It was cold and yet warm at the same time. Althea regarded it as if she were inspecting a gem. The flame was still there, yet encased in ice that did not thaw. The fire was still there, yet warm, and dare she think it? Alive.
“Did you do this?” she asked aloud. “Lindt? Are you still here?”
The wind picked up, hot and moist. In the distance, thunder rumbled. And as the thunder echoed, she heard her friend’s soft laughter.
****
”I’m not going,” Althea announced at the breakfast table. “I’m not getting married and you can’t make me.”
“Wedding jitters,” Ruby said. “It’s okay, darling, It’s almost over.”
“It’s not almost over, it is over, you stupid old hag,” Althea shouted. Don’t you get it? I’m a grown woman. I’m legal. There’s nothing you can possibly do to make me walk up that aisle.” She glanced at Cally, hoping for some moral support from her aunt, but it was obvious by the crushed look on Cally’s face that she had other things on her mind. She was huddled in her chair, holding a cup of coffee and gazing into it as if the brown liquid inside held the answers to her deepest desires.
“Well?” Althea asked, her tone a perfect replica of her mother’s. “Aren’t you going to say anything Tante, or are you just going to sit there like a lump?”
“He’s gone,” Cally whispered. Her shoulders quivered, her face gray, her eyes red from crying.
“Who’s gone? Hank?” Ruby asked, looking alarmed. “That little bastard had better not—.”
“Relax. Your bird didn’t fly the coop, mother dearest,” Althea said. “His parents picked him up just before you dragged your ass up out of bed this morning.”
“Oh, of course,” Ruby relaxed. “What was I thinking? He can’t see the bride before the wedding.”
“When will you get it into your thick head that there’s not going to be a wedding today, you hammer-headed old Couillon ?” Althea said. Ruby’s arm jerked up, her eyes blazed. Althea held her ground. “If you do I swear to God I’ll go upside your head.”
“Quit sassing me,” Ruby snapped, lowering her hand. “Look, it’s almost over. You get married here in a bit and afterwards you and Hank will go on with your lives.”
“In other words, you could go on with yours,” Althea retorted. “You’ve been trying to get rid of me since I was a kid. So what’s the deal? If you hate me so much, why did you bother to keep me in the first place?”
Ruby sighed. “It’s not like that.”
“Just what is it like? Tell me why you hate me so much you can’t wait to be shed of me then.”
“Stop it,” Cally wailed, “stop it.”
Ruby and Althea stopped in mid-bicker to stare at Cally who grabbed her coffee cup and threw it as hard as she could at the wall. The white porcelain cup shattered against the wall, the coffee leaving an ugly brown stain as is spilled down onto the floor.
“You two are so wrapped up in yourselves, it’s sickening. You’re both self-centered and pathetic. Day in and day out all I hear is the two of you squabbling. You don’t care about me. You don’t care about anyone but your sad little selves. Don’t you understand? He’s gone...He’s gone.”
Cally folded her arms on the table and lowered her head into them. She uttered deep heaving sobs, her shoulders shaking with the effort. Ruby and Althea were stunned to silence.
“Cally, bay-bay,” Ruby soothed, reaching across the table and caressing her sister’s hair. “I’m sorry, cher, I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve been alone so long,” Cally wailed, “I’ve wished and prayed, but I’ve never had a real man of my own. Certainly not like him. He was so wonderful, so kind and gentle. And now he’s gone...And you two bickering and fussing over this stupid wedding—”
“He’s a cad. A swine like all men,” Ruby dismissed, her face hardening. “Look at the state he left you in. You’re a mess, and over what? Some stupid sweet nothings he whispered in your ear? Pull up your panties, sister-dear, and get on with your life.”
“Well if that’s true, then why are you forcing me to marry Hank?” Althea snapped.
“That’s entirely different, that’s—”
“Oh for God’s sake shut up about your goddamned wedding,” Cally screamed. “She’s grown, you stupid bitch. Hasn’t Althie been trying to tell you that for weeks now?”
“Althie, go upstairs and get dressed. I laid out that green dress for you go to church in. Go put it on, and then sit up there and wait for me to come get you,” Ruby said quietly.
“I won’t”
“Go do it now,” Ruby hissed, her eyes huge, like a cat’s. Althea felt her courage retreat. Ruby stepped toward her daughter. Fear clattered up Althea’s spine. She slowly stood and walked away.
Althea paused halfway up the staircase, listening to Ruby and Cally as they shouted at each other in Cajun. Althea could understand some of it, but not all, which, she was sure, wasn’t a bad thing. The only thing she was completely sure of was that Cally was devastated, which was already obvious, and Ruby’s inability to understand what her sister saw in what she perceived to be a shabby little man in the first place.
Althea retreated to her room. She sat on the bed, next to the suitcase that her mother packed for her. The wedding dress, the expensive white satin horror that she so despised, hung like an indictment in its plastic garment bag on the closet door. She fought an impulse to shove a knife deep into the bodice.
A car horn broke through her morbid thoughts. She went to the balcony and saw that Mrs. Bristow’s caddy and driver, complete in a formal chauffer uniform, had arrived.
Her heart sank. Oh God, it never ends.
“Althea!”
“I’m not going!”
“Get down here, or so help me I’ll drag you down by the hair of the head.”
Snarling, Althea pulled the wedding gown from the door and tossed it across her shoulder, letting the train drag along behind her as she stomped down the stairs.
Chapter Fifteen
After a brief but intense scuffle with her mother just before the organist began the introduction to the Wedding March, Althea took the executioner’s path toward the altar. A lump burned like an ember in the pit of her stomach, and her pulse thudded like a war drum inside her head. For a moment she thought she’d surely faint. Beside her strode Mr. Cathar, who agreed at the last minute to replace Mr. Lindt as the father of the bride. Althea yearned for Mr. Lindt. She had hoped he’d change his mind and arrive in time for her to make her announcement. He did not, and she, like Cally, was devastated.
**Where are you?** She whispered in her mind. **Where did you go? I need you.**
Silence. His comforting presence was gone.
**Please come,** she pleaded. **You’ve got to be here. I tried to tell Mom this morning but she didn’t listen. I tried again when I was getting dressed. She just won’t hear me. I tried again a few minutes ago and nobody will listen. Please come. Please.**
Again, there was no response.
**I should have run away. I shouldn’t have listened to you. You abandoned me just like you abandoned my aunt. Just like my father abandoned me. Now what am I supposed to do? How do I get out of this?**
Althea tried pulling away from Mr. Cathar’s arm. He flexed his arm, trapping hers in the crook of his elbow. He patted her hand and smiled down at her. Althea felt her face flush hot. Oh how I despise, you, she thought. You‘re going to drag me down there kicking and screaming ain’t you? Go ahead, do it, you miserable bastard. But when I get ready to say my piece, you might have to cover your ears.
He smiled at her again, patted her hand once more in a fake attempt to comfort her, and virtually dragged her the last few feet to the altar.
Father Daltree stood there, wearing his robes, holding his book, standing piously behind the altar. Hank stood off to the right, along with one pimply groomsman who was introduced to her as Hank’s cousin, Mike.
Althea hunched her shoulders and stared at the floor, her heart
pounding so hard she was sure everyone could hear.
When the time comes, all I have to do is say no. It won’t be so hard, she reassured herself. It’ll be like pulling a thorn out of your foot. It’ll hurt for a minute but then it’ll be over. And once I have my say in front of everyone there’ll be nothing anyone can do. Mom will look like the fool she is, and she’s got it coming. In spades.
Mr. Cathar moved aside and Hank stood beside her. She gazed at him through her veil. Hank looked lost and somewhat scared, like a little boy who got separated from his parents at a theatre and wound up onstage in the middle of the second act. Mike stared up at the ceiling absently picking his zits. Althea quickly looked away. Adrenalin shot through her, frigid as ice water.
Once again, she mentally searched for the one man whom she was convinced would come and save her, even though he told her he could not risk coming. **You could, at least, stayed in my mind,** she thought. **You could have comforted me from afar, but you didn’t. You’re a coward. You’re a coward and a swine. Mom had you pegged all along.**
Hank shifted in place beside her, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, beads of sweat shining on his brow. He glanced down at her, his face the color of soured milk. He swayed slightly as if he’d faint. He offered her a wan smile. Althea scowled. He quickly shifted his gaze to the floor.
Father was mumbling something, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. Her heart pounded in her ears; she held her bouquet in a death grip. She glanced over her shoulder and saw that her mother was looking at her with an undeniably sly expression.
She knows. Althea realized. Outrage replaced fear. Of course she knows what I’m up to And she’s about to interfere. God help her if she does.
Althea glanced at Hank, who wasn’t looking at her but was preoccupied with a piece of lint on his suit jacket. Mike was still picking his zits. Her mother was leaning forward, her expression hungry, her eyes gleaming. She looks crazy Althea thought, but of course she is. This isn’t a wedding, it’s an insane asylum.
Althea felt faint and vaguely nauseous. Everything appeared as if she we were looking down the wrong end of a set of binoculars.
Althea could see Father Daltree’s lips moving, but she heard nothing. Hank turned and looked at her and said something but the intense rushing in her ears made it impossible to hear. She cocked her head like a curious child, looking him in the eyes (those haunted eyes!) seeing his lips move, but nothing coherent came out.
Now the priest was talking to her. Althea focused on Father Daltree, watching the old man’s lips moving and again unable to make out what he was saying. All she could think of was Mr. Lindt, the things he showed her the night before and the bag on the bed that she hadn’t looked into, but now wished intensely that she had.
“Althea,” Hank said, breaking through the strange silence that had possessed her.
“What?” she asked.
The congregation tittered.
She turned around and looked at them. Her family, such as it was, with Mrs. Bristow and Elly sitting next to her mother, occupied the front pew. And there was Hank’s family who took up a full two-thirds of the groom’s section. Everyone looked expectant. Some looked impatient. Mrs. Cathars lips pursed in stark disapproval. Her mother glared.
She turned back to the priest, who loomed above her, his eyebrows raised, expecting a response.
“What?” she asked again.
“I said, will you take this man to be your husband?”
Althea turned and looked at Hank. He blanched, his fingers twitching as he fidgeted with his coat. He looked down at the floor. Althea’s heart went out to him. He shouldn’t have to go through with this, she thought. Compassion replaced her ire. Yes, it’s time everyone should know.
“What are you supposed to say, child?” Father Dupree asked.
“Today’s my birthday,” Althea replied.
The congregation laughed. For an instant Althea thought about the canned laughter she heard on game shows.
“Happy birthday,” Father Daltree said, bemused. “Now, will you take this man—”
“—No, Father.”
“Perhaps you didn’t understand,” Father Daltree said.
“I understand perfectly well, Father. It’s my birthday. I’m a grown woman and can decide what I want, and who I want.” She looked at Hank and said. “So my answer is no, I won’t marry you.”
Ruby groaned. Cally’s expression was unreadable. The rest of the audience gasped.
“This is wrong, Father. And I can’t go through with this, and I won’t.” Althea turned to Hank. “I care about you Hank, you’re a sweet boy and I like you a lot. But I don’t love you, and I can’t be forced to marry you, despite what my mother thinks.” She dropped her bouquet, the soft flowers landing on the carpet between them. “And I know you love the church more than you ever will me. I can’t stand between you and God.”
“Althea, honey, it’s just the jitters,” Ruby said. She stood, giggled, obviously on the brink of hysterics. “Give her a chance to catch her breath. Father, could you please start again?”
“No, Mom, now please butt out.”
“Father Daltree,” Ruby interrupted, “Althea’s just being silly. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Keep going please.”
“No,” Althea said, with surprising force in her voice. “I know exactly what I’m saying, Mother. I’m not a child, and I am capable of making my own decisions. I’ve been trying to tell you this for weeks now, right up until this minute, but you just won’t listen.”
“You need to calm down and catch your breath, chere,” Ruby said.
“I don’t need to calm down,” Althea replied. “What I need to do is tell the truth. The truth about everything right here in front of God and Hank.”
“Althea, come with me,” Ruby said, stepping up to the raised dais. “You’re hysterical chere. Let’s go sit in the garden and have a little chat with Father,” she said between clenched teeth.
Althea pulled her hand from her mother’s grip. She stepped back; the eerie sensation of numbness was gone now and all she felt was rage. Again, she yearned for Mr. Lindt, to have his steady gentle counsel inside her mind.
“I can’t marry you Hank,” she said. “I can’t do it because all of this is a lie. My mother’s not rich, and neither are your parents. You told me yourself your old man can’t even afford a wedding ring.”
Cathar uttered a loud cough, his face a blistering red. “But the ring is right here, darling,” he blustered. “Mike, you’ve got it, show her.” Althea ignored him.
She turned and looked at her mother. “Don’t even attempt to call me a liar, Ruby. Hank himself told me a few nights ago. Old man Cathar picked up the ring, but I’m supposed to give it back after the wedding so they can get a refund. Ain’t it a hoot, Mommy Dearest? They’re broker than we are. They actually think they’re going to be sponging off of us.”
“Althea—” Hank started.
“No, no, don’t interrupt me. You deserve the truth,” she said to the audience. “Every one of you deserves to hear the truth about me, about everything.”
“Althea, come with me now,” Ruby commanded. “You’re not making a lick of sense.”
“It’s perfect sense. And the ring is only the smallest of the lies. I’m the biggest one. I’ve tried to tell you all along but you won’t listen. Nobody has been listening. But now you will. I have to say it.” She choked. “I’m a lie. I’m a sham too. I don’t even deserve to stand in this church.”
The audience muttered. Ruby’s face went crimson as she grabbed for her daughter. Althea stepped back, ducking her mother’s angry hand. Althea’s temper surged. Then without warning all the angst she had kept pent up all summer blasted out. She was on a runaway train of emotion and there was no way she could get off.
“Where’s my father?” Althea screamed in her mother’s face. “Why isn’t he here to give me away? Why isn’t his name on my birth certificate? Why Ruby Marie?”
Althea paused, choked and then added, “All these years you’ve been trying to get rid of me by marrying me off to anyone who comes along. You started when I was just a kid, and you never gave up, even when the state came and threatened to take me away. And now you think you’ve found the perfect patsy for me, but now I’m old enough to tell you to screw off. There won’t be any more husband picking for me, Ruby. I’ve had it. I’ve had it with your airs and your holier than thous when you’re just a whore who gave birth to a bastard child you couldn’t get rid of fast enough to suit you!”
“Althea,” Cally warned. “Let’s go somewhere quiet where we can talk about this.”
“No,” Althea screamed. “No, I want to know now. I want everyone to know why I’m a bastard. I want to hear it from you, Ruby. I want to hear the truth. All of it.”
Ruby collapsed to the floor. Althea turned her back, her face in her hands. She hucked up great gasps of air as she wept.
“Althea,” Cally whispered.
“I’m not good enough for you, Hank,” Althea said, backing away. “I’m not good for anyone. I’m a bastard, and my mother’s a whore. I don’t deserve to be with someone as good and as kind as you.”
The audience sat in stunned silence as Althea ran down the aisle, out into the silent vestibule, toward the huge oak double doors. She shoved one of them open and rushed out into the hot summer air. Just as she raced down the steps she ran headlong into Jake. He grabbed her by the shoulders, looked at her with a half smile on his face and said, “Can’t go through with it, huh?”
“Get away from me,” she shouted, yanking away.
“I’m here to do right by you,” Jake said, grasping for her hand. “Let’s get hitched. Now. Today. Let’s do this.”
“Shove off,” she shouted, trying to twist away from his grasp. “Let me go before I scream.”
She heard the door open behind her. Heard her aunt’s anxious call.
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