“Please,” she pleaded.
Jake let go, raising his hands in a self defensive gesture. “Where are you going?” he yelled as she bolted down the remaining stairs and out onto the street.
Althea didn’t respond. All she wanted was to get as far away from her mother, the church, and the Cathars as she could get. Her heart cried out for Mr. Lindt, and after running several blocks into a residential area, she heard his response.
**Two blocks down and to the right. Hurry.** Lindt’s voice appeared in her mind. Sobbing with a mixture of joy and terror, she stopped long enough to kick off her white pumps and run barefoot down the street. Within minutes she stood before a rundown brownstone boarding house with a raked front yard infested with kudzu and mimosa trees.
**Go up the back way; there’s a flight of stairs there. Make sure nobody sees you.**
Althea found a rundown looking flight of stairs just behind the house. An apartment jutted from behind the building, the steps were worn but navigable. Grabbing the railing, with one hand and her skirt with the other, she rushed up the steps.
**Careful,** Lindt thought, **you don’t want to get hurt.**
“It’s too late for that,” she said aloud as he opened the door for her. He looked over her shoulder, and then pulled her inside. “I’m already hurting so bad I can’t stand it.”
“I see you created some chaos of your very own,” he noted, bemused.
“Why didn’t you come?” She sobbed as she literally fell into his arms. Lindt had to take a step back to catch her. “Why weren’t you at least in my mind? You could have comforted me, guided me—”
“You did just fine on your own.”
“No, no I didn’t. I made a mess out of everything.”
“No, no you did not,” he said, guiding her inside the small apartment and closing the door behind him. “You did very well considering the circumstances, although, I would have not shouted to the world that I was unpedigreed.”
Lindt gently deposited her into a brown well worn arm chair. He sat on an equally threadbare ottoman in front of her. Althea sniffed and blew her nose on her veil. “So you were there after all?”
“In a manner of speaking,” Lindt said. “I’ve never completely left you. Did you open the present I gave you?”
“The pres—what, what present?”
“The brown bag.”
“No, sorry.”
Lindt waved his hand aside as he sat down. “No matter then.”
“I’ll look at it when I get home, if I have a home to go to after all that.”
“I’m quite sure you will,” Lindt said mildly. “You have more to discuss with your mother, of course, and I do recommend this next conversation be private.”
“Maybe now she’ll listen to me.”
“She has no choice.”
Althea frowned, considering. “Remember what you showed me last night, about the universes and the All and the Remnants?”
“Yes.”
“Those threads do more than just create universes. They are connected to time as well ain’t they?” she said more as a statement than a question.
Lindt flinched.
“I’m right ain’t I?”
“There’s nothing in the past you need to see, chere.”
Althea’s eyes blazed. “I have to know. I know what you’re going to say, and I can’t ask my mother. She’d lie to me, and even if she didn’t I’d never believe her.”
Lindt frowned. “Are you sure you really want to do this?”
“I’m positive. I’m sick of being ignored, or worse, being lied to. I need to see the truth. I need to know who my father is. I need to know who I am. I need to know if I’m not—” she choked.
“What you will witness is factual. And what I’m about to show you isn’t for the weak hearted. You’ll have to have the courage of a tigress to go through with this. More so, you mustn’t think ill of either your mother or your aunt, and recall the time period that this occurred. I will ask you one last time. Do you really want to see?”
“I do,” Althea stated without hesitation.
Lindt sighed, snuffed out a cigarette that was lingering in the ashtray, and then knelt on the floor. He raised his arms, motioning for her to come. Althea tossed her veil aside, hiked up her dress and straddled his thighs as she did the night before.
He gently wiped wet curls from around her face, dabbed the beads of perspiration off her brow with a soft handkerchief. Offering her a sad smile, he leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers.
“Open your mind.”
Althea did, and once again she and Lindt were together, flying out of their bodies at an astounding pace. They soared high above the multiverse, were bathed in the omniscient light of the All. In an instant, she was coursing down toward a thread, and that thread, she noticed as she came closer, was filled with an infinite number of fibers. They entered one and she felt an incredible warping sensation as she moved down it, images flashing past at an incredible speed. Lindt led her to the thread that bound Althea to her current existence. Her emotions surged as she sensed something from Lindt, something sad and deeply troubling. Without hesitation she freed herself from his embrace and rushed toward the dark pulsing fiber ahead.
**Wait,** Lindt called.
She dismissed his pleas as she rushed into the thread. There was something Lindt was hiding from her, something dark and horrible. Althea knew that if she followed him, she’d be nothing more than a tourist visiting her own past. And she had to see, she had to know, despite how ugly and hurtful it could be. Nothing, she was certain, was worse than not knowing.
**Don’t do this,**he begged. **I have to explain—**
She ignored him. A filament appeared to what she perceived as her right hand side and she sped through it. She dashed toward a white light that warped and pulsated until it became firm and real. Crumbling brick walls closed in around her. Althea looked around, startled. She was standing in an alley. She felt corporeal yet she knew she was not. She felt the grit and dirt beneath her feet, and could catch the aroma of garbage mixed with urine and alcohol.
Three people were standing at the end of the alley. She could see them silhouetted by the blinding white light beyond. Althea knew there was nothing beyond that light, nothing that her mind could comprehend anyway. Behind her she could hear the pleading entreaties of Mr. Lindt, begging for her to come back, not to look down the alley because it was something that she was forbidden to see.
She ignored him, somewhat surprised that he hadn’t come into the alley with her, but instead had held back. Althea walked slowly toward the trio at the end of the alleyway. Two girls in their mid-teens and an old woman were standing close together, in deep and occasionally loud conversation. One of the raised voices, Althea realized with a shock, was that of her mother.
The other girl must be Cally, Althea thought. But who is that old woman with them? And why is Mom crying like that? I never heard her cry a day in her life. Especially not like that. Mom despised what she called, little girl whimpering, found it loathsome and beneath contempt.
The old woman spread newspaper on the ground. “Newsprint is sterile; it just came off the presses this morning. You’ll be fine.”
“Shouldn’t we get deeper into the alley?” A voice very much like Cally’s, but younger, echoed off the crumbling brick walls. “Someone might see.”
“It’s illegal, yes, but there’s nobody around. Not this time of night anyway. Nobody will see. Nobody will know. Your parents will think you got your period, that’s it.”
“But this is a mortal sin,” Ruby simpered.
“So is the brat you’re carrying around in your belly,” the old woman snapped. “Are we going to do this or not?”
**Please, Althea, come back,** Mr. Lindt pleaded. **This is not what I intended to show you. You don’t have to see this, you never have to know.**
**Why don’t you come and get me?**
**If I could, I would. **
; **So there are limits to your powers.**
**I’m not a god, Althea. But I am your friend. And as such I implore you to not gaze upon this thread.**
Bile rose thick and nasty in the back of Althea’s throat. Yes, she thought as the conversation before her continued, I should leave. I really should. Yet she did not. She stood transfixed as the scene unfolded before her.
“Pull off your panties and lay down on the newspaper,” the woman told Ruby. “Put your knees up high in the air so I can see what I’m doing.”
“Will it hurt?” Ruby asked, her voice trembling so badly that Althea was sure she’d have another crying fit.
“I don’t think it’s very safe,” Cally was saying. “You’re going to do this in a dirty alley with nothing for her to lie on but newspaper? Why can’t we do it in your house?”
“This ain’t brain surgery honey,” the woman snapped. “And newspaper is sterile when it comes right off the press like this, like I said, so there’s no need to go anywhere else.”
“But it’ll hurt won’t it?” Cally said, wringing her hands. “I don’t want my sister to hurt.”
“Well she should have thought about that before she got herself knocked up,” the old woman said irritably. “Now,” the hag said to Ruby, “got your panties off? Good. Now lie down here, on the newspaper like I said, and spread ‘em wide so I can get this done and over with.”
“Wait, Ruby, please; I don’t think this is right,” Cally pleaded.
“I can’t go home like this,” Ruby said. “I can’t let Mom and Dad know what happened. Dad will blow his stack.”
“It’s not exactly a secret you can keep either, honey,” the woman replied. “In a few weeks everyone’s going to know.” She cackled. “And what’ll happen to your precious reputation then?”
“We’re not even sure you’re pregnant,” Cally said.
“I’ve missed two periods and I’ve been throwing up every morning. I’ve got Dad convinced it’s just a sinus infection but Mom is looking funny at me. She knows, and so do I.” Ruby lay down on the newspapers and hiked her skirt over her knees. “Let’s get this over with.”
“But Ruby you can’t. What if you get, I don’t know... an infection or something? If you can get the clap off a toilet seat, imagine what you can get of a shabby old knife.”
“You can’t get the clap off a toilet seat,” the old woman snapped. “And your sister is right, if she’s missed two periods and is throwing up she’s knocked up. So,” she paused as she eased herself between Ruby’s legs, “you be a good girl and keep a lookout in case some stooge shows up.”
Cally looked uncertain. The young Ruby lay wan and frightened on the alley floor. “Spread your legs wider, honey,” the old woman advised. “I can’t do anything if you keep your knees clenched together like that.”
“But it’s going to hurt,” Ruby whimpered.
“That’s what this belt is for,” the woman said, tossing her a thin leather strap. Althea noticed that the belt was old worn leather, cracked and smelled faintly of blood and vomit. Upon closer inspection, she saw teeth marks embedded in the decaying leather. “Put it between your teeth and bite down. Hard,” the abortionist said.
“Why? What are you going to do?” Ruby asked.
“I’m going to let the air in, that’s all. Nature will do the rest.”
“That knife doesn’t look very clean,” Cally’s disembodied voice observed as she gazed into the white nothingness of the open alley. “And none of this looks safe.” Cally’s voice rose. “Not to mention you’ll go straight to hell for doing this, Ruby.” Cally burst into tears. “You can’t do this, Sister. You just can’t.”
“I can’t let Mom and Dad find out. They’ll kill me.”
“She might, too,” Cally replied, indicating the woman with the knife.
“Here now. I haven’t lost a maid in a very long time. Now look here, Missy. It’ll be over in just a minute if you two would just shut up. Do as Granny tells you. Relax and spread your legs. I can’t get in with you all twisted around like that.”
“I don’t think I want to do this,” Ruby said, rising on her elbows.
Althea felt sweat pouring from her scalp, down her neck and off her brow. Her clothes stuck to her as thick droplets poured down her cleavage. She was breathing hard now, her heart pounding so loud she was certain that they’d hear her.
“Stop your blubbering you stupid girl,” the hag said. “It’s not like you’re the first one that’s carried one of Winthrop’s little bastards. All I have to do is let the air in. That’s all. It won’t take long and you can go back to being a slut.”
“That’s it,” Cally said. “I’m calling the cops.”
The old woman stood up between Ruby’s legs, turned with remarkable agility and grabbed Cally by the elbow, hauling her close. Ruby was crying hard now. The old woman brandished the knife, flashing it at Cally. The blade caught the light from behind them and blinded Althea for an instant. “You ain’t calling the law, missy. You’ll go to jail just as fast as me, as an accomplice!”
**Please, Althea,** Lindt pleaded, his voice strained. **No more. Please no more.**
“Stop it,” Ruby shouted, scrambling away. “I don’t want to do this. I want to keep the baby.”
The old woman glared down at Ruby through a mass of filthy gray hair. “Do you know what this means, girl?” the hag asked.
“Yes I do,” Ruby said with finality. She scooted away from the woman and stood up. “I mean to have this baby.”
“Even though Winnie put that chile in your belly against your will?” The abortionist spat. “Stupid Catholic.”
“I should never have come here,” Ruby replied. “Cally’s right. This is a mortal sin.”
“You know your reputation will be shot. No decent man would have you after this.” The woman sneered and said craftily, “but if you let me do it, you’re reputation is safe. Nobody ever need to know about how you ended up here.”
“How do we know you won’t keep your yap shut?” Cally asked. “How do we know you won’t come to the house demanding more money or you’d tell our parents or the priest or something?”
The woman tittered. “Old Granny keeps her secrets. Do you two—”she said as she pointed a bony finger at them “—think that you’re the only ones come to seek old Granny Mayhaw out? You’d be danged fools if that’s what you think. Half the women in Desoto Parish have come looking for me at one time or another.”
“I don’t care,” Ruby said as she retrieved her panties from the newspaper pallet. “To hell with my reputation. I didn’t do any of this on purpose you know.”
She raised her head, her chin a defiant profile against the brilliant white backdrop. “I hated the boy who did this to me, but I love the baby. I’m keeping it and raising it myself.”
Cally gasped. “Sister. You can’t. What will Dad do? What will Mom say? And...” She put her hands up to her mouth and whispered between her fingers. “And the priest? They’ll send you away...to the home...”
“I don’t care,” Ruby said in that defiant manner Althea had grown accustomed. “I’ll work it out somehow. Anything is better than this,” she said, indicating the rancid alley which they stood.
“Very well. It’s on your head then,” Granny said. “But I’m keeping the two hundred dollars. I was willing to do the job. It’s you who changed your mind.”
“But—”
“—no buts,” Granny snapped, still holding the knife in her hand. “And if you try to take it away from old Granny then I’ll see the brat in your belly comes out one way or another.”
“Keep the damned money you filthy old whore,” Ruby shouted. She picked up a rock and before Granny could retaliate she struck the old woman with it. Granny cackled, scuttling away from the sudden barrage of debris that Ruby hurled at her. “Little skanks,” Granny swore at the girls as she backed away into the light, still brandishing the knife. “Uppity little Catholic sluts.”
“And that�
�s for threatening me,” Cally shouted as she and her sister both pelted Granny with stones. The old woman cackled again, swearing and hurling curses at the girls as she slipped into the light and melted away.
The alley collapsed into a long gleaming silver thread. Althea felt as if she were being hauled backwards at a rapid rate of speed, then hurled forward again. Mr. Lindt’s entreaties for her to return became fainter as she continued to travel along the length of the silver thread, like a bead being pulled along a string. Then as quickly as the sensation of being pulled along began it stopped, and Althea found herself standing in a cramped little apartment. The same apartment, Althea realized, as the one that she saw in the picture weeks before.
But the scene wasn’t as cozy as the one in the picture. The apartment smelled of rot, ,mildew, Clorox bleach, and the meaty smell of blood. The atmosphere in the room was heavy and dank. Huge dollops of blood spread like partly opened flowers on the floor. Ruby was lying pale and weak on a moldy old mattress which was quickly absorbing a frightening amount of blood.
Sweat prickled on Ruby’s brow. She was naked from the waist down, her legs hiked up, and several towels were shoved between them. A crying newborn with the placenta still attached was lying in a dresser drawer filled with rags and covered with towels. Cally was standing beside her sister, crying and wringing her hands much like she did in the alley. “We’ve got to call the doctor,” Cally was saying. “We’ve got to. There’s so much blood.”
“No,” Ruby whispered.
“I’ve got to, Sister; you haven’t stopped bleeding.”
“It’s just my period. That’s all it is. Now please let me rest some. I’m so tired.”
Cally sat on the edge of the bed beside her sister and wept. “I’m sorry Sister, but I have to do it. It’s not just a period. Something’s wrong. Nobody should bleed like this. You should have had the baby in the hospital, not in the bathroom. Not in there.”
“We were both born at home and there was no trouble,” Ruby said, as her head lolled, facing her sister. She licked her dry cracked lips. Her face had taken on a greenish sheen and the texture was something close to melted wax. “Besides if we go to the hospital, they’ll take my baby away.”
Wild Swans Page 23