Wild Swans

by Patricia Snodgrass

  There was a strong pounding on the door followed by muffled voices. Althea couldn’t make out what they were saying. Both girls jumped. Ruby looked pleadingly at her sister. Cally ran her hands down her thighs, wiping the sweat off her palms. The door pounded again.

  “Open up in there,” a male voice demanded.

  “What do we do?” Cally whispered.

  Ruby uttered a deep shuddering breath and her eyelids fluttered.

  “Ruby?”

  The door was kicked open. A long haired woman and a tall thin man strode into the room. Althea assumed it was a neighbor along with the manager.

  “Ruby?” Cally called again. Ruby’s eyes had rolled upwards. Her body became slack and Cally screamed. The two people who entered the room whispered, “Oh my God.”

  This time the thread yanked her hard from behind and Althea spun as she rushed through the fibers that wove her existence. She caught glimpses of her current life, the life that was to come, and former lives as well. She hadn’t had time to absorb what she had seen when she was deposited in what appeared to be the pediatric ward of a large hospital.

  Cally was standing in the nursery, waiting for the nurses to undergo shift change. Cally had dyed her hair a garish shade of red, found a pair of horn rimmed glasses and had stolen a nurse’s uniform from somewhere. Althea felt adrenaline pour through her as she and the younger, dumpier appearing Cally strode boldly into the nursery, and informed the charge nurse that she was new and was taking over the night shift. The nurse, tired and careless, did not bother to check whether Cally was telling the truth or not.

  The nurse asked without looking up from her charts. “Smythe, isn’t it?”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “Hopkins,” the nurse said. “This your first time on the pedie floor?”

  “No, I’ve done new baby, well baby and critical care,” Cally responded. “I worked at the burn unit at Parkland Hospital for a while.”

  “Until you got burned out on it right?” Hopkins joked, nudging Cally with her elbow. Cally did not return the laugh.

  There was an uncomfortable silence. “Get through orientation all right?” Hopkins asked.

  “It’s pretty standard stuff,” Cally said shrugging. “I was asked to go ahead and watch the nursery during shift change.”

  “Thanks,” the woman grumbled. “I hate shift change,” she said. “All I want to do at shift end is to get in my car and carry my fat ass to the house where there’s a hot man and a cold beer waiting for me.”

  “Yeah,” Cally agreed. “I hear ya.”

  “Well ,” Hopkins said, “it’s almost time for their eleven o’clock feeding. “These kids here,” Hopkins said, showing Cally a list, “are the ones that go to their mothers. These,” she flipped the page over the clipboard’s big silver clamp and said, “these are the ones that stay here to feed. You can go ahead and get started while the rest of us are in consultation. That agreeable to you?”

  “Yes, Nurse,” Cally said obediently.

  “The bottles are over here,” said Hopkins, indicating a sterile vat where glass baby bottles sweated like little fat men in a sauna, “and the formula is over here.” She nodded indicating a refrigeration unit in the far corner of the room. “And make sure the nipples are supple and not damaged or broken. And be absolutely sure you wash your hands between handling each baby. The last nurse who forgot gave every kid in the nursery thrush. I won’t have that happen on my floor. Not ever again. You’ll be immediately dismissed if you forget.”

  “Yes, Nurse” Cally said.

  Hopkins shot her a glance and Althea felt her knees go weak. Cally had to be panicking inside, but Althea couldn’t tell by her aunt’s cool exterior.

  “You look awfully young,” Hopkins observed, pulling down her horn-rimmed glasses and looking over the frames.

  “I’m twenty-one,” Cally replied.

  “You look seventeen.”

  “Thank you,” Cally said. “I try to keep up my appearance.”

  “You should lose the glasses then, and do something with that nappy hair of yours. You’d be lots prettier and far more professional looking.”

  “Thank you Nurse,” Cally replied.

  “Don’t forget to change the little hellions after feeding. Every one of the little brats will shit right after they eat. And burping is important. We can’t have anyone going home colicy.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Hopkins shrugged and left for the conference. Cally watched, her hands trembling. She held her breath and let it out slowly. “Okay,” Cally whispered to herself. “You’ve got fifteen, maybe twenty minutes before they all start trooping in here. I’ve got to get this right.”

  Althea followed her aunt as she took two babies to their mothers. She listened as Cally laughed and joked along with the new moms, then left to pick up two more. One, Althea noticed, was a baby called Baby Doe. She was wearing a pink stocking cap and wrapped in a pink and yellow pinstriped blanket. The other was a little boy with the name Klondike Baby written in tiny beads on a bracelet around his wrist. As Althea looked closer, she noticed a similar bracelet on the infant girl’s wrist as well.

  It’s me, Althea thought with a jolt. My god, it’s me.

  Cally placed both babies in a bassinet and rolled it down the hallway. The last room was the Klondike mother. Her room was situated just a few feet from the elevators. Althea felt her fear ramp up; (although, intellectually she knew the outcome, watching it take place was intense) Cally gave the baby boy to her mother. She stood by the older woman’s bedside, laughed and joked and plumped pillows as if she were a real nurse. And then she left, after asking if Mrs. Klondike wanted anything. No? Well call me if you need me.

  Cally looked down the hallway which was quite empty. Althea was astonished at how calm her aunt was. She rolled the bassinet carrying Baby Doe to the elevator, and pushed the lobby button. The doors opened. The car was blessedly empty. She stepped inside and Althea followed. She could hear Cally uttering the ‘Lord’s Prayer’ as the elevator went down.

  The doors whooshed open and she pushed the bassinet up to Ruby, her face flushed, wearing a thick blue overcoat with huge blue buttons over her hospital gown. She was sitting in a wheelchair.

  She handed the baby to Ruby and Althea watched, stunned, as Cally rolled her sister and newborn niece out of the lobby and outside. Once outside, Cally and Ruby entered a taxi and sped away.

  Was it really that easy? she wondered as she felt the tug of the string on the small of her back once more. Were they really able to get me out of the hospital, just like that? And why on earth did they have to go through all that trouble for anyway? Why didn’t they just give me to her in the first place?

  **Because,**she heard Lindt say, **unwed girls weren’t allowed to keep their babies in the nineteen thirties. Nor are they really able to do so now. The hospital figured out your sister was an unwed mother and called the social worker. The social worker had already arranged to give you to another family. You would never have seen your aunt or mother had Cally not had the courage to take you from the hospital wing.**

  **I thought I left you behind.**

  **I never left you. We are still together you and I.**

  **How did they get money for a taxi?**

  **It doesn’t matter.**

  **How did they keep the law from coming after them?**

  **That is how your mother and aunt ended up in Eldred’s Bend. Mrs. Bristow was kind enough to take the three of you in. And she was the one who kept the state from having you removed from your mother’s custody and kept your aunt from going to prison from kidnapping a ward of the state. And, she did it again when the social workers came because your mother tried to marry you off too young.**

  **Mrs. Bristow did all of that for us?**

  **She is a very powerful and remarkable woman. More powerful than you’ll ever know.**

  **Is she like you?**

  **No. ** Lindt laughed. ** But she has tremendous power nonet
heless.**

  **But why?**

  **Your mother found a lump in her breast. She thought she was dying. That’s why she wanted to find a husband for you when you were younger. She didn’t think Cally could take care of you, and needed to know you were safe and provided for.**

  **But she didn’t die.**

  **No, and she has come to deeply regret trying to marry you off so young.**

  **I can’t believe they did all of this for me,** Althea said, feeling stunned and ashamed. **She could have put me in an orphanage, and gone on with her life.**

  **Instead, she and Cally made you their lives.**

  **And the whole marriage thing.**

  **Was another way to keep you safe from harm. She has always done her best to keep you from getting hurt.**

  **But isn’t life all about getting hurt?**

  **We hurt, we heal. That you and I can agree upon. But your mother’s wound was so great that she could never properly heal. You see, her seclusion from the world as a whole was as much for herself as it was for you.**

  **What’s to become of me now? I humiliated my mother in public. I turned Hank down at the altar. I told him last night I was going to, but still. The look on his face was awful. He—**.

  **—Come see.** Lindt interrupted.

  This time it was Mr. Lindt who was in control. Althea followed him across a grid of lines that crisscrossed and intersected each other from an infinite number of angles. Althea felt herself being pulled and tugged at several places at once. Just before she thought she’d scream, the thread warped and twisted into a room that smelled of port wine, Roquefort cheese and fresh baked bread. Disoriented, she leaned against the wall until her senses recovered.

  She noticed that the room was old, and slightly musty, but quaint instead of rundown like her mother’s old apartment. There was a soft breeze coming from the large balcony windows, and the scent of rain and spring was heavy in the air. It must be March or April she thought. I can tell by the way the air feels, all warm and soft. She looked out the window and saw the Eiffel Tower in the distance. **I’m in Paris,** she said.

  **Indeed you are,** replied Lindt.

  **But what am I doing here?** she asked. She heard a soft pleasurable moan. She looked for the sound and found it.

  A bed was positioned at the far end of the room. It was partly enclosed in shadows, which lengthened as she realized the day had passed and it was now dusk. How long had I stood here? she wondered. And who are those people in the bed? She started to move toward the couple entwined in blankets and sheets, but was distracted by a burst of loud conversation from beyond the hotel door.

  Laughter and French voices echoed up the hallway beyond the room. A sigh attracted her towards the bed once more, yet sudden shyness caused Althea to pause.

  **Go and see, **Lindt encouraged.

  **But it seems so vulgar,** she protested.

  **There is nothing vulgar about beginning new life.**

  Feeling timid, yet determined, she moved toward the bed.

  **Go ahead and look. They can’t hear or see you as you already know.**

  Althea blushed as she peered into the bed.

  **Is that me?** she asked as she watched a somewhat older version of herself making love to a handsome man with dark hair. Their bodies were entwined in the moonlight that had just begun to spill in from the large French windows beyond.

  **Indeed it is,** Lindt said.

  **Who is he?**

  **You know I can’t tell you that,** Lindt said, amused. **It would spoil the surprise.**

  **But...**

  **That’s something you’ll have to discover on your own. But I can tell you that the two of you are comrades in arms**.

  **We’re in the army.** Althea said. Stunned. **The uniforms on the chair next to the table are ours.**

  **Yes**.

  **Where did we meet?**

  **Uh uh, that’s cheating. **

  **But can’t I know some things? Didn’t you tell me that the present is the cusp between the future and the past?**

  Lindt paused, considering. Then he said, **The year is 1963. You met the man of your dreams in Munich. You are newly wed and the two of you are enjoying your honeymoon in Paris**.

  **You said this is the beginning of a new life? Did you mean that literally?**

  **Yes, there will be a child from this union.**

  **Really?**

  **Oh yes,** Lindt said, his mental tone filled with warmth and humor.

  **How will I find him? How will I know who he is? All I see is his back.**

  **You will know.**

  **Will he love me?**

  **With all the passion in his heart.**

  **And he won’t care if I didn’t have a father?**

  **Not one wit.**

  Althea bit down on her lip. **Will I love him?**

  **Fiercely.**

  **As fiercely as you loved your late wife? As fiercely as you love Tante Cal?**

  **Even more.**

  **Will we be together for a long time?**

  **For the rest of your lives.**

  **How will I find him?**

  **You will find each other.** Lindt reassured her. **Now, let us return. Cally has come to fetch you. And I—**

  He broke off, the connection between them severed. Althea felt a tremendous tug at the small of her back as she was flung backwards through time and space and back into the reality she knew. She crashed back into her body just as someone grabbed her by the hair and hurled her backwards onto the floor. She rolled, barely dodging a kick aimed at her head. She scrambled onto her rear and scuttled crab like towards the corner of the room, frightened and disoriented as she struggled to get away from her mother’s wrath.

  “Putain!” Ruby screamed, the cords in her neck extended, her eyes wild as she lunged towards her daughter. “So this is what’s been going on all this time, You’ve been slutting around after all. And who should I find you with, rutting on this filthy old man, and in your wedding dress.”

  Althea raised her arms over her head as Ruby struck her over and over. Then her mother turned with surprising speed and kicked Lindt hard in the ribs. He doubled over as she kicked him twice more.

  “You BASTARD,” she screamed, each syllable punctuated by a punch to the head. “How many times? How many times have you been on top of her, you filthy, rutting, disgusting old goat?”

  “Mom stop,” Althea pleaded. She tried to get up, found her legs wobbly and unable to hold her. She slid back down to the floor. “He didn’t do anything. He’s always been a perfect gentleman.”

  Ruby stopped pummeling Lindt long enough to vent her rage on Althea.

  Ruby rushed towards her, but Hank, who had just stepped into the apartment, stopped her. He held Ruby’s arms against her sides while she hurled curses towards her daughter and Mr. Lindt, who was slowly trying to sit up.

  Althea realized that Cally was now in the room as well and had rushed towards Mr. Lindt. “He wasn’t doing anything bad to her, Ruby-Marie. He was showing her, that’s all. Just showing her.”

  “Showing her what?” Ruby hissed. “How to be a whore? How to be a filthy sneaking whore?”

  “Why does your mind have to be so disgusting?” Cally cried. She knelt before Lindt, and helped him sit up. “He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was showing Althie her future, that’s all. He was showing, just like he showed me and poor old Mrs. Ramsay. Only with her, he put beautiful images in her head. And with me...” her voice trailed off.

  “Oh I have a real good idea of what he showed Althea,” Ruby shouted. “You’ve been putting ideas in this girl’s head since you got here. Now it’s all clear. You’re the one who told her about her father didn’t you?” she said to Lindt.

  Ruby’s head swung hard on her thin neck, and glared at her sister. “And you’re the one who told him, weren’t you. You told him during one of your ‘showing’ sessions, only it wasn’t a showing it was a show and tell wasn’t it? What else did you tell the go
od and honorable Mr. Lindt, Sister? What else?”

  With calm grace, Cally rose, walked to her sister, and slapped her hard in the face. Ruby’s head rocked back, her eyes clouded, then cleared. Cally slapped her twice more.

  “Stop,” Hank said.

  Cally ignored him.

  “You’ve had that coming for a very long time now, sister mine. Only I didn’t have the guts to do it until now.” She stepped back, and pointed at Lindt. “Lindt is a kind, gentle decent man. If you ever gave anyone a chance, had ever let anyone in, you’d know that. But no, you let one awful incident ruin your life. And in your hurt and rage you decided to ruin everyone else’s life along with your own.

  “How dare you?” Ruby whispered.

  “I can and I do. I’m sorry about what happened to you, Ruby, I swear I am. But the past is the past. It’s dead and gone. You need to live. I need to live. And most of all, Althea needs to live her own life, not the one you’ve laid out for her.”

  Ruby shook herself out of Hank’s grasp. “I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to her.” She whispered. “Men are evil. They’re all evil. And my child needs to be protected.”

  “What happened, Momma? Please tell me,” Althea heard herself ask.

  “If you don’t, I will,” Cally said, her arms crossed.

  “Maybe I should go,” Hank said as he started for the door.

  “No, stay,” Althea said. “You need to hear this too. You were honest with me from the beginning. It’s time we return the favor.”

  Ruby seemed to age before their eyes. She moved feebly towards a rocking chair in the far corner of the room. She sat, her hands dangling against the arm rests, her gaze cast down toward the hardwood floor. An old Regulator Clock on the paneled wall struck two. After several minutes passed, she spoke.

  “I was just a kid, fifteen. I had a crush on a boy. He was Varsity and the quarterback no less. Every girl in school wanted to date him. I didn’t even think he knew I was alive. So imagine my surprise when he asked me to the homecoming dance.”

  She paused, collecting her thoughts. “At first everything was wonderful. He took me to the homecoming dance, and then to dinner at the best restaurant in town. Dad wanted me home by eleven and so I didn’t think about it when he said it was time to go.”