Finding Somewhere to Belong

by C. C. Masters

  The last thing I need is a bunch of humans spotting a “wolf” in Virginia and having that reach the ears of any of the wolf packs out there. I could not have any of them sniffing around here. Evelyn had told me that this area is generally one of the places considered to be safe for lone wolves. There aren’t any packs here; she had thought it was because of the strong military presence. Port Idris has one of the largest Navy bases in the country. The area also has a large Navy airfield, Army and Marine bases, plus it had the largest military hospital in the country.

  I had taken advantage of the lack of wolves here and gone to college at the Northern Peninsula School of Pharmacy. I had been accepted into the pharmacy doctorate program after finishing all the requirements for a bachelor’s degree in three years of undergrad studies.

  After graduation, I had accepted a job at the military hospital. I had thought that it would be doubly safe for me there. I would be safe from the pack wolves that avoided this area because of its no-man’s-land status, and I would be safe from any wandering wolves because they would want to stay away from anything too controlled by the government and the military.

  I regretted not being able to join the military, but as a civilian pharmacist in a military hospital, I had the same daily pharmacist responsibilities as the military pharmacists but without the collaterals, politics, and deployments. Perhaps most importantly of all, I did not have to submit to any medical tests. I don’t know if any of those tests would reveal my genetic abnormalities, but I did not want to take the chance.

  Evelyn had approved of my plan and followed me to the general area. She moved to the beach, saying that she always wanted to live near the ocean. I lived near school, and then near work after I graduated. I was close, but not so close that Evelyn was worried about wolves finding me if they found her.

  I drove to the state park and headed through the entrance. It was off-season, so the gates were left open all day and night. There were no other cars in the parking lot, so it looked like I was going to be alone in the park tonight. I got out of the car and listened with every sense I had. It looked like there were no humans around. Just to be safe, I decided to head into the woods and change there. I could hide my clothes somewhere and come back for them later.

  As I got further into the woods, my excitement started to rise. That was my wolf; I could feel her anticipation and impatience to run free through the woods. I was glad I decided to do this beforehand; there is no way she would have agreed to a quick back and forth switch tonight.

  I found a good spot, hidden from view of any of the trails. The cool autumn breeze caressed my bare skin as I looked around for a good hiding spot for my shoes and clothes. I decided to reach up to a little nook between a couple of tree branches covered in their fall leaves. I wedged my things in there, making sure they wouldn’t fall and get trampled by random woodland creatures. I always keep a spare change of clothes in the car just in case, but I would rather not walk naked back to the car in case I did meet up with another human on the trail.

  Clothes hidden, I was finally free to change. I let go of myself and surrendered to the change as my wolf burst forth. I shook out my pure white coat and stretched out my legs. There were acres of land here that were just waiting to be explored, so I shot off in a run.

  I felt the wind rush past me as I bounded through the woods. Graceful and sure, my wolf practically flew over the terrain. The exhilaration of pure freedom took hold of me, and I forgot about everything but the pure joy of running. Miles passed, and I came to a river. I gently lapped at the water, eying my surroundings as I got my drink. During my run, I had not smelled evidence of anything larger than a raccoon, but my wolf was always alert for danger.

  I hesitated, indecisive about what I wanted to do next. I could head back to see if the coast was clear for me to break into Evelyn’s house, but my wolf was in control and I could feel her desire to keep going and explore more of this new territory. Another hour or so wouldn’t hurt, I thought to myself. I had all night to do this, and I needed my wolf calm and focused anyway.

  Decision made, I eyed the river ahead of me. I was eager to see what was on the other side. The river didn’t look deep, but the best option to cross was the path of rocks sticking partly out of the water. I could hop from rock to rock without ever touching the water.

  I leapt onto the first rock and evaluated my chances of crossing the river successfully this way. The rest of the way seemed safe, so I bounced over to the next rock. I crossed the river this way, bouncing from rock to rock. A couple of the rocks were wobbly or slippery, and my paws got a little wet, but I was able to cross quickly.

  The forest was denser on this side of the river, and the well-worn trails that led me through the park on the other side were absent here. There were fewer human scents on this side and more evidence of wildlife here. I caught onto the scent trail of a deer and followed it for a while out of curiosity. I eventually was bored with that and just played in the forest for a while.

  A few miles away from the river, my nose caught the scent of something new. I was curious, because it was not often that I found something that I had not smelled before.

  Interest piqued, I followed the scent. It was definitely mammal, and probably large, judging by the size of the markings left. My wolf hesitated for a second. It seemed like something had marked their territory, and probably recently, judging by the strength of the scent.

  My interest and curiosity in something new warred against my strong sense of self-preservation and the need to avoid danger. I had just decided to turn back out of caution when I heard the snap of a stick about forty feet to my left, behind some trees. I froze immediately and flicked my ears forward; straining to hear any other sounds that would give me a clue as to what was out there.

  I could not tell what it was, or if there was anything over there at all. The breeze was heading the wrong way, it carried my scent over to where the mysterious sound had come from but did not bring me any clues as to what was over there. My only option in the face of possible danger was to run. I am a bright white wolf, and when under a full moon and a sky bright with stars, there is no chance of hiding for me, especially if there was something out there that had my scent.

  I quickly turned away from where I heard the sound and ran full speed back in a roundabout way to the river in the hopes of throwing whatever it was off my trail. I thought I heard some rustling of leaves at first, but the rest of the way back to the river was quiet. No sounds, no scents. Could I have imagined it?

  I slowed as I got back to the river and looked for my stone path that I had taken before. Just a little further down the bank, and I would be back on my way back to the car. As I got closer to the start of my rock path, there was movement ahead of me. I froze and looked closer, listening.

  Suddenly, I saw the glint of eyes. To my horror, a very large wolf rose from the ground, where he had been crouched in hiding. This wolf was definitely male, and at least twice my size.

  He watched me. I watched him. Neither of us moved. He must have followed my scent back this way in the hopes of cutting me off, assuming I was headed back the same way I came. If I were in my human form I would have panicked, but my wolf evaluated the situation clinically. Panicking would not increase my chances of surviving this.

  I decided my best option was to jump into the cold river. I could ride the current down a bit and emerge on the other side. He could follow, but I figure my chances of getting away via water were better than here on the ground. I might get lucky and be facing off with a non-swimming wolf.

  I crouched down, intending to gather momentum for a quick sprint and jump into the water when I heard rustling behind me. Backing up to the side and careful to keep the giant wolf in view, I quickly glanced over to evaluate a potential new threat.

  My heart stopped and sunk down into my chest; there was another giant wolf creeping up from behind me. That’s why the first wolf was just patiently watching me; he was waiting for his friend to get i
nto place behind me. The first wolf let out a loud howl, and I panicked; that was the sound of a wolf alerting his pack of prey. Desperation hit me, so I leapt up and sprinted for the water.

  I heard panting behind me as I leapt into the water, careful to avoid hitting any rocks. I went into the freezing cold water with a splash and struggled to get my nose to the surface so I could get a breath. After struggling for what seemed like an eternity, I finally broke the surface of the water and looked around as I frantically panted for air.

  The current was not that strong, and I wasn’t too far from where I had jumped. One of the wolves was pacing back and forth where I had jumped, and I felt a moment of triumph. It looked like I was right and the wolf did not want to jump in after me.

  I was paddling to the other bank of the river when I caught sight of the first giant wolf. He had headed right for my rock path and was hopping from rock to rock to cross the river, just like I had my first time. His heavier weight made the crossing much more difficult for him, and the next wobbly rock he landed on careened off the pile it was precariously balanced on and slid into the river, taking the wolf with it. This destabilized the rock pile, and a couple larger rocks fell into his direction.

  I was thankful for the distraction and climbed up the embankment to get out of the water. I did not even stop to shake my coat out as I ran back through the woods. I was heading directly to my car, planning to just leave my clothes behind when I realized that’s where my car keys were. I changed direction and headed for my hiding place.

  I have never run so fast in my life. I ran as if those wolves were panting at my hindquarters. I did not hear or smell them behind me, but that did not make me feel any safer. I finally made it back to my clothes. I looked around and extended all of my senses; it seemed like I had a clear lead now, so I changed into my human form. I slipped my shoes on and gathered the rest of my clothes in a pile that I hugged close to my body. Then I ran naked through the woods.

  I probably sacrificed some speed in my human form, but I didn’t want to leave my clothes behind with my human scent on them. I was hoping that my human scent would blend in with all the other human scents here on the trail and they wouldn’t be able to track me down. This was probably wishful thinking, but it got me back to my car.

  I jumped in the car and backed up out of the space. I wanted to tear out of here like a bat out of hell but forced myself to stick to the speed limit. The last thing I wanted right now was to attract attention, considering that I was completely naked.

  I stopped at the exit of the park and quickly slipped my shirt on. At least the people in passing cars wouldn’t be able to see that l was naked at a glance. I was dripping water and mud all over my car, but that was the least of my worries right now. I was much more concerned with any wolves that might be on my trail.

  I pulled out carefully onto the roadway and merged into a line of other cars. Somehow, I had made it out of the forest unscathed. I don’t know if luck was on my side or if Evelyn was now an angel watching over me, but I should be dead right now. There is no way I should have been able to escape those much larger wolves.

  I pulled into the parking lot of a Burger King and parked in a shadowed parking spot where no one would be able to see that I was using it to get dressed. I hunched down in the seat and kept watch for anyone who might be headed my way as I wiped off the mud I could and pulled on my clothes.

  Once I was dressed, I banged my head against the steering wheel. How could I be so stupid?! In my arrogance, I just assumed I would recognize another wolf’s smell instinctively. I had just assumed it would smell like me. I banged my head again a few times. I have never actually smelled another wolf before! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  I groaned to myself. What are the chances that Evelyn just happened to die a mysterious death and then I just happened to run into two wolves later that night? There was a very good chance those wolves were the murderers.

  I have never felt so helpless. My great plan was to go and sniff out the perpetrators, but I had not thought about what I was going to do after I identified them. I’m sure that I now know who they are, but what am I going to do about it? I know I can’t win in a fight; one of those wolves could easily crush me, and it was likely that there was a whole pack of them. I couldn’t let the police in on my suspicions. What would I tell them?

  I pondered what I should do next in an attempt to push away my helpless and depressing thoughts. I could go to Evelyn’s to carry out my original plan. But with those wolves so close and on the hunt, it would be dangerous to stay in the area for even a moment longer.

  I kept thinking it through. If I didn’t go now, I could lose my chance to inspect the crime scene forever. I didn’t know when the crime scene was going to be cleaned up, and I couldn’t live the rest of my life knowing that I could have identified the killers but chose not to.

  I groaned again. I already knew that going back to Evelyn’s house was the wrong decision as far as my safety was concerned. But I also knew that I already made the decision to disregard my safety and go back to Evelyn’s house to investigate.

  I headed back in that direction to see if the coast was clear yet. The lights in every house on the street were off as I drove towards Evelyn’s house. The street was completely dark and quiet, so I decided to get this over with quickly.

  I parked near the end of the street, where there was an empty lot and no streetlight to put me under a spotlight. I decided to go the sneaky way and creep along the back edge of the lots, where there is a border of trees until I could reach Evelyn’s back yard. I quickly sprinted from the shadows and up to her back door to try and get in unseen.

  I still had a key, and I held my breath that the police didn’t change or add additional locks to the door to keep people like me out. There was a sign on the back door stating that this was a secured crime scene, but I ignored it. The lock clicked open, and I slowly twisted the door handle, not sure of what I am going to see when the door opened.

  The back door opened into the kitchen, and I didn’t see anything unusual. Some of Evelyn’s stuff was out of place, but I was guessing that was from the police investigators who had been here earlier today.

  I felt emotions rise in me when I caught sight of her cookie jar. She had a cute little cookie jar sitting on the kitchen counter that she had always kept stocked for me when I came over. She would always try to make me guess what it was that she had hidden in there. I felt the tears coming on, so I quickly pulled myself together, determined to stay on task.

  Evelyn had always been careful not to leave anything with my name or information in her house, just in case. I’ve never been in Evelyn’s house while in wolf form before, but I wasn’t sure if other wolves would be able to recognize the wolf underneath my human scent that was all over the house from my many visits.

  Just like I had never met another wolf to be able to recognize the scent, I have also never met another wolf in their human form to compare the two scents. I sighed; I was just now realizing all the hurdles I was going to face when I tried to track down the wolves who were responsible for this.

  I finished creeping through the downstairs and still had not found anything unusual other than the signs of the police presence from earlier today. I slowly headed to the stairs. I knew I should hurry, but I just couldn’t make myself go up there.

  I took a deep breath and slowly went up the first step. I needed to just pull off the Band-Aid and stop being so scared of what I was going to find up there. Quickly and quietly, I ran up the stairs and stopped at the entrance to Evelyn’s room. I already knew that this is where the horrible events must have happened by process of elimination.

  I hesitated at the top of the stairs; someone had closed her door. It was probably the police, acting out of respect for the dead. Another wave of emotion hit me as I realized that I had just admitted to myself that Evelyn was one of the dead. I pushed away those thoughts so I could focus on the task at hand.

  I turned the handle t
o her bedroom door and let the door swing open slowly. I knew the scene was going to be bad, but I still wasn’t prepared for what I found. Blood stains were everywhere, the room was a mess. My eyes took in the scene, and vomit started to rise in the back of my throat. I barely made it down the hall in time to the toilet in the guest bathroom.

  I started to clean up when I was sure I was done and looked in the mirror as I wiped my face. My green eyes looked hollow and red from grief. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I knew that I was just putting off the inevitable. I needed to go back in there and complete what I had come here to do.

  I had already opened her door and looked in the bedroom so my human self was no longer needed. Slowly, I undressed and stood there naked, hesitating on what I needed to do. I silently pleaded with my wolf, Please just behave and do what we need to do.

  I let go of my human self and felt the change come over me. It was almost a relief to be back in my wolf form.

  My emotions are always different when I am in my wolf form. Some of my emotions are muted, and others are more vibrant. Changing into my wolf now numbed the grief, the helplessness, and the guilt. But I also felt the need for vengeance more strongly.

  I trotted back into the bedroom and gently placed a paw on the carpet. The blood was no longer wet, so I was able to make my way over to the ruined bed. The scene didn’t affect my emotions as much now that I was in my wolf form, and I was able to look at the scene more clinically and critically.

  I did what I came to do and smelled carefully around, trying to identify and catalogue all of the different scents. I could identify the scent of wolves, now that I knew how to recognize the scent. I could also pick up on the scents of humans that had been in here.

  I couldn’t tell if all the human scents I was getting were from the police that were here earlier today or if there may have been wolves here in human form at some point. All I could do right now was catalogue the scents and save my detective work for later.