“I promised Rebecca I’d make him pay and I intend to keep my word.” I raise my chin in defiance as I wait for her to talk me out of it. Or try to at least. She leans forward, pinching the bridge of her nose as she formulates her argument. Now it’s my turn to wait…and wait…and... “You’re not gonna try and talk me out of it?”
Natalie drops her hand to the table and shakes her head. “Is there any point?”
“No” I say simply. “I know you think I’m crazy but…”
“Think? I don’t think you’re crazy. I know you are…” she pauses, holding my gaze. “What happened to that scared little girl that I knew?”
I shrug, slumping into a chair and resting my forearms on the table. “I guess she got sick of being scared.” I think back to everything that’s happened to me in the few short weeks since I left London. Every time I’ve run for my life. Every bruise and scrape. Every time I’ve felt scared or alone. Everything that I’ve been through, the horrors that I’ve seen and experienced have all culminated into this one moment. The moment where I decide not to be a victim any longer. “I need to do this. Not just for Rebecca and all those other women but for me. I have to know that he can’t hurt anybody else ever again.”
“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”
I clench my jaw, back straightening with resolve as I meet her uneasy gaze.
“I’m going to kill him.”
Eighteen
- Rot in Hell -
I’ve avoided the guys all day. Well, I say the guys but what I really mean is Sam. My chest aches with the need to see him, to hold him once more just in case it’s the last time. I know that what I’m about to do could get me killed but I will never forgive myself if I don’t try. Natalie, to her credit, hasn’t tried to talk me out of it once. Although, she doesn’t really know what I’m planning. If she did, she’d never let me go.
“So, you know the plan?” I say for the millionth time that day as we sit in our room, Dog resting in my lap. Natalie rolls her eyes, fixing me a look that say I’m irritating her. “Sorry. I just need to be sure that you guys are safe.”
“Yes, Louisa I know the plan. You go off and do, whatever it is you’re doing, and I take the others through the sewers and we wait for you at the other end.” I raise a brow. She sighs. “And if you’re not there after an hour we leave. Look, I’m not happy about just leaving you here. Sam definitely won’t allow it and neither will Drew.”
She’s right but I’ve already thought of that. I grip her shoulders beneath my palms. “When Sam and Drew try to come for me, I need you to give them this…” I reach into my corset and pull out two letters, one for each of them. She hesitates, plucking the sealed envelopes from my fingers.
“What do they say?” she asks, lifting her troubled gaze back to mine.
“Whatever they need to say to make them leave.” I swallow, fighting the indecision. Every word in those letters is enough to hurt them, to make them leave me behind and hate me for it. I’m trusting Natalie to keep it that way, to never tell them what really happened. “Promise me you’ll do this.”
Sighing she pulls me into a hug, squashing Dog between us. I return it with as much love and respect as I can. “Hopefully everything’s going to be fine and you’ll never have to use those letters.” I don’t promise because I know there’s a chance that it won’t be okay and she’ll break their hearts the second she hands them over. Pulling back, I wipe the few tears that have slipped through my control and force a smile.
“It’s not too late you know” Natalie sighs, pushing my hair over my shoulders as she avoids the absolute certainty in my gaze. I grab her hand, squeezing her fingers tight.
“I know but I have to do this. Please understand” I beg, not needing her approval but requesting it anyway. Her smoky grey eyes fill with a mixture of sadness and understanding.
“You just make sure you’re at the other end of that pipe when the hours up okay?” her voice wobbles and we share one last hug before she climbs from the bed, lifting Dog from my knee as she leaves the room. I listen to her footsteps fade away and then I let it all out. The grief, the knowledge that that could be the last time I ever see her. That after tonight, my friends will be far away and I’ll either be with them or I won’t.
I cry until there’s nothing left and then I wipe it all away, setting my jaw with determination. A knock on the door snaps my head around and I hurry to it, pulling open the door and finding Rebecca waiting on the other side. Only she knows my real plan, the one that could get me killed if he so much as suspects foul play. Her eyes hold the same grief as Natalie’s, mouth opening as she formulates her argument to stop me.
“Don’t bother. I’m doing this and nothing that you say is going to change that.” Her mouth snaps shut with an audible click as she steps inside. I stick out my head, looking up and down the landing before I snap the door closed. “Did you get it?”
She nods, pulling my knife and sheath and a small pouch from the folds of her dress. “The packs are hidden with the manhole keys. It took some time and a lot of sneaking but I think they’re all there.” I thank her, taking the knife from her hand. “Where are you going to put it?” she asks as I stand in front of the mirror, studying the reflection of a girl I don’t recognise. This girl is strong, proud, fighting for what she believes is right. This girl is a wonder.
“Around my leg. I’ve lost so much weight that the strap should be long enough now.” Hoisting up the skirts of my dress I wrap the leather cord around my thigh, tying it in a knot that’s tight but not entirely uncomfortable. Placing my foot back on the ground I move around, testing the strength of the knot, ensuring it won’t slip down my leg. I turn, taking the little pouch and pushing it between my breaths, bending to make sure it’s not visible.
“Would you like me to do your hair?” she asks, voice timid as she stares at me in the mirror. I turn to her and smile. “I can do a braid. It will keep it out of your eyes.”
I cross to the bed and sit, staring at my reflection as Rebecca tugs and smooths my hair into an intricate braid I could never do myself. Her gaze meets mine in the mirror, filled with worry and grief.
“I think you’re very brave” she says, fingers moving expertly through my hair. I smile, dropping my gaze to my fingers in my lap.
“I don’t feel brave. I’m terrified.”
“They are one and the same” she says with an age beyond her years. “Without fear we have nothing to be brave for.” This time when I meet her gaze its filled with such strength that I want to weep. I am not the brave one here. She is, and I know that that bravery will carry her through all the days to come. Even if I’m not there to see it.
Her hands fall to my shoulders and I turn. “Take care of them for me, won’t you?”
She nods, smiling softly. “I promise.”
We part ways with a hug, her heading to the old manhole cover and me to determine my fate. I watch her go, my heart in my mouth, a small voice telling me to scrap this ridiculous idea and go with her. I shove it back. Regardless of what my heart is screaming, this time, I need to listen to my head. I just hope that Natalie is doing the same.
Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves I begin the long walk across the village square, each step solidifying my determination, the feel of the blade on my thigh like a worn security blanket. With every small distance that I cover I wait for Sam to burst into the square, to stop me from doing this, to snatch me away and keep me safe. I can practically hear him screaming inside my head. See the battle that he fights as Natalie forces him down into the sewers, telling him to trust me. That I know what I’m doing. I imagine Drew, staring off into the night, wanting to come to me. Hurt that I didn’t share this with him. That I have chosen to turn our team of two into a team of one. That I didn’t trust him.
I blow out a breath to control the tears that press against the back of my eyes. Even if I make it out of this alive, I may have destroyed those friendships beyond repair. I may never be able to make up for the
betrayal they will feel now but at least I will live the rest of my life, no matter how short, knowing that there is one less monster in the world. Because, no matter what happens, if I go down…Jared Humes is going down with me.
My heart pounds in my ears as I stop in front of the red door. I take a second to compose myself, sucking in lungfuls of air before I enter the lair of the devil himself. Once I knock on this door, there’s no turning back. Rebecca’s words come back to me, strengthening my spine, fortifying my resolve as I raise my clench fist and strike it against the door.
“Louisa?” His predictable confidence is absent as he takes in my appearance at his door. He scans the darkness behind me, searching for Natalie before looking back at me. “It’s late. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you” I stutter as I stare a demon in the face. He frowns. “I needed to see you.” I step towards him, hands pressing against his chest, pushing him back as I close the door behind me. We stare at each other in the dim light of the candles, him searching my face for answers and me forcing the ones he wants to see.
I press my back to the wall, holding his gaze. “Are we alone?”
He nods. “I sent my other wives to live in the village. I thought that’s what you wanted.” I rush forwards, wrapping my arms around him, revulsion clawing up my throat. This is an act, I tell my rebelling mind, it’s all an act and soon we will be back with Sam. The screaming in my head quiets, soothed by my assurances. “Louisa? Does this mean?”
“Can we talk?” I ask, my voice muffled by his shirt that smells of lavender and chamomile. I lift my head, peering through long lashes. “I want to tell you…how I feel…before this goes any further.”
Peeling my arms from his waist he takes my hand, leading me into the study, eyes wide as if he can’t believe this is happening. For a second I worry I’m coming on too strong, that I have misunderstood the situation but the devotion I see in his eyes when he deposits me in the wing backed chair confirms that I am right. This is what he wants. I’ve played hard to get and now I must give him what he desires if I am to succeed. I must play my part a little while longer.
He pours us both a drink and I watch, making sure nothing other than wine is going into my glass. When he hands me my glass my hands are shaking and he sets down his wine, taking my trembling fingers between his palms.
“My love you’re quivering” I lick my lips and nod.
“I’m nervous. I know I come across as being confident but when it comes to affairs of the heart I’m a little out of practice. This is all very new to me. I’ve never…” I pause, lifting my big brown eyes to his. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
His expression softens and I know that his black heart melts at my words, his overinflated ego telling him that this must be true. That a girl like me could ever fall for a man like him. I reach for my wine glass, sipping it gently as I watch him over the rim. He studies me, gaze drifting down my cheek to my breasts, the curve of my waist and the skirt of the dress that flairs from narrow hips. I appeal to him in ways I don’t understand but it serves my purpose. I set down my glass and take his hands back in mine.
“Jared, I need to know…do you feel the same?” I must keep him talking, give the others time to escape before he realises what’s happening. One wrong word, one unmasked expression of my true revulsion and he will figure it out. That while I keep him busy here my friends are escaping, fleeing from this shitty village and this shitty life, taking one of his prizes with them.
“Louisa” he sighs my name, moving closer until our knees touch. “I have dreamt of this moment. The Lord showed this to me in a vision. He told me you would be my salvation and he did not give me false hope. You are everything I have ever wanted and now, now you offer yourself to me.”
I swallow, compel a smile to my lips. “Oh Jared, I never dared to dream that I might find love in this world. The things I have seen, they made me doubt that kindness and love were still possible. Until I met you.” We stare into each other’s eyes, his filled with hope and wonder. Mine, I hope, are filled with the same. “Could I trouble you for a glass of water? I’m afraid this wine is going to my head. I want a clear mind for tonight.”
He jumps to his feet, bare feet slapping the floor as he leaves the room. With hurried hands, I slip the pouch from my corset and pull it open, reaching across the table to tip the contents into his glass, stirring it quickly with my finger. It sinks slowly to the bottom, the fine grains dissolving into the alcohol. Sitting back in my chair I dry my finger in a discreet patch of my skirts, smiling when he returns and hands me the glass of clear liquid.
“Thank you.” I take a tiny sip and set it beside my wine. He may think I’m utterly devoted but I wouldn’t put it past him to still attempt to drug me. I watch with bated breath as he lifts his glass, tipping it to his lips and sipping the wine. I smile, resting my hand on his knee. “Do you…do you think that I could be your wife?” I ask.
Setting down his glass he offers me a smile. “Of course, my love. It will just be the two of us. I have had seven wives and all of them combined were nothing compared to you.” His fingers stroke gently down my cheek, his palm coming to rest against my jaw.
“I know that you are a godly man Jared and to ask this of you…no, it’s too much.” I turn away, shielding my face as if I am ashamed. He peels back my fingers, offering me a smile of encouragement. I hesitate. “I have restrained myself with you but it has been many years since I felt the warmth another body against mine. I need you, all of you…now.”
The fire I see burst to life behind his eyes tells me it’s worked. That I’ve done it. He composes himself, rearranging his face into one of careful consideration, though I know he’s already decided. That it’s not a decision he would find difficult. Because he is not a godly man, he is a monster, and I am the slayer.
Jared stands, draining the rest of his glass and takes my hand in his. Nerves stutter in my chest as I stand, letting him lead me from the room, the weight of the blade against my thigh a necessary comfort as I follow him up the stairs. He leads me past door after door until we reach the end of the landing to a set of double doors. He turns to me, capturing my face in his as his mouth lowers to mine with a kiss that makes my soul wilt, even as I kiss him back. He pulls away, pushes open the door to reveal a large four poster bed complete with crimson canopy, the room bedecked with much of the same. It looks like a whore house. I suppose that was the point.
I step inside, keeping my movements controlled as I look from the bed to his face and back again. This is it. Now or never. Do or die. He pushes the doors closed behind him, watching me with thoughtful eyes as I move around the room. A door stands off to the left and I turn to him.
“Is that a bathroom?” he nods. “Would you mind if I stepped inside for a moment?”
“Be my guest” he moves to the bed and lays down, studying me as I slip through the door, clicking it shut behind me. Resting my hands on the counter I take several deep breaths, catching sight of my pained expression in the mirror. That niggling voice in my head springs to life in the form of my reflection.
What the hell are you doing?
“What needs to be done” I whisper aloud, pulling the now empty pouch from my breasts and stashing it out of sight in a cupboard. When I return to the mirror I’m met with the fiercest glare my reflection can muster.
Get out. Get out of here now.
“No” I whisper, pushing back my shoulders as I slip back into the bedroom. He still waits for me on the bed, lids drooping, peeling back open as he smiles.
“I was starting to doze off without you” he holds out his hand. “Come here. Lie with me.” I cross the room, take his hand and let him pull me down beside him. His arm slips around my shoulders, his fingers playing with the end of my braid. “You are so beautiful Louisa.”
I smile, my voice now lost as the fear I have fought against all night finally settles in my bones as I lay beside him at his mercy. I lay perfe
ctly still, waiting for him to make his move but he doesn’t. Shifting to see his face I see that his eyes are closed, lips parted as he draws in deep breaths, chest rising and falling gently. Moving slowly, I roll onto my knees, studying his face for signs of a reaction. It worked. Relief washes through me. Rebecca has saved me from what would have undoubtedly been the single worst experience of my life.
It’s ironic really, that his own weapon would be used against him, resulting in his demise. Licking my dry lips, I lift my skirt, slipping the blade from my thigh and straddling his chest. Drawing in a deep breath I press the blade against his throat and feel him swallow beneath it.
“Rot in hell you bastard” I whisper, adjusting my grip on the blade.
Fingers wrap around my wrist and a gasp flies from my mouth as his eyes snap open, murderous rage burning in their depths.
Nineteen
- Fierce Regret -
Pain lances through my jaw as he strikes me, the knife slipping from my grasp as he sends me tumbling from the bed to the floor. I scrabble backwards, panic filling my head, confusion seizing my limbs.
“You know, you almost had me. I was blinded by lust. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the valerian root in my wine?” he rises from the bed, mouth a flat line of rage. “I’ve been drinking it for years. You’d have had a better chance of beating me to death with one than drugging me with it.” He closes the distance, yanking me from the floor like a rag doll.
I open my mouth, searching in desperation for an excuse when the back of his hand collides with my cheek, snapping my head back as lights burst in front of my vision. Nausea rolls over me in thick waves. He’s going to kill me. My efforts to end his miserable existence have failed and now I’m going to pay the price.
I’m tossed onto the bed, knife slipping to the floor as he lunges for me, straddling my chest as he strikes me again and again until all I feel is pain. Pain and regret. Tears spill down my cheeks as I think of my friends. Of Sam. Of how he will never know what happened to me. How he’ll believe the lies I wrote to keep him safe. His face swims into my mind and I hold onto it as Jared beats me over and over until my vision dims, the blessed relief of unconsciousness promising to take me. To set me free.
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