with an apple in each hand. "Hey, what's his name?"

  "I don't know.” Brody crouched down to Matt’s level, not worried about getting dirt on his jeans. “You’re in charge of him, why don't you name him."

  Matt frowned in concentration for a moment, and then his face lit up.

  "I'll call him Buddy." Eagerly, he walked over to hand the pony an apple, but Brody had to stop him and remind him to hold the apple flat in his hand.

  Kelly came up behind Brody and squeezed his hand. "You’re going to spoil him." She smiled her thanks. Kelly also had on a pair of jeans that tapered down into a nice pair of cowboy boots with heels, but she still had to crane her neck to see Brody’s face. Matt had on a pair of shorts with the matching pair of boots. A Christmas gift Brody had bought them last year.

  "That's what kids are for, Kel. Besides I love to see him so animated. Come on, let's go in and eat dinner." Brody lifted Matt up on his shoulders and stepped over to Kelly. Together they walked up to the house hand-in-hand.

  "When are you going to get married?” she asked on their short walk. “You'd make a wonderful father and husband." Kelly brought this up every time she saw him.

  "So, how’re Billie and Brad?" Brody asked to change the subject, getting an elbow in the gut from Kelly who knew what he was doing.

  "They’re not living together anymore. After Billie lost the baby, she kicked him out.” At his look of shock, she tried to explain. “It started when she got pregnant. He didn’t want a baby, and constantly reminded her of it. And he wasn’t even there when she lost the baby. I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like. She was devastated.”

  “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

  “There was nothing you could do. She begged me not to tell anyone.” They entered the dining room, and Kelly noticed Brody’s hand gripping the highly polished mahogany table as he squatted down to let Matt off his shoulders. There was also the tightening of his jaw, although he kept his expression impassive. She had always suspected his questions about Billie were not as casual as he would like them to appear. His reaction confirmed it. It was probably also the reason he’d never gotten married or fallen in love. He still loved Billie. It also occurred to her that Billie returned those feelings, she realized, remembering the strange bond that had always existed between them.

  During their spaghetti dinner, Brody remained tense and a little distant, so Kelly left early, complaining of a migraine.

  When she was gone, Brody went outside and picked out his best mare. The beautiful palomino with a long white mane could feel Brody's tension and pranced around in agitation. Brody’s nerves were taut. Billie had suffered, was suffering still, and he was impotent to help. She was Brad’s wife. With that thought in mind, he urged his horse into a gallop. They rode hard, and when Brody brought her back to rub her down, only some of his anxiety had eased.

  Still feeling that restless energy, he went into his study to pour over his accounts. Just as he sat down, Kelly called with the news. Billie was divorcing Brad. Brody couldn’t believe his ears. He hung up the phone and leaned back in his office chair with a broad grin that soon turned into laughter. Billie was finally coming home.

  Chapter 18

  With a contented sigh, Billie stepped out on her new front porch and breathed in the familiar fresh scent of Angel Falls. Brad had sent the divorce papers as promised, and she would sign up for school next month, finishing her degree. Smiling, she looked around at all the trees and laughed aloud when she noticed the trampled flowers along the side of the house. Little Matt was definitely a handful, but she enjoyed spending time with him. In a month, he would be five years old.

  Billie went in the house to change into her bathing suit. She would take a swim at the rock and maybe do some shopping later for some more furniture. As she headed out the door, the phone rang, stopping her in midstride.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, stranger. Since you haven’t bothered to come by and see me, I thought I’d call and remind you I live right up the road,” Brody said with a smile in his voice.

  “I figured you’d be busy.” Billie was grinning into the phone, winding the cord around her finger. “I hear you have quite a few more horses now. I’d love to go riding and see your new stock.”

  “It sounds great. We’ll talk about it when you stop by in an hour. I also need to talk some business with you. See you then.” He hung up before she could reply.

  “I’ll show up in two hours,” she said to the dial tone and walked up to Devil’s Rock for a swim.

  On her arrival, Billie gathered some white and purple wildflowers and stooped to place them in front of Sierra’s cross. Because she was now living in Sierra’s old home, Billie thought of her old friend constantly.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come up here sooner. I have so much to tell you.” Tears welled in her eyes and her voice wavered, as she spoke aloud. “I wish you were here. I know we didn’t get along at the end, and I’m so sorry for that. I miss you,” Billie cried, hugging her legs and rocking back and forth. She mourned her lost friendship and the loss of her child. With her mind replete with memories, she climbed the rock to go swimming.

  Everything was the same. The waterfall still dropped into the pool, squirrels still gathered nuts as birds flew from tree to tree, the clouds still rested on the tip of the mountain, but she was different; no longer the naïve young girl who had left five years ago, but a woman. The blissful innocence of her youthful memories was shadowed with tragedy, as she looked around at her childhood hangout.

  Billie swam lap after lap, trying to dispel her somber mood with hard exercise. When her muscles ached in protest, she got out and dried off. She felt much better as she climbed down the rock to leave, but stopped in her tracks at the sight of a black dog resting by Sierra’s cross. She felt a little uncomfortable under the dog’s penetrating gaze and hoped it meant her no harm. Black thick fur cov
ered its length and a long snout projected from under dark ebony eyes. It was part wolf, she realized with slight apprehension, as the animal continued to watch her with a slight tilt to its head.

  With slow movements, Billie strolled past. Instead of heading homeward, she ambled toward Brody’s ranch. The dog followed about a yard behind her, but she no longer felt threatened. She glanced back a moment later, but the dog had vanished.

  Brody’s ranch comprised 80 acres of prime land. He had over twenty horses grazing in the deep, green grass. Weeping willow trees offered shade as she neared his white two-story home. The door was left open by the cleaning woman who hurried out to her van. Billie stepped onto the porch and walked in the open door without knocking. The entry hall was large and roomy, with a winding staircase leading to bedrooms upstairs.

  Billie found Brody downstairs lounging in his office, his long legs, clad in denim, were stretched out on his desk as he leaned back in his chair. He was laughing with someone on the phone while he wrote something down on a notepad in his lap. Since he hadn’t noticed her yet, Billie took a moment to look around unnoticed. His desk, neat and tidy, was located in front of the large glass windows. Another smaller desk containing a computer sat on the opposite of the room. Between the two desks, a long white leather couch sat vacant in front of a grand fireplace.

  Her eyes strayed back to the man on the phone. His black hair still hung a little long, just above his shoulders; the broad shoulders that filled out his shirt so well. Dark stubble covered his strong jaw and a moustache added a sort of sinister appeal to a mouth curved up in a sexy smile. Her eyes traveled upward and noted his dark eyes watching her with amusement.